Today, I was wrongfully accused of using AI in a poem I wrote for my creative writing class. The poem I wrote was short and I only spent 30 minutes typing it out on a Word document. It had a metaphorical/symbolistic theme about a big bird in a small cage, where the ‘big bird’ is supposed to represent great potential but the cage restrains it and it is unable to show its full potential. My teacher gave me a 0 on the assignment claiming that he had checked with a co-worker and with multiple AI detection sites that said I wrote it with 100% AI (which I did not.) I was so upset that I came up to him in person to talk about it but he did not believe me. Later, I sent him a message explaining my reasons as to how I didn’t use AI in my writing. I explained that I had taken inspiration from a prompt I saw online, which the prompt was literally just the title ‘Big Bird in a Small Cage’ and nothing else, and I wrote my poem based on what I thought about the prompt. I gave other reasons like, I had used big vocabulary because I looked up synonyms and replaced simple words with bigger words, etc. He replied back a few hours later and he had COMPLETELY brushed off ALL of my reasons. He basically repeated what he had said to me earlier and didn’t even take into consideration any of my reasons at all, so I don’t think he even read my message clearly. He said that it didn’t look like something I would write, which I don’t get because my poem was about struggles and I had previously written about struggles in another poem. He also said it didn’t look like something any human would write, which I also don’t understand… I messaged my guidance counselor, though I am still waiting on a response. My only evidence so far is the time I found the prompt which was 5:00pm and the time I finished the poem which was 5:31pm, showing that I put time into the poem. I also have browser history of me looking for synonyms for my poem. I even ran some of my classmates submissions through a detector and they were also flagged for AI, so I doubt the AI detector was accurate. I cannot use version history or look for my previous autosaves because I didn’t have either of the two on at the time I was writing the poem, so I don’t have a lot of evidence to back me up.
Is there anything I can do? Or am I doomed?

CHAPTER 1
A gloomy rain fell down from the steely grey clouds above England, creating puddles in pot holes and mud pits in mounds of dirt. The small english town of Derry had been flooded before, and the townspeoples fears of another had put everyone on edge. Nobody dared utter the word though, their superstitions wouldn't allow that. People in Derry were well known for their superstitious and cagey behavior, but this was not entirely unwarranted. It wasn't just a flood here and there once in a while in Derry, they had a long and colorful past with all types of disasters, some man made, others acts of god.
There was the great black spot fire of 1979, in which a white supremacist group burnt down a local disco predominantly visited by Derry's small black and latino community, accidentally torching half the town down in the process. In 1952 there was the expansive national ASDF league shoot out, which lasted a total nine hours in the Derry town square before the police finally got the upper hand and killed every gang member on sight. But the most horrific of all was in 1925, when the Derry ironworks exploded, killing all it's workers as well as everyone participating in the annual Derry christmas parade nearby, most of which were children.
These were just a few of the horrific events Derry township had gone through, and bizzarely, no matter how gruesome each event was, none were ever on the news or remembered too well. That was just how Derry worked, despite it's reputation as a sleepy, dreary town where nothing much ever happened, tragedies were rampant. So you couldn't quite blame the people for being superstitious and scared, especially in autumn when the weather was at it's absolute worst. It was late autumn now though, there was only about four more days till winter, and the worries of floods would soon turn into worries for blizzards, and people were certain the worst of the worst had already came and went.
On this fine rainy saturday in a white two story house, Tom Denbrough was sitting upstairs, doing what he did everyday, writing songs. He'd been wrestling with an awful case of influenza the past few days, hocking up phlegm and wiping snot from his nose every few minutes 'til it was rubbed raw. He had not much energy for anything else because of it, all he could muster the strength to do now was lay in his checkered, tissue covered bed sheets, and wait for his mother to bring him chicken noodle soup and sprite to ease his churning tummy.
It wasn't too bad though, a lot of people can't stand being alone, but Tom often thrived in solitude. Ever since he was a kid he'd taken a liking to it, he was "introverted" as some one would like to say, but back then introverts were seen as more of a problem than just a thing you could be. It felt odd for him to say "ever since he was a kid" as if he wasn't still a kid now, but he technically wasn't. He'd bid farewell to such a label by september, and swapped out the childish number twelve to the unlucky number thirteen, and Tom still wasn't so sure if he was happy with that.
He didn't quite feel like an adult, and people still had yet to treat him as such, but Tom had his own suspicions about that. He knew there was more reason than just him still being a minor, because the truth of the matter was that everyone enjoyed babying him because of his condition.
He was disabled, dis-abled, the word making him feel weird even now. Before Tom was called such a thing he had considered the word disabled to exclusively mean people in wheelchairs, missing legs, or some of the really out there stuff like conjoined twins. He never pictured disabled meaning some on like him, a boy with a bad stutter but a healthy body and brain. Perhaps that was closed minded of him, but alas, Tom was only thirteen, and his scope of reference for the world was much smaller than he pretended it to be.
Even the doctors in Derry didn't treat him all that compassionately, insisting to both him and his mother that he must have been "slow" in some way, but just hiding it, no matter what he or his parents said. It took Tom fighting tooth and nail just to get out of special Ed. which was basically just four kids in a classroom asked to do elementary level shit because the teacher did not believe they were capable of more. He still had to go to regular speech therapy though, which Tom loathed since in all his years of going it seemed to have done him no favors.
He still stuttered, barely getting through sentences without stumbling over at least one word, and getting even worse whenever he felt nervous or scared. That was probably the worst part about it, Tom had never liked being emotional or letting people know he was affected by things, especially when kids at school enjoyed getting a rise out of him. His panicked little drawn out "bu-bu-bu-bu-" sounding like sweet music to his tormentors ears. It was nearly possible for him to hide his feelings or keep his cool whenever he was scared, because that stupid god damn stutter was like a built in lie detector.
He didn't know where the stutter had came from, there were theories here and there, but none of them ever made him feel better. The most likely one involved a car rear ending him when he was only a toddler, knocking him into a coma but miraculously not killing him. He was in it for only a few weeks, but emerged with his stutter, which of course young and niave Tom didn't understand would cause him so much trouble later down the line.
Because Tom didn't like to talk much, he spent a lot of time writing music in his room, his lyrics were all very hamfisted and schlocky, but for a thirteen year old boy they were quite good, and would only get better the more with age. He loved music, lived and breathed it, specifically the sounds of motown records, funk, rap, rock and roll, all the sorts. He had to keep that all a secret from his mother though, she was a musical elitist of sorts. She went to a fancy schamncy music school and had been teaching piano to students for years, so she had a hard time enjoying anything that wasn't classical or something their grandma would listen to.
When Tom went out to buy a bass he had to mow a crap ton of lawns and convince his dad to keep it a secret from mom, but it was well worth all the effort. He only got to play it when she was away at work, never daring to smuggle it out of the house and go busk unless some one decided to be an asshole and tell her. But he loved his bass more than anything, he even gave her a name, since Tom figured all rock stars named their instruments. He chose Susan, after the families first and only dog they had when he was little, and it seemed to stick. Ever since then Tom had remained adamant that you couldn't play an intrument with out giving it a name first.
Even though he enjoyed writing music, and it was the thing that made him the most happy, there was still a slight underlying sadness to it whenever he'd play. He'd lwanted to be a rock star ever since he first heard Van Halen and fell in love with the sound, but with that dream also came the knowledge it'd never happen. Afterall, who the hell would wanna hear him on a record? Stuttering all over the place, stumbling over words, heck, people would send in complaints that how their brand new records were scratched and skipping. There was nobody like him on the radio, and that painful truth kept him from ever singing to anybody but a very small and select audience. And by audience, he meant his stuffed teddy bear and little brother, absolutely no one else.
Speaking of which, his very small audience was on his way up stairs, stomping like a clydesdale despite their mothers constant reprimands about it. Jon knocked on Tom's bedroom door, then immediately pushed it open without being invited in. He was only six, so things like boundries and personal space were not so ingrained him. Neither was self conciousness, maliciousness, or the ability to not be incredibly annoying, but Tom tried very hard to not hold that last one against him. He scanned the room with wide and curious eyes, like he had just stumbled upon a new and foreign world despite being in here many times before.
He loved Tom's room, he loved it more than his own. He thought it was so cool and groen up how he had band posters on his walls. There was a ton of other cool stuff too like a nintendo 64 he'd sometimes let him play, a drawing desk, and a heap of awesome clothes he said he could have when he got bigger! It was a lot cooler than his own bedroom, which was fairytale prince themed and had his half finished lego projects strewn all about, but he still liked his room well enough.
Tom looked up from the note book he was currently writing on and wiped his nose with his shirt sleeve. "Whuh-what d-do you want?" Asked Tom, a little curt. He was good at being polite and caring to Jon most of the time, he was only six afterall, he couldn't go around screaming at him, but it was harder to be patient with him when he was working on something.
Jon ran up to Tom, as if right on cue and looked up to him with needy adoring eyes that seemed to soften his attitude. "Toooom, I'm very sad..." Jon complained, and Tom rolled his eyes. He forced a smile and put the pencil he was writing with down "Oh yeah? are you actu-u-ually sad or just buh-bored?". Jon giggled at how blunt he was being "I'm sad and boreeeed.". Tom leaned closer to Jon's face, but not too close since he was still sick and didn't want him to catch it. "Sad peop-puh-puh-ple don't giggle, moron." He said, booping Jon on the nose with his index finger, causing him to erupt into another giggle.
If their mother was here in the room with them she'd no doubt say "Thomas! Stop calling your brother a moron!" Then lightly smack him on the back of the head, not enough to actually hurt but enough to knock some sense into him. Jon didn't mind it at all though, he saw it as just his brother being silly with him, and he'd always call Tom names right back. "You're a cheesehead." Jon said, biting down on his tongue and smiling. "You're a buh-buttbrain." Tom retorted. "You're a cakesniffer!" Jon exclaimed. "You're an A-ho-hole." Jon went silent at that. That was a no no word, well, not quite, but almost. Mom and dad were very strict about no no words, although he heard Tom say them all the time over the phone when he wasn't supposed to be listening.
Suddenly, another wave of laughter came from him, so loud and hearty he had to hold his belly like santa while he laughed. "You're an A-hole!" Jon said, still laughing. The two boys then launched into a big silly argument of who was the bigger A-hole, eventually ending with Tom proclaiming Jon's A-hole was bigger than the entire continent and both the boys giggling like mad. "Now guh-go away puke stuh-stain, i'm sick and I don't want you to catch it." Tom said, smiling and gently shooing his brother away. "Waiiiit! Peas Tommy, play me a song!" Jon begged, putting his hands together like he was praying.
"It's p-puh-please, not peas, Jon. B-besides, I can't sing, my voice is too hoarse and my stuh-stuh-stuh-" Tom closed his eyes and took a moment to collect himself. "I'm terrible singer." He continued. "No you're nawt! you're an amazing singer! Peas, just one song?" Jon pleaded. "Play me the one about the kid who grows up to be a superhero! Peas peas peas peaaaasss?". Tom shook his head "No can do, kid. Go b-buh-bug some one else before you catch my-" he sneezed into his elbow, grossing his little brother out. "Eugh... cold." Tom grumbled.
"There's nothing to do thoooouuugh." Jon complained, crossing his arms in a huff. "Why don't you go bug mom or dad?" "Mommy's practicing piano and daddy's trying to get the electricity back on..." he mumbled, a little sad. The constant rain and thunder had knocked out a lot of the houses in their neighborhood's power and still had yet to kick back on. The Denbrough boys were quite lucky to have their father with them, he was amazing when it came to things that involved a screwdriver or a wrench, and you'd never guess it by looking at him.
He'd hardly wear anything but Hawaiian pineapple shirts and socks with sandals, but he was still a very smart man none the less. He worked for their town's electrical company, and Tom could still remember the look of pride he had during career day in primary school when he told everyone his dad was responsible for keeping the town's power in check. It was quickly dashed when some asshole decided to ruin it by asking if his dad slept on the job and zapped him on accident and that's why he "Couldn't talk right.". The worst part of it was that Tom was pretty sure he didn't mean for it to be an insult, and was just genuinely asking it out of ignorance. He deeply hoped wherever that kid was now, he was in great pain.
Their mothers piano playing should have been obvious to Tom, it was loud and carried it's way all through out the house, even up the stairs, but it seemed to be just background noise at this point. He hadn't noticed it until now, but his mother was playing much faster than usual, she was in the "zone" so to speak, and wanted to hold onto that for as long as she could, so both Jon and Tom were shit out of luck. Tom sighed "Jeez." He leaned back into his pillows and thought for a moment, shoving all the gross snot filled tissues and crumpled up rejected lyrics from his first few failed attemps at writing a new song.
Jon awkwardly shifted around on his feet, swinging his arms side to side as if waiting for further instruction on what to do. "It's a damn sh-shuh-shame that it's raining so bad or else you could play outside." Jon nodded, and sighed, genuinely disappointed by the amount of rain. Suddenly, Tom snapped his fingers and rose up from his bed "H-hold on- I just remembered s-omething.". He quickly grabbed a folded up newspaper that his mom had left on his night stand for him to read, then ripped out one of the pages.
"What are you doing Tom?" Innocently asked Jon. He straightended it out and folded it into a triangle shape, sticking his tongue out like he was hard at work. "I'm muh-makin you a p-puh-puh-aper boat, just like dad taught me how to do when I was s-six." He explained. Jon's face lit up "Wow, really!?" he waddled over to the bed and smiled. "Yep, dad and I used to sail these all the time. Do me f-f-fuh-fav-or and go in the basement and bring back some puh-puh-puh-puh-" Tom paused again and forced another smile. "Paraffin. It's in a little b-box that says gulf." he finished.
"You mean... in the basement?" Jon mumbled, suddenly a little intimidated. "Yes, you're not scared are you?" His brother asked, half amused and half concerned. On one hand, it was very cute that Jon felt the need to impress him and pretend to be tough, on the other, he was barely not a toddler anymore, and Tom didn't wanna scare him on purpose. Jon shook his head "No i'm not scared, being scareds for babies. I can do it.". "O-o-okay, but j-just in case... here." He handed him a walkie-talkie, the kind they'd usually use to communicate whenever they'd pretend to be soldiers on the battlefield together during summer.
"C-cuh-call me if you need me." he instructed, and Jon nodded again. He skipped happily to the door, only stopping whe Tom called out "And remember Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-". "Paraffin, I know!" Jon cheerfully replied, figuring if he didn't say it Tom would be stuck on the p's forever. He shut the door and hopped down the stairs, leaving Tom to his very important task of sitting in bed and sneezing. He only waited 'til after Jon was gone to let his smile drop and chastise himself for not actually saying the word. He'd never show Jon just how much he loathed his stutter, especially since Jon found it cool and Tom didn't wanna ruin the magic of it.
When he first learned how to talk he'd constantly immitate it, which naturally caused their parents some fear that the stutter was genetic or could be "caught" so to speak. Jon had no idea how much Tom hated his stutter, how it made people see him, how it actively dashed his dreams. Sometimes at school he'd get so flustered he'd have to clutch his desk and try so very hard to form a sentence and it still wasn't cohesive.
He was not and never would be just Tom Denbrough to his classmates, or even his teachers, although they'd never admit that. He was Stuttering Tom, Tuh-Tuh-Tuh-Tom to the particularly cruel ones, and Tom hated it. The absolute worst part of being in a situation like Tom's was no doubt the inability to open up about how much you dislike yourself. After all, preteen boys are already closed off, especially so in a small rural town like Derry where the homophobes outnumbered the gay community ten to two, but Tom had it the worst.
Nobody wants to be the guy to come out and say you think stuttering makes you a freak, all you'd really do is bring other disabled people down and raise up the dickheads who instilled that self hatred in him to begin with, but that's how he felt ans he couldn't help that. He was sure that's how his parents felt too, they did love him dearly and saw to almost all his needs 24/7, but they were still eagerly waiting for him to stop the stutter, and had so for a long time.
The doctors told him it'd only stick around for a few years after he got over the shock of the coma, but that date came and went, and still, Tom's stutter remained. You could tell they were both disappointed, and he truly could not blame them, because he was disappointed too. He didn't know what was wrong with him, or why he never got better despite countless visits to the speech therapist, but he began to wonder if there was something incredibly wrong with him. Everyone felt that way, even if they pretended like they didn't, everyone except for Jon that is. Jon adored him with or without the stutter, and Tom was supremely thankful for that.
While Tom continued to chastise himself, Jon hopped down the stairs joyfully. So joyfully, he nearly forgot that he'd be going down to the cellar, where dreams and little boys would surely go to die. He dashed through the house, past his mom's prized women's bowling league trophy's, past the grand piano, and past their big fancy living room he and Tom would solve puzzles in.
He threw open the cellar door and stared down at the abyss in front of him, fianlly letting the fear and anxiety settle in. Rickety, paint chipped stairs with large empty gaps of space between them disappeared off into the darkness of the room, the power still not back on despite their fathers best efforts. The bottom of the basement had been flooded at some point during one of the worse storms of the season, and the smell of soaked moldy wood and muddy water grossed Jon out quite a bit.
He stood there for a moment, a creeping sense of dread tugging at his chest like a dog on your pant leg. He was waiting for something, a large claw or alien tentecale to reach out from the dark and rip him to bits, but there was nothing. He must have been standing there for a while too because suddenly the walkie-talkie blared to life with Tom's voice, and he jumped back in shock.
"What's t-taking so long?" Asked Tom, and Jon nervously swallowed. "I stopped in the kitchen for a snack." He lied, he knew you weren't supposed to do that, lying was probably the worst thing you could do to your family. Well, that's what Jon thought was the worst at least, He was a little bit too young to know about some of the truly awful stuff some people do to their own kin. Familicide, Sexual abuse, beating, his parents and Tom had been working hard to keep his innocence. Derry was a hard place to do that in, it seemed like every couple of years some one went crazy and killed a lot of people. Jon had even heard bits and pieces of such things being whispered by his mom to his uncle over the phone, but for the most part, his childhood had stayed in tact.
"You know if muh-mom sees you snacking before din-din-er she'll have a cow." said Tom. "I know, i'm sorry." Jon mumbled. "It's whatever dude, just hu-hurry, and do-don't forget to grab to some muh-muh-muh-matches and one of those wax burner thingies.". "Okay, i'm doing it now." He said, then stuffed the walkie-talkie back into his pants pocket, but he was not, in fact, doing it now.
He still stood at the top of the stairs, terrified by the prospect of going down below, and still waiting for the inevitable mutated bat creature to emerge and drag him down into the depths of their flooded basement. Then, just as he was thinking about turning back, his own thoughts began to taunt him. "Come oooon Jon, you're not a baby are you? Only babies get scared by stuff like monsters and the dark. Do you want a boat or not?" He thought. "No." He replied and clenched his fists, grumbling into the darkness "I'm not a baby. I can do this.".
He took one step down the creaky stairs, frightening himself by the surprisingly loud noise they made, but calmed himself. He reiterated "I am not a baby." under his breath over and over again, as if it was a powerful spell that could keep all of the monsters away. It reminded him of how, whenever Tom's stutter would get particularly bad, his mom would have him recite these poems that were meant to help him focus and form sentences again. Sometimes they'd help him alot, but they could never make the stutter go away completely.
That was kind of what was happening now to Jon, he was still very much scared, so scared that if something popped out at him right now he may very well wet his pants, but the words coddled him and made him feel like he could press on. He hopped off the last step and into the flood, the water so low it could not even reach the six year old childs ankles. He turned his attention to a large rickety shelf under the cellar stairs and inspected the contents.
There were many items on it, shoepolish, old dish rags, wrenches, flashlights with no batteries, a can of turtle wax. For some reason, out of all those objects the turtle wax was what caught his attention, even more than the Paraffin and matches he came down here to get. The company's logo on the front was what really seemed to draw his eye, it was nothing special really, hardly as interesting of a mascot as a Tony the tiger or even a Ronald Mcdonald, just a tiny albino turtled posing proudly above the words turtle and wax. But Jon just couldn't stop staring at it for some reason. A spontaneous pang of familiarity hit him in the chest, as he racked his brain to try and remember where he had seen a turtle like that before.
Was it a dream? It felt too real to be jusr a dream, but much too distant to be a memory. He'd have to think about that later when he had the time, right now he had a mission to do. He snatched up the box, matches, and wax burner then bolted for the steps as fast as he could. Now that he had gotten what he came for he wasn't gonna waste any time down there. He ran as fast as his little legs could, begging god or whatever diety was listening to please not let anything grab his ankles as he ran back up the stairs.
The damp darkness of the cellar was suffocating and opressive, and Jon feared once he got back to the candle lit parlor room, that would be when the creature laid his slimy hands on him and pulled him back. He had made it though, despite all odds he was alive and still had yet to be digested by some hungry beast living under the stairs. He slammed the door and pressed his back against it, panting from how fast he was running as the fear of the dark slowly disappeared until the next time he had to confront it.
His mother suddenly stopped her piano playing to look up at him from across the room, somewhat worried, but highly annoyed by her son's slamming of the door. "Johnathan Bowley Denbrough, what have I told you about slamming that door?" She scolded, but not too harshly as her son was clearly frightened. He swept his bangs out of his face and panted a little more "Sorry mum." he muttered. She shook her head dismissively and went right back to playing Für Elise, which actually helped ease his anxiety.
He headed back up stairs and quickly placed all the stuff on Tom's night stand, eagerly watching as he melted the wax with such hypnotic glee he couldn't help but bounce a little. Tom dipped his finger in the wax and spread it over the paper boat, turning the boat from a nice white to an odd yellowy brown color. Jon got a little too close for comfort, putting his head over his brother's shoulder and breathing quite heavily on him, and yet, Tom still didn't seem to get annoyed.
The only time he'd really ever get annoyed with Jon's behavior was when he'd repeat stuff and ask incessant questions, which he had slowly learned over the years not to do for his brother's sake. They were seeing to each other needs, and it wasn't wasn't just because Tom didn't wanna get in trouble or Jon didn't wanna get yelled at, but a genuine shared affection for one another.
Jon dipped a finger into the wax and began to spread some on it's side with him, smiling and perfectly content. "C-careful you little cootie, you'll make it too heh-heavy and it'll flop on it's side." Tom gently reprimanded. "Oops.." he said, taking his hand away and letting the rest on his finger dry until he could peel it off. "It's oh-kuh-kuh-kay, just take it easy." He said, giving his brother a reassuring headpat to show there was no hard feelings.
Once the wax was spread, Tom took a sharpie from a Disneyland branded cup he used to store his pens and markers and then uncapped it with his mouth. He wrote "S.S. Jon" on the side in cursive font, and even drew a little stick figure captain waving on top of the boat, which Jon found very silly. He handed it to him, gingerly and carefully like it was a one of a kind art piece that belonged in a museum. "She's all ready Captain." he said, raising his hand to his forehead and doing a two finger salute. Jon giggled, but tilted his head in confusion "She?" he wondered.
"You always call boats a sh-she Jon." He explained, and Jon's mouth fell open like he just learned some amazing untold truth about the universe. He clutched the boat in his hands and grinned, looking up with pure adoration and love for the thirteen year old sitting on the bed. Then, quite randomly, Jon lunged right at him for a big hug, startling Tom.
"Agh! What the heck are you doing?! You're gonna g-geh-get sick!" He shouted. Jon laughed then kissed Tom on the cheek, something he hadn't done since he was three. "Eugh, now you're d-d-definetly gonna get sick. Get off me." He lightly scooched him off and Jon looked back to him, still smiling, and still very thankful. "Thanks Tom Tom, thanks alot." He said, and Tom shrugged.
"It's fine, just don't come crying to me when you get the flu and start vu-vomiting your g-guh-guh-uts out.". Tom paused to loudly cough, momentarily drawing some concern from his brother. "And p-p-put on a rain coat when you go out, I d-don't want you getting soaked." He wheezed, huddling under the covers. "Okay!" Jon cheerfully replied, closing the door and heading to the down stairs closet where they kept all the coats.
He put the small baby blue rain slicker on over the baggy sweater he was wearing and finangled with the buttons for a while, still not all that good at hand eye coordination dude to his young age. When he finally managed to get most of them through the holes, he pumped his fist in celebration, and even did a spin. On his way out the door he stopped to grab a pair of black galoshes that still had some mud left on them. He and Tom had went outside together a week ago and simply neglected to clean them since, then, as if in an act of karma for being so lazy, Tom caught a very bad cold the following day.
Jon waddled out the front door into the cool autumn air, making squeaky squishing noises with each step from the rubber soles of his boots. He took a few steps off the porch, only to be greeted by a sudden but gentle breeze hitting the side of his face and pushing his hair around. The now weaning rain fell down from the sky and onto poor little Jon's head, tapping politely on his hood as if to say "Hello Jon! It's your buddy, the rain! Let me in!". He walked a little bit further until he was at the edge of the driveway, then turned around to look back up at his house. It was a moderately above average two story home, nothing special, but to Jon it might as well had heen a castle. His bedroom was right across from Tom's on the second floor, although his over looked the back yard and Tom's overlooked the drive way.
He was peeking through the bay window his bed was by now, standing up on his knees and peeling back the curtains to watch him walk away. Since the house was still dark from the power outage, Tom was barely visible to him. He looked like a floating disembodied head, something Jon found both silly and a little spooky. He jumped in place and waved wildly at him, as if he thought Tom might possibly be able to miss the toddler dressed in a bright blue rain slicker and boots. Tom smiled then lifted up the walkie-talkir in his hand to his mouth "B-be careful. There's alot of w-weirdos out there.". Jon rolled his eyes, still smiling, but a tiny bit annoyed.
He took out his own walkie-talkie from his back pocket and pressed the button to respond. "You sound like mum." he joked. "C-can it." Tom said, a little flustered, especially since he knew it was true. Depite their differences, Tom had always been more like his mother than his father, and the opposite had been true for Jon. He giggled at his embarrassment, "I'll stay safe, don't be such a cry baby, Tom.". "Hey, I resent that label, I'm a cry man." And now they were both snickering over the radios.
"I'm serious though, stay safe." Tom reiterated. "Ok ok- I will- I love you." Jon said, and Tom went silent for a moment as he did not know how to respond. Jon was lucky enough to still be at the age where you could tell another guy you loved them and no one cared, and Tom desperately wished for him to stay like that and never get to old for saying I love you. Lord knows he was forced to out of it a long time ago, and he'd all but forgotten how to do it.
"I- uh- uhm-" Tom hesitated for a second, even with out all the macho man bullshit he had to go through at school, Tom had a hard time letting others know how he felt. Trying to hock out the words was like trying to hock out a pill you didn't mean to take. He swallowed "I lo-love you too." He spat out, and Jon seemed content with that.
He cheerily skipped down the street with his walkie-talkie in one hand and Paper boat in the other, splashing in rain water with each stomp. Tom fell back down onto his bed and sighed, totally exhausted. He wanted to take a long nap now, and he seemed quite over due for one judging by his throbbing head ache. His mothers constant repitition of Für Elise didn't really help that at all, if anything it made it worse. God, if he could have just a single moment of silence he would be happy as a clam.
What Tom didn't know though was that this song's meaning was about to be forever changed for him, from just an annoyingly pompous piano tune to a song that even twenty seven years later could still send him into a trance. From that day forward, anytime he heard those first few notes he'd always have the exact same haunting thought. "That's it, that's the song. That's the song mom was playing the day Jon passed away.". And as it turned out, that rainy view of Jon from his bedside window would be the last time he'd ever see his brother again.

Finally gotta to write my thoughts during like late February to early March. But maybe as time goes by, I forget some cuz I remember they were at least 12 chapters (Still be editing)
1
On the Fear of Death
Rabindranath Tagore
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield
but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;
but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.
2 My parents are just very toxic, I'll make a complain of it and along with my hate to my homeland which I call it as land of Sodom
i) A small part of the conversation with a German dude who I mistook as a woman
And it was on Nov 18
Me Haha, when I was little I saw a high school chemistry textbook and was fascinated by the beautiful crystals (or more literally, whether they were ores or gems) and wanted to study chemistry, which wasn't guided by my father, as chemistry is not a lucrative profession in China. I then saw a romance novel in my middle and high school years where the hero and heroine were aiming at learning for being perfumers in the future, so I was still mesmerized by that and wanted to study chemistry again haha. To be honest, chemistry is not a good choice for girls in China, and I couldn't say I haven't regretted it, but I know that changing majors is not allowed in Germany either. So I had to stick with it.
Him You're such a hopeless romantic and his reminds me of the German novel das parfume which is like the most popular contemporary German novel
I have studied pharmacy which contains a lot of chemistry too in germany
And only studying what is lucrative is what ruins peoples lifes
Me I actually graduated in 2021, but on the one hand I can only earn 3000€ a year working here and can't save up to go to Europe (my parents wouldn't agree with that), and on the other hand I think too highly of myself and I don't like to talk about boring topics with shallow people, so I can't actually continue my job. Also, lack of a master's degree is getting harder and harder to get a job in China nowadays. Furthermore I have another thing I'm very afraid of, which is that I'm afraid my controlling parents will look back and see that I can't get into grad school nor can I find a job or even if I do find a job, force me to get married haha and I don't want to be with someone I look down on, I'm actually originally a radical feminist since December in 2021, and I've said before in my own family, "Whether it's black, white or yellow, males are all masters and I don't want any of them". (My mind and thoughts have been poisoned by romance novels and fanficton so I've restarted having good expectations to men again since May this year... I'm really losing sense and poisonous hahaha) If I don't have a degree and with I'm not beautiful enough, I'm just worthless in society and I won't be able to find any good ones. In short, I need to go to graduate school in China to save myself from a miserable life that I can see at a glance already.
And some words could be seen as footnotes I have mentioned to you before
Of course I want to leave, I wanted to leave in 2021. But after trying to work, I can only earn about 3,000 euros a year here, that's all I have right now, and I've calculated that my family doesn't even have more than 150,000 euros combined (because I'm a girl, my parents never tell me how much properties my family has, and are very disdainful of me for wanting to know that). Our wages here are even as low as 2 euros per hour with two days off a month, and I used to have a job with six days off a month. My parents wouldn't give me money to leave China either, they don't agree that I have feminist ideas in my brain. Also, I'm their only child and they say they're afraid I'll die abroad, yes, they think the West is full of dangers and believe every day that the view is unique, safe and beautiful here when one look at the world. All I can hope for is that I might be able to get into grad school, save up in the meantime, go to Europe to continue my education or just work, and then of course I want to live there forever.
Lazy to check, maybe there exist problem of grammar and usage 🤣
Hahaha told a lot of people I am radical feminist 🤣In my home country, feminists already be seen as crazy and rebellious, not to mention I am radical
[And there I attached a screenshot of my talk with my first Estonian friend and of course when share screenshots with others I often cut the avatar and username off:
Me I used to be a radical feminist, which means we radical feminist in Korea and China should do 6B4T
Then let me search the English definition https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/6B4T_movement#:~:text=In%20Korean%2Dlanguage%20abbreviation%2C%20%22,refers%20to%20rejecting%20strict%20beauty
Here's it
I used to cut off my hair like man, that's what we radical feminists there suggests, remove feminine symbol from us
Him
Youre brave
I really dont know what to say
Because im a man]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/6B4T_movement#:~:text=In%20Korean%2Dlanguage%20abbreviation%2C%20%22,refers%20to%20rejecting%20strict%20beauty
Him No it reads perfectly and if had to imagine myself in your situation I would have a similar outlook. Thank god women don't have this expectation here to get married asap and actually 23 is still considered early to start studying . I notice that in China people have to decide on their career path very early and there's not much room if you have a change of heart later on
Me You can't imagine my mother wants me to get married since I was around 18, and as girls here, as they grow up parents always taught them, must do something, or you would be scolded in in-laws' family
Him
I sense there's a lot of pressure on someone like you in your surroundings
Me My mother said, why don't you get married before study and work, start a family before building a career
Him That's just terrible. I can appreciate that you'd just want the freedom of "being your own man at your own pace" but I always had that freedom That sounds like the career of raising kids 🤔
Me She would also give me examples of people she knew around her who got married in high school and I said don't they know shame?My mom said there's no shame in getting married and having kids.Even though, my mother (she was born in '65) also got married at 32, which is considered quite late in China, especially in her era.
Him Well they can't really force you. You're not the person to let yourself be dragged Infront of the altar
Sounds like Europe 120 years ago
Me My cousin's twin babies are in bad health, then my father said, why she couldn't just quit her job, like all the people do in the past
Him Well the father could also quit his job of course
Me Also, my cousin's husband can't have children naturally, but in China, always check if it's wrong with women's bodies and blame women first, if women are all healthy, then could check the glorious men
Him Terrible , I heard about this on tv
Me So breathtaking, but average Chinese woman's life [And there I attached a screenshot of my talk with my first Estonian friend as well Him: Your life sounds like movie
Me Average Chinese woman's life
Him Now i feel guilty
Life here is luxury compared to China
Don't mean to make you jealous
Me Forget all the feminist ideas in my head and agree wholeheartedly with patriarchal and traditional culture of this land and then I would feel like many women find this life normal
No, your country and many European countries didn't do anything wrong
China always says that the countries of Europe got rich by plundering, but what have Finland, Iceland, Lithuania and many others done? Nothing.
Him: Vikings hahaha
China kind of reminds me of my parents said about days when we were with Soviet Union]
Shake my head
We all have strong heart here, or just get used to it or never felt wrong by the society's influence
Him Yeah takes a lot of courage to do your own thing but someone like you can't be happy without pursuing your own path Hey you could lead a feminist movement and piss them all off properly 👌
Me Then I will die Already exist many women here dead for this
Him: Considering the declining birthrate, istn there some change occuring already ?
Me: They promote three-children policy or actually no limits for number of children anymore, which results to women more difficult to get a job or study
Sister, I'm finally back from walking and bathing, I was worried about you worried about me got caught by authorities for saying treasonous words haha🤣
Haha, I have a wonder. Before locking the screen my screen stays on the page we are talking on, so do your messages have to be shown as read even if I don't read them?
https://insidechina.rti.org.tw/news/view/id/2072201
Here is a thing I heard of, you can read it with the help of chrome's Google translate
Him: I see, so women don't want to be birthing machines, so that policy is actually backfiring
Me: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism_in_China
Him: Are you joking or serious ? So dreadful that you can't criticise openly, but you are using VPN right ? That ought to be encrypted
I dunno I don't pay any attention to the read thing and you don't need to worry about replying fast just take your time
Me: I know about the movement of Feminist Five, in here I and some people know it as Feminist Sisters Five
No, without VPN we could still surf on this app, but even with VPN, it still without help
Him Interesting , so I guess such articles aren't usually published in China ? But on tw addresses ?
Me: Keep in mind, actually everything is under surveillance
Ah, I found it on Chrome
Him: Spooky. Do you cross the street when the lights are red ? Or is that bad for the social score ?
Me: We have radical feminists online groups, got hidden from Douban (Chinese's version of Tumblr)or actually by the authorit** Use the Internet, all is the same And I know actually the government and me use the same VPN So more dangerous But somehow actually all the same in some extent One use the Internet, you see, wifi, 4G or under who's eyes? Maybe VPS is a little more safe, but I don't know how to build it, and maybe still under watch I surf on western Internet since like 2019, Reddit since May,2022 But don't I dare say a word since this August
Him: But what's the point of China's great firewall when anyone can just circumvent like that ? Is it like a trap to catch ppl?
Me My first word is on Reddit/polandball, saying someone's work about Germany, so adorable
Not everyone
We like 1.4 billion here
No more than 0.1 billion know how to access to outside Internet
Him: Oh I see Or most people might just don't know any better ?
Me: And if stay quiet, safe or not safe, depends on the glorious' minds
Him: I see so you still gotta be careful what you write
Me: The govern-++！ment sometimes arrests people who say things that are treasonous, but it won't say the real reason, it'll say it's because someone viewed a pornographic website
Him: That's so ironic, some people here would go bonkers if pornograpghy would be restricted in any way haha
Me: So that's the reason I stay quiet until months ago I dare say some words
And I am even a little worried
For a translated some poems
One poem named The Taiwanese Bamboo Branch Song, though it was written by famous person in mainland dead in 1929
Him: But usually websites have build in Https end to end encryption and other apps as well
Me: Another poems by Taiwanese poet Luo Fu
And I called Luo Fu as Taiwanese poet
Him: I usually avoid the topic of Taiwan, I had a bad experience with someone talking about it
Me: So maybe you can see why I am very frightened
Him: Yes
Me: I am a person totally okay with Taiwan, I don't care about this awful home land at all, I think it's should be at Taiwan's wishes
self-determination and who's the group first came to the territory in history
Him: Yeah let the people decide. But it's not that easy, because nowadays elections often get influenced by outside propaganda campaigns. Trying to shift public opinion by spreading false information
Me: Haha you don't know how smart our internet security systems are
As I said, no secret if one use Internet, I think maybe it's the same all over the world
Very scared
But this "glorious" land do it the best
Him: I have some inclination, but some apps like the old telegram have strong encryptions. Or the dark net as a whole. But but apps like these
Me: I don't use telegrams, I don't trust them and Twitter
Him: I don't either, but it's possible depending on what you use
Me: Twitter has a reputation of cooperate with my home land
Him: Just purely on a technical standpoint
Me: And I don't want to use telegrams, if I stay quiet, I may be at peace
Him: For sure, musk doing business in china
Me: But what telegrams could bring me, I don't want to get involved with politics, movements I could just take care of myself Telegrams may put me in danger
Him: I mean he actual app telegram , th instant messenger Or the all signal
Me: Maybe there exist traitors or something with the au;+_+_thoriti**++es
Him: Those are used for encryption or in some countries as WhatsApp ornwechat replacement
Me: Then what's the name I wanna hear, but afraid to use G++u-&__-i Min"&-hai Maybe you knew this person already
Him The name of the app is just telegram. And with such a type of end to end encryption, it's impossible for outsiders to read. Unless your using a device, which has spyware on it.
Me: Then my phone must have spy software Even if I get an American iPhone
Him In your country ever phone has it
Me Cause we must use some apps here
Him That's the reason Huawei got banned in usa
Me WeChat Alipay lots of stuff
Him It's not just apps, but I deeply integrated on a hardware level
Me Yeah, I even prefer my privaty stolen by westerns I feel no worries about use Google or whatever
Him Yep Google and everyone else keep track of things too
Me But in China,Internet access is completely real-name, it's just that your online friends don't always know who you are, the government does And actually neitzens could find out who you are too I mentioned Human Flesh Search Engine before
Him It's the same here, but if I wanna be completely anonymous I just take a tablet to the public WiFi. Devices themselves aren't attached to names here, only isp accounts
Me Wow, sounds beyond my comprehension, indeed, I am such an uneducated person don't know what's this I will read it carefully 🤣
Him If you go into a cafe there is internet access over WiFi. So you don't have to use your own internet at home ISP means internet service provider Like VDSL or cable or something
Me 🧐😵‍💫
Him For example if you just go to the store and buy a tablet, you don't have to leave your name Or a laptop So you take his to a cafe or something and log in to the wifi No way of tracing back your name Of course if you post online, you shouldn't tell anyone your name haha
Me Hahaha thanks for your words though I am still confused but I will tell you
Him No problemo You can ask me anything
Me Before we use the app, we already hand in our identity information
We already give out our phone number, ID Card pictures even face pictures
Him What ? You mean for using hello talk ?
Me Or we couldn't use them and we couldn't choose not to use them because every app is same and we must use some apps
Hellotalk also hand in my phone number
Him That's unbelievable
Me And actually I felt use ti it
Him 🥺
Me Because it doesn't require more! But it has linked with my WeChat So still the same
Him Yeah but it's still coupled to your phone number
Me Like ID card, face verification
WeChat or Alipay, almost every one has to use for everything, and it already have our ID information
WeChat has the strongest surveillance
Him Because it's also used for payment ?
Me One can even unable send some pictures on it
Him Yeah like Winnie the Pooh pictures
Me So you don't need to provide your any information?
Him No I never did that and noone here would do it If you use paying apps you just enter credit card information
Me Going out, administration, everything in life
Him But people still prefere cash in stores And I don't wanna be forced to take my mobile phone with me when I go out
Me China always laugh at countries like Germany still use cashes. But I found so ridiculous
Him It's not backwards in my opinion. There should be ways for anonymous payments, that's so dystopic to leave your name with any transaction you do
Me Our people here say we trade privacy for convenience, but given the choice, I'd rather not have that convenience. I have deep worries about private security all the time So I seldom put my pictures, yes, not even my selfies online
Him For example if you wanna buy gold, I would do it cash. If the government is at war it could cease private investments . But only if they have the buyers name
Me I almost only put pictures on the western Internet I have searched for this a lot on Reddit or YouTube or chrome I even wrote down once haha
Him Very smart
Me But I have something weird actually, I don't want touch the money for bacteria 🤣
Him But not much use when your government uses cameras and face recognition to track your every step You're excused, my quirky sister 😉
Me Yes I know it, they knew how many phones cards you have Sorry cannot understand, need Google at once
Him That means I appreciate your apprehension . In my job many people have that feat Fear
Me Ohh How time flies, though today we only talk about heavy things haha
Him I like this, it's a lot of fun to talk with you But I'm a little scared to get you into trouble
Me Yes, so maybe I won't talk about it anymore
Him Still, so interesting to hear from a different perspective At least I have confirmation some stuff in TV is real
Me Do you heard of him?
Him Uh well I can't decipher that one , Google didn't help haha The Rona related guy ?
Me He is a "traitor", he turns into a Swedish, and have to be one of the person in Sodom again
The au*** force him to admit his crime on TV
So he became one of glorious land again
Him I didn't hear about this peticular person, but I heard about these secret foreign offices of Sodom to "get their lost children back"
Me But Sweden still admit him as one of the Swedish people I need to keep in mind I'm a traitor too
Him Hey don't say the quiet part out loud 😉
Me So I couldn't be as brave as him, I could only take care of myself at the most and at best
Hahaha
Him Yeah that person seems to have acted like a martyr indeed
Me Just only keep the letters, remove the punctuations
Him Oh I got it That confessions vid is like the first result on google
Me Hahaha, in China, we often chat with wrong words, short form or add a lot of punctuations
As you said this, my heart broke for him
Him Doesn't help at all with the ai technology of today
Me Though I never dare to watch, I know it in my mind
But if without these, we even couldn't send out some even normal (not rebellion) messages, posts, comments 🤣
Him I feel like I'm part of a spy novel , it's kind of exciting
Me Hahaha
Him Whisperwhispermumblemumble It even the average dim witted person can see that it's completely staged. Who believes that ?
Me Sigh They don't need anyone to believe maybe, they just threaten
Him Oh yes. Like Putin killing off any dissidents like prigoshin. As a warning While publically playing innocent But everyone knows what's up
Me So frightening for me, as a child, I always dream of Anarchy society or actually described by Zhuangzi https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuang_Zhou
Him I have this too sometimes. Like a natural disaster happing , like a comet hitting earth and everyone has to fend for them selves. Public order be damned
Me But when I grow up I found Anarchy may lead disorders Just enjoy the peaceful life described by him
Him Yeah there got to be some healthy middle ground , if that's possible
Me Here's the English translations I found https://www.harinam.com/tao-te-ching-verse-80-if-a-country-is-governed-wisely-its-inhabitants-will-be-content/ I truly enjoy it a lot since I was a kid https://www.taoistic.com/taoteching-laotzu/taoteching-80.htm
Different versions of translation haha
ii)
What I wrote on Dec 28-29
They mock me for wanting to go outside
Around December in 2021. my father said "why you want to go aboard to study. What are you going abroad for?Are you going to study until you're old (which means I should get married soon, yeah in China, weirdly before going to university, young people are not encouraged to being relationship if the parents or the locals want the young people to live more and more decent life and get higher degrees. But after going to university, they will maybe push children to being relationship soon, get married even have children soon even before the career started or the university years finnished)? Study through all your life?"
Meanwhile I said, "I want to go to Europe to study or work and then live forever"
But they always mock me for want to go to Europe, and sometimes they even don't remember, mistake Germany which I used to want to go as America 🤨😵‍💫
My parents are so toxic, my mother curse me to death just because I haven't taken the clothes home at 17:47 now. She threatened to slap me.
My mother haven't slapped me in my life, my father did. He hit me several times, especially these times. He slapped me in front of everyone in class (You may not believe that a girl who was my classmate in middle school and my schoolmate in high school, who strangely, provocatively said, "I remember your dad beating you up in middle school" when we were near the examination center for the Gaokao, to which I could only reply sarcastically, " You weren't even born when he beat me up.") when I did slower than other people on exams (but I wasn't bad at Chemistry, 55/60 on the Zhongkao https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhongkao (The Junior High School Scholastic Aptitude Examination), about 70/100 on the Gaokao https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaokao#:\~:text=The%20Nationwide%20Unified%20Examination%20for,in%20early%20June%20every%20year. (The Nationwide Unified Examination for Admissions to General Universities and Colleges), and Chemistry was my strongest subject after English (124/150 in Gaokao), and I only relied on they two to just barely make it to college, because I really didn't study much in high school, I just read romance novels every day by then). And then there was the time in middle school at home when he caught me copying answers instead of doing my homework relying on myself seriously, he domesticated me so hard he slapped me that made me lose my mind at the time. There were also one time I don't remember if it was in primary school or middle school, they two my parents whipped me with belts and forced me to kneel, and so that I told them at the time as a result I hated that I am not an orphan, I should better be. As I type these words, there are tears in my eyes. I probably have mental issues because of them. [I'm a woman maybe need therapy, but I'll honestly tell you, if I see therapy, it would be a big thing in China, hard to get a job like civil servant https://zh.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%85%AC%E5%8B%99%E5%93%A1 or other decent jobs, important exams
Believe me, what I say is 100% true, cuz if see some Psychologist or psychotherapy that will be in record documents, and will be regarded as abnormal or person with mental disorder
There must be many people in China with mental health problems, but we can't even see the doctor, cuz if we do, we may even can't enter some good schools
since we born, our life is full of competition and fighting
And parents, spoil us or treat us whatever very toxicly, traditional Asian especially Chinese parents
Control us)
I'll honestly say one thing, many Chinese women or girls want parents better dead. Because not only were our parents toxic, but even if we were the only daughter, because of the deep-rooted patriarchy here, they despised us.
Yes if one day, I want to be a good person. But I am still actually afraid of men, even I somehow close to men, but I don't want a relationship, not only because I don't want to get laid with man (I mean I am afraid of being forced) but also like something I can't tell, just afraid, many men are awful, like my father, many Chinese men though I don't want relationship with them but we Chinese men and women here are like enemies, and some men (in this term, I'm not saying the men from the homeland) manipulated me or played with my feelings
I mean I don't want to get laid with man anyway. just afraid of being forced during relationship like rape. Maybe you can't imagine, I used to think and said these to some internet Chinese friends, "I think coitus is a disgusting thing, like bestiality, the subjugation or conquer of a man to a woman, and I feel a deep anger about it", (It's a hatred as if I was born with an anger towards coitus. This could be due to the astrology chart of the moment I was born holds Mars square Pluto. For this I had seen a quite astonishingly good but long text in 2017, and I translated it myself https://www.reddit.com/Mathilde_Soliloquy/comments/191mc51/mars_square_pluto/ with the help of DeepL translator.)
and then a man said then the man you have a relationship will find others outside, cuz man can't tolerate it
I argued with my parents just now
My father said "if you're keeping bubbling nonsense, I'll kick you out of house by my legs, and get off to outside better tomorrow". haha reminds me of this Chinese sister's words
My mother said if I keep the phone with me, she won't care about my business anymore, handle all my own living myself, cooking and all. That is, threaten me.
Noo just humiliate me, my father and mother said I am crazy or stimulated by something. Just like when I said I don't want a man, my parents, my relatives, people I met in China especially my neighbors in my childhood would teach me a lesson, saying are you hurt by men, then at that time I may say, why I must feel this way because hurt by man, I just hate the patriarchal society
But also exist the possibility if I don't act like obedient to them
They know full well I'm a giant baby, fragile, depent, and I'm weak now, have no ability except learning, can't live on my own at least by far, thus may think threat me like this will lead me to be obedient
Yeah as I said to that Chinese sister, if what happened to her (A Chinese girl said to me, "I've been through three love disasters. My heart is much stronger than yours. I've also been through being kicked out of my parents' house, at 9pm, crying all over the place by myself looking for a hotel, people on the street are busy with their own, my mom wants to drop me off at my hometown to my grandma, my dad mocked my mom back in case his mom would be dying from angers, there's no place for me in the home. I've been depressed, abandoned, and hurt by men. I'm sober and I don't have a relationship/romanticismic-brain, I've been hurt three times by men. Have you ever been strangled? I have, by an ex-ex-boyfriend, and I've been threatened with nude photos, and if I difmdn't take them, I'd be crazily scolded, and received cold violence."
I replied to her, "If it were me, I'd be so fragile that I'd just die." ) happens to me, I'll fragile to go to death
Crazily, my father broke into my room, lifted the covers, and said, "Hand over your phone," and then he actually went and grabbed it and smashed it on the floor, may even stomped on it with his foot. Then I argued, saying, "My primary school classmate have been playing with his phones all night since primary school, and anyone would keep their phones with them. I must have my phone with me even if I would get hit, is this some kind of electronic doorstop?" He said "These people you're talking about, what are they doing?They're all working" and I said "You can't do this even if I don't work, you two are too psycho (my mom says the one who is psycho and abnormal is me). I'm going to get a job because I can't take your control anymore." After then, I get from my bed and turn on the light to find my phone, then my father said "it's between the dishes (on the dinning table)"
I was wondering my phone can't work when he grabbed it away from me
I'm trembling now, shake my head for it
The coldness of weather, can't be able to compare the sorrow of mine, uuhhh
Uuhh let me mention a stuff, there are places like豫章书院https://zh.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E8%B1%AB%E7%AB%A0%E4%B9%A6%E9%99%A2%E4%BF%AE%E8%BA%AB%E6%95%99%E8%82%B2%E4%B8%93%E4%BF%AE%E5%AD%A6%E6%A0%A1, Yuzhang Academy Self-cultivation Education School, that some places parents send disobedient children for "treatment", such as seclusion or electric shocks, extremely cruel physical punishment, in which the children sometimes have to report each other in order to survive there..., and some of them commit suicide
Though they may don't send me, I believe they must think of these things, Sometimes when they feel I am disobedient they said they'd send me to mental hospitals, though it may not be not out of their hearts but threats
Yeah it's no matter about the age, parents control children till to death. And I believe in places like that, must be many adults, no need to ensure
In this situation, I no longer have the heart to like men, I have to become independent and rely on myself for survival as soon as possible, and I realize how horrible my life is and that if I don't struggle to leave them, I wi surely be forced to go on blind dates and marry man I don't like and I despise
They've, at least my mother wanted me to get married as soon as possible since I was18, wait, even earlier or after entering the university, 17
Parents control children like this is a common thing in China, sigh*
It's not a civilized place anyway
On Dec 30, "Yeah today my father hit the door, by then I was afraid of being slapped or beat up He rapped on the door with his hand while crazily yelling at me So since childhood, when someone gets loud, my mind goes blank Yeah thanks God haven't beat me up recently Already so frightened by them, whenever simply their voices are loud, my frigh even turns to this degree"
When I was about 8, one day my mother picked me up from school by bicycle, and I wiggled my feet, and the ankle of my left foot touched the bicycle chain and was stirred in, at that time I saw blood and white bones but I didn't dare to say anything because I was so afraid of my mother, thanks to a stanger - a grandpa behind us who said that the child's foot was stirred into the bicycle, but my mother always said that there was no such old grandpa and that it was she who couldn't pedal the bicycle and found out that on her own. Then my foot had to be stitched up with a needle a dozen times. But I haven't cried over that, and I didn't shed a single tear when I was 4 when I ran while playing but fell on a large pile of glass, resulting in a scar on my left temple. Having said that I have quite a lot of trauma on my body, I was in a vehicle accident in 2010's or 2011's (damn I can't even remember though I have a good memory I think more likely 2010) January, that resulted in an intracranial fracture and bleeding in my right ear for a week (my parents used to tell me not to talk to people about this lest they think you have a problem with your brain). I'm really terrified of traffic because of this, even standing at a five-way or intersection I get vertigo and feel like I'm going to drown from all the vehicles speeding past me. So not to mention driving a car, I can't even drive and don't want to learn how to drive a battery-operated bike, and I even seem to have gotten a little scar on my leg from a fall I took on a battery-operated bike between summer and fall this year. I can ride a bike at the most, but I haven't ridden one in at least nine years I guess. And when I was around 11 I tripped over a brick because the power went out in the street and I couldn't see the road, and I broke three of my incisors in some degree, how can I put it, I don't have any good teeth, I think it may be due to food safety issues of my country.
iii)
When I was in high school, I guess when I was aroud 15, my father jokingly used a swear word he learned from one of neighbors on me, "当婊子还要牌坊 https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E7%89%8C%E5%9D%8A Be a prostitute yet still wants to build up a paifang [It is a building erected in feudal society to honour meritorious achievements, success in Imperial examination https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_examination, benevolent gover, as well as loyalty and filial piety, and here it refers to the Paifang of Chastity.]". I am a person still haven't touched any man's hands by far and I didn't do anythinf wrong, then he used this kind of sentence to me. And he then asked me to accept his apology with two hundred RMB, which I had to accept because if I did not he might even get annoyed of shame and lose his temper even beat me up.
So sometimes when people like neighbors from my childhood, persuade me go to marriage (cuz at that time I didn't want), saying your father treat you so nice and you must can find someone like your father, ewwwwww, it's so disgusting, my father is so disgusting, beat me up, inslut me, I don't want man from my homeland at all
And my parents like my mother won't admit it, she said "I've been with your father so many years, he hasn't said any words like to me, how could it happen? That must be your imagination“
Tho I still have conscience in thinking they raised me up
iv) [Labor Law of the People's Republic of China
Chapter 4 Working Hours, Rests, and Leaves
Article 36 The State shall practise a working hour system wherein labourers shall work for no more than eight hours a day and no more than 44 hours a week on the average.
Article 38 The employer shall guarantee that its labourers have at least one day off a week.]
In my home province the minimum hourly wage is divided into four levels,21,20,19,18RMB (at this moment, 1 Euro = 7.77 Chinese Yuan, aka RMB),and in the current province I live it's 24,22,20. I used to have a temporary job in my town that was two days off a month,and my parents said why you can't do it as someone else is doing it,and I remember the hours of that job started at about 7:30am, besides, there was a man in that job who purposely tried to put a hot stamp drop on my legs.
So getting a job in China with two days off on the weekend is kind of considered a luxury, and one of my previous jobs had six days off a month.
And now I don't lay my eyes on jobs without two days off on the weekend.
v) https://weibo.com/1648736703/4955740219901047 Classic manly "let me test you". If it were me, even if I did have to speak German, I'd be practicing to be fluent before I'd have the nerve to say it in public, let alone record a video of it, and this man even sells English lessons. As some people said in the comments section, " There are so many women in China whose talent does not match their position, and even if they are very talented, they can only make a living at the grassroots level, and this phenomenon is rare in men, on the contrary, most of them do not have the talent to match their position. Women in this country have too few opportunities for advancement."

Well hello again fellow travellers! I hope you're enjoying how the story is developing. I'm going to lead us through this middle section of our book, and I'll start with a bit of a refresher. Feel free to add your own questions.
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23 - 1986: A Busty Lass

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The Foot family move into Kaieteur Close, and Rita falls immediately in love with Archie. Rita's classmates engage in some teasing of the newcomer, and Rita participates by writing cheeky rhymes, one of which ends up in the teacher's hands. After being made to read aloud the smutty poem, the class ends in uncontrolled laughter and a detention for Rita. Rita goes to a party and dances with Archie; she's in heaven.
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24 - 1986: Green Sponges

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Luisa has grown out of her cute toddler stage and developed into an annoying younger sister. Rita and Chandra are fighting a subtle battle over Luisa's allegiance. Rita's dilemma is that she wants to be Luisa's favourite, but is increasingly having to discipline her. One day they are playing at the Foots' house and Luisa is really naughty. When Rita tries to take her home, Luisa retaliates by revealing the green sponges Rita has stuffed in her bra. Luisa is screaming, and Chandra comforts her "darling girl". Luisa is highly manipulative and has both Rita and Chandra hooked around her little finger.
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25 - 1986 - An older man

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Rita recovers from her loss quickly when the hot American "older man" called Ross arrives to stay with his parents who have moved in next door. Rita and her friends make prank phone calls to him. One day Ross accidentally drives over Luisa's bicycle and comes to apologise. They go in his car to buy a replacement and Luisa embarrasses Rita by telling Ross that Rita is in love with another Ross. Ross finds this hilarious.
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26 - Bamboo Gardens

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Ross asks Rita out on a date and she begs Jitty for money for a new dress. Rita has told Ross that she's 16 and accepts a Rum and Coke at the restaurant. Afterwards he drives her to the infamous sea wall parking area. Rita is not comfortable, so she asks him to take her home. She lets him kiss her, he reaches in and finds the sponges, laughs and continues with his hands up her dress. Rita punches him hard in the crotch (yes!!!) and he calls her names. She manages to get out of the car and runs away.
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27 - Home Life

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Jitty is frustrated with the way his country is descending into political turmoil. A brain drain was occurring and Chandra had been nagging him to move to Canada. Chandra tells him it would be an easier feat to accomplish if they left Rita behind, and Rita overhears.
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28 - Aunt Penny

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Aunt Penny approaches Rita in the street and introduces herself as her mother's sister, she takes her to a cafe to talk. Rita agrees because she has questions to ask. It seems that Jitty has been intercepting letters to Rita from her maternal grandmother. Rita expresses her frustration at being kept in the dark. Aunty Penny is shocked that Rita can't remember being torn from her grandmother's arms by her father. Rita breaks down in tears and Aunt Penny invites her back to the Pomeroon the following day. Rita tells Polly that it will be tough to survive in the primitive conditions out there for two weeks but she has a need to fill the gaps.
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29 - Two Long Empty Hands

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Chandra is more pleased than Jitty about Rita’s trip. She wants to send Rita with a re-gifted broken electric mixer for her family. Jitty hands her an envelope for her granny, he says it's private, but she opens it anyway. The letter advises her grandmother that Rita is too young to hear the truth about her mother, but that he will tell her when the time in right.
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30 - The Back of Beyond

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Aunty Penny takes Rita on the long trip out to the country, by boat and road. At granny's house, Rita is surprised that the house is so big, and she is welcomed by two friendly dogs. Her granny hugs her and she feels instantly a sense of home and comfort and security.
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31 - It's the Thought that Counts

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Rita meets her grandfather, who is dark like herself, he kisses and hugs her tightly. Rita is overwhelmed by the feelings of being loved. She brings back memories of Cassie, their daughter.
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32 - Kathy

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Aunty Penny shows Rita around the farm, she is surprised that the produce makes them enough money to live on. She meets her cousin Kathy, who is also very welcoming.
Granny is delighted with the Mixmaster, insisting that you must show gratitude for gifts, refusing to believe that Chandra had meant it as an insult. She berates Rita for being rude to Penny when she visited and for not thanking her aunts for the presents, but says it's her father's fault.
Rita asks Granny how her mother died. She refuses to explain, but admits to a bad thing having happened. She sends off strong vibes that she doesn't like Jitty, but says that it is up to him to confess the bad thing he did. Granny shows her a photo of her mother holding her as a baby, and Rita realise that the "died in childbirth" theory was a lie.
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33 - Dutch

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Rita writes in her diary about the contentment she feels spending time with her cousins. She meets Kathy's older cousin, Dutch, and finds him beautiful. Granny relates how Rita, aged 5, used to teach Kathy all about animals, and looked after her when she was only 3. Rita is impressed with Dutch's knowledge of birds and animals. When she asks about his name, he explains that anyone there who has African blood, descends from slaves.
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Looking forward to seeing your comments! Next week I'll hand over to u/Meia_Ang for the next section.
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Hi, I am an independent artist. I am currently taking a community college course for painting as I was looking to get out of art block and also improve techniques. I am an oil painter and this class mainly deals with acrylic. A fact I didn’t realize was going to be an issue for me until after this deep in the class. I work and have rent to pay and my painting teacher has expressed that he thinks it’s a disrespect to him that I prefer to work on art assignments in my studio in my apartment rather than the classroom and to quote “because it takes away from your classmates as well”. I don’t miss any lectures because there really aren’t lectures and everything is online on canvas. Anywaysss that’s to describe the reasons why I’m annoyed with this professor. We have a final project and we’re allowed loads of creative freedom and I would love to do it in oil and possibly hide the fact that it’s oil from my teacher. It’s supposed to be exploring painting techniques, and themes because the prompt is a theme we take out of a specific poem. Am I going to be able to get away with doing it in oil ?

I (16M) have developed a crush on my classmate. Today we had practice tests and once the tests finished most people went home but I stayed at school and so did my crush. We have second period and the final period together and I wanted to go chat with her since us and another student were the only ones in class. To my shock, she walked over and sat at my table and began making conversation with me. She asked questions and seemed interested in what we were talking about. I can tell she’s talkative but also shy at the same time. The other student sat at the table and we all talked. We are both in a creative writing class and I thought about writing her a poem (nothing intense or crazy) but I am worried even writing a casual one would be creepy. We added each other on snap and texted. The thing that scares me and makes me think I shouldn’t try is when she told me she was going to take a nap a few hours ago. I’m not saying she isn’t telling the truth but I’m scared she just wanted to make up a reason not to talk to me. Maybe I seemed too interested? I think I seemed pretty casual. My ex and I split a few months ago and I’m scared to try and form relationships with new people because I think I’ll be rejected.

If you are a student like me, you come across the concept of creative writing quite often. I've decided to write this short overview to offer my understanding of creative writing and give you, my fellow students, some tips.
Let's start with the basics. What is creative writing? It is any writing that uses imagination and artistic flair rather than following the structure of professional or academic writing. It focuses on telling stories, developing characters, and using vivid language to evoke emotions and imagery in the reader.
To understand this phenomenon better, here are some popular types of creative writing you might be familiar with:

• Fiction. This broad category encompasses novels, short stories, novellas, and fiction genres like fantasy, science fiction, and dystopian fiction. You have definitely read a novel or story that consumed your attention for days or even weeks.
• Poetry. Poetry uses verse, rhythm, and figurative language to express ideas and emotions in a condensed, beautiful way. Poetry has many subgenres, like sonnets, haikus, and free verse. If you have ever received the assignment to write a poem, you know how challenging and painful the process can be.
• Drama. This type refers to plays that actors perform on stage. Dramas can be comedies, tragedies, or anything in between, and they focus on dialogue and character interaction to tell a story.
• Creative nonfiction. This type of writing takes real-life experiences or events and presents them in a creative and engaging way. It can include memoirs, essays, and personal narratives.

Now that it's clear that this kind of writing requires relying on your imagination and strong creative skills, I want to suggest some creative writing tips. Assignments that focus on creative writing are often challenging. In my case, I usually develop an interesting idea but then get discouraged while putting it on paper. I can't turn on my creative mode when I have many other tasks on my plate. I sometimes use services like WritingСheap.com to look through essay samples and hire a writer to proofread the content I create. I like doing so because it saves time and nerves. This particular service always delivers my orders on time, so I can recommend it.
Here are some more creative writing tips for students you might find to be useful:
Fuel your imagination.
Read widely across genres, visit museums, and people-watch at cafes. Gather inspiration from the world around you. Keep a notebook handy to jot down ideas, observations, or snippets of dialogue.
Befriend the messy draft
Don't get bogged down in perfection during the first draft. Write freely, let your ideas flow, and worry about grammar and structure later.
Go into details
Instead of simply stating emotions, use vivid descriptions to show them through actions, expressions, and the environment.
Master the art of revision
Editing is key! Revise for clarity, flow, and to strengthen your narrative. Don't be afraid to cut unnecessary parts - sometimes, less is more. By the way, at WritingCheap, you get free revisions when placing an order.
Embrace feedback
Share your work with trusted friends, classmates, or a writing group for constructive criticism. Learn from their insights and use them to improve your writing.
Celebrate the journey
Writing is a process filled with both joy and frustration. Enjoy the moments of inspiration, learn from the challenges, and most importantly, have fun!

Demographic: Ethnically Asian US citizen(1st Gen), male, international school
Intended Majors: Double major in Pre-law(or na equivalent) and Business
ACT/SAT: Took the SAT once in junior year, got a 1580. Took the PSAT/NMSQT a couple months earlier and got a 1460-> (218/228)
UW/W GPA- Got a 90.0% in ICSE boards which translates to a 3.7 UW.
Class Rank:N/A
APs: AP psych, WHAP, macro and stats (all self study) in junior year. Planning on taking 4 or more in senior year
Awards: SOF IEO semi-finalist (IR4) Also a bunch of medals for IMO and NSO but from 4th to 8th so idk if it matters A bunch of school commendations for GK Ton of medals for intra school track and field Second and third place medals in inter school events for Logic, Math, English and Science(10+schools usually) Hoping to get NMS semi or finalist
Extra curriculars: Have volunteered at a registered NGO on and off for 8 odd years. During this I taught impoverished children English, Math, and Computer Science(probably 300 kids total). I also nursed some pups infected with canine parvovirus back to health(over two weeks of pain) and maintained a community vegetable garden.During the summer, I also aided correspondents from Mission Rabies in catching and releasing stray dogs. Finally, I managed social media for the location, improving the quality and consistency of volunteers, radically slashing the troughs and crests of vacant positions during the year. (Easily 900+ hours)
Interned at two magazines(5 months and 4 months ongoing) (One as a writer for an org trying to spread Indian art and culture, the other as an economics and political editor for a student written journal)
Started a Business podcast w some classmates to cover important current events and rehash ethics and morality in business.
Courses n Stuff: Essay writing course by Stanford- Colin Ong + Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences conducted by Fortis mental Health Program+ Finished 5 courses online (Coursera, Edx) covering topics of dementia, equality law, Financial analysis, Basic psychology and Game theory.
Getting a B1 certification in French soon
Founded a Life Skills club to teach students from 1st to 10th grade skills that pertain to each specific grade in the next few years.
Compèred at a slew of school events. Have established the question and basis for a Business Law research paper for which I have gotten approval from a professor. She is also going to mentor me on the subjects covered.
Finalist for the University of Sydney's Indian Innovation Competition(Top 12)
Did a dog walking job for 13 months (nearly 350 hours)
Piano for 2 years (Grade 2 ABRSM)
Hobbies n stuff: Chess: 1400ish elo rapid, 1500ish bullet Writing: Dozens of poems and short stories(none published)
Essays/LORs/Other: I’ve written down ideas and a couple of paragraphs for important events in my life pertaining to the prompts. Haven’t finished the first draft. I want to write about or at least mention my time in and out of psychiatric wards due to major mental issues (how i overcame them, etc.). Any tips would be nice tbh😭.
Going to visit colleges on the East Coast soon, so I’m planning to include those experiences in my essays/LOCIs
Going to get an LOR from my global perspectives teacher as we regularly engage in meaningful discourse and personal discussions. I’m the MOST active person in all of my classes, so all of my teachers have a strong opinion of me, (some good some bad) so I may have a couple backups (business, eco teachers)
Colleges: Georgetown is the dream. My dad completed his masters there, and I want to experience what he’s said about it. As I live internationally in a poorer country, I need financial aid to afford to go here(or anywhere for that matter). I’m going to apply for FAFSA, and NMS might come through, but I really want a partial scholarship from Georgetown as well.
I am also want to go to Northwestern, but again financial aid is kind of an issue (Other hopefuls include: Wharton, Columbia, Duke, UVA, NYU)
Give me a reality check pls. I need to know if these stats are good enough to even consider applying to where I want to go.

I know, I've been on a posting spree here quite a bit. As fascinating as this dude is in the long run, we truly don't know how much we know about Daniel, and how much media exists of Daniel out there on the web. The question of lost media is a fascinating one that is usually asked here quite a good bit as there are loads of footage of Daniel that has been deleted, unarchived, privated/gatekeeped, or just hoaxed.
In the recent months, much lost media has been leaked here and unearthed, through either crowdfunding campaigns (such as with u/boodiemonstre managing to unearth what happened on 7/11), searching, or through leaking it on a significant day (I'm referring to you, u/smokesomuch2 as the 3rd anniversary of May 6th approaches).
If you have any lost media that may have not been mentioned here, go ahead and comment it down below!
Enough yapping, here's an entire list of all the DL Lost and Found media that is known.

1. 7/11 Incident (Status: Found) - Following the events of the Dog Arc, Daniel Larson unsurprisingly had a massive freakout at a Walmart, nearby the location where Ween had rescued Zola from Daniel's lack-of iron grip and maltreatment. The freakout was confirmed by Daniel in a phone call after the incident and by police through a livestream he had done in the hours after in an ambulance and hospital room. From the way it was described, Daniel had knocked down a bunch of items, destroyed 2,000$ worth of property, specifically gift cards, and was tackled by a biker. The media itself was eagerly sought after in February of 2024 through the crowdfunding of u/boodiemonstre and after suffering through the bouts of bureaucracy, the police bodycam footage from just around the incident was leaked. You can find it here (thanks LarsonLeak/Flex).
2. The May 6th 2023 Leaks (Status: Found) - In celebration of the first ever major Daniel Larson Incident (and possibly the first ever incident), Flexburger leaked a whole bunch of unseen videos of Daniel during his first housing Era (2020-2021). These videos specifically originated in 2021, during his stay in an oddly pink-colored room. It was during his stay here that we had seen how much of an unsettling and scummy individual he was, with him not only admitting to being a PDF File but also literally destroying a good chunk of the room in fits of rage. This however was only the surface, as Daniel had been making a bunch of NSFW content behind the scenes which was sent to his manager at the time, Flex. I will not be linking the NSFW videos, but I will describe and list them briefly. A. Toothbrush Video: Daniel sticks a toothbrush up where the sun doesn't shine, then brushes his teeth with said Toothbrush B. Pencil Video: Daniel shoves a pencil up where the sun doesn't shine, then jumps around like a baboon with it still inside C. Bottle Video: Daniel shoves a bottle up where the sun doesn't shine. D. Wild Hearts Cover: A professionally studio recorded song of Daniel singing a cover of Wild Hearts by Keith Urban E. Shower Incident: Daniel is seen mostly nude in a shower, but not wet. Along with these, Flexburger leaked some screenshots from his time as a troll and manager of Daniel Larson. Keep at it, Flex!
3. Canned Legs Leaks (Status: Found) - On January 23rd, 2024, u/Canned_Legs leaked some images of Daniel in his yearbook during his stint at Tennyson in ~2017. You can find them here. These leaks came around coincidentally the same time u/FlyingFoxandWings and u/Kramsdae answered questions about Danderson's time in Tennyson, as they claimed to be classmates of his.
4. Liquid Larson (Status: Partially Found) - Now-deleted TikToker green9racer ("You gotta have that root beer") for a short time in September of 2021 comedically impersonated Daniel, similarly to Liquid Chris in the CWCverse. He would be banned around this time for unknown reasons, though some TikTok videos would be recovered, courtesy of a reaction by Papa Gut.
5. The first daniellarsonfans video from TikTok (Status: Found) - A recent find by u/slimjimorrison on the 23rd of March 2024 details the first ever post Daniel made on the account that garnered him the infamy we all see today. Here it is.
6. The "smile" video (Status: Found)- This was a video that was out there for a bit, but no one was initially able to find it until it got leaked in 2022. There isn't too much context that I can find of this video. Here it is.
7. The Spiddlekick Interview (Status: Found)- Technically this was already leaked on KiwiFarms for a few months, but was recorded way back in September of 2022. It was only leaked here a some bit back. Here it is.
8. The Candlestick Poem (Status: Found)- This was one of the first videos posted on DanielLarsonFans after the "Good night everyone" video. Technically, this was already posted but was lost for a bit. In late 2023, this was leaked. Here it is.

There is likely a lot more found media of Daniel that was initially lost and looked after for a good bit that I missed. I might try and edit this post if I even can, since I don't always use this platform.
Now for the interesting stuff: Lost Media of Daniel that is known to exist, and others that have been thrown out and speculated on.

1. General- Daniel's videos from 2020/2021 are lost to time, this includes livestream recordings and posts.
2. General- Likee Media. There's likely a lot more Daniel posted on Likee, besides the meltdown that was unarchived.
3. General- There are likely incidents and freakouts that may or may not have been recorded especially during 2023, possibly by other individuals who happened to witness Daniel, and even other incidents and meltdowns pre-May 6th.
4. Pray 4 Denver- This is probably one of the holy grails of unreleased Daniel Larson Music. This album was hyped by Daniel in the latter part of 2021, but was never released past September of 2021, when it was slated to be released by him and his management. The existence of this album is however, up to question as many people claimed this album was a hoax or just never even existed at all. Nonetheless, this today stands as one of the oldest and most well known DL Music Lost Media.
5. Music's Rescue CCTV-There were likely CCTV cameras in the area of both the Walmart, Good Times, and Petsmart that got a good glimpse of the encounter between Daniel and Ween, as well as the aftermath.
6. Panera Bread Manager's Footage-The footage that the manager recorded of Daniel up-close has not been found, and likely will never be since the manager probably doesn't want to have anything to do with the situation or with Daniel.
7. American Idol Audition- Sometime in late-2020 or early 2021, Flexburger set up a fake American Idol audition where Daniel had sung something in front of numerous "judges". Following the audition, the judges had dissed Daniel and essentially made fun of him and his singing in standard American Idol fashion. Unfortunately, this event was not recorded, or we have yet to see any footage of it.
8. Fire Extinguisher Incident- There is allegedly footage of Daniel throwing a fire extinguisher from the top floor of a group home he was living in circa 2021. Footage has not been found since but was confirmed to exist.
9. Full May 6th and 7th Stream- The full May 6th Stream has not been recorded, and only the footage of Daniel exposing himself has been leaked from the full stream. Additionally, the somewhat unknown May 7th incident, which took place a day later only has a screenshot of Daniel exposing himself, again.
10. July 8th Interview- On July 8th, Daniel conducted an interview where he notably admits to assaulting his mother, who was wheelchair bound. The full interview was not recorded, however. DanielLarsonNewz (combotter) had been the first to publish the interview.
11. The Deleted Brink Videos- 2 videos of Daniel with Briink at an airbnb had been found and posted 7 months back, but were deleted quite recently without being archived. If someone has a link to the 2 videos, comment them here.
12. School of Mines Incident- I believe there is a video of Daniel being confronted, but through my research I somehow can't find it. Some have called this lost media too.
13. u/Monkeyman56783 unreleased footage- He has claimed that there is more unreleased footage apart from the 3 parts he had posted on YouTube. While it would be a blessing to see these, I think it's for the best we save these for last.
14. From u/oceanman9, there is an alleged video of Daniel struggling to button his jacket. Not much is known besides this comment.
15. From DanielLarsonfans, a now-deleted poster claimed that they had a recording of Daniel during his Anaheim stay in 2023 where he did a livestream trying to end it all in Disneyland. The poster claimed that viewership was in the 20s-30s, justifying its obscurity. The user then deleted his post and the account, before the subreddit was permanently deleted as well.
16. Michael Quinn videos- There are likely some unreleased videos of Daniel with Michael Quinn with WOTS in the timeframe that Daniel stayed in New York City.

Finally, the most interesting piece of lost media is actually a form of lostwave music!
The song Southside, produced by Flexburger, and Jay/jayadonna from Party House Records features a sample in the beginning that no one was able to fully identify, making it a piece of lostwave, up there with Blind the Wind and Everyone Knows That.
The first 5 seconds of the song is the unidentified sample in question. If you can identify the sample used or get information on it, feel free to state it! I am surprised this specific piece of media is not talked about in full.
Instrumental version without Daniel's heavenly voice.

TL;DR: I’m having relationship problems and I am struggling to see if it’s abuse or if I’m causing problems.
Hey y’all, I’m looking for some opinions on a relationship/event which I think either feels abusive and I’m in denial, or I’m allowing previous traumas to affect it. I’m sorry that it’s all over the place, my emotions are so confusing right now. I’m so exhausted. I feel like I try so hard to be a good partner but I always end up having to change something. It’s so complicated but here’s a snippet of what I’m experiencing.
This is the biggest (but not the only) event that’s made me start to question things. For some context: I’m a veteran, I used to be very fit and really loved working out and pushing my body. I’m a music education major and I used to work really hard on my schoolwork and stay at the school late because I’m extremely passionate about it. I love creating music to express myself and one time when I showed her she made fun of something I said, so now I don’t feel comfortable creating music around her or showing her anything I make anymore. I essentially don’t work out anymore. I’ve gained 30+ pounds and have no motivation to do anything except what she wants to do.
I (25m) have been in a relationship with a college classmate (20f) for a little over a year. In the beginning everything seemed amazing, but it moved so fast. I decided to hang out with her and her friend in their dorm one night and her and I basically haven’t spent a day apart since. After only a week of dating she was spending every night at my rental house instead of at her dorm and that essentially led to her just moving in because she was already basically living there. She told me things like “We’re soulmates” and “we’re perfect for each other” very early on in the relationship, and I think I told her I loved her about 1 week in. She used to make extremely thoughtful gifts for me for Christmas/Valentines Day and she wrote me little cute love notes and draw me pictures almost every day the first semester we started dating. This year for Valentines Day I didn’t hear anything about her planning a gift. 3 days before V-Day we had a conversation that I don’t take enough pictures of her. This has been an ongoing conversation and every time I try to explain that I have problems with being on my phone a lot, so I’ve been working on trying to enjoy moments without taking pictures or videos of them as much because I tend to be more focused on my phone instead of the actual event. She told me that she has “a picture of us from every month we’ve been together.” I asked her if taking pictures was a competition to her and she told me it is. (Also, she used to do photography with her mom, so it makes sense that she likes taking pictures, which I even expressed to her.) anyway, on the day before Valentine’s Day she all of a sudden has a bunch of work to do on my gift. After working for hours on end the gift that I got was a giant card with a handwritten poem on it, and the entire thing plastered with pictures of us. Cute right? But wait, there’s more. In addition to this, the card had a hidden slot with a line of pictures taped together with the months and year they were taken hand written on them. Following this, she cut out pictures of us and taped them all over a flower vase, which she also put pictures in. All of these had month and year on them as well. AND, she had put pictures in individual envelopes, with (you guessed it) the months and years written on both the envelope AND the picture inside. 1 for every single month we’ve been together.
She used to write me little cute notes and drawings every day. She doesn’t do that at all anymore. She tells me often that she feels we’re not intimate enough even when I do the exact things that she says she wants for intimacy. We’re both very busy, but I normally try to do most of the chores she doesnt like without complaint because she is busy and I understand that, so I don’t want her to worry about it most of the time. But I cannot deny that something isn’t right. She used to clean my kitchen, wash my dishes, cook and do my laundry frequently for me without me even asking. We live together in a different place now and she barely does chores other than cooking and I have to ask her and then remind her or I’m worried she won’t help me out at all with them.
Does anybody else find this extremely weird and possibly psychotic? or am I overreacting?

(also apologies if the grammar is wrong, english isn't my first language haha)
I've liked you for a long time, maybe 3 years? I never really noticed you during classes (before the pandemic) even though we've been classmates since kindergarten. I only really started to notice you when F2F happened in 2022. You were so sweet, funny and smart. You were cool and chill with everyone. I don't know why or when i fell for you but i did, cause now all i can ever think about is you.
For the past few years that I've gotten to know you, I've made poems, stories and songs all about you. Whenever i glance at you, sometimes I'd see you looking at me too, but most probably you're not looking at me.
When E transferred to our class, i started to see how you'd talk to her, how you'd give her you're second bracelet and it would look like you two were sweethearts; because you were sweethearts. How you'd playfully chat and laugh and i would get all jealous. If she was sitting down, you'd sit on an empty sit right next to her. I remember during the last quarter of that grade, i cried over you 2 times: reading quotes on Pinterest because i knew you'd never liked me, never look at me the same way you'd look at her.
Now it's another school year, and you were seated next to my best friend, N. I guess during that quarter you had alot of fun. Cause even now, the last quarter, the way you'd look at her while you talked during classes was a dead giveaway. The fact that even to N, whenever A is absent (A sits in the left seat, N sits in the middle and I sit at the right) you'd come over, bring your bag, and sit at A's seat so you can be next to N. Sometimes you'd let her borrow your ring, you'd mess with eachother, and you send her videos from Facebook. When i showed you pictures of pretty girls and asked you who was the prettiest, you pointed to her and told me "She is". I played it cool and said "Nice!" because i wanted to act like i supported you about your interest in her. Actually, i do, i do support your interest in her, but ofcourse, i'm jealous, i'm jealous about what you see in her that you don't see in me. I'm jealous about how when we were in the beach and she went online, you had sent her a video from facebook. I'm jealous about how in every single group activities, you'd be grouped with her. I'm jealous about how i see you glancing at her. One thing i don't understand is, how does nobody else see it? Do i like you so much that i'm the the third wheel of your love story, the only one who sees the story unfolding page by page? I guess so. And i can't even tell my friends about this at all, but they know i like you. N probably knows because she saw the pictures i secretly took when you were sitting next to eachother. I've cried over you once again, looking at the sky at the roof of my house, asking myself if you'd ever like me the same way i like you.
It doesn't matter. You send me videos too, and I've sent you some aswell. Infact, you were the one who sent me a video first. You first called me clever, and i called you cool. When i showed you those AvM videos, you were so interested, but honestly who wouldn't? You sat right next to me during our literature class, and even when my friends took a picture of us together, ran after them because of it, you still sat next to me right after. Whenever i start to write something on the blackboard, you'd come over, arms in a flirtatious manner and chat with me. You'd sing to me, rap to me and show me you're ideas, no matter how silly they were. You asked me if was going to be okay when i stayed behind in class because our teacher went on a meeting. I love these sweet little moments, alot. You don't know how much they mean to me, and how i wish they never stop.
But I hate how you'd sometimes ignore my replies. I hate how you sometimes won't do shit unless you were bargained with. I hate how you wait a couple of seconds just to finally do what you were told. And back to the replies, i hate it because whenever you text me and i text back, i tell myself "Why am i even bothering? He'll probably just 'seen' it again". And then you'll text me "Hey" and when i reply, you don't even other to tell me anything. I hate how when i talk to you about a video you sent me or a video i sent you, you seem uninterested.
Yet not everyone's perfect, and that obviously includes you. All i know is I overthink, I overreact, I'm obnoxious as fuck, i'm got such a dark humor even the teachers ask if i'm okay. when I get 'mad' i just laugh because i never really get mad, and when i do, you probably won't even talk to me anymore. I have eyebags and am skinny. Anybody could pick me up and throw me from a bridge and I'd drown cause i don't know how to swim. And the biggest: i'm ugly. No one would ever look at me twice because what features do i have that's enough for anyone to be interest in me? Enough for you?
I like you alot, but i'm okay if you like someone else. As long as you don't change and still be as cool as you were when i first got to know you.

Hi everyone! Storyteller here along with Shinobu_Sunshine, the creator of Kaori! Since there has been quite the interest in Kaori in her story, we collaborated together to create the full Kaori lore for those who want to read it. In fact, because she has been so beloved by the community we are currently working on a mod that adds her to the actual game! Until then, we'd like to ask that people don't come up with new lore/mods, but we love seeing new fanart and discussions! Without further ado, here is Kaori's Lore!
Kaori
Personality: A playful but polite extrovert. Super talkative. Dramatic sometimes.
Tropes: Himedere, popular girl
Struggle: She is a bit of an attention seeker. She doesn’t know when to stop talking. Has a big fear of abandonment. She is Bipolar. Her medication keeps her stable although she has to take a ton of pills a day. She hides her condition from her friends so they don't level her as a weirdo
Book interests: Renaissance poetry, medieval Fantasy and Romance
Act 2 changes: Her poems start to talk about how she desperately waits for a prince to come and save her from her own head. Starts to get jealous of the other dokis for spending time with MC. She actually starts to think she is entitled to MC and she actually starts to think she is a princess an MC her prince.
Death: Monika makes her stop taking her meds so she has a psychotic episode (psychosis) which leads her into jumping from the school rooftop. If MC accepts her confession she would jump just to prove she would die for him and tell MC to jump with her so they would both reunite in heaven (Romeo and Juliet reference) but Monika interrupts before MC decides to jump or not. If MC doesn't accept her confession she would jump because she would think that there wouldn't be any other prince in her story if MC isn't hers and deserves to die without a happy ending.
Side Stories (Bravery): Monika invites Kaori to the literature club after discovering Kaori's interest for poetry. It's hard for Kaori to get along with the dokis since Yuri gets overwhelmed talking to Kaori, Natsuki thinks Kaori is way too self-centered and Sayori finds it hard to understand why Kaori is so dramatic sometimes. Kaori gets into an argument with Natsuki and Yuri so she decides to leave the club for a while. Sayori would eventually find Kaori in the bathroom taking a whole lot of medication pills. Sayori immediately understands Kaori's situation and after talking for a while, Sayori notices Kaori is taking the wrong medication so Sayori tells her she should get better professional help (people with bipolar disorder sometimes share some of the same medication with people who suffer from depression so that’s why Sayori would know). Kaori finds out about Sayori's struggle and starts to learn how to properly take care of herself, encouraging Sayori to do the same. The other dokis would eventually find out about Kaori's struggle when she comes back to the club and starts to act more stable and she is comfortable enough to tell them that Sayori has been helping her for a while and the results have started to show. The other Dokis forgive Kaori and praise her for being strong enough to seek help and are impressed by how much she had changed for the better. At the end of this side story Kaori reveals the poem she had been working on. A poem called The Princess who Saved Herself which talks about how she will fight against her condition because that is something that a real princess would do.
Inspired by Kaori's poem and the song "The Princess who saved herself" I imagined that the Literature club was tasked to do some sort of stage play with poetry for the kids in kindergarten so in the side story called "Teamwork" Kaori and Monika would try to make a song together despite some disagreements. Then in the side story called "Confidence" Kaori and Yuri get together to do some preparations for the stage play like a cardboard castle for the background or something and by doing that they kinda start to understand each other a little better so Yuri builds up more confidence to talk to Kaori like a friend and not like just another classmate, also Kaori learns to shut up a bit a let other people talk. Finally on the last side story "encouragement" Natsuki refuses to take up the princess role on the stage play but didn't like the fact that Kaori was going to have the princess role and the singing narrator role at the same time, leaving Natsuki without a role in the stage play at all. All the dokis respect Natsuki's decision but Kaori knows there's something going on so after some deep talk with her. Natsuki Finally accepts to have the princess role and the stage play ends up being a total success.
A note from Shinobu_Sunshine:
Kaori is basically a representation of me although I do think I have to clarify that I don't suffer from Bipolar disorder or any disorder or condition at all. But I do have close people in my life that I personally take care of who suffer from bipolar disorder and depression. This disorder isn't just about rapidly changing moods all the time, if anything, that's a totally wrong misconception. Bipolar disorder is way more than that so I think being able to create a character like Kaori is a good way to bring some awareness and to spread a good message. Not all mentally ill people are just sad or depressed. Sometimes the loudest person in the room might be the loneliest one in there. Some people do suffer alone and refuse to seek help or to tell someone close if fear of being left out or leveled as crazy. Medication DOES work and it doesn't matter how many pills you take or how many times a week you go to the therapist. Mental health is just as important as your physical health and having the courage to step up for yourself and seek help is something to be praised at, not to be ashamed of.
I think that my favorite part of the DDLC community and DDLC as a whole is the amount of effort everyone puts into spreading awareness of mental health and encourage each other to seek help or straight up help each other directly. I'm sure DDLC and its community have saved a lot of people (I'm definitely one of them) and even when some us didn't make it, we were, we are and we will still be here to remember them. We all matter and we should let ourselves know that more often.
Here is an album of Shinobu_Sunshine 's art done for Kaori for those who want to see! https://imgur.com/a/hUBYRfx

Growing up as a third-generation Bengalurean with roots tracing back to Kerala, my cultural identity felt like a jigsaw puzzle, pieces scattered across languages and traditions. My grandparents made their way to Bengaluru in the 1960s in pursuit of their higher education. Growing up in the early 2000s, my family predominantly spoke Malayalam at home and for the first few years of my life, I did not speak any Kannada. I don’t suppose I was majorly interested in learning it as well as I considered myself a Malayalee. Despite this, my parents insisted on teaching me enough Kannada to survive.
Kannada seemed like a distant stream, flowing alongside the currents of my life but never fully embracing it. My school, following an ICSE curriculum, enforced a strict English-only policy. Despite attempts to fit in, I felt like an outsider. My classmates only spoke English and we were reprimanded by teachers whenever I attempted to converse in Kannada. My sense of belonging waned, and I found myself identifying with my ancestral hometown of Pallakad, rather than embracing Bengaluru as my own. This not only hindered my Kannada learning but also fostered a sense of detachment from the local culture. Speaking Kannada felt like a foreign concept, one that I struggled to embrace. The language, relegated to the sidelines, felt like an accessory rather than a core part of my identity.
However, in 2018, everything changed when I joined a junior college with a diverse student body. Surrounded by classmates from various backgrounds, I finally felt accepted for who I was. Here, Kannada was celebrated, not shunned. Whether it was exploring the city during bunked classes or bonding over trips to Urvashi theatre, I found myself immersed in Bengaluru’s rich cultural tapestry. It was in this environment that my love for Kannada blossomed. Through the works of Kuvempu sir, I discovered the lyrical beauty of the language, and my accent gradually morphed to fit in seamlessly with my peers. No longer did I feel like an outsider; instead, I proudly embraced my Kannadiga identity.
Yet, just as I found my home, life took me abroad for my studies. It was only in leaving Karnataka behind that I realized the depth of my connection to the land. Now, as I eagerly await my return, I would like to share a small poem I wrote as a part of a song I released a few months ago. I pray that fate leads me to serve the city that raised me.
“Neene nanna dhaari, neene nanna dhrishti
Endhigu nanna upakara, neena nanna jeevana
Naanu endhendhigu nimde
Jaya he Karnataka maathe”

I made 2 previous posts one about being severely depressed and suicidal, I have gotten better for a while but I think it’s getting worse again. It always does. I have so much going on it’s too much to handle. I’ve (16f) left school crying 2 times last week and had to completely leave school once and I had a panic attack lads week because the suicidal thoughts were consuming me and I was genuinely co considering it. Two people noticed.
They didn’t care they said they just wanted to “leave me alone” so I could calm down. I made suicide jokes to mommy friends my classmates and even some to my teachers! I made a comment about suicide to my English teacher while reading a poem about death, i jokes about my ‘soon’ funeral to my band director. Then I made another very VERY obvious suicide joke as a last call for help. Nobody cared enough to ask me if I was ok in that room. No one. What did they do, they joked about it. I hate school. And I really hate life sometimes and I really need a hug.

HERE'S THE STORY OF WHY I WANT TO KNOW: My mentor chose us to create a book filled with poems and quotes. She selected me to help with the book's layout. There's one classmate of mine who is proud of making many poems in just two days, around 20 or more, if I remember correctly. I've been watching her, especially her poetry, since last year. Isn't it suspicious that she produced so many poems in just two days? I've shared my concerns with some people, but how can I raise this issue with our mentor without evidence?
I'll confess, I once used AI to write a poem, but I stopped afterward. I noticed that AI tends to use complex and uncommon words in poems. Also, I observed that AI-generated poems often consist of four stanzas, with the last stanza typically starting with "SO," and the main idea of the poem is repeated.
We have an awards night at the end of each school year, where the highest award is given in each specialization (Literary Arts, Dance Arts, Music Arts, Visual Arts, Media Arts, Theater Arts), specifically for grade 10 students. She's in grade 10, but we don't want her to receive that award because we believe someone else deserves it more. How can she claim to be a writer when she relies on AI?

Spanish is not my first language so bear with me, please.
Basically my bf (23) and me (21) have been in a relationship for a year now, we met in college cause we are classmates, and idk, i thought this would go somehow different.
When we started our relationship and even before, he used to give me some pretty notes or gifts that were small and toughtful and I loved that, but he eventually stopped doing that and it made me kinda sad, so I stopped doing that too.
I talked to him about how it would be nice he'd posted pictures of videos or photos about us since he used to do it when we first started dating, but he did it once and then stopped it at all. He doesn't post a lot of stuff, but he usually does take some pictures or videos and that's the stuff he uploads. Once he told me that I should post stuff about us, but I told him that I wasn't going to do that because he doesn't do it either and he got kinda mad (I used to do it a lot, but stopped when he did it too).
Our anniversary date is my birthday, and since we are from differente cities, my birthday and his are major dates we have traveled to each other's cities. This year he didn't come, wich made me kinda sad cause I usually hate my birthday and he is the only person outside my family who was gonna be with me, he didn't explain anything so I told everyone he had ran out of money as an excuse. He then told me how he had expend the whole day playing in an arcade with his friend and how he was really tired after that, so we didn't even talked on the phone.
He's my first serious relationship ever and the first guy I've introduced to my family since I've only dated girls before in an on/off way, and my whole family loves him. His last birthday I weent to visit him and did some handcraft and I wrote him a poem since I like to write, he did not even reaction to it so I stopped doing that kind of stuff too. His birthday is near Christmas so I asked him for a letter, nothing really long or fancy, just a letter written on a sheet of paper, but he didn't do that.
I really love him, and it hurts me so much to not do the kind of stuff I want to because it just makes me tired and sad that he doesn't do the same stuff too. Our mutual friends told me how I really changed after starting dating him, since I'm a really talkative person and I'm usually laughing about anything, but he told me it can be kind of annoying when he's stressed or irritated about something, so I stopped talking that much. He noticed it and asked me about it, and then told me he was just mad and that's why he said it, but I am usually quiet around him when he's mad. He also is always saying how I talk too loud, or laugh too much about something that isn't really that funny.
We have had some issues about him not being able to put limits with his girl best friend (she was really touchy even in front of me, and he just went along with it) wich we could figure out just cause she stopped doing it, and something minor with his ex too.
Whenever I say something that bothers me or makes me feel sad, he tells me how he's sorry for being a bad bf and even tho I explain that's not what I meant, I'm the one who ends up saying sorry for making him feel bad.
But then, when we are together, he does really nice things for me, like he cooks for me when I don't feel like it, he brushes my hair after I shower, he hugs me, but then he usually doesn't like for me to kiss him all over the face (wich I usually do cause I think it's nice), but overall he shows his love for me in person.
I can't bear the idea of breaking up with him, but at this point I'm really tired and don't know what to do. My family loves him, we have some mutual friends who I don't wanna trouble with this, and that's it. My mom and sis are telling me how relationships are like this, and my friends are telling me how I should be with someone better for me. If someone could give some advice, I'd be really thankful about it.

So, I have this guy friend, let's call him A. A and I never talked with eachother, like ever. We just had a standard classmate talks. In 9th, we started talking a lot more because of a common friend we have. We got a lot closer by 10th, enough to share our personal family issues and mental problems. We also liked anime, so yeah, we had a common ground. I was definitely not interested in him romantically, but I was soo happy, I never had a guy friend, so I was definitely over excited.
Now, to the recent times. A and I joined the same junior college ( highschool, whatever). Many of our classmates also joined this college, one of these classmates was B. B and I were never close, she is nice, but she is too "smart and toppery" for me. She is a nice person, and thats all. A and B obviously got close and yeah, you could guess what happened next. Not even 6 months later, they both started dating (situationship is more appropriate maybe). I was definitely happy, I mean, yeah, they both are nice people, it was also fun to tease them
But in the last few months, i started feeling very weird about it. They both obviously do the usual couple things, but it's almost always online, never offline. He writes poems for her and what not, she "tries", to flirt with him, while I am there. Idk how to feel, but it just feels wrong. I kinda wanted to distance myself from them, but they are also the only people I have to keep me connected to my school self. I am still trying to figure out what I am feeling, maybe it's just jealousy or I actually have a crush on A, who knows. What is my problem??

It was the release of Facebook dating here in the Philippines and because of my curiosity i eventually made a dating account then after days of hearts and Xs I was matched by this interesting woman shes the one who chatted me first and we made our history, there we where chating in dating it was so playful and fun then eventually we transferred to messenger to continue our chats with notifications on because the dating didn't have a proper notification feature, so I started to court her in the messenger and I requested to be 3 months of Courting before we can get to be in a labeled relationship I wish to test our love together and she agreed to the traditional 3 months because she understands that I do date to marry and i didn't have any ex's in my life so I propose this test so I won't regret becoming her boyfriend. Our first months of dating on site it entirely was amazing as college sweethearts from different schools then one night she said she wasn't ready for a relationship because she has anxiety attacks and said i deserve a better woman then i supported her decision to stop our courtship then after 2 months of disconnection she comeback again misses me alot so we resume the 3 months rule to be 2 because that's what she wants so I give it to her we dated again our gallery was full of pictures of us and we fall in love together till she blocked me all of the sudden so I text her what happen? Is your Facebook broken? She said she had anxiety attacks again and definitely shes not ready for a serious relationship. 1 month later she come back and we dated again she shared to me her previous exs that they where perverted and touchy to her because her boobs where big and that was her major insecurities that's why she gets anxiety attacks because all of that trauma she faced and also with her broken family because her true father wasn't sent any presence fo support to her So i did my best to cope her and heal her mental health I made her love Poems and video presentations of our dates together. After that she dissappeared again for the 3rd time in this moment i already feel being heart broken because we already achieved the 3 months courtship and her anxiety attacks where stopping her from being with me. One day she comeback again and said sorry I proposed to reset the rule and start all the way to day 1 to perfectly finish the 3 months I wish for us, I got to be introduced to her family, cousins, and classmates all together i was so close to VC with her mother after 2 months I thought this was it then she blocked me again because of her anxiety attacks I do believe she has anxiety attacks because i can see scars in her hands she was cutting her self alot. After 2 months of disconnection i was fully broken in that moment because I thought she won't comeback so i started dating other women and suddenly she comeback and i immediately cuttoff my connections with the other woman. There we are we reset the 3 months rule again then she leaves me again. This happened 7x of returning and blocking me. The 7th time i was so furious that i chatted her cousin to ask for any updates from her he said she a Boyfriend now that give me so much trauma I can't even sleep properly. One night she come back and told me she read all of the conversation of me and her cousin and she is so embarrassed because they know everything what really happen right before she can even introduce her new boyfriend she just met for 1 week to her family Like I was already accepted to her love ones for a long time and she lied to her family and cousins all this time that we where still together they expected me to dalaw her very soon but how she didn't committed with me yet? She played me! She said she has a boyfriend now and she is contended and happy with him because that man was being real to her and shes is happy with him and very soon she will introduce him him to her whole family and friends then i said how about me? Shes said I was too carring for her i said too caring? How is that bad I tried my best to heal and cope your anxieties you give me 7 broken hearts you turned me your victim how am I too carring? Im no pevert no tochy i didn't disrespect you we where so happy together and now you choose him you just met for a 1week?She said he made her more happy than me And she said shes the one who courted that man who had a crush on her That hurted me deep I replied you said you are not ready? She didn't answer she said i deserve someone else She also confessed that after she blocked me last time she did dated a Chinese man but ended up being touchy to her then now she met this guy then after 1 week she courted him her self and immediately became her boyfriend so quick I said how about me? She said I am more happy than him because he is more real and i hope you understand that
That give me so much trauma it was so hard for me to reflect where was I wrong
Me(20yo) Her(22yo) background: broken family, her real father is in manila and has a different family, she's currently living together with her mother and step father here in cebu.
What happened to me after the enclosure? I shared it to my roommates and classmates why was I so moody and sad then they reto me a woman that likes me and I said I wasn't ready yet I am broken as of the moment I choose to deal with the pain and once healed then there will i be ready again but they totally ignored that and pushed me to get to know with this new woman so i give it our first date and eventually she hooked up with me and hit 3 rounds with her for that first date and I can't believe how i lost my virginity just like that. I went to a priest to confess my sins after that I reflected my self that she wasn't my girlfriend at the first place why am I like this and I said to myself I embraced to much of my emotions and I become a fool
I stayed single after 4 months ever since then and now fully healed I am now careful searching for the right woman for me..

Hey M24s, this is just gonna be some quick advice from a N23 who was feeling terrible before exams and procrastinated until the final month.
My subjects: HL AA, Physics & Chemistry SL English, Geography & Lang B
I wouldn’t say that I am very smart, but I do acknowledge that I had decent/strong foundations to work with. I genuinely procrastinated all study until the final month (did not take mock/trial exams) and for some subjects, I had not even learned 50% of their content.
The main idea is not studying long or all day, but studying effectively. Personally I tried to study as much as possible, but I’d always get distracted by tiktok or other things. I found that my deep, focused studying helped the most. So everyday (assuming you don’t have school) maybe just spend 6-8 hours on studying. Personally, I spent around 6 and still burned out. You genuinely do not need to be spending 10+ hours per day. Focus on understanding and internalising the content.
Maths AA, Physics & Chemistry (or other STEM subjects)
PLEASE USE SAVEMYEXAMS
Literally saved my exams, and was the best revision/learning resource out of everything available to me. Genuinely I learned a lot from Savemyexams, but make sure you also have the subject syllabus guide up when you’re reading/learning. Identify each dotpoint in the syllabus and make sure you’re keenly aware of which dot point you are learning about when you are reading savemyexams. Every hour or few hours, make sure you blurt what you remember for each dot point, and fill in the gaps when you re-read. Re-read the PDF many times,
DO NOT RELY ON REVISIONVILLAGE SCIENCES (absolutely sucked in my experience, but RV maths is ok). Make sure to read through the whole pdf for each subject multiple times, making sure you can explain each concept to yourself and work through the example worked questions they have. It is SUPER important you properly understand this content. Once you understand a concept/topic, work through real past paper questions on that topic (find the official questionbank, iykyk, and sort by topic.
USE REAL PAST PAPER QUESTIONS, NOT RANDOM QUESTIONBANKS
Some of them suck. Don’t take that risk. But make sure you don’t exhaust every practice question (leave some for you when you do a real past paper in exam conditions). Just do enough to make sure you know that topic well.
Once you have read through each subject’s PDF and done a thorough amount of topic-related past paper questions, you’re ready to take a real past paper under exam conditions. Take it timed, closed-book (there should be no reason for open-book since you should’ve already learned the content from savemyexams) and record your score. Mark all your mistakes and UNDERSTAND them. See what you did wrong and correct it. After you’ve finished that, write ONE TAKEAWAY (one weakness from that paper that you need to improve on). This part is really important.
As you do a few past papers, you should see your grades start increasing. Well done if that’s the case.
Geography (and other humanities I suppose)
If you’re like me you didn’t pay attention in class and don’t know the content. Oh well! There is no time to read the textbook. GO ONLINE. Find a good set of notes to use on each core topic and the options. I found some good notes on clastify (really hit or miss sometimes). The important point here is to make sure you’ve highlighted each syllabus dotpoint. Make sure you memorise content relating specifically to the syllabus dot points. If the syllabus asks for 2 case studies, make sure you have them memorised really well. If you forget them in the exam, literally just make them up lol.
Language B
Big struggle for me. For lang B, I just crammed a vocab bank the week before ngl and it worked out fine. I can’t really offer good advice for lang B, other than do lots of past papers, make sure basic vocab is learned and try to “game” the papers. I remember in one reading article that I thought was about innovative robots was actually about highways but I still got 9/10 because I had done so many I could find the patterns and fluke the paper.
English
Fucked me up good. I did not read ANY except 1 of my books. If you’re in this position, try to use poetry for paper 2. Personally I feel that poetry is extremely versatile (memorise and pre-analyse a few diverse poems) and can adapt to many questions. In my case, I could only do poetry for one of my works. Now, you have to use pre-written guides.
USE ATARNOTES
It was the night before my exam and I kid you not, I was still choosing my second text because I simply had not read any of them. I ended up choosing a play but THANK GOD FOR ATARNOTES, because their guide allowed me to skim, read, analyse and memorise quotes/themes/arguments literally all the night before the exam. Atarnotes is great, but what would be even better is if you could nab a good document of notes from a smart classmate or online (unfortunately I was out of time). My advice for both papers is literally just analyse a lot. Always talk about techniques and their effects (try to synthesise and produce some coherent arguments).
The next morning before the exam I basically just panicked looking at the past paper questions but all was well in the exam. I thought I did really bad in the exam (like ofc because that was literally the first paper 1 and 2 I had ever written) but it turned out fine in the end.
Overall, don’t be nervous everyone!! You still have so much time left (more than I had) and you aren’t as far behind as I was (hopefully). Yes, I did end up getting a 45 and I’m VERY grateful, but I’m just showing you all that you can too with some calculated studying and good strategising.
Best of luck to you all!

My daughter has just finished her first week at primary school (Equivelant of elementary school for you Americans).
Every Friday they will be bringing home a poem for us to read and talk about, to help them learn words, letters and phonetics.
This Friday was the letter C.
The poem (from memory) went something like
C is for cats for Crayon and cakes
C is for candy and cupcakes to bake
So we read this poem. I asked her to point out all the C’s. I explained why some C,s were big and others were small. I spoke about how in this poem C made a “kuh” sound.
“Kuh kuh cat”
I took it a bit further and said “does potato start with C?”
She thinks
“No daddy”
“How come?”
“Because it doesn’t make a Kuh sound”
“Good girl”
So I asked several other words. Corn, carpet, orange, car, tomato, dog… she thought hard about each one and sounded it out and worked out each option
Grand. I’m feeling pretty swagger, she’s got the concept.
“Okay, now you tell me a word that begins with C”
“Daddy.. I think Koala starts with C”
“Oh.. uh.. that’s really good. Koala does make a “kuh” sound doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, so does Kangaroo.. oh and also my teacher.. Kay”
“Uhh.. yeahhh.. these are all good Kuh sounds. I’ll let you in on a secret your classmates will learn soon. There are two letters that make a Kuh sound. One is C, the other is K”
“Why daddy?”
Here I am .. 30 minutes into story time at bed.. past bedtime now trying to think quickly of why C and K both sound the same.
“That’s for another night, let’s ask your teacher tomorrow”
Phew, bullet dodged.