I got a new laptop a couple months ago and all my games ran smoothly and nothing went wrong. Then one day like a month ago, all of my games started running really crappily even with the lowest graphics settings on. Even BTD6 is laggy. I think it has to do with an online book I need for school so put it in the recycling bin and emptied it but still not working. Does anyone have any ideas?

First time poster here, and ready to share my story, ask for help and quit for good! I have easily taken breaks from drinking before (a few weeks here, a few months there) but as we all know, EVENTUALLY I get absolutely hammered again and make an ass of myself. Yesterday I went for a few drinks with girlfriends. I was driving, so had two drinks and some food, felt totally fine and was home in time for dinner. At home I made a couple of cocktails and then eventually opened a bottle of wine. I don't really remember putting my kids to bed but I do remember yelling at one of them who wanted to sleep in our bed because she was scared. Who yells at their scared child to get to bed so she can continue drinking wine and watching tv? I do apparently, and this is not the first time. This morning I was so tired and irritable with them getting them ready for school I am now sitting here in tears, knowing I need to stop doing this. My family deserves better. And I deserve better! The problem for me is that alcohol is everywhere in my life and I can't seem to have just one anymore. I am horrified at the thought that something has control over me, and I am so ready to stop. Every time I have taken a break before, I set an end time, but this time I want it to be forever. I am a marathon runner, so I have used the excuse telling people I am in a training block for a race, and that's why I'm not drinking, but then the race is over and I reward myself immediately with alcohol. This reward system has been constant for me for years! During these breaks I always look and feel AMAZING, fit and happy. So why do I keep going back? My calendar is full of upcoming events where I would definitely be drinking, including: a concert, a beer and food festival and a wedding at a vineyard 😩. I'm reaching out for support this time so that I stay focused and committed! If you've made it this far thank you so much for reading. And IWNDWYT!!

Two years ago I was so deep in despair,depression and voices I thought it was over. Going from no mental issues to schizophrenia, anxiety and depression it was like the fire nation attacked. I couldn’t imagine my life getting better, I couldn’t imagine even living to see tomorrow. I had three psych ward stays in a few months
After about a year of just accepting I have schizophrenia. I choose to say you know what I’m just going to take it day by day and do what I can. That little change has allowed me to go to college and pass classes with good grades. I lost 30 pounds from meds. I read 45 books since then and i just generally feel way better about my situation than I did. Way better than I ever imagined I could feel when I was in that pit. It’s definitely not perfect far from it. I only leave the house for school with noise canceling headphones to block out everything also mentally things don’t click, everyday isn’t productive as well but it’s a work in progress.
Bottom line do what you can you know your limits. Also if you’re deep in that pit realize that it can get better and you may go back but keep hope. Life isn’t easy with this diagnosis but it is possible and it’s worth seeing how far you can go.

I’ve been playing this game since just after launch, and it’s been an unbelievably fun time, a gaming experience that is truly a breath of fresh air. This has been the rare example where my enjoyment playing the game has been matched by the excitement of my anticipation thinking about playing the game. I come from playing almost exclusively competitive FPS games, but as I’ve gotten older, started a family, and generally have less “free time”, my gaming experience exponentially decreased as the skill gap between myself and others widened.
Over the last month or so, I feel as though my gaming experience with Helldivers 2 has started to follow that same trajectory. I am fully open to the idea that the majority of others do not feel this way, and that this is very much a skill issue. But I tend to play this game solo more often, not because I don’t enjoy playing with randos, I actually do quite a lot, but because I generally don’t have a set amount of time I’m able to play. As much as I wish I could play this game for hours on end, having all the responsibilities that come with being an adult with a full-time job, and a family with kids, I’m perfectly fine if I have to leave a mission in the middle of it due to something coming up. But I hate doing that to randos, I know how annoyed I’d be. I prefer playing this game with friends, or even randos, but what made this game perfect was I could grind out a difficulty 7 or 8 mission solo, extract with 3-5 super samples, and have that amazing balance of being very difficult, yet rewarding, and most important of all, fun.
After the last few patches, I feel as though I have that same challenge now on difficulty level 4 or 5 missions. Which is frustrating because my opportunities to grind for samples has become absurdly difficult. Before I could extract with super samples on 2/3 of the operation missions typically when I was able to play a full operation, but I don’t even know the last time I was able to extract solo on difficulty 7+. It feels like because I’m not able to play this game for hours on end, or block out a set amount of time to play, I’m being punished for not playing how AH wants. I love this game, and I play to have fun, but for a PvE game, it’s starting to feel very grind-y when it comes to samples, and this has only been highlighted further by the tier 4 ship upgrades.
TL;DR this game for the longest time felt like it had the perfect balance between challenging/difficult and rewarding/fun. It’s a fine line that most games fail to achieve. The last several balance patches feel to me, as a casual player, that the scales have been tipped towards the challenging/difficult side much more than was needed. I understand the enemy patrols were technically “fixed” and not made to be more difficult in the latest patch, the point is that things felt great before.
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So, all the issues that I am going to discuss have been occurring before the next-gen update on PC. First, I'm going to start with my specs of my Of my rig, and the list goes as follows GPU= is a 7900 XTX Cpu= is amd 7900x3d Ram= 32 ggdr5 Storage= 4tb, ssd Motherboard is= ROG CROSSHAIR X670E HERO. My rig is a very capable machine. All of my bios and drivers and Windows 11 pro updates are all up to date.
I have created a ticket with Bethesda. But so far the auto response information they asked me to do, none of those things have worked and none of the basic things i could think or look up have worked whatsoever, and their last response was basically about blocking all my Firewall incoming and outgoing traffic for the fallout.exe files Which I have done and that did not work and i have submitted that to them with no reply, as of yet. The replies are few and far between coming In about every two days, very frustrating, to say the least.
The last bit of information I can give you. Is that I purchased the game of the year edition through the Xbox Windows App Store? Because it was on sale for $10, I do believe at the time.
Here are my issues as follows: 3 main issues that I can describe that I've noticed so far. These are all occurring with fresh installs of the game. I've deleted and reinstalled the game multiple times. I get the same problems each and every time all of these problems occurred before the Next Gen update and are still occurring after the fact. The update seemed to have cause me no extra problems whatsoever. All the issues are the same. There are no new issues that I have found.

1. First issue. The first issue is that when I log into the game for the very first time, with all of the official DLC installed. When I go to start a new game, I get the following message stating that mods are installed if you'd like to proceed, achievements will be disabled, if i hit Yes, to proceed. The first issue occurs, which is an infinite loading screen. This happens every time I try to start a new game. The only way to do anything is exit out of the game through the pc's dashboard. I do wanna say that this issue only occurs when the official DLC packs are installed if I delete all the official DLC packs. I can start a fresh new game with no problem. The game starts right up.
   
2. second issue. Is related to the Mods issue. It is also part of the first issue, but also if I start a game with all the DLC deleted and play the game, create a save file and then go ahead and reinstall the official DLC packs and then go to Load a saved Game, I get the same message from the first issue which is mods. Installed, if you'd like to proceed, achievements will be disabled now. This is a fresh install of the game. I have never installed a mod from the mod section. There's 0 mods installed, but it somehow is connecting the official DLC with mods. Is this normal? It doesn't seem to be. Why would I not be able to get my achievements from using the official DLC story expansion?
   
3. third issue This issue is the third and most Upsetting issue of the 3 since I kind of just been playing the game without The DLC installed with no problems, but since I paid for the game of the year edition and I've never had a chance to play any of the the game's Expansions, this is something I'm very interested in doing. This issue occurs when I re-download the DLC packs, but this time, I have a saved file that was created when the DLC packs were not installed, but now, with the DLC packs installed, if i go to my saved file to load it up. Mind you. I still get The Mods message. But after a while of not figuring that out, I was like Okay, I'm just going to try to play it, I guess for now." Let's see if it still gives me the achievements. Since theoretically, I think it should. The third issue is that every time I click to load the game. It instantly crashes with no information whatsoever. After about 1 second of showing the loading screen, the crash happens. I've tried multiple different saves. i've tried all of the things recommended from Bethesda. Nothing works it always crashes with DLC installed. Now, this issue only occurs when the DLC is installed as soon I delete the DLC, my saves work perfectly fine, and I can continue playing. But you see, the problem is I want to play the DLC, so i'm stuck without being able to play DLC until I can figure it out.
   

If somebody can take the time to help me figure this out. I would greatly appreciate it. I know you guys are being bombarded with a lot of people at the moment, needing help, but considering these issues were happening before the update, roughly two days before the update. Maybe there's a chance somebody else has encountered some of these problems and can help me figure it out. Thank you for any help.
I'm sorry if this is an issue. I posted this also in the fallout4 pc reddit page as well, but There's a lot more people in this Reddit, then there is in that one, so as long as it's not a problem, I figure I'd post it in both spots.

First off, I think by and large Arrowhead has done a really good job managing Helldivers 2. It has been bumpy, but that bumpiness has been overshadowed by a truly amazing and unique experience, and I hope this game sticks around for years to come. It certainly has the potential to.
However, to speak without generalizing, my friends and I are becoming quite burnt out on the game because of the philosophy AH has had about balance in this game. I know there are other issues surrounding the most recent patch — CM inaccuracies being at the forefront — but I, personally, don’t really mind that AH is taking a while to fix bugs. I think some are a little to quick to say that AH is treating us “like garbage”, but bugfixes taking time is truly an “it is what it is” moment. If it ain’t done, and they acknowledged it, you gotta just trust they’re working on it.
What I am a bit concerned about, and turned off by, is the approach AH has to balance, as it seems fundamentally at odds with what the playerbase wants, and it sort of leads me to believe AH has a different idea of not only what the game should be, but what the game is, in their own minds back at the studio. Back during the Railgun patch in late Feb, we got a window into the dev’s philosophy by learning that they leaned more towards very unforgiving, harsh gameplay, across the board, especially at higher levels. This makes sense, the game has HELL in the name after all — but I feel like the devs are kind of forgetting that the game already is really fucking hard, even with weapons that are very strong.
A lot of the difficulty in this game, in my opinion, has not come particularly from whether or not my weapon was overpowered or not. I have failed many a run using Sickle, Redeemer, and Quasar. Most of the time, bad runs are chalked up to poor planning, poor teamwork, not having the right tools for the job (i.e. not bringing Anti-Tank or some such when gunships are around), or (less often) sheer unluckiness. I don’t know if I am alone in this sentiment, but to me, the difficulty of the game has always been on the situations it puts you in, and how you respond to said situations. Think for a moment — if weapons were all buffed to the level of the Sickle, the game would be a bit easier, but something like Helldive would still be really fucking hard to complete if your team isn’t on top of it. If you don’t manage patrols and objectives properly you’ll get swarmed, and not to mention most enemies will treat you with extreme prejudice regardless of the weapon you’re holding. No matter how much damage your primary does, ain’t nothing gonna change what an Automaton turret gonna do to your ass.
With this in mind, it is very frustrating to see repeated nerfs, or to see weapons or statagems launch in lackluster or not viable state; to use recent examples, because it feels like EVEN IF the Airburst Rocket Launcher or the Exploding Crossbow shipped in OP states, the game would still be hard. If the ABRL launched with the capability to take our gunships, that would make its usability skyrocket. However, if you run it, you would not be able to deal with certain other threats, making it a choice you have to think about. Instead, the ABRL is underpowered at launch, removing the choice since there are other weapons that fill its niche anyways. The Eruptor is a tangible example of this; it’s a strong option that’s good for a specific role, but you’ll need to build around it. Strong weapons make choices. This is why it was frustrating to see the Railgun get demolished in Feb only for Anti-Tank and Recoilless Rifle get buffed to do what it did better.
I feel like this is because AH is trying to prioritize the difficulty over all else, when in reality, if they buffed a larger quantity of weapons/stratagems, the game wouldn’t get all that much easier — and they could just adjust missions and difficulties as a result. As it is, the game trends more towards “slogfest” in terms of balance because AH is focusing on nerfing high-use, fun items (except for Crossbow lol?) instead of bringing other items up. This is not me saying nerfing doesn’t have a place, it certainly does, but nerfs only really work in conjunction with buffs. Sometimes it feels like they only nerf just to shake up the meta, when really they could just make more weapons viable and more people would use different options as a result. When AH nerfed the Slugger, they buffed the Dominator, which improved Dominator use, but this didn’t NEED to cost the Slugger nerf, right? They could’ve just. Buffed the Dominator. Then both would be viable?
I guess the TL;DR of my point is that even if AH buffed more and shipped more “broken”weapons, that game would still be really fucking hard; it would just be more fun on top of that. They could also just, make the game more difficult to compensate if they really want, although I don’t personally see that as necessary — it just feels bad to have weapons ship in unbalanced states, to see things get nerfed seemingly only for the hell of it, and to fear that any semi-viable option will be demolished at any moment. I don’t know. I love the devs, I love the game, but AH has really been giving me some headscratcher moments and I hope they can kick it in gear at some point soon.

To what's left of you quarter, piece, and part powerful gentlemen and to the appearance of an extreme degree powerful “women” of this penny parade continent, this five and dime celebration, this dollar store revelation, this world-wide cultural instantiation and its jubilation, from factories in Fiji, to factories in China, to the world itself as if a great, round, roving, marvelous factory to print colored bits of paper and tin cans, shells and bombs to burst in midair – confetti for every beach and ocean in this ever-expanding tidal future of ours!
It is nearby somewhere my own hunger urged me from mine and your wilds alike, and in the emergence of a lucidity from the depths of yon trash heap (and my longstanding work therein), which predates not just my meeting you, and its tending endlessly to your children, but every and all conception of me for eternity and more; I came to you and allowed you to mistake yourself for me, as there was no mistaking me for you - for what's left of life in your eyes reveals to me what you know that you both know, and don't know, you need, what you can only ever imagine is lost or out there to be found or bought in your world, what has been conditioned into you so as to preclude seeing and especially the strength of “not seeing,” and it is with every momentarily wakeful glance you give in my direction, every question you hear, every call answered, that ensures me all is not forsaken despite the ceaseless attempt on “all’s life” to the contrary, a tryer of the reigns finds reigns, a fisher finds fish – in the depths of this land, and what clings to it on all fringes and fronts, fits you as your highest metaphor of a culture’s soul: a prisoner’s home for a lost vagabond, the destitute, overdosing on richness, dressed nicely if in the most poorly-fitting and disheveled clothing, as when a child too small tries to don the clothes (i.e., attitude, appearance, nature, purpose) of his absent father – he was looking into a future, and now he is this “future,” much less a “future” anyone would desire, utterly abandoned in hope, deed, action, and almost word, but for everything effeminately subtle and indirect, one thing is said, another is done, and no value may be found in the schizoid feeding frenzy to the tune of perhaps the most psychotic ruling herdsman type who have ever had the unfortunate chance (for every living creature) to love at all, but as anyone here only ever understands such things on meticulous spreadsheets of numbers that can never add up (Remember 2008? Whoops!), as if a sort of simulation of life, or in many cases, simulation of a simulation, of life, or something resembling some sort of denizen of some sort of strange land’s strange life, or similarly, a home that can’t house anyone at all, is only understood in familiar commercials where, a large volume of words, images, and bright colors are lauded and leveraged as a subliminal jackhammer, and of course, the less they mean, the less bearing, therefor reminder of and on reality, the better, so long as one message is clear (desire - what is missing and sought? How to twist the knife into the lonely and afraid?); I can state without undue excess and absolutely zero excitement, that the vault is empty, the account reads zero, rather, your vault is empty, and zero would be an improvement, for its implication would be that of an animal who, having a glance in the mirror, has had a profound and terrible revelation, not the ghost and mummy and living skeleton, the standing ruins that stand and stare back, but, had instead, possibly relearned to create beyond itself, or unlearned, to take pride in everything it IS, and to feel longing and despair and especially contempt for everything that it ISN’T; not a goal, or a destination, and yet would be a road as if so? Feign one more pointless yet needy life, lived as long as possible, forever taking more than can ever give, in service of the greatest number of pebbles and papers, and for itself, its own little day? When is this day? No, let us not see beyond the day – things are too good, your future is already in the water, don’t let anything, least of all yourselves, stand in the way.
Yet it wasn't for any of this I was glad or sad, as the tepid radiations and hopeful evacuations of a life on the wondrously vapid factory clone farm are often quite touching, and at times, seem to reveal the confessions of a beautiful animal, or the image of what once was, now reminiscing on their own or someone else’s golden years, some creature lost to winter everlasting, and astonishingly absent and completely unaccounted in a strange game of 'the most numbers' (as if creating for an audience, what you know as consumer groups and shrubbery, that doesn’t even exist, at least previously, without even realizing it) - once more, let us congratulate this species on its wildest success - it is rare that anyone changes anything, such as, even the most minor character of nature, culture, and being, let alone channeling, cultivating, and hobbling an entire species' psychic domain, with a success not unlike Malaria (and its nature), be it with prescription methamphetamine or the other panoply of assorted multi-colored poisonous candies and treats, largely advertised in yellow and red, like warning signs one finds on a deadly viper, you know (they really catch the eye), and though the medicalization of the future, a sort of savaging by the greatest of shorts never even conceived, but like a carcass that is just there, waiting for the bloated and their bloated feast, because as wisdom will teach anyone who lives long enough, success with or without awareness, as with all success, is classified as Victory under the great auspices of Nike, of which Nemesis never fails to find conscious or unconscious compensation. That’s the thing about the “unconscious” – the unknown is most feared, but just because it is unknown, does not mean it is wrong, unreal, or “not there,” nor does it make it chaos, merely, beyond you, before you, after you, your aftermath – to quote a wise woman, “funny that, humans can be ruins too, and that ruins can stand so long!” - and with these digressions aside, all these matters of which I speak need not in fact be recorded by anyone (even me), it is merely sufficient that they occur. Things are revealed, and those beings who are being revealed to, are helpless, but TO BE revealed to. Whether they see or understand what they are seeing, at all, is another matter. What emerges can’t not emerge, what is revealed, can’t not be revealed, or not witnessed. Like flowers and bees (and spiders) – the world is beautiful and many-legged, bites and stings and sometimes even smells nice.
For, to attempt to comprehend - what it means, for life to mean nothing? It would mean to truly understand this precipice – that, for time itself, mankind itself, ceases to exist, or have any reason, meaning, purpose, or even justification - but that is not our numbered and enumerating way, for, as a nation of decadent accountants, as nation of creditors and debtors even to one’s own family and friends, a nation of strangers and government agents who are primarily bound by their need to sell products and services in plebian, repeated, undifferentiated-as possible-like fashion, all of whom have many guns, are coerced by many guns, under auspices of those guised as ‘the educated’ even, it is the number here that matters most, and nothing else, but it was seeing the real nature of that number, and to what it applies (and how the code is woven through data to reveal all the ugly facts of life) that has us clapping ourselves on the back, or at each other’s throat, both of which are great opportunities for enterprising individuals, for, in a country and culture of mercenaries and prostitutes, the accountant who promises the most, wins, which is to say that the world’s oldest profession has taught all great and small American alike, how much the world, a family, a son, a daughter is worth: nothing. Love has no monetary value, happiness, contentment, the fact that a human being is born is complete, has no value, and if you market to them while they are bewildered, frightened, and alone, coming as they are from a culture conditioned to be sick farm animals, vacuous watchers and consumers and food and sacrifice and disposable animal, then one’s success is eventually guaranteed – and it is this sort of flagrant and glamorous prostitutions and illustrious illusions that has dominated our culture, to allow the most mediocre types to not just attempt to inherit the world, but to continue to assume that they are entitled to it, and to entreat themselves to all therein as if disposable possession, an entire world, increasingly filled with this singular, totalizing, delusion. Sadly, it is this sort of brainless extroversion, and disease, that dominates and continues to pass as leadership in what is already a totally medicalized, encapsulated, and strait-jacketed culture.
Which is really humorous, when you know then the term “business leader” is an oxymoron, and unfitting. After all, a pimp and a butcher do not have followers of loyalty or even duty, they don’t own minds or hearts, they own a line to the bank and paying bills – they have animals employed under pressure, under duress, under the knife, performance, art, feeding the hungry and the needy. The sort of deprecating and depredating effects one finds in such miasma and gore are what is known in the slammer as prisoner conditions—not just immediate depression that conduces to deep, dark, dreamless sleep – and not just that animals in captivity will act out violently as a matter of vital Will and its need to prove to itself, that it is indeed alive in some capacity, but to race to the bottom of the behavioral sink. But everything comes and goes, so it is that which went down the drain has washed back up on our shores, like dumping and leaking perchloroethylene and trichloroethylene, which, as deadly solvents seep directly to the bottom of the groundwater table, some things are just like that – an avalanche – unstoppable, indelible, ineffable, unstoppable, inevitability as it is – fate weaving itself, the basilisks of the new dawn cawing, and then their coming home to roost – leaving the question, who or what was this all for? The state, the herd, and the people are indeed “one,” even if many. Fascism with a good conscience, is to say, civilization is for the survivors, the good, the moral, and the just; and every judge, jury, and executioner agrees, especially when they elicit the confession from the condemned, all of which is fortunate and convenient for the survivors (cowards), so long as one takes their place in the orgy and circle-jerk chain of pity (which is all pity for self, projected outward as cover) of which, all the strangers with guns agree as well, yet despite all these plain as fact appearances, behaviors, and communications that anyone can see, read, and almost even understand, I know others don’t yet know or share my excitement at proposals of an updated and appropriate lexicon, and it is here that we visit terminology that is apt for a soulless, blood-sucking age that would rather see man as docile sheep, than become anything different, more, abd superior.
So it is, henceforth, all those conspicuously inconspicuous nobodies who always hunger more than they can Will - you are not known as the “the managerial elite,” but the “Malarial Elite.” Not the “business class,” but the “boring class.” Not the “political class,” but the “parasitic class.” Not the “leaders of tomorrow,” but the “pillagers of yesteryear.” After all, who would want health - when sickness is so profitable? Rather, how could the healthy even bother with the sick, how could they understand them? The entire medical profession’s creed, to this day, is “please don’t bother us,” as, everyone needs their papers. Yes, while even Dr. Frankenstein and his murdering monster appear naïve and juvenile compared to the sort of psychos who run most wards and hospitals, not to mention any of its direct connection to the state, this is the nature of miasma, no one could choke through it even if they wanted, - so who could ever stand on the shoulders of giants or titans, when the entire country from top to bottom, can only beg, borrow or steal from around the ankles? And the need is locked in – slavery, the most wealth and power ever created in the history of the world, wasted on a dying, decrepit ruling class of pseudo-human being who sound and appear as if they couldn’t have a genuine thought or feeling in their bodies, even if needed to prevent a nervous breakdown, even if needed to mitigate the breakdown of an entire civilization, or imminent death and war around the globe.
And this is perhaps the most astoundingly marvelous thing about a long-extricated, tortured-out diffusive chain of irresponsibility – the one who conceives of the bottom, the lowering of the bar, is not the same as the one who enacts it, is not the same as the one who installs it, is not the same as the one who tills it, is not the same as the one who owns it, all of which beleighs the truth that, most everyone is happy to disappear, they are happy that so little is ever asked or expected, that nobody remembers their name, or asks more. Yes, aloneness, and dangerous aloneness therein is the only real condition, but so it is for everyone. You see, take heart, you’re not alone here. It was only illusion. One or many, many or one – you’re the same thing, desire, create, act and enact the same thing – like addict and supplier, and that’s how and why you have built precisely what it is you have built - and the isolation also serves a purpose – as it makes your domination precipitously convenient (a civilization of people taught to be helpless, passive, watchers and consumers, and bad actors for bottomless pits of crowds at that). People are easy to manipulate, coerce, and control, when alone. The solution that knows how to answer for all problems- as both Socrates and the rapacious, long-annoying American salesmen, marketers, and spammers of all inboxes humanly known, know – you look for the self-conscious weakness, and then you twist the knife as insidiously and compellingly as sublimely [terrible and frightful yet divine distance between desire and reality] possible. Imagine doing this to an entire lower class – like raising rabbits for disposal and harvest.
And while our most acrimonious of orders is, pertaining to the supposedly beloved objects of one’s and one’s culture’s desires, first to try to masticate it, if not, fornicate with it, if not, buy and sell it with the purpose of others enacting the former and/or the latter behaviors upon it, it strikes me that even the larger, stunningly clueless population is beginning to scratch their heads as they watch time stand still in perpetuity, rather, as they watch time leak, fume, and die, to their detriment, on their dime (they pay for it), which, if you’re wondering why is an alarm to you and them, is because this is not what they were promised, and, that first Boston Tea Party is a simpleton's joke compared to the tyranny that rules happily and without remorse today. And so it is, what is being witnessed, interpreted, spun, and sold, is not what they are being promised right now (they see the very opposite in fact – reality, right under their nose, and they can even almost “read it”), and as with right now, Victory demands compensation, and it isn’t just coming, it is already here. Oh no, the best is yet to come, you assure me? I’ll agree, but only because it is in my language and on my terms, and you have no idea what that means.
Even then, despite my great love for this land and some of its most rare and valuable individuals (because the rest is corporate, i.e., state-sanctioned, wasteland), despite knowing all of you far, far, far too well, I am left with no pity in common with you, and if you’ve been reading the stars and the wind and the times (it stands still, slow enough to read for even the illiterate, in some regards, after all), you know then that you have all but nickeled and dimed away everyone else’s pity too, and those left parroting the party line are dead already without knowing it, fail to see they are alone, the target, the victim, the product, as well – but there’s hardly an accountant alive who can cook these books, even a Jew, or maybe someone from the Chinese Communist Party, of which, our own leadership shares beds, and a future as insect-overlords of a placated, wasted, dying populace of a poisoned land.
Yes, our way of life is incidental, a waterwheel in the river of misery for most that is called human biology – so nobody can help themselves against their own (intentionally) weakened and morbid Will and better interest, for instance, the people who once lived here were helpless to crave the steel and alcohol Spanish merchants advertised – and once this poisoned stream had traveled for centuries, found its way into my mouth and after a lifetime of ripping it out, to see what is beyond it, a life-time of sickness and its convalescence, exactly as everyone here intentionally and unintentionally designed, and with perspective on asylums and institutions from both deep inside and far beyond their walls (these are funny conceptual and imaginary designations, walls, barriers, doors, etc.), inside or outside of it, it is fear and hatred and pain – and a recirculation of dollars and pity, with its requisite shame, sympathies, and pities. The price for playing the game? Your eternal soul? No, that was marketing, so you didn’t notice your body was being used, abused, and consumed, by little camouflage predators who have the appearance of ‘ordinary’ human-beings (now its sublimated into the market, god being dead and all), but, alas, are not Apex, but incidental, happenstance, a laugh, a gas, mediocrity given its day since the real predators are medicated, surrounded, and killed off, and ultimately, as ape is to man, this homo sapien is to a better humanity of present and into the future – a (blind) laughing stock. An emperor and empire with no clothes at all. Just as neanderthal did not understand why homo sapien laughed at him, homo sapien doesn’t know how bad the joke is, and the exacting ways in which he and she are the joke (yes, presuming entitlement, and to be the goal, and what's to be preserved).
Even as I have watched, and continue to watch, the most basic and mediocre types of animals reach majority, in all human arenas, whose vanitous parents, teachers, and policemen, all profiting, even forming a way of life, based on their own absence in these future ‘derelicts’ lives, starting in their most vulnerable precatory age, of their own wisdom, persuaded them, having generally only paper or medications to offer, in manners not dissimilar to business in Italian mafia or other gangland activity, to become physicians, psychiatrists, lawyers, sociologists, and even justice-fighters, or freedom fighters (at least on TV, or social media) for an entire society that was conditioned to be ineffectual, hapless, resentful dependents, a dollar farm, a low-wage servant class, buckets of frozen fish consumer voting blocks to market sickness to, tossed to the dust and wind as fertilizer for future pennies, all vegetating on an American-factory-farm-scale organized lunatic asylum, or, as is well known, the streets, and other similar institutions such as prisons and schools, whom all get their French fries from the same governmentally relevant contracted organization, aka business, aka American business, aka corporation, aka, the State as nation, and the state of its affairs – an entire population missing in action, on vacation, tending tiny, totalized, cog-size gardens and planting for their own promised day alone, or sick on the job, owned as it were, by the people who own the entire country, and in some sense, the world, with our closest business partners, in both industry, and way of life, being the Chinese State, of which all Americans should be horrified.
—all of which conduces towards a feeling, or, thought of tremendous weight and burden, which is to say, what can anyone expect in a land where one doesn’t have friends and neighbors or even a husband or wife, but predatory yet desperately needy and dependent associates (nothing is more depraved than businessmen in rut, when they see only paper dollars with starry, religious-eyed zeal), all of whom can, do, and will continue to charge each other by the minute, to get the most out of every serviceable transaction they can name for a surcharge, or convenience fee, or tax, or service fee, of which, the original stamp act which was one of many matchsticks that helped founded this country, is a farce and a joke compared to the sort of brigands, actors, and ugly celebrity that is our body politics – a society where brutal taxation and its repression is culture, is the way of life, occasionally exemplified by “kill dozers” or small business owners flying their small airplanes into local tax offices (see Texas), of which we can say, the genius of America wasn’t a recreation of the old slave pyramid, at least two or three times in a row, as merit turned to money, that is gold, which turned to paper, which turned to non-existent ones and zeroes, nor is the genius the ever-present image and its parading and campaigning of forgettable faces and non-existent personalities and all its pretense of the removal of what sadly passes for aristocracy these days – the genius of America was to monetize every part of the body, every aspect of culture and life, to scrape the human being down to the bone, not of any human value, not of any real value that they themselves feel or want to represent in the actual world, in any remotely authentic, sincere, and even needed manner, but strictly: monetary value. There is no value outside paper money zero and ones values. Which is to say, the modern human soul is a worthless copper penny stretched between the crude, well-armed yet hapless Europeans of America, those eroded basalt Pillars of the West, and the equally hollow and vacuous Chinese Communist Part of the East, whatever facsimiles are left from their origins derived – between the two, like the upper and lower clamps of a vice grip, humanity are a great mass of herd animal, ready to be flambéed, roasted, crispen and woolied, ready to be turned into garment, and dinner, and pointless, disposable sacrifice (for the people that own them, but not for gods, greater purpose, men, or connection to the Earth and environment).
And how much value may be derived from this worthless penny? When the game is the bait and switch, it is never enough. And then how much can you charge for the sickness you create? Each layer of skin is a few cents more, and every American businessman, who becomes wealthy, knows that every penny adds up, because for most American business men, when it is, was, or becomes their time to rob anyone and everyone blind, we see the American for what they are (an empty, pitiless, stomach, no brain) and the most powerful nation in the history of the world – which proves, not just how blind great power is, but also states, the more one wants, the more one must debase one’s self, thus the entire human future, had to be sold out to satiate the money printers - where lavish expense in both cheap thrills and their curtailing, are incurred, inflicted, endured, yet loved with Barnum and Bailey advertising appeal of a culture that can’t decide whether it wants to be most pitiless master or most pitiful slave, prude or whore, noble Paladin or gutless Brigand – a nation not of refined or even rudimentary taste in appearance, behavior, and communication, but of tawdry delight and intoxication, angry politics, fear, and hate, not two minutes, but 24/7 – the assailing and travailing of the world against the senses, against reason, against purpose, against humanity, and harder will it become still. Not just against better, superior senses, but all senses, but that is nonsense for you, and as with yesteryear, today, nonsense rules – the lack of sense, the utter lack of reality. And when it’s clear, when you can quote a man, speaking of a past that hasn’t happened yet, who once said, “even if this country had been twice as big, it still wouldn’t be enough,” and, “the love of possessions is a disease in them” - What can you then truly say to a nation of dependents and liars all suffering under the same physiological sicknesses, whose condition is to admit, buy, sell, or permit everything, except for the Truth, and by design? Cowardice, that is generally called, “healthy fear”? And, the straightforward truth? The simple Truth? All of which precludes the complex, take lifetimes-of-vigorous-activity-to-understand-and painfully destructive-to-swallow-Truth? This isn’t s dog and pony show nation, it is a dollar-leash nation. And where reason and logic fail, passion prevails, therefor, a poem to end, in your honor:
Your life, on a leash, how much can you pay? Therapy, credit, lease no money down today
Your life, on a leash, it isn’t worth a thing
Humans have no value, but for the pennies
They might bring, but them alone, isn’t enough,
Together, a few bucks, but none are left That’s right, not a dime for you or for your kids
Sell it all before the fall, retirement commune called “to live” When nothing to give, but everything with a price No tomorrow, don’t think twice, wondering why
There's no ovation to your ending, fearful but
Just pretending – for, behind all that is corporate nice
Are strangers with guns, aplenty at small price
But the cost is wrought, you broke it, you bought
If you’re so smart, how come you aint rich?
One shouldn’t ask such clueless questions
In culture’s nihilistic pitch – few flown
To the top of the roost of the coup
When one is oh so unconcerned,
Rich, and hidden without a peep
This dollar harvest continent
Then demonstrates, by all such
Empty imagistic reprobates
What was sown was
salted stupid, to be easy
then well reaped
Buy and sell an empty shell
shooting fish in a bucket
Or herding sheep
But this sickness
It lingers
Trade coins
For every
Finger
squeeze
And lie
you
Paid
The
true
Price
That you’re nice
That you deserve it
That you can actually afford it
Selling dependence as codependence
the people are stupid and so deserve it
But your dull, dusty harvest, you made it, is here
I don’t know how you tolerate it through the smell
that anyone would be appalled
scrawled floor, ceiling, wall, stinking worms can't stumble, only crawl
Or how people will live through the coming years
of ever-worse, ever-harder, all-consuming and producing horrid fears
A sold-out nation of no rank and station, a parasite full of parasites
Not providence, but lots of guns and hatred
Of course would make so much noise, it’s simply what you can get away with
when men are all absent, resented, and hated - but this is the price for your fascist consumer statist corporate paradise of low-rent, low-class dread and vapid, empty, paper-money doll pretty, petty pointless penny-talking heads
***After it was written, this poem was titled - “Squeeze [the fun out of it]”

I was doing some looking into of the current school board for West De Pere, kind of a random rabbit hole I went down.
I found out that the VP of the school board is an employee of one of the companies they use to contract work. Not only is he an employee, but it’s owned and ran by his whole family... They’ve used them in the past and I’m assuming they intend to use them again because.. why wouldn’t they.
Is this not an obvious conflict of interest? I hate to find such obvious issues in the political atmosphere of our community.
And I’m wondering has anyone else noticed? Does anyone care?

I see high school students playing basketball here in India and as per their school coach following game play is fair and valid to me which looks like not very fair or sporty
What they do is
Team - A always keep two of their tall or scoring players stationary at Scoring side hoop; as soon as Team - B scores or misses their chance someone from Team - A immediately makes an longest pass to either of these two players and since much of Team - B is on their scoring hoop side; no ones really to guard them and they score easy points.
They score and they stay in same area; either try to take away ball or else never move on court.
As per these kids; its Half Court defense and Vary Valid or Allowed.
To me it seems Very Unfair game rule for opponents
​
Isn't there any rule that after basket players has to be in some area like what we have in most other games be it soccer be it hockey and other team sports

For context, I attend an art school with a gender split of roughly 70% female and 30% male. This student has been preying on all female students, and despite our efforts, the school barely acknowledges it. We even got him 51/50d, but it made no difference. I'm starting to wonder what else we can do before he violates more students.
I had all of my classes with him freshman year, and he seemed like a normal guy. He had completed a year in a more competitive program before failing out, and he spent our freshman year undecided and without completing any assignments, which I found odd. We'd talk about classes and stuff, I knew he was from Ghana and enjoyed boxing, but that was about it.
Then, about a month ago (we're now sophomores), people began approaching me about him. They noticed I followed him on Instagram from freshman year and wanted to know if I knew him because they'd been dealing with his harassment. He's started this wild rampage where he approaches every women he sees on campus and asks for their Instagram, even those who are obviously not interested or lesbians. He asks invasive or sexual questions, behaves erratically, and doesn't take no for an answer. If they block his Instagram he will track them down to force them to unblock him. He's cornering girls in elevators, hallways, and other places where they can't easily escape. He's relentless, following them back to their dorms or waiting for them outside buildings. There are multiple stories from RAs of him following them back to their dorm after working late in the studio.
One girl I know tried inviting him over for a hookup before a lot of this went down, and it turned into a nightmare. He went on a deranged rant about past sexual abuse he had endured, the women he's been harassing, his girlfriend that he's cheating on, and then he attempted to sexually assault her twice. Luckily, she managed to kick him out, but she didn't feel comfortable reporting it afterward. I'm sure he's sexually assaulted multiple women at this point but it's hard to know how many are being reported to the school because it seems like the victims just want to move on, especially because its finals season and everyone is super busy.
He also started sending bizarre messages to a close friend about everyone conspiring against him, not sleeping for a week, and wanting to join God again. My friend got freaked out and called the school which is when he was put under a psych hold, but after a week he was back with no change in his behavior. Apparently, he's been diagnosed with BPD, but he's obviously not getting the treatment he needs because he's still tweaking during conversations and cornering women.I 'm not sure if it's drugs, a manic episode, a boxing head injury, or something else, but he's definitely a danger to other students.
I've thought about gathering together a group that he's assaulted and going to the school together to get him expelled, but nobody wants to get further involved. Title IX cases at my school are notorious for being drawn-out, invasive, and having zero confidentially/protection for the victims. It feels like we need to wait for him to actually r*pe someone before the school takes the situation seriously, and that feels just unacceptable. Does anyone have suggestions on how to navigate this?

Hello, good eve everyone! Wanted to shoot my shot again here 😬. As the title suggests. I am looking for someone who’s interested in accompanying me for a date this sunday hehe. We can play bowling, arcades, quick stroll, or kahit tambay lang sa coffee shop hehe. Or even hangout at your place, sagot ko nalang din foods. Let’s be adventurous 🤗. We can also build connections as I was also looking for someone who will be my go-to person every day to approach or spend dates with. Let’s see how this goes 🤗. Around San Juan - QC sana.

• Single
• 5’8
• from Eastern Manila
• Currently Working
• Not from the Big 4, nor from schools at U-Belt (if that matters)
• plays PC games if hindi busy (also plays codm or ml if mobile)
• Average Build
• Average Looks (do not expect too much)
• Mahilig sa kape (Tim’s? :D)
• Dresses neatly mas lalo na kapag first dates
• Mabango hehe (u will be the judge)
• INTP pero nakikisakay naman
• Busy parati tuwing weekdays pero bumabawi naman ako sa oras after shift
• Has a deep voice (idk if that counts lol)
• Willing ka dayuhin

About you:

• Single
• Doesn’t have a body preference basta cute size hehe (plus nalang din if average build)
• Around my age sana pero slightly older is very much fine
• from MM din sana
• Hindi nangghost (pls lang)🥲
• Masaya kasama
• Same vibes 🤞🏻
• Mahilig din sa kape
• plus din siguro if u play games :D

Hoping also na hindi ka out of nowhere nangghost 🥲 I’ve encountered a lot of redditors out here na bigla nalang hindi nagpaparamdam :(( be genuine sana. Ayun if u are interested, pls dm me right away. Will delete this after I found someone hehe. See u!!

I have just returned from an absolutely amazing trip to Scotland. Thought I'd share my experience and hopefully provide some useful information for anyone who may be planning a similar trip. Overall, we played 6 rounds in 6 days, with only one 36 hole day. Honestly, this was one round too many for this mid 30's guy. Overall it was manageable, but the walking adds up. The trip was myself, my senior father, brother, and a 14 year old.
The Golf

• Prestwick - I really enjoyed Prestwick. I'm glad it was the first course we played as it was probably the easiest of them, and served as a good shake the rust off. It was definitely not the nicest or fanciest, but it was drenched in history and has enough elements for this history loving guy to say it's a must do. Some other nuggets include the oldest hole in championship golf as well as the skinniest fairway. Cost - $1378. Overall rating: 7.5/10.
• Royal Troon - Often described as 6 ok holes, 6 amazing holes, and 6 ok holes, I'm not really sure where the 6, 6, 6 begins and ends. The postage stamp was certainly memorable, as well as a handful of others, but Troon was not my cup of tea. Admittedly, it was my worst round and played back into the 30 mph winds the last 6-7 holes. It will be cool to watch this summer with my scorecard and guidebook in hand, but if I could change one course we played, it would be this one. The facilities were gorgeous, eating in the clubhouse felt like you were somewhere you weren't supposed to be (you filthy commoner), and the grandstands being up on 18 were pretty awesome though. Cost - $1704. Overall rating: 7.0/10.
• St. Andrews - We were selected in the advanced tee time lottery back in October of 2023 for the old course. This comes with a tee time on Old as well as one on the course of your choosing. After moving it around several times, we landed on New Course for our second round. Total cost for advanced package - $2800 (includes a junior rate)
  • Old - Teeing off at 7:30 AM in 38 degrees never felt so good. Hitting over the hotel on the road hole, mercifully not slicing one on 18, and, after the obligatory pictures on the bridge, walking up 18 on a gorgeous sunny afternoon are memories i'll never forget. But...outside of those iconic moments, it's a bit hard not to be just a tad let down by the Old Course? It's not overly challenging, the greens are fairly straightforward (and ginormous), although the dual greens are quite fun. Don't get me wrong, playing the Old Course was an amazing opportunity, but I think my one piece of advice is don't let not getting a tee time at the Old Course stop you from playing golf in Scotland. Overall rating: 8.5/10
  • New - Here was a surprise. After asking many a caddie which course they would pick to play, all of them said the New. After lunch the morning of the Old, we were able to go to the starter's shack and get moved from the Castle (eww hills) to the New. And I'm so glad we did. In many ways similar to Old, the New is open, receptive, and a delightful little stroll through the links, along with some views of the North Sea. Overall rating: 8/10
• Carnoustie - Pre trip, I was anticipating Carnoustie would fall into the middle or even towards the end of my course rankings. I don't know why, perhaps i was scared of the Carnasty and how hard it would play. But boy was I wrong. It ended up being my favorite course of the trip, and perhaps my favorite ever. I don't know what else to say other than it has it all, beautiful course, great conditions, history, a thinking man's course that makes you evaluate several options. It is an absolute can't miss. Cost - $977 (includes junior rate). Overall rating: 10/10
• Kingsbarns - Planned to play here as a changeup to the other courses. While the rest are historic, old, and well known. Kingsbarns is the new kid on the block. If you picked up Kapalua, and put in the Scotland, that's Kingsbarns. Can't count how many times i said something to the effect of "well that's gorgeous". There were no throwaway holes, every one seemed to have intention to be an amazing golf hole. Cost- $1436 (including a ridiculously low $100 junior rate). Overall rating - 9.5/10

The Lodging

• Stay in two locations, Ayr for the west coast side (Prestwick and Troon) and St. Andrews for the rest. Airbnb's both times. In both locations everyone had their own bed. The Ayr location was just outside of town which made it quiet, but had to drive to go anywhere. St. Andrews was about 10 minutes from the Dunvegan which i thought was perfect.
  • Ayr cost - $1040 for 3 nights.
  • St. Andrews cost - $952 for 3 nights.

Other thoughts/observations

• Accessibility information - Carts are not frequent over there and most courses require documentation or permanent disability for use of one. In order to get one for my father, a doctor's note was sufficient for most of the courses, but a handicap placard was required for Old Course and Carnoustie. If anyone has any questions on this piece, feel free to DM.
• Caddies - we got them and don't regret doing so. Did we need 4 caddies? No, but did it make the experience better, almost certainly. At minimum, I'd get a fore caddie for the group to provide the right target line, distances, reads on putts, and sometimes just even which was the next hole is.
• Car - Got a mini-bus for roughly $1400 for the week. In hindsight, we might could have done a smaller vehicle and saved some $$, but we had plenty of room for 4 golf bags, luggage, and 4 people. And it was diesel, so only filled up once.
• Proof of handicap - each course has a different requirement, but none of them asked for proof. Troon had tee requirements based on your handicap, but other than that, didn't really come into play.
• Weather - we got exceptional weather by Scotland standards, spit rain once or twice, but for the most part, didn't need the rain gear at all. Just wear layers, as it could be freezing one minute and sunny and warm the next.
• St. Andrews Ladies Putting Green - A must do. Was so much fun.
• Ship Sticks - 2 of us used them as we were traveling before Scotland and didn't want to lug them around. It is $$$ but ended up being worth the cost of shipping them over I think. $576 for two bags.

Edit - Hat tip to u/TheFlyingScotsman60 for being my sounding board throughout the planning process. Also, corrected $ for Troon.

Sorry this is a long one. I’ve talked to a couple of people about this and got many mixed opinions. So I (f16) have been friends with my best friend (f17) Alice (fake name) for 6 years. Throughout my life, I’ve moved around a lot and the longest place I’ve stayed was 4 years (where I met Alice) so I’ve had a lot of trouble keeping long friendships. My friendship with Alice was the longest friendship I’ve been in, and me Alice and Molly(f17)(fake name) were an inseparable trio. In freshman year of high school, Molly went to a different school than me and Alice, so me and Alice spent a lot more time just the 2 of us. At the beginning of the year, Alice started dating a guy, Tim (m14) (at the time he’s 17 now) and I was very open about not liking Tim. I felt like Tim treated Alice poorly and didn’t give her the attention she deserved and I would often tell her that and even tell Tim to his face that I didn’t like him and he should treat her better. Alice however took that as jealousy and continued to date him for about 3-4 more months before she eventually broke up with him. As girls do, now at sleepovers we would talk shit about him and just random stuff he did throughout the day we didn’t like or thought was funny. The problem after they broke up though was that the friend group was very mixed since a lot of them were friends with both Alice and Tim. Most of them chose Alice’s side and a few chose Tim but there was one guy, Frank, who would float in between. It didn’t bother me, I thought Frank was funny and fun to be around, we would joke around and hang out a lot together and people started saying we were dating. Neither of us said anything that made each other think we were into each other but when people said it we didn’t deny it either, so we “dated” for about a week before we came clean that neither of us liked each other that way. After that, a bunch of my friends said that it made them uncomfortable that Frank would always bring Tim around, and that most people didn’t like Frank as much as I did. I really didn’t like Tim though and I understood a lot of what my friends were saying so since we were “exes” I thought I had a good enough reason to just tell him not to hang out with us anymore. Now when me and Alice would hang out and talk shit we would talk shit about Frank too and joke you can’t trust someone named Frank because there was another person named Frank who we didn’t like. Sophomore year I ended up having to move an hour and a half away. I was devastated, but me, Alice, and Molly promised to still stay in touch and hang out. When I moved I had no friends I was really struggling, I would try my best to distract myself by texting Alice and Molly but Alice would rarely reply. I brought it up with her and she brushed it off saying she was just busy, but I was seriously stressing out because she would only text me once a week and we would never call. After FIVE MONTHS we finally hung out again and I found out that she had become friends with Frank again. I thought we both didn’t like him, I felt betrayed and replaced because she had friended him right after I moved. I told this to her and she started yelling at me about how I’m friends with people she doesn’t like and brought up a friend who she had never met in person, the closest they had to conversation was a phone call off my phone. I wanted to be a good best friend though, so after she brought it up I blocked him. He tried talking to me from a friend’s phone asking what’s up and why I blocked him and I said it was because of Alice and blocked that number too. I expected Alice to do the same with Frank but when she didn’t I let it go because I really valued her friendship and even though I wasn’t ok with it I didn’t want my only friend to leave over it. Fast forward to a couple of months ago and I saw her post a picture with Frank on Instagram (normal) but in the picture, he’s wearing a sweater I left at Alice’s house. I screenshotted the picture and sent it to Alice saying “don’t let Frank wear the shit I leave at your house” She said that the “shit” was unnecessary and she swore she thought it was her’s because she has a similar sweater with buttons on the front. But a week earlier when I was asking for my sweater back she claimed it was in the wash and when I picked her sweater up she was positive the one with buttons was hers. We argued a bit over text and I said I still have unresolved issues with Frank that I would like to talk about on the phone or in person because I felt like she was misreading my tone over text. She agreed and we pushed the conversation to a later date. Two months passed and I still couldn’t seem to find the right time to talk to her about it because things kept on coming up in our personal lives and when I would call her she would only ever answer when she was with another friend and I didn’t want to rope anyone in who wasn’t involved. I ended up caving and sending her a big paragraph over text talking about everything, she said she only pretended to not like Frank because she would be scared that I would “be mad” because she was friends with him because I open like didn’t like her ex, Tim. We went back and forth and she ended it by saying it would be better for her if we weren’t friends. After everything I’m starting to think I should’ve just bit my tongue, I moved away so it’s not like I would’ve had to see Frank anywhere but social media but this was something that was really weighing on me for about 2 years so I thought I did the right thing at the time.

Hi everyone! I had some lovely responses to my post about manifesting my relationship five years ago, which also blessed us with our wonderful daughter. I also received a few DMs about it from people struggling with manifesting a specific person (SP). I wanted to take a few highlights from those conversations and share them, in case anyone else needs to hear them too:
Firstly, I think it's important to remember that we often project onto other people what we want. This was a big part of my story with D (the guy I originally thought I wanted). Our story was a mess: We both clearly had feelings for about 18 months before acting on them, as we both had reasons not to act on them (he was my client, for one!). When we did finally act on them, it unleashed a painful storm. Originally, and even during the storm, I thought he was all these amazing things... and there are things about him as a person that are great (he's kind, he's intelligent, he's a hard worker, for example), but he most certainly was not who I thought he was.... In fact, he was also weak, immature (despite being 12 years my senior), unable to communicate, and afraid of life in so many ways. Yet, again, there is a reason that they say that love is blind. Most of us truly have blinders on initially. Again, we project all these amazing qualities onto the other person, some of which are real and many of which are imagined.
On top of this, we have social media trying to entice into false views of reality. Social media is NOT real! It is CURATED! Social media does not show the nitty-gritty parts of life. It shows us only what the other person wants the world to see. How many photos do we take before settling on the one to post? So, we can live with the impression that we are missing out on something/someone, but actually, we have no idea what was behind the filter, in every sense. If someone is truly living life in the present and loving every moment while being the most awesome version of themselves, they probably aren't going to spend a lot of time posting on social media because they're out living their lives! Again, our projections (and sometimes curated content) lead us to believe in fantasies about what life could be like with a specific person.
Neuroscience (and common sense) shows us that the more we exercise the same brain pattern, the more we think from that pattern. In the yoga community, you often hear this phrase: where intention goes, energy flows. Research has shown that our neural patterns are 95% concretized by the time we're 35! Whoa! However, there is also the amazing gift of neuroplasticity, meaning you can change things!
Now, I hear some protests already: we can manifest whatever we want and I want that SP! Okay, I hear you... but I defer to Neville, who says we actually have to get to the base feeling of what we want—not the means or how, or in this case, even who. (More on this from Neville later.) So, the more you think about a single person, and the more you stalk him/hethem online, and the more you tell yourself that this is the only person on Earth for you, the more you live from and believe that narrative... but remember, it's a stalking/wanting/chasing/pining narrative at that point. Remember too: Whatever you practice, you get better at... so if you practice telling yourself something awesome about yourself and your life, you will get better over time at living from that narrative... but if you practice telling yourself something not so great... unfortunately, you'll get better at living from that narrative too.
We are often fed this Disney bullshit from young ages about relationships--that we must find our soulmates, or now, "twin flames." I have been there (hilariously, multiple times--see? You can even start to believe the same story again about a single SP with a new love interest). There's even an online twin flame cult(!!!) that formed--and it was able to form because people are DESPERATE to be loved: yet, they don't feel loved or loveable. It can also be a disaster because our brain chemicals can be little bastards in these situations: the brain's dopamine reward cycle can be triggered in a stronger way when we perceive the person we are interested in as "hard to get." AND WE ARE LITTLE DOPAMINE ADDICTS, unfortunately.
One set of questions I have for anyone in this cycle of longing is: Did you feel loved growing up? Did you feel supported and accepted by your family, friends, community? Did you feel safe and secure? I ask this because, personally, I did not. I grew up with a great mom, who was married to my abusive father until he died. I will be 40 this year and despite the fact that my dad died days after I turned 26, I am STILL untangling some of the messes he left behind. People with childhood trauma also have different physiological responses to stress too. Despite the fact that I've been doing meditation and yoga for 20 years and that I'm a writer, I am still working to understand forgiveness, to release certain negative patterns, to unburden myself fully of this legacy. So, if you didn't feel understood, secure, supported, especially at home, you will be more likely to create circumstances for yourself where you feel more of the same. It's like long-term caged animals... when the cage door is finally opened, they're afraid to come out. The cage is familiar. Freedom is not. For us, the cage is the pain, the isolation, the unworthiness; these can be so familiar, even if deeply uncomfortable. Meanwhile, love, freedom, acceptance, and worthiness are SCARY because they can be so unfamiliar. Of course, we don't necessarily need a traumatic background to be deeply entrenched in unworthiness. It can come from all kinds of traumas: previous relationships, cultural issues, etc.
So, if you are trying to manifest an SP who is denying you, could this actually be a manifestation of your inner feelings of unworthiness?
Remember that Neville Goddard himself said in a lecture:

"Always go to the end. Dwell in the end, and you will hurt no one. But if you try to devise the means, you are, well, messing the whole thing up. I have had people say to me, 'You know, I want that man, and no other man.'
I said, 'No, you don’t; you want to be happily married. You don’t want that man or no man.'
'Oh, yes, that man or no man.'
Then, of course, this always shocks them. I say, 'If he dropped dead right now, would you want to be married?'
'Well, he isn’t going to drop…'
'I didn’t ask you that. If he dropped dead right now, or if he is right this very moment accused of being the world’s greatest thief or murderer, do you still want him?'
'Well, now, why ask those questions, Neville? I want that man!'
But, you see, it isn’t that man. They want to be happily married. I have gone to so many weddings where it was either that man or none, and it wasn’t 'that man!' And they are embarrassed when they see me standing in the aisle, because it had to be 'that man or no man,' and here it isn’t that man at all. And they walk down – they are happy with their new mate, but a little sheepish as they pass by because they know I know he was not the man."

So, if you've gotten this far and you're still with me, I want you to do an experiment now. Do this experiment from a simple place of curiosity and remember that you can always return to your current state/thoughts/narrative later if you wish. So, here is the outline:

1. Write down all the qualities you want in a relationship. Forget this SP. Just write down what you want in a relationship. Write down all the things you want to do together, hobbies you will enjoy together, the type of love you want to have, the type of communication. Also outline all the qualities that this ideal person has (again, forget the SP) and it's fine if some of the qualities are like the SP, but think beyond them). Is your ideal mate someone who plays a musical instrument? Do they like to go dancing? Go to car races? F*ck knows! BUT YOU KNOW! WRITE IT ALL DOWN! Then, read this letter and sit in meditation/visualization. Again, forget the SP, and just be in the feeling of the awesomeness of your perfect person being with you. Do this for a few weeks. Not everyday. Just when you feel compelled.
   
2. Write a list of your awesome qualities. What makes you a fantastic partner? Likewise, fill yourself up on the feeling that you are an amazing person and partner. Feel yourself as completely in the flow of giving/receiving that love. Now, you'll probably also encounter a few roadblocks doing that last one. You're going to hear all the shitty voices in your head telling you what is wrong with you. So:
   
3. On another piece of paper, write all the things the crappy (and untrue) voices told you. They might look like: I am worthless. I am not smart enough. I have nothing to give. Then, take those things and write their opposite affirmation on yet another piece of paper: I am worthy. I am so intelligent. I give so much to my relationships and this is one thing that makes me a wonderful partner. Be specific and enthusiastic in the affirmations. The more specific the better! Then, find a quiet moment somewhere and record the affirmations on your voice notes on your phone. Play those affirmations every morning when you wake up and every night before you go sleep. Let yourself fall asleep to them. Hear your own voice honoring you--you in this wonderful incarnation of God. If you like, put the positive affirmation list up somewhere in your home.
   

4.If you can do it without jeopardizing your work, put hardcore blocks on your phone/computer so you can't open social media for a full month. (Again, it's an experiment!)

1. Go for walks outside! I mean this. It sounds stupid, but the science is there. We need to go outside more--for our mental health, for our gut health, for so many reasons. GO OUTSIDE!
   
2. And what do you love doing? Painting? Swimming? Hanging out with dogs? Think of a few things that do not involve screens. Do those things more and more throughout the next month.
   
3. If you've got some good friends, go see them! ENJOY THEM! If you don't, add this to your affirmations and letters. You have awesome friends and you love hanging out with them because they lift you up and keep you PRESENT!
   
4. Spend the next month being present. How awesome is nature? How awesome is music? How awesome is having enough of an education that you know how to READ!? Maybe write in a journal each day if it resonates for you.
   
5. Again, get away from screens--laptops, phones, TV, video games. Put them down as much as you can. Use your phone to listen to your affirmations and to awesome, positive uplifting music and interesting podcasts. Even get away from Reddit. Again, you can come back... but just let this be a temporary experiment.
   
6. If you get down, know that it is OKAY. IT HAPPENS! Cry it out. Run it out. Walk it out. Play it out. Paint it out. Write it out. Get it out however suits you. Then, dust yourself off and keep going.
   
7. Lastly and importantly: practice GRATITUDE! If it helps, this is my 5-minute morning gratitude meditation with nearly 2m plays on the free app, Insight Timer. (Honestly, not trying to self-promote here, I just know that this practice helps me and seems to have helped others.)
   

Do this all for ONE MONTH!
I promise that it will get better when you start to work on yourself and allow yourself to receive the most awesome and unexpected gifts--but you have to be open to receive them! If you keep telling yourself that you're unworthy, that you're missing out, that there is only one person for you, but that you have to magically make that person want you, you will stay in an energy of longing and desperation. Understand that trying to force someone to love you is intrinsically suggesting that you do not deserve great, deep love just as you are. Chasing someone means that you are begging, that you are unworthy.
Understand right now: Your love does not need you to chase them! You do not need to alter the fabric of the universe for great love to enter your life! You are worthy of being in a relationship with someone who loves you RIGHT NOW! You do not need to change someone else. You must change yourself from within. If you let yourself SHINE, awesome, beautiful energy will radiate from you. To be the light/love is to be the wish fulfilled.
I hope that this was helpful.
I am wishing you all so much love!
You've got this. Let go of the outcomes and be present. Be grateful. Be authentically, awesomely you! You've got this. You are worthy!
It is done.
It is done.
It is done!

Gotta vent so it’s understood that I’m a desperate mama with so many limitations that I have no idea where to apply anymore. Please read and help.
I (35f) am a single mom of four kids and I have been getting by this past year by crowding my beautiful babies and I into my ex mother-in-law’s guestroom (she’s a saint and I wish she were my mom fr). I have to find a place by July. That means I have to have a job by May or mid June at the latest. I’ve been barely affording necessities and important bills like my car, repairs on repairs on repairs, phone, gas, storage and medical insurance and all that via DoorDash and Uber eats. I’ve been job hunting for forever it feels like.
Last July I lucked out and landed a job at Broadway Bank. It seemed like it was actually a family environment with authentic empathy and life work balance. I LOVED going to work everyday. But after two absences within 3 months due to my car failing on me, they fired me on my birthday last October 😂
Since then I have had 12 interviews. They usually leave me wondering why I wasnt hired. I always kill at interviews and my resume/experience is impressive-maybe I’m getting old or maybe it’s my recently chipped veneer and stain specs, bad skin and inability to afford respectable concealing foundation. Idk but that normally isn’t a huge factor in the field I’ve been applying within (call center customer service). I know they don’t owe me an explanation but if there is a flaw or mistake that’s hurting my chances I wanna know so I can try to fix it!
4 of them did tell me the exact reason I wasn’t selected to be hired, which is the fact that I have to be leaving work by or before 5:30 PM. Rule #leventeemph of parenting is that the school/daycare operating hours are what completely dictate your work availability. Still, I recall a handful or less of them had the perfect schedule so I’m lost as to why they didn’t hire me!?!
Anyway, so I started looking to get back into the home cleaning business. I don’t currently have my own clientele though so I would have to start off by working for someone else. And it just so happens now all of a sudden they’re all starting to require vehicle insurance because I drive my car to and from different jobs that they give me. I wouldn’t be delivering any cargo or giving doing rideshare for these cleaning companies so I don’t see how insurance would be necessary to protect them in the instance that I were to get in to an accident (I assume requiring insurance is to protect the companies idk).
Well, my insurance just expired a couple weeks ago and I have been trying to find an affordable rate. But I just can’t seem to find anything anywhere less than $250 (can’t even afford that right now). When I pay off my car note in a month I hope liability is drastically cheaper. Until then, no car insurance. That also means Uber eats suspended my account until I renew my insurance. I’m just hoping that DoorDash won’t soon follow suit. I just found out about shiftsmart so hope that helps my wallet for now.
All that to say, gigging has been getting me by but with the insurance “road block” I’d better find a day job and get them to f**kin hire me asap! Im flexible on pay rn ($18/hr minimum for part time or $15/hr minimum for full time) but the hours have to be right. I have to drop my kids off at school so the earliest I can work on my kid days is 8am (if near south side) or 8:30am if I will need to drive out a distance. And the latest I can work is 5pm if far out or 5:30pm if near south side. I can work those hours ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. However, I don’t have my kids from Thursday night until Sunday evening when I get them back. So I’m open to a 3 or 4 day work week of 10 hour shifts if the fact that I will not be able to work said shift Monday through Wednesday isn’t an issue. Maybe a half shift on those days tho idk.
I have my GED and am open to any suggestions that won’t give me the ol’ “it’s required that applicants be available within ALL hours of operation of the business” because that’s an instant dead end. Please, share anything you know or heard of. Also, of there is someone who has recruiter experience and can do a phony interview to tell me if it’s something I’m doing or saying? I’d appreciate that a lot because I need to persevere but I’m losing hope. Still trying tho, for the children 💖

If you’d like to add an event to our calendar, submit an event here. Please check with the event organizers to see if events change due to weather. Have a great week!
See the full weekly calendar on our website.

Noteworthy Events

PLAYlist Concert Series: John Brown & the Groove Shop Band at Durham Central Park

• Firmly grounded in the heart of funk and rhythm and blues, this band is a truly a powerhouse ensemble.
• A full 13-piece band featuring a horn section, rhythm section and singers, the group’s repertoire includes the music of the 70s and 80s from artists like Earth Wind and Fire, Stevie Wonder, KC & the Sunshine Band, The Gap Band, Michael Jackson, Parliament Funkadelic, James Brown, Tower of Power and other music of that genre.
• Fri, May 3
• 7:30 p.m.
• Free admission

NCCU Graduation at NCCU

• North Carolina Central University’s (NCCU) 143rd Commencement Exercises will be held in McDougald-McLendon Arena.
• Sat, May 4
• Graduate and Professional at 9 a.m.
• Baccalaureate at 2 p.m.

19th Annual Strawberry Festival at Old North Durham Park

• This is a child-centered, family run, community fun-focused event for the entire Durham Community hosted by Central Park School for Children.
• Sat, May 4
• 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.
• Free admission

Durham Craft Market Spring Fling at Durham Central Park

• This is a free outdoor market featuring over 50 local artisans and makers to shop from! With members of the Durham Craft Market collective as well as selected guest artists for this event.
• Sun, May 5
• 10 a.m. - 3 p.m.
• Free admission

Cinco de Mayo Latin Day Party! at The Velvet Hippo Bar & Lounge

• Celebrate Cinco de Mayo on the rooftop! Enjoy outdoor beats by DJ Synko (our incredible First Fridays DJ) and end the weekend on a high note with Latin vibes, tasty cocktails, and dancing on the deck.
• Sun, May 5
• 2-5 p.m.
• Free admission

Multi-Day Events

NCCU Jazz Festival at NCCU

• NCCU's 33rd Annual Jazz Festival kicks off with a two-day event in partnership with the Monterrey Jazz Festival and continues with seven days of events with NCCU’s Jazz Studies program and special musical guests.
• Mon, Apr 29 - Tue, Apr 30

Sandlot Revival at Historic Durham Athletic Park

• Sandlot Revival is a weekend of games between “sandlot” teams from across the country. The teams are made of folks who just like getting together and playing baseball.
• Sat, Apr 27 - Mon, Apr 29
• Free admission

Popup Arts and Crafts Market at Horse & Buggy Press and Friends Gallery

• Vendors will vary, but may include potters, jewelers, book people, printmakers, flower folks, small scale sculptors, photography, boudoir portraitists, woodcarvers, clothes makers, candle makers, and sweets.
• Tue, Apr 30 - Sat, May 4
• 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m.

RetroNoir Film Series at The Carolina Theatre

• Film noir is a cinematic term used primarily to describe stylish crime dramas, particularly those that emphasize cynical attitudes and sexual motivations.
• Fri, Apr 26 - Thu, May 2
• $12

Historic Buildings Open House at West Point on the Eno Park

• Enjoy a look inside the historic McCown-Mangum House, Photography Museum, and Mill.
• Sat, May 4 and Sun, May 5
• 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
• Free admission

Jewish Food Week at Jewish for Good at the Levin JCC

• This mouthwatering event promises to tantalize taste buds while supporting a meaningful cause, with all proceeds benefiting Jewish for Good's Food Pantry.
• Fri, May 3 - Sun, May 12
• $5+

Movies at The Carolina Theatre

• Dark Victory
• The Empire Strikes Back & The Road Warrior
• La Chimera
• Once Upon a Time in America

Monday, Apr 29

12:30 p.m.
Pop-Up Birds of Prey Tour at Piedmont Wildlife Center
2 p.m.
Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Queer Death Cafe at Arcana
Conquest: Night with the Sorcerer Kings at Atomic Empire
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
8 p.m.
Matteo Bocelli at The Carolina Theatre

Tuesday, Apr 30

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 8:30 a.m. - 1 p.m. - RTP Electronics Recycling Drive-Thru 2024
• 5:30-6:30 p.m. - Boxyard Run Club
• 6-8 p.m. - Bark & Bond Social

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Bull City Beer Runners Run Club

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham

• 11 a.m. - 11 p.m. - 3rd Birthday Party
• 5:45-6:30 p.m. - Community Fitness Classes with YMCA
• 6-8 p.m. - Music Bingo

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP

• 6-8 p.m. - The Glass Jog Run Club
• 6-8 p.m. - Stitch & Sip

6 p.m.
Erotic Fan Fiction at Arcana
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Cowboys With Big Hearts at Atomic Empire
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
7:30 p.m.
Eloquent Soul - Open Mic Night hosted by Dasan Ahanu at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Durham Tech Sings at Motorco Music Hall
North Carolina Jazz Repertory Orchestra at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher

Wednesday, May 1

Events at Atomic Empire

• 7 p.m. - Flesh and Blood Armory Event
• 7 p.m. - Magic: OTJ Commander Party

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 12-2 p.m. - Hear & There: Daniel Delorenzo
• 5:30-8:30 p.m. - Game Night
• 6-7 p.m. - Forever Young Book Club

Events at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery

• 7-8 p.m. - Signature Wine Tasting
• 7-8:30 p.m. - Laughs Comedy Night

3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
6 p.m.
Triangle Area Pagan Alliance Meet Up and Tarot with Heiltje at Arcana
Hike at Horton Grove Preserve
7 p.m.
Astronomy on Tap at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Benefit Jam For Congo Flood Relief at Motorco Music Hall
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
7:30 p.m.
Ally J on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook

Thursday, May 2

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 12-2 p.m. - Taking Back Thursday: Mysti Mayhem
• 5:30-7:30 p.m. - Live Music: Kylie Robinson

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. -Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Thursday Trivia with Nick

11 a.m.
Walk on the Wild Side: Native Shrubs at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Spring Grilling on the Roof: Moonbelly Meat Co. at The Durham Hotel
6 p.m.
Jonathan Groger and Carter Hodge and Tarot with Rene at Arcana
Game Designers of North Carolina Meetup at Atomic Empire
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
Resin Pour Charcuterie Board at DSSOLVR
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
Magick of Tarot Workshop at Weldon Mills Distillery
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Comedy Improv with Stolen Identity & Friends at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Celebration of NC Songwriting: Jonathan Byrd, Abigail Dowd, Nancy Middleton & Kirk Ridge at The Blue Note Grill
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Adriel and the Force at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Catwolf / Miss Lonely / Pageant / Housewife at The Pinhook
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern

Friday, May 3

Events at Atomic Empire

• 7 p.m. - First Friday Lorcana
• 7 p.m. - Magic: OTJ Standard Showdown #1

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 5-9 p.m. - Food Truck: Tacos Paraiso #1
• 6:30-7:30 p.m. - Davis Dance Company Happy Hour Dance Class
• 8-11 p.m. - Open Mic Stand-up Comedy

Events at Mettlesome

• 8-9 p.m. - The Racket
• 9-10 p.m. - Hush Hush

Events at Moon Dog Meadery

• 7:30 p.m. - Swing Lesson + Dance
• 8 p.m. - Trio Factual

Events at The Blue Note Grill

• 6-8 p.m. - The Duke Street Dogs
• 9:15 p.m. - Sayer McShane

9 a.m.
F is for First Responders at Museum of Durham History
10 a.m.
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Andrew Kasab and Tarot with Rene at Arcana
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
6:30 p.m.
Rebecca Kleinmann Quintet at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Diggin in the Crates at Boricua Soul
Stand Up Comedy at Mystic Farm and Distillery
American Muse: Music and the Paranormal with Matt Marble at Online
7:30 p.m.
PLAYlist Concert Series: John Brown & the Groove Shop Band at Durham Central Park
Uri Gurvich/Rodolfo Zuniga Quartet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular at The Carolina Theatre
8 p.m.
Latin Dance at Arthur Murray Durham
Get the Led Out at DPAC
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Music by Jives at Pioneers
Alexa Vélez & Daniel Levin + David Menestres at Shadowbox Studio
9 p.m.
Rebecca Kleinmann Quintet at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Rock En Español: The Latin Rock Invasion at Motorco Music Hall
90's Karaoke at The Pinhook
Latin Nights at The Velvet Hippo Bar & Lounge
10 p.m.
Moodboard at Rubies on Five Points

Saturday, May 4

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 7-10 a.m. - 2024 Komen Triangle Race for the Cure
• 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Saturdaze: DJ k.ward
• 5-8 p.m. - Bop at the Box

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 1-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Weizzie's Country Kitchen
• 1-5 p.m. - Handcrafted DURM Mother's Day Market
• 3-5 p.m. - Live Music: Clare Means
• 7-10 p.m. - Karaoke Night

Distillery Tours and Tastings at Liberty & Plenty

• Every Saturday, 10-10:30 a.m. and 11-11:30 a.m.

Events at Mettlesome

• 7:30-8:30 p.m. - House Party
• 8:30-9:30 p.m. - Harold Night
• 9:30-10:30 p.m. - The Improv Jam

Guided Walking Tours with Triangle Adventures

• 2 p.m. - Downtown Durham Walking Tour
• 4 p.m. - Durham African American History Tour
• 6 p.m. - Downtown Durham True Crime Tour

8 a.m.
Cars and Coffee at 5425 Page Rd
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
40th Anniversary Festival at Kiefer Nursery
NCCU Graduation at NCCU
Naturally Wild presents Birding for QTBIPOC at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
9:30 a.m.
Pollinator Garden Volunteer Day at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
10 a.m.
Free Comic Book Day at Atomic Empire
Annual Spring Celebration & Plant Sale at Briggs Ave Community Garden
Hayti and Haiti: Free Soil Havens Walking Tour at Hayti Heritage Center
11 a.m.
19th Annual Strawberry Festival at Old North Durham Park
Durham Garden Tour at Various Locations
12 p.m.
May The 4th Party at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
1 p.m.
Wild Kratts at DPAC
2 p.m.
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Bullpen at Fullsteam Brewery
NCCU Graduation at NCCU
3 p.m.
Cinco de Mayo Bar Crawl at Downtown Durham
Derby Day Party at Lula and Sadie's
Pops in the Park at Piney Wood Park
5 p.m.
Wild Kratts at DPAC
6 p.m.
DanceGruv Radio presents WAV 002 at 21C Museum Hotel
Bardo Bloom and Tarot with Virginia at Arcana
Emily K Center’s Mother’s Day Ball at Washington Duke Inn & Golf Club
6:30 p.m.
BeMyFiasco at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
West Virginia Dance Company at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
7:30 p.m.
Private Event: Shop Closed at Moon Dog Meadery
Kevin Beardsley Quartet at Sharp 9 Gallery
The DJam at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
The Howard Levy 4 at The Blue Note Grill
9 p.m.
BeMyFiasco at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Gimme Gimme Disco at Motorco Music Hall
Punk & Drag For May The 4th Be With You at The Pinhook
10 p.m.
Gay Agenda Presents: Galactical Boogie at Rubies on Five Points

Sunday, May 5

Events at Atomic Empire

• 11:30 a.m. - Pokémon League Challenge
• 12 p.m. - One Piece TCG Tournament

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 1-6 p.m. - Food Truck: Pull Ups Mobile Eatery
• 2-4 p.m. - Hammered Trivia with Thor

10 a.m.
Durham Craft Market Spring Fling at Durham Central Park
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
12 p.m.
Cinco De Mayo at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Community Celebration at Nasher Museum of Art
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Bike Month Kick-Off: Bike to Connections Ride at West Durham
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
1 p.m.
Black Farmers' Market at Durham Tech
Duke Baseball vs Longwood at Jack Coombs Stadium (Doubleheader)
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
Cinco de Mayo Latin Day Party! at The Velvet Hippo Bar & Lounge
3 p.m.
United in Song: Music of the American Experience at Baldwin Auditorium
4 p.m.
Gardening Classes at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Nathan Hockett & Jonathan Yandel and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7:30 p.m.
Dr. Jordan B Peterson at DPAC
8 p.m.
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the PTSD-List at The Carolina Theatre

Running Art Exhibits

Constellations: 40 Years of Explorations within Sacred Geometry at Horse & Buggy Press and Friends Gallery

• Sacred Geometry is an ancient field of physics whose equations are expressed through shape. Shape is a way to explore the universal fabric of our existence.
• Sat, Mar 30 - Tue, Apr 30
• Free admission

Jenny Blazing: Scapes - 5 Points Gallery Featured Artist Exhibition at 5 Points Gallery

• Jenny’s acrylic and collage paintings are her response to the diverse landscapes surrounding us. Each stroke of color, each layer of texture, is a tribute to the breathtaking natural panorama of our state—from our rolling hills and sundrenched fields to our skies bursting with drama.
• Fri, Apr 19 - Sat, May 11
• Fri, 5-9 p.m. and Sat, 1-9 p.m.
• Free admission

Hometown (Inherited): Ten Year Retrospective at The Fruit

• This project examines the changing landscape of our city through a series of forty mixed media pieces the artist has created since 2014.
• Third Friday openings on Apr 19 and May 17, 6-9 p.m.
• Drop-in by appointment and Wednesdays 4-7 p.m.
• Free admission

It Ain’t All Black And White at DAG Truist Gallery

• It Ain’t All Black and White is a photography exhibition that encourages us to consider emotions such as serenity, apprehension, yearning, and more.
• Captured by 11 dynamic photographers dedicated to documenting the fullness and complexity of Black life, this exhibition offers each of us an opportunity to see ourselves with renewed attention.
• Thu, Apr 25 - Sun, June 2

María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold at Nasher Museum of Art at Duke University

• María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold is a monographic exhibition of a visionary voice in photography, immersive installation, painting and performance.
• Thu, Feb 15 - Sun, Jun 9
• Every week, Tue-Sat 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun 12-5 p.m.
• Free admission

Counterpoints at Durham Bottling Co.

• Counterpoints is a curated showcase of local AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) artists, delving into the convergence of AAPI identity and mental health. Inspired by the intricate layers of musical counterpoint, its purpose is to weave together diverse narratives and confront the stigma surrounding mental health within our communities.
• Wed, May 1 - Sun, June 16
• Mon - Fri, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Cameron Elyse's Divine Nine Legacy Memoir Exhibition at Hayti Heritage Center

• The Divine Nine Legacy Memoir delves deep into the history of the National Panhellenic Council (NPHC) or "Divine Nine," a collective of nine Greek Letter organizations founded on May 10th, 1930.
• These organizations were born out of the necessity to provide a voice for Black American students within the collegiate space. United by principles of service, community, brotherhood, and sisterhood, the Divine Nine work collectively to uplift society through acts of service to underserved areas across the nation.
• Fri, Apr 19 - Sat, June 22
• Free admission

17-week old female whippet
We try to do all the right things, we really do. We both took off from work the first two weeks the puppy was home. We live in a rural area so we started an online puppy training program the first week, but about 1 week into the program we figured out the online program wasn't going to work for us. So we then hired a reputable local trainer we found through our school district of all places to come to our house for private training. She's lovely and our puppy responds pretty darn well to her and certainly likes her.
We're now on week 8 of having the puppy and week 7 of working with the trainer, and we've managed mostly reliable 'sit' and 'down' and 'come' commands in the house, 'stay' occasionally works, 'off' and 'leave it' work less frequently, and virtually none of the commands work outside the house no matter the setting or which treats we have on-hand. She recognizes her name, but doesn't seem to care that we're calling it despite loading up her name with copious amounts of treats and praise on the regular. Our trainer started us on loose leash training (because she pulls an insane amount, ALL THE TIME), but that's not going particularly well. The puppy has no objections whatsoever about us touching and examining all of her body including her ears, toes, etc. (which comes in very handy for things like inspecting for ticks, and ensuring her hypoplastic vulva is clean so we can do what we can to prevent UTIs till it hopefully drops after her first heat), but even our trainer is having a hard time getting puppy's cooperation with nail grooming for example, and we literally don't know what else to do about her nails at this point. She absolutely hates being in a crate or pen during the day, despite happily sleeping in her crate during the night. Our first (online) trainer had us doing the whole 'cry it out' thing with the crate, but after several days of hours-long crying and total freak-out fits, we knew this wasn't going to work for our puppy (or, frankly, us). Our new trainer suggested an xpen may help, and it has, but the puppy is still very, very unhappy in the pen...which makes basic human things like taking a shower, going to the bathroom, etc. really fun :-/ The puppy whines all day long and is clearly bored but no amount of puzzles, toys, games, etc. seem to keep her occupied for more than a couple minutes at a time. She's easily solved every puzzle we've given her, despite a few being for levels that only older dogs should be able to solve. We both work full-time, so it's not like we can attend to her every minute of every day, and my husband works from home full-time so his work days are completely miserable unless the puppy is sleeping. We've worked really hard to socialize her, exposing her to all sorts of (save) environments, noises, smells, people, etc. But she's so unruly (she's very friendly but gets very overly excited) around other people and puppies/dogs, that it's extremely difficult to have her out and about without inadvertently reinforcing unwanted things like pulling on the leash, etc. She loves going for car rides (will stop and stare at the car door every time we walk past it, and then will try to jump in the car if the door is open, even if we didn't intend to go anywhere), but she will whine and will appear to be extremely restless nearly the whole time she's in the car. She doesn't get carsick, though. And the fact that someone is home all day during the week is probably one of the reasons why the puppy is almost impossible to leave alone (see above). Even though we've followed all the tips, tricks, and trainer advice, the puppy makes a very big fuss literally seconds after we leave her sight and won't stop till we return. She gets plenty of play time and exercise time, but also not too much since an overly tired puppy is just as bad as one with not enough. She also gets plenty of sleep (estimate 16-20 hours a day, depending on what's going on in a particular day). But hey, she's never had an accident in the house and always tells us when she needs to go potty! And, she's slept through the night for 7-9 hours since the day we got her! So there's that!!
We feel like failures in general, specifically that we're failing the puppy, and we don 't know what to do about it. She's so sweet and funny, and clearly very smart, but we just can't keep up with her! The puppy is sometimes food motivated, so we use those times as training opportunities. Sometimes she'll do things for treats, other times not. If our trainer says "do this," we do that. If our trainer says, "don't do that," we don't do that. We do things exactly as the trainer tells us. We read all the trainer's homework, we watch helpful videos she gives us, and we try very consistently to incorporate the training into virtually everything. Yet, the puppy just does not respond that well to us and so we spend an incredible amount of time revisiting and reinforcing things she already knows rather than progressing the training. It's also really difficult because she seems to have an attention span that lasts 1-2 minutes at best, after which she will literally just start ignoring us and if given the opportunity will just walk away. And now she's getting into teething and chewing everything in the house, of course. So her hyperactivity, chewing, and mostly unresponsiveness to our training have made life in our puppy household pretty much hellish. All this before she even hits her teenage years! Ugh. She quiets down at night, generally 1-2 hours before our usual bedtime, and that's when we try to do things around the house and get our 'lists' done.
Anyway, we feel like we're complete failures with all of this. We've had dogs before and successfully trained them, but this is our first puppy. I mostly believe there's no such thing as an untrainable dog, only untrainable humans, and we're both beginning to feel like we're definitely part of the latter group. We have both glimpses of an adult dog that's well behaved and of an adult dog that's unruly and miserable to be around due to their unruliness. An uncontrollable friendly dog is still an uncontrollable dog. We're at our wits' end and don't know what to do.

It’s a little messy, so let me make some clarifications.
I am a junior at a public high school in Louisiana, and I am in my school’s band— specifically, drumline (this is important for context). I have been playing at football games every year since freshman year alongside the band, and I did senior walkthrough as well. If you didn’t have this, senior walkthrough is basically the drumline leading the graduating class through the campus one last time while playing.
As I live in the greater New Orleans area, parades are commonplace. We do one each year, which I did in freshman year. Didn’t go well. It exacerbated my issues with chronic pain and led me to a diagnosis of plantar fasciitis, something that I had been in and out of physical therapy for. I have documented chronic pain, muscle weakness, and plantar fasciitis in medical records. I also tried walking without playing last year— did not go well either. For context, this parade is anywhere from 5-6 miles, and I take no pain medication and get no breaks unless a float breaks down, which is rarer than you’d think.
This year, I decided to not sacrifice my well being and sit it out. I sent an email months ahead of time, stating that I was not intending to quit and stating my health as the reason. He seemed to take it well, and welcomed me back for senior walkthrough and for the 24-25 year. Unfortunately, this was not actually the case.
When I showed up to practice on Thursday, he pulled me aside and said “Drumline is a commitment. I hope you understand that.” I said that I did understand that, but that I would not be putting my health at risk by doing a parade. He seemed to not like that and shot me a look, reiterating that “drumline is a commitment” and said “I want you to think about that.” I not only perceived this as extremely unprofessional but also ableist, as it has created an environment where I feel I must sacrifice my health to belong. I perceived this as a threat, that if I refused to do the parade and prioritize my health instead that I would not be allowed in band.
My question is simple: do I have any legal standing here? The school (which is a public school) is funding the band, though many donations come from families or other sources. Is this treatment against my rights as a disabled student?

I’ve been a lurker here for a while and so many of the retakers in this group have given me inspiration. I always promised myself that I would make a post after I passed and so here I am. I’ll start by saying that I was an average student - around the 50% percentile. I took my first exam in July of 2022 and failed with a 253, after using Kaplan and not giving it my all (spent too much time on job interviews - don’t count your chickens before they hatch). I then changed up my approach, while still using Kaplan and other supplementary outlines from the GOAT himself and received a 263, which I was shocked by, because of the amount of time that I had put in. I originally told myself that I only had two attempts in me, but something was missing - that sense of accomplishment, so I decided to retake for a third time in July. I bought adaptibar (including videos) and used the GOAT’s outlines again, while working full-time. I gave it my all - and all I had to show for it was a 263 - AGAIN. I was let go from my job, even though I was told that I had two years to pass the exam. I decided to get an out of state license, just so that I could practice federally. It still wasn’t enough - this particular failure lit a fire in me and I decided to sit for a fourth time. I knew that I needed to change my approach. I bought adaptibar once again, and still had access to the Grossman videos (one of the all-time bar prep legends). I then signed up for Judy V’s classes online - which she charges $54 per class (with fees) and bought Snoogoat’s outline bundle. Snoogoats even gave me a discount after describing my situation, which just speaks to his character. I buckled down and did 1600 questions, along with essays and MPTs, which Judy graded. This may have been the approach that I needed all along. I did this for 3 months, beginning in December and felt prepared as I ever could have been in February. Now, for the day of the exam…
My MacBook battery started to go a week before the exam so I decided to bring it in to a third-party to fix, which turned out to be a huge mistake. On the day of the exam, my keyboard stopped working 15 minutes before the exam. I began to panic and after several attempts by the proctors, the keyboard still didn’t move. So I had to hand write. I walked out with a gut feeling that had it not been for the handwriting, I would’ve passed because I surely knew all of the material. And so for two months, I waited for that 4th failure. I knew that this one would hurt the most. (Turns out the technician misaligned a wire and he apologized profusely.) On the day of the release, I was sickened and refused to check my score. However after scrolling through LinkedIn, I saw a ton of passing scores from folks who were two years under me in law school. I checked the BOLE website and saw that the register for July exam button was greyed out and called the board to clarify what that meant. My heart raced and I was told to check my score. After downloading the PDF, I only saw one page (for those of you who’ve failed, you know the dreadful three pages), and I immediately broke down. The nightmare was finally over. I passed with a score high enough to practice in every jurisdiction. I couldn’t believe it. In fact, it’s been almost a week now and I still can’t believe it. Don’t ever let your failures define you. This test should be abolished because of its origins to gatekeep the profession to certain groups of people. For now, the only way to change the system is from within so I will make that my life’s mission - to fight for those who can’t hit that ridiculous passing number.
I want to say that I’m so proud of everyone who worked and continues to work hard to pass this exam and your resilience and perseverance do not go unnoticed. You are not defined by your failures - you are defined by your effort and you should all be extremely proud of the hard work that you’ve put in. Please don’t ever give up, that’s what the NCBE wants so that they can keep pushing their expensive study materials from their diploma-privileged state. But we shall all overcome this. I will also share what I used this time around:

• GOAT outline bundle (Can’t thank him enough and I know that he’s proud)
• Judy V on Wyzant
• Jon Grossman and adaptibar (1600 questions)
• Old Kaplan outlines

The first three are truly the Mount Rushmore of bar prep and I can’t recommend them enough. Please don’t ever give up - I’m rooting for you. I’m one of you. I’ve had to overcome so much adversity to get to this point. The shame of law school classmates advancing in their careers while I was stuck in limbo, seeing people who were in lower classes pass before you, and having friends and family members constantly ask whether I’m a lawyer yet. I can’t tell you how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed as a person because of my two years studying for this exam, but the feeling of passing is surreal. I wish you all get to experience this one day! I may be checking this subreddit less frequently now but I’ll always be rooting for you. This group has felt like a family over the past two years and as a family, we will all succeed.

Is anyone experiencing slower than expected climb through ranked?
We're trying to pinpoint why our teammate consistently receives a harsher punishment after tournament losses. I'll give you a rundown of things we know and have tried:

• Our ranks are generally between P2 - D4 and we play against a mix of teams between G1 - D3.
• We typically queue together, In a first round loss we'll receive -1 arrow, teammate will always receive -2 arrows. Likewise a round 3 loss will net 2/3 arrows, he'll receive 1 or even -1.
• Teammate is similar skill level, he'll get the same if not more score across the board (eadcso) - in games he performs above us, he'll still receive a greater loss.
• Teammate often plays medium. However, we play a variety of classes, switching between them has no noticeable effect.
• Our ranks are roughly the same, also I have been above and below our teammate in rank and we've seen the same disparity (I'm receiving less punishment at a higher MMR).
• The same occurs whilst solo queuing - even with solid wins against full diamond teams.
• Arrows may not be accurate for measuring MMR, however leaderboard position indicates that the arrows are consistently reflecting a big loss/win. We're tracking this regularly using the in-game and enhanced leaderboard.
• We know teammate isn't losing MMR outside of our games. Anecdotally, last night we both started at roughly 13,000 on leaderboard. Despite some tough games, I had ended at 12,400 whilst teammate had risen to 15,300. All whilst getting the same or more combat/support/objective score.

It's understandably frustrating and feels beyond coincidence at this point. I have ranked up to D4 on two separate accounts in the time/games our teammate has gone from P4 - P2 despite the points mentioned above. The only big differences between our accounts are region (NA/EU) and teammate was put in bronze during placement (Couple unlucky games).
I'm interested to hear if anyone has had a similar experience, struggling to climb when teammates seem to be unfairly flying through ranks?
TLDR; Some accounts appear to be "cursed", receiving unfair punishment in ranked.

I posted here a few days ago asking for advise about the recent events of my life. Basically what happened was my boyfriend (Ben) of five years cheated on me with my best friend (Rose) for a month after she moved in with us. In my last post, I mentioned that I gave my boyfriend a second chance but not my best friend (ex-best friend).
Update: I moved back in with my boyfriend over a week ago, wanting to give our relationship a second shot. We have had talks since then and are working through stuff together. Last week, Ben and I bought a new bed and he was setting it up when I got a message from an unknown account. It was a screenshot of a conversation between Ben and Rose from weeks ago (before DDay) and starts with a blurred out photo of her with a caption that goes somewhere along the lines of her telling him I am not home and that she is excited down there waiting for him. His reply is a simple declaration that he'd be home in 15 minutes.
Many comments from my last post (mainly comments from AITAH) keeps telling me that I am putting all the blame on Rose and not on Ben and I vehemently disagreed. I knew Ben cheated on me, I saw it with my own eyes. When he was asking for my forgiveness, he took full responsibility of that without blaming her (Rose) and only told me about the seduction part when I asked about it. So I thought I wasn't being biased. But I guess, I was. Because seeing that screenshot of their conversation shattered me. Despite everything that I know now, I still had this fantasy version of Ben who was so perfect that he was "forced" into cheating with me because he is a man who gets easily tempted to cheat.
(More information about my boyfriend: Ben is a total nerd and I love that about him. Growing up, he considered himself as a 'nobody' and always had a self-esteem issue. This is despite his 'glow-up' during middle school and now looking the way he does. He's also very awkward around people (especially girls) and an introvert which means, he mostly stays at home and doesn't make new friends easily. So in my head, this image of him did not go well with the image of my boyfriend who cheated on me with my best friend. And I guess having discovered the lying and manipulation Rose did to me to keep our friendship, I subconsciously put most of the blame on her and less on him. Seeing that screenshot gave me a new perspective.)
The sender is a faceless social media account that was very recently made, but I knew this was my ex best friend, Rose. I didn't want to entertain this so I didn't respond. This clearly pissed her off. Over the past few days, she has continued a one-sided angry conversation through social media messages.
From her chats I learned so many things. These are some of them: I learned that she discovered I gave Ben a second chance. She thinks I was stupid for doing this and even 'more stupider' for not forgiving her. She starts talking about the affair and how it started. She told me how she 'knew' Ben wanted her since before Ben and I became a thing. She 'knew' he still wanted her and that is why she immediately jumped to trying to seduce him a week into her living us. (Such a great best friend, right?) She talked about how Ben used to ask her to stop before the affair but after they did it the first time, he quickly realized that 'he loves my p\ssy more than yours'* - her words. She also sent two more conversation screenshots between them (multi-photo s*xting conversation between them where she is clearly the one leading it but Ben also seemed on board)
I haven't replied to her even once, but she can tell I have read her messages. She also haven't stopped sending them to me. I know something like this isn't really healthy for me and my relationship with Ben but I can't make myself block her. After Ben told me that he has deleted all their phone conversations, my curiosity about it only increased and I fear that this messages from Rose via this unknown account (although very negative) might be the only way for me to see those phone conversation between them. I am learning so much information from Rose that I haven't even asked Ben. These are questions that I want to know the answer to at some point but probably not now.
Things are a bit messy now and I am not even sure if this post makes sense. But I really do need some advice. Should I just block Rose's second account?