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I’m trapped. I can hear that thing lumbering through the hallway. My God, what the hell is it? I’m trying my best to keep quiet but I can’t help but whimper. The soft scratching of my pencil on this notepad sounds deafening in the quiet of this tiny closet. I’m almost certainly gonna die in this place. I just hope someone can find this, maybe it will do some good. Or maybe it already doesn’t matter. I’m not sure how long I have until that wheezing thing finds me. Oh God, or that grey stuff might ooze under the door and dissolve me. Oh my God! What it did to Benny, Bill, Jonesy and Donald! To all of them! Even if I don’t survive, the world needs to be warned!
Long story short, I was a cop but I got shot in the head. The doctors said I was lucky, that it went straight through without hitting anything vital. However, I still needed three steel plates to hold my fragmented skull together. Also ended up with permanent tremors in my right hand from brain damage. So it’s no surprise that my cop career didn’t thrive. Just a year later I was a “retired” 45-year-old cop, living on scraps. After a few months, I started to get desperate for work. One evening at my pub, my friend, Graham, mentioned an acquaintance who was looking for employees for some private research institute in the Mojave Desert. “What, are they still blowing A-bombs out there?” I scoffed, eyebrows arched with bemused incredulity. Graham stared down at his beer, “Not sure what the hell they do. But they pay super well, so who cares,” he took a long sip of beer, foam clinging to his lips, “I think it would be a good fit for you”.
Turns out this facility, and it really is known as the “Facility”, was located in the middle of nowhere. When I looked it up online I couldn’t find any information. Later that week I called the number that Graham had scrawled down for me on a beer stained napkin. My right hand was useless to me if I wanted it to do anything that required fine motor function, so when I dialed the number on my phone I had to use my left hand. The phone rang twice before a metallic feminine voice answered and said to hold for an operator. After a few seconds of muted elevator music, I spoke to a soft voiced man who told me my skill set was perfect for their current vacancy: a security management position. He said if I filled out some forms they would pay for me to fly on out for an interview in person.
One month and several NDAs later, I was employed again! By the time I started my new job I realized I had no idea what research went on down here. During the interviews my duties as a security manager had been discussed but any mention of their actual research interests had been carefully avoided, redacted or omitted. The security staff were also told to avoid fraternizing with anyone not from their own department, including security personnel from other sections of the Facility. On my first day I asked others about the nature of the Facility’s research, but no one had any interest. “Just stick to your contract. No point in rocking the boat,” my new boss, Bill, said to me curtly. So since then I’ve not discussed it with anyone else.
If only I had, maybe I would have seen this coming. The section of the Facility which I managed was section B.15. This area, like most of the core Facility, was located several hundred feet below the sun scorched surface of the Mojave Desert and comprised many green painted corridors peppered with tall, wide doors made from dark, stainless steel. The rooms inside were large and sterile. Artefacts were cleaned and studied in these rooms after they were brought from the excavation sites (sites E.1 through E.27). Of course, whether we wanted to know the nature of the research or not, eventually, after patrolling some of the research labs for weeks, it wasn’t difficult to figure out that the scientists were mostly archeologists or paleontologists. I would often find objects of different sizes and shapes lying around in various states of cleanliness. Some looked like ancient amphoras, or large stone bird baths. Others were less identifiable: a chipped statue, a melted lump of some unidentifiable metal or large chunks of a glass-like material. I found this all extremely curious because, as far as I knew, the Mojave Desert didn’t have much in the way of ancient architecture. At least of any ancient civilization that I know.
As the months went by I started to get friendly with the other guards, most of them ex-cops too, and we started playing cards and drinking Irish coffee in the evenings. My two main colleagues consisted of a jovial, short man with orange hair named Jonesy and a much older much grumpier and much balder man, Donald. They were good men and we had a lot of laughs together. My stomach twists when I think about where they are now. Though I grew fonder of my fellow guards, I found myself developing a severe dislike for the white coated researchers. Most of them were pernicious and arrogant. The only scientist my security buddies and me could stand was a scrawny man named Benny. Our favorite thing about Benny was that he never talked about his work.
It was earlier today, at around 1400h, when all the scientists were running from their rooms. They must have received some message a few minutes before and we watched them from the surveillance monitors as they got all excited and leapt up. Their lab coats flapped and flowed around as they jumped to their feet and made for the main exit. Soon after this the large red landline phone near my video surveillance desk began to ring. Expecting the call, I picked up the receiver before the first ring finished, “Hey boss, what’s all the excitement about?” Bill’s voice was uncharacteristically hesitant “The diggers have found a friggin’ huge object out here! The biggest thing they’ve ever dug up, it’s really irregular. They want to bring it to B.15 and I need you to organize the logistics and security”. My brow furrowed, “I guess it’s too big for the main entrance? Maybe we could bring it in via the big doors of the auxiliary hangar?” Bill grunted with agreement, “Yea, we’ll have to improvise a bit but should be manageable. I have no idea what it is… well you’ll see for yourself. I’ll get some of the boys from B.14 to help you out. And just, well…” He paused for a moment, “just be careful.” I grunted, my eyebrow arched from surprise; why was he so afraid? “Um thanks, appreciate it, see you guys soon”.
Donald, Jonesy and I had coffee in the office and called the guards at the hangar doors to arrange clearance. About an hour later we were at the platform near the doors waiting for the cargo to arrive. The massive metal hangar doors had been opened, which was rare. What was more irregular was that nearly every staff member from sections B.11 to B.18 were all gathered together in a silent knot of people. Despite the silence the air sizzled with anticipation, as well as the searing heat. I stood transfixed from curiosity at the massive doorway, waiting in the shade of the hangar as the relentless sun beat down outside. In the distance I saw a black speck grow larger against the bright blue sky. Slowly it took the form of a helicopter which was carrying a large rectangular shaped mass below it.
Within less than a minute the helicopter made its cacophonous approach toward the hangar and gently lowered the object onto an enormous wooden scaffold. I barked orders and signed forms as the guards rushed about, making sure the other personnel stayed a safe distance away. The air was blaring with the sound of the helicopter blades and sand rocketed into my face, forcing me to splutter. “Alright, let’s get this thing processed!” I yelled over the sound of the helicopter as its engines powered down, my colleagues and I wiped dirt from our faces. Bill emerged swiftly from the chopper and shook my hand. We quickly reviewed the paper work he gave me and then he made his way back downstairs to his office in section B.1. He was keen to get away for some reason.
“Alright, it’s officially in my care now. Show’s over. Get the non-essential personnel out of here immediately and secure the object. I want to get Benny up here to analyze it ASAP.” As my colleagues cleared away most of the staff and the excitement died down I was finally able to take a moment to inspect the object. It had been lowered onto the wooden scaffold fitted with wheels just outside the hangar and had been pushed slowly into the center. The few aircraft in this hangar were all currently under repairs and were non-operational, therefore there was plenty of space. As soon as I saw the sheer size of the object, I knew it would be difficult to transport, but not impossible. The object was a wall. Or a large fragment of a wall.
It was about twenty feet long, eight feet thick and ten feet high. At first the wall appeared made from some sort of boring grey stone. However, when I looked closer the wall was… alive. The wall’s surface bubbled slightly. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I stepped closer. When I was only a few inches away from it I felt cold. A bead of sweat ran down my cheek and I thought I heard something. It sounded like someone far away calling my name.
I felt a strange pressure around my head. A sudden invasive thought wormed to life: throw yourself into the wall. I shuddered and held myself back despite the sudden strong desire. I heard the faint voice of Benny and crashed back to reality. My eyes snapped open and I found my nose an inch away from the wall. It radiated cold like an open freezer and it smelled like rotting clay. The surface of the wall simmered ever so slightly. It reminded me of the fizz of some grey effervescent medicine. I paled as I took a large step backward, “I.. uh, what is this?” I turned to face Benny who stood with another scientist. He glanced at her briefly before he approached the wall to apply more straps. He was careful to avoid touching the wall with his bare skin. “Honestly, we have no idea”.
I got Donald and Jonesy to help Benny transport the wall down to room 278B via the service elevator. Donald grumbled about how badly the wall smelled and Jonesy had eyes as large as saucers when he saw it up close, “It looks so unreal!” Once downstairs I returned to my office to get some more coffee and file away the paperwork. I tried to put the strangeness of the wall out of my mind, but it had truly unnerved me. I felt so tired, my forehead drenched with cold sweat. I had been working extra shifts lately, but I had never been hit by such exhaustion so rapidly. As I sat at my desk facing the surveillance monitors I was unable to fight the sleep forcing my eyes shut.
I’ve had many hangovers in my life, most of them unpleasant, but when I woke up at my desk I’d never felt quite so singularly awful. My clothes were soaked with sweat and my whole body felt exhausted. My arms felt like molasses as I attempted to move. My forehead throbbed and I felt bruised. I also felt a pressure squeezing my head from all sides. It was quite peculiar. I sat back in my seat and rubbed my eyes.
Then I froze.
A hand was lying motionless on the floor just behind the table in the center of the office. I leapt to my feet and rushed forward. I gasped from horror as I saw Donald lying on the floor, his chest sliced to ribbons. Gallons of crimson red stained his blue uniform and his eyes stared up empty and terrified. Pallid and shaking I went to my office landline to call for backup immediately. As the receiver met my ear my stomach dropped into my feet.
The line was dead.
The sole means of communication within the core Facility is done through landlines. The landlines are monitored at all times and any interruption results in an immediate response from security. We had many protocols and fail safes to ensure communication remained enabled, but the line was dead and there was no sign of any response. In fact, how long had I been asleep? What was happening? I rushed back to the monitors. I hadn’t noticed it before but I couldn’t see anyone. The cameras were all operating normally but not a single person could be seen. The corridors were just as green and bare as most late evenings. I looked at the clock, it was only 1817h. I had slept for about two and a half hours. Where were the janitors? My heart was hammering in my chest and I couldn’t catch my breath. Meanwhile my head was throbbing and my eyes were burning. Suddenly I heard an indistinct whisper. Gooseflesh bloomed all over my back and arms.
I’d heard this voice before.
I’d heard this voice from the wall.
I turned to the monitors and searched for the wall. It had been brought back to the surface; the hangar! It sat upon the bare ground right by the massive doors. However, the doors were all sealed. The wall itself looked different. It was enormous! Almost three times longer and taller and wider. Just then, I realized that the titanium blast doors had been sealed as well. My heart rate doubled as I noticed large dents, scorch marks and scratches all over the doors. Someone had tried to break them down. The hangar floor was covered in blood and ash as well as abandoned weapons. My God, I even saw a rocket-launcher lying blackened and fractured near the doors. What the hell had happened?
I spun my head to look at the security control panel on the wall to my left. My heart, already blaring, felt like it leapt out of my mouth. My eyes grew wide as I realized someone, probably Donald, had activated a quarantine procedure. This meant that the entire Facility would be sealed airtight. The only way to open any doors now was from the outside. My God! Why had he done this? Where was everyone? Did he try to wake me? Did I really sleep through all this? I looked back at Donald, my heart still hammering from seeing his dead eyes stare into mine. I sighed sadly and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was currently 1831h. I returned to the monitors and began to rewind the security footage.
Surveying the screens, I watched my past-self enter the security office at around 1600h. By 1610h I had passed-out on my chair, drool dangling from my mouth. “Ok, so let’s see where the wall was at that time. Should be room 278B.” I thought to myself aloud as I clicked on the button that would display the footage from that room as well as the surrounding corridors. The screen was black as the footage loaded and I was about to hit the play button but hesitated. Did I really want to see this? I closed my eyes and took a few slow breaths. I can’t figure my way out of here if I don’t know what’s going on. I have to know. I hit play.
The camera was located opposite the door giving a full view of the room. At first everything seemed normal. Benny and some other scientists had transported the wall into room 278B. It was 1623h when they were taking the straps off the wall. A loud popping sound was heard and the researchers spun around. The lights in the room dimmed and flickered. Suddenly something long and slimy exploded from the wall, curled around Benny, and pulled him in. He screamed in terror as he vanished, his cries immediately silenced. My jaw dropped open and a small yell escaped me.
Without realizing it, I was instantly on my feet, shaking my head in pure denial. My heart burst. What the hell was that? What the hell? What the hell? My head was full of static. I felt tears in my eyes as I watched guards and researchers rush into the room. The wall shimmered, it’s simmering surface began to boil and bubble and it grew three feet higher. I saw it reshape itself so that intricately carved figures appeared on the wall’s edge. I leant in closer and gasped. One of those figures looked just like Benny, his mouth stretched open wide into a permanent scream. I didn’t want to continue watching, but I had to. The guards and researchers were horrified by what they saw before them. Suddenly, without warning, their body postures relaxed, their eyes grew glassy, and their arms fell slack at their sides. Those within the room moved as if sleepwalking. Some stayed still while others left the room. Brow furrowed from confusion and fear, my eyes swiveled to the footage of the corridor outside. The guards and researchers that had just exited 278B immediately began attacking and grappling those around them. I yelped as a vacant-eyed guard lazily shot another man in the leg. The thrall then dragged the wounded guard into room 278B. The mad guard held the wounded guard’s leg fast as he casually walked into the grey wall, pulling the struggling man in behind him. During this altercation I noticed Donald for the first time, he was hiding behind the corner of the corridor at the far end and was firing his gun at the madmen. He didn’t manage to hit anyone though. He then ran over to help a stray researcher to their feet and then they both ran down the corridor and out of view.
I can still hear the cries of pain and pleas for mercy as those who fell victim to the thralls were each dragged into that horrifying wall. With every person it swallowed, the wall wriggled and grew and grew. More and more ghastly decorations began to bloom on its surface, all of them made from the bones or likenesses of those who had been absorbed. The bigger it got the stronger its psychic influence became until it seemed to reach nearly everyone in the Facility, turning them into thralls. I looked on in horror as one by one, all janitors, researchers, guards, diggers, admin staff, everyone gradually stopped what they were doing, mid conversation, their eyes emptying. The janitors dropped their mops and buckets. Researchers dropped precious materials and equipment without care, letting them smash to pieces. In unison they all slowly, with vacant expressions, moved toward room 278B. Among the horde of thralls, I saw Bill and Jonesy, and so many others I knew by face. A guy who’d held the door for me once, a researcher who always slurped her coffee at lunch. Hundreds of people! What filled me with an unnamable dread was that I knew what was gonna happen. I knew what was coming. I tried to shout at the monitors, “Stop! Wait!” I grabbed the monitors and shook them with frustration.
A terror began to fill my stomach, deep and cold and aching. Suddenly I noticed Donald reappear on the screen. He was trying to hold back the researcher he’d helped earlier, but it was useless. I saw Donald, chest heaving from effort, stare with incredulity as he sat defeated on the ground. Everyone else around him stumbled dreamily toward their doom. But Donald refused to give up. I saw him run from corridor to corridor, trying desperately to stop them. He threw chairs and tables in their way but they simply pushed them aside or jumped over them. I saw him run toward this office. I saw him enter, saw myself slumped on my chair still completely unconscious. I saw Donald try to shake me awake, he slapped me a few times and was yelling in frustration. He gave up with me eventually and ran over to activate the quarantine lockdown. I saw him tear down the hall back toward room 278B, pistol in hand.
My best guess was that he saw what was happening in room 278B and decided he was gonna stop it. However, as soon as he got close to the door a long pale tendril burst through the door directly into Donald’s chest. The tentacle had a hooked end and it slashed at him. I saw blood spurt out of him, saw him stumble and fall from the ground in fright. However, he still managed to get a hold of his gun and fired multiple shots at the tendril. It writhed and flailed. Donald took the opportunity to climb to his feet. He grimaced and clasped his chest as crimson leaked to the floor. He moved back down the corridor, much more slowly than before. Eventually he got back to the office. He locked the door and then collapsed. I cried out in frustration. That whole time I was completely useless!
My mind felt like static again for a few seconds. I couldn’t work out what my next move should be. A thought hit me hard, one I should really have thought of before. Why had Donald and I not been psychically affected by the wall? Everyone had been enslaved, everyone had been forced to walk into that wall. Why not Donald? And me? I knew it must be connected to my horrendous sleepiness. My eyes grew wide with sudden realization. “Shit, the steel plates in my head!” Donald had a single steel plate in his skull because of a rock-climbing accident he had in his 20s. When I got close to the wall, had it sensed my resistance? Had it tried to incapacitate me? If so, it means this thing possesses sentience.
While I pondered this, I noticed some thralls re-strap the wall in room 278B. They transported it to the elevator and back up to the hangar. Once there, the thralls moved the wall off the scaffold onto the floor and began to beat heavily on the large metal doors with bare fists. Some even shot at the doors with their handguns. The ricochets killed a few of them but not one single person seemed to even notice. Some of the guards even used a rocket launcher! I yelled with shock as they fired at deadly close range, lazily blowing themselves up, leaving the doors scorched. After this proved futile, the thralls all grew suddenly rigid. Next, they all formed a line in front of the wall and one shambling step after another, all the remaining employees were - assimilated. Even the dead and wounded were not spared. Those still alive carried the corpses of their fellow thralls into the wall.
It was 1705h when the last employee disappeared forever into the grey horror, and the wall expanded to its current size. Without warning, a large writhing mass of twisted limbs emerged from the wall. I gasped from horror. I couldn’t tell exactly what it was because the lighting in the hangar wasn’t good enough, but it definitely wasn’t human. Its silhouette was about seven feet tall and thin and stretched. It had too many legs and it didn’t seem to have a head. This thing lumbered over to the doors and began to strike them with a strength and ferocity one would only find in a starving polar bear. I could tell that the doors were taking strain, and they began to bend, but even then, they would not yield. After about half an hour of smashing the door, the creature stopped and slowly shambled toward the stairs. My heart froze. It was coming here! Or was it here already?
My eyes swiveled back to the main monitor and I was surprised to see Donald still alive. He was scratched and bleeding badly as he shakily pushed himself from the floor. He then looked up at the ammunitions cupboard and began to search through his keys. I saw him curse. He couldn’t find the key with his trembling, bloodied fingers. In the next instant his eyes bulged and he heaved as if vomiting. His body doubled over and long grey tendrils oozed from his mouth and wriggled furiously. He grabbed his throat and fell forward onto the floor. Frozen in horror I watched as his body squirmed and he wriggled as if his intestines were filled with snakes. I continued to watch absolutely transfixed as three long grey tendrils emerged again from between Donald’s lips. Slowly they wriggled free of his mouth. They were about half a foot long, dull grey and thin like spaghetti.
I watched as they slithered toward my unconscious form on the monitor. I bit my lip and stood up. Slowly my brain put two and two together. Bile rose in my throat. I yelled at myself to wake up and see the worms. Just then my stomach dropped and I could feel an itchiness in my belly. I could feel the wriggling itch of a thousand grey eels in my gut. Or was I imagining it?
My stomach writhed and I was about to puke when I saw myself awake and stretch in my chair. The worms somehow realized I was awake and they moved out of view towards the –before I could watch the screen any longer, I heard a hiss and something slimy and long wrapped itself around my throat so tight I couldn’t breathe. I gasped with surprise and strained my neck to look at the monitor that showed the room in real time. I saw from the camera behind my head that something thin and grey had wrapped itself around my throat. I saw two more of those things coming at me from behind as well. They were about to come wriggling up my chair when I grimaced with anger and grabbed my gun from its holster. The thing around my neck was hissing and making awful clicking and guttural noises. Its small worm head had a mouth that bit and it latched onto my neck to suck my blood. I pulled at the leach and pressed my gun up against it. I pulled the trigger. With an earsplitting bang and a sound like a water balloon popping the leach was reduced to sticky goo. I pulled the remnants of the leach off my neck and spun around just in time to shoot and kill the others. I grinned with a mad-joy and yelled with relief. Immediately, a wave of nausea and exhaustion hit me and I fell back onto my chair. “What the hell was that? What the hell do I do now?” I sat still for a moment and tried not to lose my mind completely. I swear I could hear Woody the woodpecker laughing somewhere in the distance. I needed to keep it together. I took a long deep breath and tried to think of a way out.
Summarizing the details of my predicament, I realized I was trapped alone inside the Facility with an otherworldly force. Also, even if I found a way out, I’d potentially be letting an evil into the world that could destroy all life. At once an old thought returned to me, one I’d often experienced as a cop. “If I need to sacrifice myself to save others, I will do so without complaint.” A wry smile spread over my face. “Once a cop, always a cop.” My smile vanished as a I continued to think. “But my God, if this thing gets out. If it gets into the minds of other people. If it gets larger and larger. Could it swallow the world? The solar system? What other monstrosities would it unleash?” I was talking aloud now; the sound of my voice gave a new reality to my situation that made me shudder. I turned back to the monitor. It seems I was all caught up with what had happened. I stared blankly into the screen while I watched my past-self continue to wake and wince from pain. I switched the monitor off and saw my reflection in the blackness of the screen. I was pale and my eyes were wide and unblinking. “What do I do now?” I turned in my chair to look at Donald’s body. Were all those worms gone? Could some still be hiding? And what should be done with his body? Probably best to have it burned. “Poor Donald, he didn’t deserve this”, I muttered softly as I examined his corpse, making sure there were no unexplained twitches beneath his skin. My eyes moved from his body up to the ammunition’s cupboard just above. “Wait, why was he trying to get into the cupboard earlier? We don’t have much…”, my eyes grew large with realization. “Holy crap, he was trying to get the bomb! Me and Donald were gonna use a left-over bomb from the excavation site to blow some random shit up!”
I sighed sadly and heavily. We never got around to it. I stood up quickly and walked up to the cupboard. I pulled out my keys and quickly found the key I’d need. I opened the cupboard with little effort and found the ten kilos of plastic explosive inside. It had already been set up with a sixty second timer and a remote detonator by a colleague. I sat at the table with the explosive, a vague plan forming in my broken mind. “Maybe if I somehow get this wall-thing to eat this bomb then...”
Before I could formulate my thoughts fully, the lights flickered, and the entire Facility was plunged into darkness unceremoniously. My nerves were burning with fear. What had happened? Had that thing knocked the power out somehow? The next few seconds that past were some of the longest I’d ever experienced. However, dim green light bloomed to life and the reserve power kicked in. Then I heard slow, shuffling footsteps in the corridor just outside the office. I froze once again, my insides turning to mush. My mind raced. Had I remembered to lock the door? My stomach leapt into my feet as I heard the shuffling get louder and louder. I heard hoarse, wheezing breaths, as if the thing struggled to breathe. I jumped from fright but remained absolutely silent as whatever the thing was banged on the door with a deafening blow.
BANG! The door shook and bent slightly.
BANG! Silence for a moment.
BANG! BANG! Again silence. My heart was hammering in my ears and I sat deathly still. I could hear that thing breathing louder. After a few moments I heard it shuffle away. My entire body was shaking as relief washed over me. Whatever the thing was, it had walked away and I could no longer hear it. I turned to look at the monitors. Dare I turn them on and check what it was? After a few seconds of consideration, holding my breath, I turned to the monitors and switched them on. I waited in nervous anticipation as the screens flickered to life showing me that all the corridors between me and the wall were currently empty. I didn’t bother checking the corridor I suspected the shambling thing was in. I didn’t want to see it unless I needed to. I’d had just about all the stress and terror I could take and by this stage I felt weirdly calm. It must be shock. A thin sigh escaped me as I stood. The fear in my blood began to feed a furnace of anger in my heart. I thought about all those who I had lost. I felt my expression turn to granite, “It’s time to kill this thing.”
I opened the door slowly, my fully loaded gun in my good hand. Spare ammo along with the explosive and a shotgun was stashed in my backpack, and the remote detonator was tied to my belt. I held a heavy-duty flashlight in my shaky right hand. I moved cautiously through the dark green corridors. I’d never thought of how creepy this place could be until this moment. Gooseflesh crept up my arms and neck as I continued. All I could hear were my soft footfalls and shallow anxious breaths. I cleared the corridors one by one until I made it to the stairs that would lead me to the thing that looks like a wall. I walked up the stairs slowly, my ears honing in on any sound. That’s when I heard it. I heard the soft sound of crying.
Someone was crying. I stopped dead in my tracks. My entire body shook from the adrenaline surging through me. I took one step. Then another. Slowly, I climbed. Once my head could peek over the top, I froze. Jonesy was squatting on his knees, naked. He was between the wall and me, with his back facing me. The terrifying thing loomed enormous before us. It was now framed intricately with the skeletons of hundreds of people, all twisted and screaming in agony. Writhing, tortured souls fused together. Then came the sound of crying and moaning from the wall. I could hear them all. They were all screaming. Screaming for me to help them. To join them. I felt that pressure squeeze against my skull tighter and tighter. I shook my head in defiance. “No! You bastard! NO! I will not join you! You’re not Jonesy!” All at once the moans and wails stopped. I suddenly found myself at the top of the stairs without knowing when I’d finished climbing them. “But we are Jonesy” came a voice that was not human. It was a voice made from all those it had swallowed up. It was as though something had made a distorted copy of the voices of all those people and then just used them all at once to speak. It didn’t understand the concept of individuality. All of a sudden, the wall rippled and grey tendrils squirmed from the flesh of the wall, curling around Jonesy as they teased his face and slowly pulled him in. As he disappeared there was a horrendous sucking, squelching noise. “We are Jonesy. We are all. We can be all. We will be all. All and all and more than all.” The voice was chanting this over and over. Louder and louder.
A deafening blast came from the wall and a slithering, writhing mass of tangled human limbs emerged. It had four legs and several arms. It looked like the bodies of eight or more people shuffled and glued into an otherworldly horror. Its multiple mouths screamed a high pitch squeal that was more horrifying than the screams of the damned, and its sharp pointed teeth gnashed and chomped. I only had a second to dodge this monster. I leapt to the side and fired multiple shots at the thing’s center of mass. Its horrifying body of fused torsos wriggled and bled black ichor. It screamed with pain and jumped at me, grabbing my leg. It tossed me into the air and I almost lost my gun as I slammed into the floor a few feet away. Before I could catch my breath, it was upon me again. From the ground I fired several shots at it. This made it jump away and scuttle down the stairs. With it momentarily out of sight, I quickly got to my feet and kept my eyes on the stairs.
After a second, I decided to kneel and take off my backpack as fast as I could. I pulled out the bomb and started the timer. I also decided to get the shotgun out and get it loaded. I needed to do this now or never. As the final shell clicked into place I heard a roar coming from the stairs. The thing was back. Before I could react, it leapt at me and knocked me to the ground. The bomb flew from my grasp. It bared down on me, grabbing at my throat ready to tear me apart. My reflexes saved me though and I managed to use my shotgun to hold the thing at bay, but it was too strong. Desperate, I kicked it hard in the chest and it let go. I used this moment to grab the bomb that lay behind me; only 37 seconds to go! Terrified and crazed, sweat pouring down my face, my mind in pieces, I rammed the bomb into the creature’s mouth and kicked it back again as hard as I could. I heard it yelp like a wounded dog and it lost its footing. It fell sideways and in that second, I took my shotgun and fired at it in the chest. The force of the close-range blast sent me flying. At the same time the creature was hurled back into the wall where it was enveloped quickly.
My head was fuzzy. I was dizzy and the wind had been knocked out of me. Was the bomb going to work? I felt something warm and wet drip into my ear and touched the side of my head. My fingertips came away soaked in blood. My head was spinning. With a foggy mind I grabbed my bag, collecting my weapons and flashlight. As I stood up I heard a low rumbling sound. The ground beneath my feet shook and for a moment I was confused. Then I looked up at the wall. Its surface was roiling and boiling like I’d never seen before. It was shaking and growing. I turned to run when suddenly there was a massive blast from inside it, and the entire wall exploded into hundreds of small grey chunks. These chunks rained down all around the hangar, smashing several aircraft. The blast knocked me off my feet and this time I definitely passed out because when I awoke I could see daylight through the tiny cracks in the blast door. Where the wall had once been now stood a small blackened crater. I turned around to inspect the wall pieces and found that they – my eyes grew wide and my mouth opened. They were melting. As I approached a fragment of wall, a horrible twisted hand shot out at me. I yelled and jumped away. It was still alive! I watched in dumbfounded horror as the pieces continued to melt and began to merge, just like that scene from Terminator 2.
It was rebuilding itself. Then I heard a groan. My blood became ice. I turned slowly in terror to find the shambling, wheezing monstrosity behind me. Like the creature I'd shot, this one seemed made from bits and pieces of human limbs knitted together randomly. This one had legs which came out its mouth, its head positioned within its torso where the bellybutton should be, and it wheezed in pain. I almost puked from fright but my legs were already carrying me away. I sprinted down the corridors, ignoring all the pain and fear and exhaustion and anger and frustration I had inside me. Without thinking, I leapt into the first janitor's closet I found and locked the door with a dull clunking sound. After catching my breath, I found this notepad and pencil, and have been writing this report in the sterile glow of my flashlight. Hopefully, I have left some useful information for anyone who may find this.
Now I lie in wait for that thing. Now I lie in wait for that grey ooze. What is that thing? Is it truly indestructible? If it can survive a bomb like that, what hope do we have? It’s no wall at all. It’s a membrane. An interface. Somewhere very different is pressing up against us. It has torn a small hole, and was now prying it open further. I should blow up this whole damn place! I should burn it! But would it matter? Or would it just be buried, to be rediscovered? I think even if I survive this, nothing can help us. So here I wait, hoping to be saved, but even as I write this I can hear that thing walking past the door. With a soft click I turn off my flashlight. I try not to breathe. I can hear the snuffling, it’s right outside! I can smell its ugly breath.
Oh God! I hear the jingling of keys. The door is unlocking! How? How?
Oh God! The doorknob is turning...

My state of employment is Missouri if this will help better the advice I may receive
Hello all. I will stick to the facts and what relates to myself directly. This is long, so bear with me. If you want to skip to the end to my legal question before skimming over my story, feel free to. But please, please, please I am in desperate need of advice.
I worked for a contractor for Charter Communications as a Field Technician from early November 2023 until last Friday. Technically, I still work for them, as I was neither terminated nor did I resign.
My concern, and what I need advice on, is in regards primarily to my compensation. The company, when employed, has a ton of paperwork you are supposed to go through and fill out. I filled it out and read through most of them, and was told a summary of what a lot of it meant. My primary tool to help me diagnose problems on the spot would require a $1,000 deposit, but broken up over pay periods, totaling $25 deducted from each paycheck. Tool purchases from them could vary from a single tool of $13, to hundreds of dollars broken up to $25 maximum deducted from each paycheck. The only caveat in the contract I signed with them was that I would not receive reimbursements for either if I left within 90 days of employment. Direct deposit was also not allowed during the first 90 days, so I was picking up physical checks.
Fast forward to December, I am finally exiting my training phase, and instead of being sent into the field I was to be sent 2+ hours away to a large project. I was issued a company vehicle, and a company gas card. The technician in charge of the project drove his own vehicle and was allowed to use my gas card by our supervisor to fill his personal vehicle on multiple occasions.
Again, let’s fast forward now to January. This project lasts us over 4 weeks, running late of course, but nothing we can do. We stay in an AirBNB during the week, but are required to drive home on the weekends. Remember, this is over 2 hours away, and I’m also responsible for driving another technician. And at the end of the project, they stopped giving us an AirBNB, which means we spent ~3-4 days solid driving this distance back and forth every single day. I get my first paycheck from the project and it was a nice one. My second one comes in, and there’s a HUGE red flag: a deduction of $96.73 from my paycheck for gasoline for the COMPANY vehicle. I immediately alert my supervisor who says that is incorrect and he will have it fixed for my next paycheck. Next paycheck hits, and another deduction. Now it’s $53.43. Again, alert him, and I’m told it’ll be fixed and to make sure my gas receipts are being turned in (they are). Next paycheck has no deductions, but the money is not reimbursed. Alert him again. Next paycheck, I receive a new deduction that’s only labeled as “Other” for $48.80 on top of $25 for tools. Alert supervisor again. Told they’ll look into and get back to me. Hear nothing about it. Ask again and told the “Other” was for gas, which doesn’t make sense as it has been labeled as “Gas” on every other paycheck that I had it deducted from. Whatever, right? Well, now I find out as I’m sitting in the office overhearing a conversation that there’s a $15/day limit on the company issued gas cards.
🚩 🚨 ALARMS ARE NOW GOING OFF
The agreement I signed with the company relating to the gas card, as far as I remember, mentioned nothing about a daily limit allocated to each technician. So now I’m pissed, as my supervisor tells me I will not be reimbursed for these expenses deducted. I remind him that it was for a special out of town project, and he says he’ll talk to the front office. Yay! Next paycheck, $37.50 is deducted for another mysterious “Other”. At this point I’m pissed. I’m doing everything right and turning in all of my paperwork. I tell him again. “Waiting on (name).” Okay. Fine.
Fast forward to last week. They call me in and sit me down and inform me that Charter will no longer be routing me in the field due to a customer complaint. Won’t go into detail, but it was petty which was unfortunate as this specific customer and I talked throughout the entire visit about our shared interests which started over something on their wall.
Supervisor informs me I must turn in all equipment and my vehicle ASAP or my paycheck would be held for the next day. I go home, clean out my work vehicle of my personal items, and document myself putting every tool I was issued into a specific container on video as proof of their good condition, and the fact I had them. Since it has been over 90 days, I am under the assumption I will be reimbursed. Infact I am told as much. I am told by my supervisor that once everything is accounted for, I will receive four weeks of pay (all of the hours I am owed), and the next would-be pay day would consist of any reimbursements issued. I once again ask about the gasoline, and he says he will not reimburse me as I went over the $15/day limit. I remind him, for now the THIRD time, that it was for an out of town company project and it needs to be reimbursed. He says he will talk to the front office. Whatever. He drives me home, and that’s that.
*Side note for a moment: I used Voice Memos and recorded as soon as I returned with the company vehicle to turn in all of the equipment issued to me. In the audio it’s clear all the equipment is there as he lists them off one-by-one and checks them off, AND reads the serials of multiple items on clear, legible audio. Mind you, I’m not taking any chances at this point and trying to make sure I’m covering my ass.
Next day comes. I check my bank account for my 4 weeks of pay as promised by my supervisor. And to nobody’s surprise, guess what? $55.14 deducted for gas AND my normal tools/meter deductions for a total of $50. And only 2 weeks to pay totaling 46.5 hours.
I attempted to contact them immediately that day via SMS group chat with both of my supervisors at 11:09 AM. No response. I try again two days later. No response. I try again the next day, and the response given by the supervisor who told me about the pay and reimbursements responds with, and I am quoting this from the text exchange, “Who told you that it wud be a reimbursement”.
At this point, I laid into him in the most professional manner. My reply was simple. “Reimbursement for the gas? From the [redacted] Project trips? You also told me I'd receive four weeks of pay and instead I received a normal pay period check with tool purchase deductions and meter deductions.”
Mind you, I had already been looking for a new job, and I’m on break at my new job trying to figure this out. An hour later, I’m back on the clock, and the now old supervisor begins spam calling me one call after another. To quote his text after I did not answer, “I don't feel like texting all damn day answer the phone”.
Nope. Not playing this game. I inform him I will not answer his phone call, I am not available, and that from this point forward I will only communicate in writing.
And then I found the single modified timesheet. A messed up day to begin with, it started with me arriving at the warehouse at 6:50 AM. I clocked in at that time. I was at this warehouse until almost 7:45 with a drive time of almost 30+ minutes to an 8:00AM drive. Absolutely zero efficiency on their part, but whatever. Mind you the only phone in my possession is my work phone, and my personal is at home. I didn’t see it as a big deal as they have both phone numbers, and I continuously expressed my frustration that they always call or text my personal. Anyways, moving on, I get to my first job and there’s another technician there. I text the supervisor, get asked who I am (mind you there’s a prior text chain, he knows whose phone # it is), and find out I never set an ETA for that job so they pulled me for the day and to report to the warehouse. Fine. I sit there for a few hours, get wrote up for not having my personal phone on me (bullshit), and go home. I did not leave until past noon.
And my timesheet was modified to only pay me for an hour and a half of my time, despite me arriving before the clock-in time it was modified to, and leaving well after the clock-out time it was modified to.
I am waiting for the next paycheck to hit this Friday before I officially move forward and do anything. A final opportunity for them to correct everything despite so many opportunities.
Between tools purchases, gas/“other”, and meter deposit, I calculated a total of $604.70 that should be reimbursed. I have a gut feeling I won’t see a penny of this.
My question is: What legal recourse do I have here? Especially if there are more deductions, or there’s a partial or no reimbursement.
I have tried to contact their front office (what I believe is Human Resources?) directly to resolve this as well, but I was told they can’t help me. The lady essentially told me once I am hired, that’s the last time I’ll ever see or talk to them again, and that all complaints, questions, comments, or concerns go to my supervisors to be forwarded over to them.
I’m at a loss. Help.

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
Uhm, I’m a 14yo female, I’m a pretty typical teen I guess. Got the weird mental health thing going on and I’m pretty angsty but I suppose it’s pretty standard for a teen?
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
Not a medical diagnosis but I’m suspected to have mild depression
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
I grew up in a religious household but it wasn’t too bad, I left when I was 11 and my parents couldn’t care less. I do have a more conservative dad and a more liberal mom but that’s whatever. I am bisexual though which my dad probably won’t appreciate as he doesn’t like gay people, I haven’t come out to my family though so that’s pretty fun. My parents are loving but my mom is sometimes emotionally distant, whereas my dad is SUPER loving. But I don’t really reciprocate that love, I was never lovey dovey with my family, I don’t have a particularly strong emotional connection/bond with them for some reason. Whenever I show my love physically it’s more of a “damn I have to do this cause it looks like I don’t love them.” Which is completely my fault, not my parents. I mean I do love my parents but it’s more of a “they’re my parents and they do things for me so i have to love them.” my parents are completely chill and not strict at all so this isn’t a family issue. Sometimes my friends tell me how they buy stuff for their parents or plan special vacations for them and I think “wow, I’m a shit child.” So I do feel guilty at times because my parents are my world but I don’t have a close bond with them.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
I don’t have a job atm seeing as I am 14, but I’m starting my art commissions soon! I like doing art and I want to make more money, hence the art commissions. But I do believe in the belief that hobbies shouldn’t be your job as it blurs the line between past times where you do things for the fun of it whereas doing it for your job takes the fun out of it since it’s mandatory and you’re not working for yourself, you’re working for others. But art commissions allow me to pay back for what my parents do for me and to have some extra spending money.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Before, I probably would’ve felt amazing for the first day but lonely on the second. I’m a huge peoples person and an extrovert so I need my human bonding time. It’s a way for me to project my feelings and thoughts onto others but it’s also an ego thing for me. I need to hang out with others to show that I’m not lonely and I do in fact have friends because there was a time in my life where all I would do was rot at home all day, which I didn’t have a problem with but it was very lonely at times. Sometimes I force myself to hang out with others because I don’t want to go back to that stage where I was a shell of who I used to be. If I was alone for a whole weekend I would immerse myself into books, anime, manga, and my hobbies to forget about my existence because if I was ever left alone with my actual thoughts I would probably die because I’m a super self aware person. I’m so self aware sometimes I literally have to find philosophy videos so that I can think about other things and not lead myself down the rabbithole of self pity and guilt. But being self aware doesn’t mean that I change myself for the better. I know my weaknesses and I know my toxic traits but I won’t do anything to actually change unless I have the motivation to do so. Nowadays I like being alone and I would probably feel refreshed to just spend two days alone because the other 5 I am constantly with others. Being alone is a way for me to disassociate and I love it.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
I LOVE “self” activities where I do stuff myself, such as drawing, reading, writing, etc.. But I also love activities with other people such as debating, being in bands etc.. I play badminton for fun, I’m not particularly good at it but it’s exhilarating for me. I am definitely not good at sports lol, but I am good at lifting weights! 10/10 for that self improvement, lol. I really love to debate, to discuss about things and see them through different perspectives. But unfortunately I don’t do it often because my friends aren’t the ones to debate. I seriously love to debate and to argue about worldly topics that are slightly political to more philosophical and moral topics. It allows me to be more open minded about the world because I’m being challenged about my beliefs, everything I know, etc.. But I also do it for the pure fun of it, I love destroying people in debates (corny, I know).
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I’m not a very curious person I suppose. But I have a lot of ideas in my head that are only up to the drawing board but never the execution phase, sadly. I’m not naturally curious, I just love learning new things (is that a contradiction?) haha. I wouldn’t say that curious is the right word, but I am curious about life itself and other moral things. Like why are we so big on morality, why do we think that the human species is special, it’s hard to put my thoughts into words. How are we sure if we even have a consciousness, if we have free will, free choice. Why we think that hard work is important when most of our successes are stemmed from pure luck. Everything we do, we think, our behaviours and mannerisms all stem from our environment, our DNA, our ancestry, etc.. People who grew up poor and became successful, they had the willpower, the motivation, the mindset and personality for it. Those things are based off of environment, DNA, etc.. Did you know that your unconsciousness makes your choices before you consciously make those choices? I’m going off track, I sound edgy. Anyways, most of my ideas aren’t the ideas that you can really execute. They’re mostly to challenge what we know now. Before, back in the 1600s, people thought that the world was flat, and that there was a thing called the great chain of being. Nowadays we know better than that, but how do we know that what we know now is actually real? Or is it concepts that we give ourselves to understand the world better when they don’t actually have any real answer? We understand gravity and the laws of gravity but why are there laws of gravity (stupid question, i know)? Everything has an origin but what origin do those origins have? It’s like that story where the fish doesn’t even know what water is because it’s so painfully obvious and there that it becomes something that they can’t comprehend/don’t understand. Everything I said sounds like I’m trying to be deep but I’m actually being corny, I’m sorry I can’t explain my ideas any better than this 😔
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
I’m not the best leader if I’m forced into it or if I’m conscious of the role of leader. I often turn into a stumbling mess of weird ideas that I can’t explain well. But I am a leader in terms of giving ideas to others and helping them execute it out? Like we don’t have a said leader follower system but in terms of the ideas and guiding it’s me who often does that. I just don’t like the physical role of leader I guess. If I were the leader I would give ideas and suggestions but I would encourage others for their ideas and based off of that we can make a hybird of our ideas and stuff, I’m terrible at ordering others around though, makes me feel like an asshole.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Definitely not coordinated in the slightest. My hands aren’t good at acting out what my brain tells it to do. Which is why I’m terrible at bass guitars, my bass teacher has amazing patience to not yell at me lol. The only coordinated thing I’m good at is drawing but I wouldn’t even call that coordinated, I just scribble with my hands and I make it look aesthetically pleasing. But that’s what I’m going for because I love messy, not cleanliness.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
Haha, I’m very artistic. I love drawing, art has no rules so I can do whatever I want as long as it looks good to me. I can experiment with different things to see what goes best with my art. My art is very messy, very textured, very colourful, etc.. My sketch is my lineart because I say so and I use random colours to make my art pop out. Random scribbles turns into eyes, ears, noses, etc.. Everything has a meaning in my art. I love drawing perspective art because it challenges how I draw typically, it’s interesting and expressive and it’s out of the ordinary. Art tells stories in the way typical stories don’t. It lets you interpret a lot of things rather than having a set and objective story, because it’s purely up to the interpreter. The story is how you interpret it to be, it isn’t written in stone. It’s open ended and it doesn’t tell you how to interpret it as so, thats why I love open interpretation books!
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Do we really have a present? Right now may be the present but every ticking second after is the past. The present is just the past but more recent, something we made up. The future is what we delude ourselves into thinking, how do we know there is a future if it is not set into stone? How do we know that we will wake up tomorrow and the day after? How do we know that we will live in the next ten minutes? We are basing everything off of the future, why we work for retirement, why we study to graduate, why we live for the future, but the future isn’t set in stone. Everything is based off of pure chance that we are still alive. It’s so standard to just think that you automatically have a future, but there’s no definite proof that we will have one, so why do we keep working our asses off for a future that may not even exist? Why work for retirement when you aren’t even sure if you’ll live til then, and if you do, why are you so sure that you will be in the right mind to enjoy that retirement? Many people live in retirement homes after retirement with mental illnesses like dementia, Alzheimers, or they live with physical illnesses like cancer or whatnot. They spent their prime years working for something that they overestimated, and now they can’t even enjoy their hard-work because they simply don’t have the capacity for that.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Of course I’ll help them! I’m a kindhearted being by nature, but it honestly depends if it’s in my skillset/power to help them. I help them because there’s a chance in the future that when I ask for help, they’ll help me back. Everybody can’t just function on their own, we are social mammals for a reason. We got so far in life due to the sacrifices of other human beings, so why not give back? If it doesn’t harm us to help then why not?
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
Interesting question. Logic may be something we came up to help us understand the world better and to help us function, so everybody does need a bit of logical consistency in their lives. But for me personally, I couldn’t care less. Society is built on a system of theories and concepts to help us explain things and to keep us functioning with rules and shit. But sometimes we forget that there are things out of our understanding that can’t be explained by that system, and that’s just life! Not everything has to have a logical explanation or whatnot, that’s just the fun of it.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Productivity is important, efficiency? Sort of I guess. Currently in this time period, I’m not a very productive person, thinking about all the things I need to do stresses me out and gives me anxiety because I can be so unproductive it damages my mental health. Efficiency is nice if you’re rushing to do things but I like to take my time.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don’t control others in the sense that I order them around, but I control their view of me I guess? From the outside I seem like a very outgoing, happy go lucky person who is like an open book, but unfortunately I am not that person. I’m a reserved person at heart, I have a lot of friends but I only trust one. But I make it seem like I trust all of them? Hard to explain, I know. Sometimes when I’m stuck in rough situations I spin lies to make it seem like I’m the good person, I guess that’s called controlling and manipulation? Ultimately, I think about myself the most so everything I do is for my self preservation. So you can say that I’m controlling others in the sense that I can save myself? I know that’s not good and I’m trying to change my ways though.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Reading, writing, playing bass guitar, drawing, reading manga/watching anime. All of them have a thing in common which is that I get to disassociate myself from my reality and immerse myself into a different world where I get to pretend that I’m living a different life where everything is tailored to my standards, where I have no responsibility, etc.. I used to have this daydreaming thing where I would daydream for hours while walking around in circles, dreaming about my perfect world. I don’t do that as often but I definitely use other outlets for that. I get to be a different person, play a different role, live a different life when I practice my hobbies.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I like a learning environment where everything is subjective, open ended, where they give us space for open interpretation and our own ideas instead of a set system with an objective way of thinking patterns. Which is what I struggle with the most, just a set system of what to think where I can’t debate/challenge it. When I learn, I need an explanation, a reason, etc.. I want different opinions, different perspectives instead of just one opinion and one perspective and no explanation as to why. How will we grow as beings if we don’t have any critical thinking skills? If we just learn to think one way, and to never challenge our beliefs? Nowadays people just believe everything they see (I am a victim of this LMAO) but they don’t have the critical thinking skills to think “is there any proof? is there a demonstration of this? any explanation?” Because we are so used to others doing the thinking for us. I also hate memorisation because it’s essentially “Here, I’ll give you a bunch of things to memorise but with no reason as to why we should and how this helps us learn and will be useless in the future because all we know is what to do but not why we do it.” You’re just parroting the information but not actually evaluating it in your head!
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
I am not a strategist, I’m a “go with the flow” type of person, I just wing stuff and improvise as I go because it helps with thinking and helps me better improve my explaining/arguing skills. I don’t plan off a script where I edit everything until it looks perfect, these are my raw thoughts and feelings that I’m putting out into this world. But then again I’m too fucking lazy to actually write a script and shit so LMAO. But then again random ideas are the best ideas because they tend to be unbiased and come from the creative side of your brain.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
I find that most of my aspirations in life are set by what society tells me to do, like I have to work a good paying job and have a stable life where I settle down and have a family. And maybe that’s what I want to do but honestly I just want to travel the world, typical, I know. I want to make a bunch of friends wherever I go and backpack across the world or something. I don’t need to make a lot of money because it doesn’t matter how much you make, having a 6k figure salary only means a two bedroom apartment with barely enough to scrap by after living expenses where i live, and it’ll only continue to get more expensive after i graduate so. but sometimes in the back of my mind, i just want to live in solitude surrounded by my favourite things without having any responsibilities, where i am forgotten by the world.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I don’t really have any set fears? I can’t really think of anything other than roaches going up my ears, or any insect for that matter. Maybe dying a really painful death but that’s better than torture, or existing but not living. like having a body but no mind. I read a few stories about the elderly being trapped in their body, basically like living zombies forced to live until they die. i’m just uncomfortable with the idea that you can’t “exit” life even after your soul has withered away and your existence serves no purpose to anything until your body breaks down. it’s like you’re numb to everything and you can’t comprehend anything but you have only that one window of consciousness that you can’t even exercise because you aren’t in control of your body. you know nothing, you don’t know who you are, who your loved ones are, etc.. You are basically reduced to the empty shell of your former self. Scary, huh?
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
Healthy balance of a social life, actually being social without forcing yourself to be. having a healthy relationship with yourself, with your loved ones. not having debilitating thoughts wherever you go.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
being numb to everything, having debilitating thoughts where you despise everyone in your life, think the worst of everyone in your life, self sabotaging relationships, distancing from relationships. being high-functioning because you look so happy outside but you actually haven’t showered in two weeks, haven’t brushed your hair in a month nor brushed your teeth in a week, and locked yourself inside your room til you can’t anymore. sleeping all the time because that’s the closest thing to not existing, immersing yourself into anime and manga because you can forget shit going on in your life. feeling like shit but not actually having a reason for that. I SOUND SO EDGY????
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
I like to detach a lot, whenever I have free time I listen to music whenever I can to distract myself from reality. I daydream everyday because sometimes I’m so stressed out by the future that I want to leave. But day dreaming has always been a habit of mines, I started daydreaming around 7yrs old and I would daydream for hours about my perfect life and stuff and building alternate realities and intricate plots because that’s so much fun. I never pay attention to the things around me, I don’t think I even pay attention to anyone but myself. I’m not the type to pay attention to my surroundings so I’m not aware of what others think of me or how they act around me. When I daydream I often stare at the ground or zone out so I’m not aware of my surroundings LOL.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I daydream while walking around in circles, often about fandoms that I’m in. I also talk to myself a lot like I’m my own narrator. I like to think a lot about the universe itself because I don’t need to think about my life. I never actually have a set pattern of thoughts, they tend to jump around from thought to thought. So I’ll think a bit about the universe then it jumps to my fantasy land until it jumps to my past experiences and it jumps to myself, etc.. I’ll also think about things that I need to do, like finishing that one piece of artwork or practicing that new bass line I learnt.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I can be very impulsive at times but I already have a set answer to everything because I just am that person. I know what I want and it doesn’t take a lot for me to figure it out because like I said, I’m a very self aware person. I tend to be very indecisive when it comes to unimportant decisions though because they’re things that I can enjoy in the moment so I like to take my time deciding. Sometimes after making an important decision I might change it, but it’s usually because the situation has changed or another factor has changed or I gained a new perspective. But I am most often not unmoving after setting my decision.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Depends on how extreme my emotions are. When my grandma died, it took me a whole month to process that I was grieving, I was basically numb/shocked until I went to her funeral and that was the first time I ever cried about her passing. Grief is a weird thing. Emotions are important but I don’t really care about them. I’m basically a “as long as it doesn’t harm anyone then whatever” type of person.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
Very often, actually, and I fucking hate it. Because whenever they say anything negative about something with no basis or explanation and I have to explain with them my perspective and the explanation of why that thing happens and they get pissy about me for it and think that I’m arguing. No, I’m not arguing, no, I’m not offended. I’m just trying to explain about why something they’re mad at is like that. They don’t like it when I give them logical arguments and questions because it breaks everything they know. So I usually keep quiet and rage silently while they go through their stupid mindfucks. I’m not about to risk my life explaining logic to someone who couldn’t give a shit. Like no Jennifer, you indoctrinate gay people, not the other way around. we literally get the death penalty in multiple countries for being gay and you’re saying that we’re trying to indoctrinate little timmy cause two girls were kissing each other?
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
I don’t break rules often unless they’re rules I deem stupid. Some rules are only kept in place to control others into thinking or acting a certain way. Authority should definitely be challenged to deem if they are fit enough to order us around. If we give them free reign of what to do then it won’t take long until a tyrant is ruling around. We are what gives them power, not the other way around. I break rules sometimes because I see no reason why I should follow those rules. If it doesn’t affect anyone then why should I care?

Gigabyte has an easier naming mechanism than most monitor manufacturers…I am looking at you Acer Nitro Vciiimmpprpiiicsrrbrrrrr. Still figuring out what the first letter means...(G/M) possibly part of a line up, but the number is the screen size (in this case all 27") and the last letter is the resolution…Q for QHD (1440p), U for UHD (4K), and F for 1080p (FHD). Besides that there are a few spec differences between the monitors. Here's a quick breakdown of the Gigabyte's 27" monitor line up:
Gigabyte GS27Q: Great budget entry into 1440p 144hz.

• 27" SS IPS Display - 1440P
  
• 144Hz Refresh Rate
  
• 1ms MPRT Response Time
  
• AMD FreeSync Premium
  
• Connectivity: DP 1.2, 2x HDMI 2.0, 1x HDMI 1.4, 2x USB 3.0
  

Gigabyte GS27F: The more budget option for 1080p 27" 144hz. Great value.

• 27" SS IPS Display - 1080P
  
• 144Hz Refresh Rate
  
• 1ms MPRT Response Time
  
• AMD FreeSync
  
• Connectivity: DP 1.2, 2x HDMI 1.4, 2x USB 3.0
  

Gigabyte M27Q: - A higher end version for entry into 1440p 144hz+

• 27" IPS Display
  
• 170Hz Refresh Rate
  
• 0.5ms MPRT Response Time
  
• AMD FreeSync Premium
  
• KVM Switch
  
• Connectivity: DP 1.2, 2x HDMI 2.0, 1x USB Type-C, 2x USB 3.0
  
• There is also a 240hz version which seems to have the same model name
  

Gigabyte M27F: - A more premium 27" 1080p monitor

• 27" IPS Display 1080P
  
• 165Hz Refresh Rate
  
• 1ms MPRT Response Time
  
• AMD FreeSync
  
• Connectivity: DP 1.2, 2x HDMI 1.4, 2x USB 3.0
  
• Hard to find in stock
  

In my opinion, I like the M27Q the most, especially on sale. For 27", I'd generally stick with 1440p rather than 1080p. Also, higher refresh rate is better, though 144hz is definitely good enough for most people. Response time is comparable between all three of these monitors.

Im asking because I’m having a hard time trusting my own judgment after a couple of failed long term relationships. And I need either some reassurance or a slap in the face. To start off, my (f28) partner (m33) and I have been dating for a year now. We met through a dating app and we hit it off because it was so easy to talk to each other, we feel safe with each other and we have great sexual chemistry. But I feel like other than that, we don’t have much in common, no hobbies to be excited about together, different taste in movies, food and music, different lifestyles - for example, he can go to bed at 3 am every day and wake up at 9 (he starts work later) whereas I have to be up at 6 for work every day and prioritize a good sleep hygiene, his money management skills are not so good, his diet is not so good (to my standards). It feels like I have to make the hard decisions a lot of the time (like not eating out or making sure we have plans for the next day, etc.) It feels like it’s hard to set goals to work on together because it seems like we want different things out of life. And that’s kind of confusing to me because we both say we want a family and a house, and that’s our goal one day, but to me it feels like his lifestyle is far from being adapted to the hardships of raising a family or being able to take care of a home. He has told me he wants to work on these things to get closer to our goal, because it’s his goal too, but it’s been a year now and I don’t feel much change. Like for any small everyday decision, he almost always chooses the lazy option, and I have to push for the non lazy one - cooking vs ordering out for example or taking the metro vs getting an Uber. It’s getting exhausting. I can’t be the only responsible one .. How long do I wait to expect change? I mean when I mention these things, he’s always there to listen, he never takes it badly and talks it out with me to find viable solutions and I actually see him trying, which is much more than any of my past relationships - his emotional maturity is incredible. it’s just that a year later and it still doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I don’t want to waste my time either… I really don’t want to feel like I’m raising a family on my own, and I’m afraid that’s what it would feel like with him as it is right now. I would like to reiterate that other than what feels like the impending doom of raising a family together, we are very happy together. Even if we don’t have any mutual hobbies, we manage to spend a lot of quality time together and our physical and emotional intimacy is incredible. It feels like if we continue like this without a family it would be wonderful, but I really do want one… Idk what to make of all of this. Good? Bad? Some good, some bad? How long do I wait for change? It feels scary to start a family with someone who games until 3am and orders Uber eats for 10 meals a week no? Or do people still manage with that? You can’t just always take the easy decision right? Is there a right answer? Thank you all in advance

My girlfriend and I have been offered free rent at a house in a nice suburb of Melbourne for a few years. We are both studying and have approx 1 year left each. My question to you guys is how best should we capitalise on this amazing opportunity? With the extra resources we will have from not paying rent should we focus on paying off our HECS debt, saving for a home or something else entirely. I know there’s no definitive answer, I am just curious as to how everyone would get the most value out of a situation like this if it was offered to them in their early 20’s!
Appreciate and look forward to your responses!

Hi, as an Iranian who follows a lot of American political channels on YouTube I always notice different narratives being crafted using the realities of middle east in the most twisted ways. and specifically for iran I always noticed that progressives knowingly or out of stupidity push the exact Propaganda that ayatollahs regime wants. Many of them even platform
There are many false arguments and talking points that are being used mostly by the left to further their favorite narrative . I tries to gather them here with their proper answer, tried to be as brief as possible:
1-US sanctions ruined Iran’s economy!:
First of all main problem in Iran is increasing inflation which is directly caused by Islamic republic central bank itself, they just keep printing money! There is enough dollars in Iran to run 5 mid-size countries. Take a look at the luxury products imports or all the luxurious condos and apartments build for the elite of Islamic republic in north of Tehran and all over the country. take a look at the budget of all the suppression and propaganda organizations of Islamic republic their budget just gets increased. and of course, all the missiles and money in the hands of Proxies all around the middle east is another example of Islamic republic preferring to spend Iranians people money on war and not their prosperity.
Besides that there is no real major private sector in Iran ! the whole economy is controlled by IRGC directly or indirectly and even If all the US sanctions were lifted American companies still will be banned from entering Iran by Islamic republic itself , supreme leader and other authority figures made it clear that they don’t want American or western companies to come to Iran . ali Khamenei even banned the import of American and British vaccines in middle of pandemic .
According to all sources iran still manages to sell a significant part of its oil on the black market which provides them billions. This is besides the billions of dollars given to them by Barack Obama and Joe biden .
2-Mosaddegh Narrative!
This is one of the most viral pieces of history manipulation in order to push an agenda. Mosadegh was prime minister of iran who nationalized the oil industry of iran and later toppled in a coup organized by CIA and parts of Iranian army . this part of the story is true but it leaves out many important elements. Most of the people who push this narrative tell you that CIA replaced democratically elected Mosaddegh with a dictator called SHAH. That is a lie. Shah was in power before Mosaddegh and Mosaddegh became prime minister when shah was in power and shah allowed to be the prime minister basically embracing democracy as the king of the country . but Mosaddegh being a communist and Qajar prince (Qajar was the dynasty before Pahlavi Dynasty ) had other plans . they kept putting pressure on the shah so he finally left the country . meanwhile Mosaddegh while nationalizing oil fails to negotiate for a price with US and UK and irons oil sales will drop to Zero which causes a huge crisis in Iran and Mosaddegh popularity drops so much that him and his government decide to delay the next election . remember at this point shah still has the power to overthrow the prime minister since Mosaddegh himself is interfering with democracy , meanwhile West is fed up with the oil situation so they help shah and the army to take back power. And shah Actually negotiates one of the highest prices of the oil in that time which results in years of prosperity and high level of life quality for Iranians and explosive growth in industries and business. Which all ended when jimmy carter helped Khomeini take over Iran.
besides the historical context ,even if we accept this false narrative of history the counter argument to US replaced democracy with shah can be Us having the responsibility to fix the situation in Iran, leaving your mistakes behind is not a very progressive way of doing things i guess. US government has the responsibility of fixing what they did to Iran .
3- “If we support protests IR kills them more!” False argument.
Islamic republic kills everyone anyway. Its not like they wait for American president to say something so they can decide how brutal they should be . in every protest in the last 44 years despite the size subject or situation Islamic republic always used brutal force followed to detention and torture and silencing families.
4-Pretending Iran Elections matter
There has been no real free elections in Iran ever, every single so called candidate goes through filter of a none elected body of clerics that decide who is insider and who is outsider. None of candidates in all of these elections ever really acknowledged the root of the problem which is supreme leader unlimited power and IRGC dominance over the whole country . elections in Islamic republic are simply a window dressing to fool leftists in the west . where are all the reformists when Iranians are being murdered on the streets, none of the so called reformists or moderates ever addressed the brutal killing of protestors , even Javad Zarif denies the whole thing. why? cause they may play opposite roles right now but at the end of the day they are part of the same gang. mohammad khatami president of iran once said "I'm just a logistical manager!" describing his role in the country .
5- Pretending President has any power in Iran
Many news sources use pictures of Iranian president in their videos and thumbnails about Iran and many others actually think president has any say in the policies and the implementation of them . all the major policies of Islamic republic are decided by SUPREME LEADER and executed by IRGC. His own personal army that answers to nobody!
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if you think i missed something let me know

We have put together this Weekly reoccurring Clan Recruitment Megathread and there also is the Diablo4Clans subreddit, as well as the official discord of the subreddit where you can meet and look for new & more allies.
Stay awhile and listen to find clans to join in the fight against the Burning Hells and the evils that lurk within Sanctuary...
​
The purpose of this weekly reoccurring thread is:

• for Clans to advertise themselves here to new potential members
• for people to find the right Clan for them to join
• and to also provide a few Harm Reduction Guidelines for new players that can help avoid getting scammed when looking for a new clan

​
Clan Recruitment Thread Rules
If you want to advertise your Clan in this weekly reoccurring thread,

• fill out the form below and submit it as a comment with the required information about your Clan and post it in this thread.
• You are welcome to add your own fluff/flair to the form to make it more personal, but please stick to the list below.
• ONLY ONE COMMENT PER CLAN PER WEEKLY THREAD.
• Comments that do not include this form will be removed.
• Potential clan members are welcome to respond to your top level comment and you’re welcome to answer from their response.

===================================

Clan Recruitment Form

• Clan Name:
• Clan Description (give us at least two sentences describing your clan):
• Clan Discord (only use the shortened .gg link):
• How members can sign up:
• Why you should join (Give us at least 1 paragraph):

Please note that making Clan Recruitment is only allowed in this weekly reoccurring thread, so that the subreddit and peoples feeds do not get flooded with threads that advertise clans.
However, on the new Diablo4Clans subreddit Clans can be advertised via new threads.

===================================

Harm Reduction Guidelines
How to spot shady Clans and Practices
This section here is intended as a “Harm Reduction FAQ” with a few guidelines on how to spot shady Clans and Practices to avoid getting scammed.
A List of Shady Practices that one may encounters in dubious Clans

• The offering of a services/items/geaetc. in exchange for real monetary / payment is a major red flag.
• Paying for Level Boosts and other services that promise quick progression in exchange for payment - legitimate clans don’t charge for helping their clan members level up.
• Paying for a specific Legendary Item, especially when asked to pay for Legendries that did not already dropped or that dropped while you where not there – Legendries can only be traded in-game for the first 2 hours after they dropped and only with those players that were in the group when the Legendary dropped.
• Being asked or pressured into sharing your Blizzard Account Password, even when the request seemingly comes from an Official Blizzard Account or Employee. Blizzard Employees will never ask for your password.
• (Being groomed or pressured into) paying for a Higher Status or Position within the group / clan, (e.g. like being Moderator of the Clans discord, Facebook group, Lieutenant of a Clan, etc.) and/or having to pay for keeping that status / position.

​
Scams and Shady Practices to be aware of in General

• Everything that requires sharing of personal information, especially credit card numbers, or social security numbers (even if something is offered in return "for free")
• Advertisements for buying T-Shirts, Mugs, etc related to various franchises (not just Diablo), from ads that may pop up, either in the in-game Chat, discord or even reddit, These are scams designed to get your Credit Card Information. ( link to reddit thread that explains the scam <--)
• Suspicious links and downloads from there, as some downloads may include malware

If something like this occurs, especially if your are being pressured into doing one of these things (even if the person is appearing as a Blizzard Employee or portrays himself to be a Federal Official), it is best to just leave and to not argue, as scammers will likely just continue to pressure or trick you.
​
Furthermore, consider enabling the two-factor authentication via the Battle.net Authenticator, as it also is a good additional protection for your Blizzard Account ( Link to Blizzard's Battle.net Authenticator <--)

Due to questions and comments regarding:

• Seasons
• the Battle Pass
• D4's Monetization
• Crossplay and Cross-save (playing / save-files across several platforms - PC, XBox, PS - including "do I need separate / individual copies for each system?")
• System Requirements / Technical Questions
• Limited-scope Questions (questions that only require short or simple responses and don't encourage quality discussion)

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...being asked very frequently on the subreddit, preferably post them in this thread so they can be compiled in one spot, which makes it easier for the community to oversee and to respond to them.
This improves the readability of the subreddits front page and people's reddit feeds, makes it easier for the community to find and respond to such questions and increases the chances that you get a fitting response to your question.
​
Technical Question (Hardware, Lag, Errors, Connection / Login Issues, Visual Glitches, etc)? [Weekly Technical Help Thread]
​
- Please read the brief FAQ below before posting! <---
Basic Information on D4 and some of the most frequently asked questions are quickly answered there!
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================================================================================

Quick FAQ and Basic Information on D4

• Collectors Edition: does NOT INCLUDE the Game (neither a physical copy, nor a code), only physical collectible items! The game has to be bought separately.
• System Requirements: See image here <-- for official information on D4's System Requirement.
• General Suggestions to make the game run better: the game may run better for some people on lower settings. Remember that you can also choose to download lower texture pack, which reduces the amount of disk space you may need to have available.
• Ultrawide Screen Support? Yes
• Offline Mode: No Offline Mode. Online-only, including for Consoles (so unlike D3 on consoles, no offline mode for consoles with D4).
• Local Co-op / Couch Co-op / Console Co-op: No couch co-op on PC. Yes on consoles, but only for up to 2 Players (same for all Home Consoles).
• Crossplay: is available across all platforms.
• Is progress, cosmetics, etc shared between PC, Xbox, PS5, etc? Your Progress, Cosmetics, etc are saved on your Battle.net account, so yes, they are shared between your PC, Xbox, PS, etc copies of the game you may have, provided you are logged in on the same Battle.net account.
• Do I need to buy a copy for each platform separately to play it? Yes. In order to play the game on PC, you need a PC copy. To play it on console, you need a copy for the particular console.
• If I wanna play the game on steam, but I already have it on battle.net, do have to purchase it again on steam? Yes, if you wanna play Diablo 4 on steam, you need to buy it on steam separately, even if you have already have it on battle.net.
• Controller Support for PC? Yes
• WASD Movement Support for PC Keyboards? No, but maybe later down the road in the future.

​

• How Dark is Diablo 4? Yes.
• Cow Level: there is no Cow Level.

Seasons

• How do Seasons work in Diablo 4? Bullet Point List of how Seasons work in Diablo 4
• Will my Seasonal Character get deleted when the Season ends? No! Your Seasonal Character will NOT get deleted. Instead it will be moved to the Eternal Realm (the non-seasonal Server on which your non-Seasonal Heroes are already). You still can play it there.
• Will the items in my stash get deleted / removed when the season ends? No! The items on your Character, in your Inventory and in your Stash will get transferred with your seasonal Heroes to the Eternal Realm. You will get (temporal) additional Stash Space for a few weeks after the Season ends in which the items from your Seasonal Stash will be stored. You then have # weeks to reclaim and re-locate your items and make room for them in your Eternal Stash.
• Does Renown carry over to Seasons? Renown itself does not, however, Renown Rewards such as Skill Points, Paragon Points, Potion Capacity, etc do carry over to Season.

Battlepass & Ingame Shop

• Infos on the Battle Pass: There is a Free Battle Pass and two Tiers of a Premium Battle Pass. Premium BP (Tier 1) cost 10$, gives access to unlock cosmetics only and Premium BP (Tier 2) costs 25$ and gives accelerated access to the cosmetic of the Tier 1 Premium BP + additional Cosmetics. The Free & the Premium BP's last for one season (one season lasts ~3 months) and all of them will take ~75 hours to complete.
• Is D4's Premium Battle Pass pay2win? Short Answer: NO!
• Is D4's Premium Battle Pass pay2win? Long Answer: The Premium Battle Pass does NOT give an XP Boost. There is an XP Boost in the FREE Battle Pass. Buying the Premium Battle Pass does NOT unlock or accelerate the pace at which you get the XP Boost of the Free Battle Pass. XP Boosts only apply to your OTHER seasonal Characters, AFTER one of them has fulfilled certain requirements, like reaching a certain Character Level (evtl. Max Character Level ?), so it will only make it faster to level seasonal Alts, not your seasonal Main Char. (based on currently publicly available information).
• D4's ingame Shop: only sells cosmetic via Premium Currency, but not power (based on currently publicly available information). Premium Currency can also be gained by playing the game.

Gameplay / Systems / Features

Does D4 have...

• ... a Skill Tree? Yes.
• ... Skill Points? Yes, D4 has Skill Points (these are shared by Active and Passive Skills)
• ... Skill Runes like in D3? No, but there are ways to modify Active Skills further (both via Items and via the Skill Tree)
• ...a Paragon System? Yes, but it is very different than Paragon from D3. Unlike D3's Paragon, D4's Paragon is NOT account-wide and you do NOT have unlimited Points for it (gained from Level 50 to 100 + via some other objectives). It is "Paragon in Name-only" so to speak.
• ... Respecs? Yes, but they cost Gold. You can respec individual Skill Points. Due to the Gold Costs for respecs increasing with Character Level, you can't respec High Level Characters too much each day.
• ... Trading? Yes, but only Normal, Magic and Rare Items (+ Gems, Gold & Elixirs) can be traded, but not Legendaries or Uniques. Rare Items can be enchanted further, but then can no longer be traded.
• ... an Auction House like D3? No Auction House in D4.
• ... Bald Occultist from the Trailer? Check!
• ... Succubi? Check!

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================================================================================
Technical Question (Hardware, Lag, Errors, Connection / Login Issues, Visual Glitches, etc)? [Weekly Technical Help Thread]
Question not answered? Ask your question in the comments or join the D4 subreddits discord!
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Any further comments regarding these any of these topics? Post them in the comments!

Welcome to the WAT, summoner! Post questions regarding team composition, content progression, game mechanics, or anything else in this thread. If you are able to help your fellow summoners, please take some time to contribute to the community and answer some questions yourself as well!
A lot of helpful guides and resources can be found in the subreddit mega wiki.

If you ask a question please give ALL relevant information!

• Your monster box: Upload a screenshot to Reddit directly or an image hosting site like imgur or use swarfarm. Sort your box by "Grade" and try to include all 4*s and LD nat 3*s.
• Your current progression: Where you currently are in the game, what your teams are, what content you need help with and what you have tried so far.
• For ToA, which enemies are on the floor you're stuck on.
• For PvP, indicate what rank you are trying to achieve, i.e. currently F3 want to get C1 Arena. For RTA also share your rank percentage.

The less people have to ask you to clarify or look up to help you, the more likely you will get a (fast) response.

Beginner friendly/farmable PvE teams

Note: Recommended progression path is currently being update for the Reloaded Update. But you should still follow the general path of beating Giant's, then ToA, then the rest.

• GB10: Vero (L), Fran, Loren, (2A) Kro, Shannon/Lapis
• GB12: Vero (L), Fran, Loren, 2A Kro, Shannon/Lapis/AkhamamiSigmarus
• DB10: Verde (L), Vero, Fran, Loren, Spectra (2A)
• DB12: Verde (L), Vero, Fran, Loren, Spectra (2A)
• PB10: Verde (L), Colleen/Fran, 2A Raoq, 2A Kro, 2A Spectra/Yen/Pang. You can also use 2A Jultan to tank the boss (on multiple Will sets).
• SB10: Fran, Loren, 2A Kro, 2A Raoq, Ling Ling
• NB10: Lapis (L), Colleen/Fran, Loren, 2A Raoq, 2A Kro/Raoq (NB10 guide). Twins are a much better choice and should be used if possible. You can also directly use Tricaru.
• SRB10: Verde (L), Shaina, Sieq, Astar, 2A Raoq
• ToA(H): Fran (L), Lapis, Verde, Loren, Vero/2A Kro/2A Spectra. Use Tyron if you have him. 2A Sath/Thrain are good options if you want to go for a dot team, do not use Baretta as he's terribly outdated.
• R5: Front Line: Xiong Fei, Darion Back Line: Colleen, 2A Kro, Tesa, Theo/Xiao Lin/Belladeon
• R5 solo teams: Check this thread
• R5 stat minimum: You need 25k HP and 1.5k DEF for FL units and 20k HP and 0.8-1k DEF for BL units. Healers and your cleanser should have 100% RES after lead.
• Rift unit options: Xiao Lin, Theomars, Fran, Colleen, and 2A Kro can be used in most of your rift teams. FL Mav/Bernard is good for Water rift and Lapis is good for Fire and Dark rifts. Twins are great in all rifts.

You still need appropriate rune quality and turn order! Do not expect to beat a dungeon just by having these units.

Common speed teams

• R5 - BJ5: Colleen, Baleygr, Janssen, Dagora, Loren, lead unit (BJ5 guide)
• R5 solo teams: Check this thread
  
• DB12: Verde (L), Vero, Loren, 2A Spectra, 2A Kro/Lyn/2A Shamann/...
  
• GB12: Akhamamir (L), Galleon, Lyn, Vero, 2A Kro/2A Roid/Riley/Shannon/...
  
• NB10 - Tricaru: Either add Astar or replace Verde with her (on vamp, same stats). Adding Astar and Lushen to clear waves first also works.
  
• PB10 - Tricaru: Kill towers first (usually L>R>B but some people reported R>L>B working better for them).
  
• SB10 - dots dots dots: 2A Sath, Mellia, Mellia, 2A Tatu, dot unit/Lushen
  
• SRB10: Verde (L), Shaina, Sieq, Astar, 2A Raoq
  
• DB10 - Tricaru: Verde (L), 2A Icaru, 2A Icaru, 2A Icaru (guide (Note: DEF requirement is 3300)) (Cheatsheet) (Calculator)
  
• GB10 - dots dots dots: 2A Sath, Mellia, Mellia, 2A Tatu, dot unit/Lushen (guide)
  

PvE accuracy requirements

Accuracy	Area(s)
0%	Rifts
15%	R5, Predator
25%	SB10, PB10
35%	GB12, NB12, SRB10, Dimensional Hole
45%	ToA(H)
55%	GB10, NB10, ToA Hell
65%	DB12, DB10

General tips and answers to Frequently Asked Questions:

• NEVER feed non-farmable monsters! (you can feed dupes for skill ups)
• Save your devilmons! In general you do not want to give devilmon to 4* units, Sigmarus and Jeanne are the best early game candidates. Veromos does not need devilmon.
• Best summon stone targets: Tyron, Lushen, Shaina, Sabrina, Talia. For PvP Khmun, Skogul, Galleon.
• Check the events for free energy, mana, and other beneficial stuff. To find the current event pages use the button below the energy/mana counter in-game.
• Lapis can farm Faimon Hell on the free 6* level 15 vampire/revenge runes provided by the challenges. She should be your first 5* and probably 6* as well.
• Shield sets can reduce the HP/DEF requirements on other units and multiple shield sets will stack to form one larger total shield. Each set contributes a shield equal to 15% of the base HP of the monster they are equipped on.
• White artifacts from B2 are cheap to upgrade and can give you a massive stat boost early.
• Hall of Heroes (HoH) should be attempted as high as you can climb. Reps like Rica or Verad can help a lot. Mid/late game players can get 5 extra copies of the HoH monster using almighty scroll pieces after each floor at the small cost of 2000 guild points for each extra monster.
• Most nat 5*s are PvP exclusive and should be set aside in storage till you make some progress on PvE. Some exceptions are CC units like Rica for ToA, cleansers like Anavel for starter R5, and Perna for rifts.
• Dimensional hole energy should be spent as soon as possible, always try to stay under the energy cap (recharge rate: 1 per 2h). 2A Kro first, then Spectra or Raoq.
• Need advice on RTA? Check this post first
• Looking for ToA Hell guidance? Take a look at this FAQ post.
• Mock Battle Guide

Tools you should know about

• Swarfarm provides a bestiary for monster stats and data logs.
• SWGT provides various tools, statistics and analytics for players and guilds. Siege/Guild Battle, Labyrinth, Leaderboards, Defenses/Counters, Artifact Monster Finder, Speed Tick Calculators, Gem/Grind Optimizers and more!
• SWOP is a rune optimizer and speed tuning tool.
• sw-tools.net provides a speed tuning tool and other calculators.

For more information please check out the more exhaustive FAQ.
If you see someone using monster icons, you can learn how to use them yourself: https://www.reddit.com/summonerswawiki/icons .
To set your user flair please visit the Reddit website (do not use the mobile app) and edit it there (example picture).

Recently, u/TheAngryObserver's argued against the recent TikTok ban, passed by bipartisan majorities in Congress and signed by President Biden. The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act, or PAFACA, was signed into law earlier this week, which ban TikTok in the U.S. if ByteDance, the company that owns TikTok, does not sell the company to an owner not associated with a 'foreign adversary.' While TikTok is mentioned specifically in the bill, the law provides for similar bans to be enacted against foreign-adversary-controlled apps in the future.
Banning TikTok is a prudent and forward-thinking idea, for two reasons that are, by themselves, each sufficient to justify a ban, but together demand one, such is the risk. I find Angry's well-meaning legal and ethical objections to the law unconvincing, and in his post I don't think he fully acknowledged the threat posed by continued operation of TikTok in the U.S. under CCP control.

Note on the CCP's relationship with private business

Before diving into the potential threats posed by TikTok in its current state, it is crucial to understand the nature of the relationship between the Chinese Communist Party and private businesses based in China. This 2023 article by the East Asia Forum gives an overview of the changing nature of party-corporate relations under the Party leadership of Xi Jinping. The CCP has always had a presence in China's private sector, but, in recent years, "the private sector is still seen as a frontier for party-building, with Chinese President Xi Jinping making it a priority." While party cells within private corporations used to be focused more on organizing "study sessions or social gatherings" for members, Xi has "called on the private sector to 'unite around the party,'" a directive to deepen party-corporation relationships and direct corporate funding towards Party functions.
Perhaps most emblematic of the Party's ongoing power grab in the private sector is how deeply the Party is becoming involved in everyday corporate functions, with the following passage referring to the All-China Federation of Industry and Commerce, a rough analogue to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce under control by the CCP:

The ACFIC also calls for the CCP to ‘exercise leadership over personnel management’, aiming to avoid ‘professional managers promoting whomever they like’. It also recommends that firms establish a monitoring structure under CCP leadership to surveil employees, detect ‘abnormal behaviour’ and deal with disciplinary violations.

This is not simply a matter of Chinese investors owning a company, rather than American ones; it is a fundamentally different relationship between private and public actors. Opposing the accumulation of power by such incestuous unions in the U.S. is not xenophobia. Angry's assertion that "TikTok itself remains adamant that it would refuse requests from ByteDance, its Chinese parent, or the Chinese government, for data. We, again, have no evidence to the contrary," in my view, misunderstands the relationship between Chinese private enterprise and the CCP. Xi clearly views the kind of independence Angry describes as an obstacle, and private investors who come to be seen as obstacles by Xi have a nasty habit of disappearing.

Data security

Angry describes the law as being driven by the fear of "potential risk that its sister, by being located in an enemy nation, could hypothetically take American data (such as emails), give it to said enemy, and then there's the possibility that that enemy could use these emails and whatnot against us."
The fear of data abuse is not based in hypotheticals. It is based in distrust of a political entity that has no credibility on the issue of respect for data privacy due to a series of conscious and deliberate actions:

• In 2017, China passed the National Intelligence Act, which contains the following requirements, placing no limit on the amount of cooperation the government can demand of 'all organizations and citizens' of China

Article 7: All organizations and citizens shall support, assist, and cooperate with national intelligence efforts in accordance with law, and shall protect national intelligence work secrets they are aware of.
Article 10: As necessary for their work, national intelligence work institutions are to use the necessary means, tactics, and channels to carry out intelligence efforts, domestically and abroad.

• In 2021, TikTok's head of public policy for the Americas, Michael Beckerman, testified that 'we don't share information with the Chinese government' and that American user data is stored in the U.S. and in Singapore.
• In 2022, leaked recordings of TikTok employees confirmed that, despite TikTok's public protests to the contrary, 'everything is seen in China,' and that there exists a Beijing-based executive 'Master Admin' who 'has access to everything.' While TikTok publicly insisted on the soundness of their 'Project Texas' strategy to store data in the U.S, a consultant working with TikTok said he felt that "with these tools, there’s some backdoor to access user data in almost all of them, which is exhausting.”
• In 2022, in response to those recordings obtained by Buzzfeed, the TikTok user data of two journalists, one from Buzzfeed, "was accessed while ByteDance employees were investigating potential employee leaks to the press, according to the company."
• In 2023, TikTok backtracked on its assertion that U.S. data is stored in the U.S, saying that American content creators' data, including tax forms and social security numbers, are indeed stored in China.
• in 2024, TikTok insists that 'we have invested billions of dollars to keep U.S. data safe and our platform free from outside influence and manipulation,' conveniently ignoring that the greatest threat to Americans' data security are not 'outside influencers' but people within TikTok and ByteDance itself.

Maybe you believe TikTok's denials when they say that they're working really hard to protect data security, and this time they really mean it. But I sometimes step back and marvel at what TikTok is asserting it has the right to do. A subsidiary of a larger company is attempting to convince us that it has no obligations to follow the directives of the authorities it answers to; they are insisting that, when the time comes, they can be trusted to disobey the requests of their investors, their owners at ByteDance, and the Party agents embedded throughout the company. I know everyone likes to fantasize about telling their boss 'no.' But I do not think the security of Americans' location data and social security numbers should depend on such a fantasy, especially when the boss in question runs what is likely the most comprehensive surveillance state in the history of the world.

Information

While data security concerns have taken up the lion's share of the discourse surrounding the law, I find the concerns for the future of discourse itself even more concerning. Our decisions -- political, social, financial -- are only as good as the information we base them on. In Democracy in America, one of the first major studies of American political culture in the 1830s, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote that

What best explains to me the enormous circulation of the daily press in the United States, is that amongst the Americans I find the utmost national freedom combined with local freedom of every kind.

In other words, not only did the great amount of important political questions presented to the American people at the not just the national and state but also the local levels necessitate a large industry dedicated to the spread of information, but that such freedom to decide depended on newspapers; or, as de Tocqueville says of newspapers, "to suppose that they only serve to protect freedom would be to diminish their importance: they maintain civilization."
Social media is often the vehicle for news today; when you click a CNN tweet to read the full story or see the headlines on news, the content you're reading is written by journalists, but the mechanism by which it reaches you is social media; thus, it is impossible to talk of news without talking of social media. Furthermore, 58% of Americans prefer to get their news on digital devices, a number that has been on a steady rise as TV and radio news fade.
According to its own data, TikTok has about 150 million users in the U.S. alone (more conservative estimates still place the figure above 100 million). That's nearly half of the entire U.S. population getting news from TikTok; having their worldview shaped on TikTok; trusting TikTok's algorithm to steer high-quality stories to them and misleading or dishonest stories away from them. I don't think we fully acknowledge how much power that is.
Consider a hypothetical. The PRC has, for years, insisted that 'reunification' with Taiwan is inevitable, and a high-priority goal of the CCP. The line used to stress 'peaceful reunification,' but no longer. On some day in the not-too-distant future, America may wake up to a world in chaos -- yet another 21st-century imperialist invasion, certain to lead to mass devastation and pushing the world closer to war. But how will we learn of this development? The first thing I, and most Americans, do upon waking up is to roll over, pick up my phone, and check social media.
But for many on that fateful day, the first thing they see will be exactly what the CCP wants them to see. Before you watch the news; before you read the headlines; before you speak to your family or your friends; the people who will have the most power to shape your perception of the unfolding conflict will be the organization that was once exposed for explictly ordering moderators to ban mentions of Tiananmen Square and Tibetan independence. TikTok insists that it has loosened these restrictions, but even if that is true, do you trust them to maintain that 'freedom of expression' during a time of war? In war, information is yet another good that must be mass-produced. Consider how Russia flooded TikTok itself with misinformation in the wake of its invasion of Ukraine, seeking to control the narrative from the start, demoralize Ukraine and its Western supporters, and thus dissuade any potential white knights from riding to their victim's rescue.
It is not difficult to imagine what the CCP, in effective control of a platform that reaches three hundred million American eyeballs, could do with that power. Angry brings up a good point -- he says 'Americans have, with some very specific and limited exceptions, the right to lie.' This is true. But the CCP is not an American citizen. It is a foreign adversary, who largely sees American power as a threat to its own interests and its democratic institutions as threats to its own legitimacy. It conducts industrial espionage on Americans, stealing trade secrets and sowing distrust. It launched an information campaign in 2022 to "discourage Americans from voting while highlighting U.S. political polarization" and has honed their info-op tactics for this year. It threatens global stability by its imperialistic bullying of its weaker neighbors in Asia. It launches hacking attacks on Americans critical of the regime. These are not the acts of a friendly competitor or a rival. These are the actions of a party that believes that our loss is their gain.
If you think the state of our public discourse is in a bad state now, I urge you to use your imagination as to what the controllers of a platform with an opaque recommendation algorithm and an opaque report system that resides at all times in the pocket of half of America can do. Detoxifying our murky political discourse will be difficult, but it will become impossible if the United States' greatest geopolitical adversary is allowed a pipeline into it through which to pump raw sewage. Even if they're not using it now, I'd prefer that pipeline not exist in the first place.

Legality

Angry presents several reasons he believes the . I do not find these convincing.

• "Obviously, it prevents the 100 million American TikTok users from expressing themselves, a violation of the First Amendment."

Is the government banning a certain content of speech? No. As established, you can parrot Chinese propaganda as an individual in public all you want.
Is the government banning a certain kind of speech? No. You can make short-form videos saying whatever you want on other platforms, and indeed several other companies have moved into the short-form video space for this purpose, and doubtless more will if TikTok is indeed banned. It can hardly be argued that moving from TikTok to YouTube Shorts or Instagram Reels places an undue burden on TikTok's users in their exercise of free speech.
So the government is neither telling people what they can say, nor telling them how they can say it, nor placing an illegal burden on those who want to speak. Corporations cannot indefinitely forestall any legal consequence for their otherwise harmful behavior by declaring their place of business to be a 'free speech zone,' and thus declare anyone who interferes with it as a violator of the First Amendment. Saying that banning TikTok violates the First Amendment rights of its users is like saying the health inspector can't shut down an Olive Garden with a rat infestation because Olive Gardens are places where people can theoretically discuss contentious issues.

• "The bill is probably unconstitutional, as the state of Montana discovered when it tried a similar scheme while ago."

The preliminary injunction issued in the Montana case cites First Amendment concerns that I addressed above. The case is currently being appealed, and as such the Montana ruling should not be seen as the court system's final opinion on this matter.

• "It is also a piece of legislation sanctioning a specific person/company, a bill of attainder, which is illegal under Article 1, Section 9."

The nonpartisan Congressional Research Service evaluated this concern and others and noted that

In two recent judicial challenges, courts held that legislation restricting transactions with PRC-based Huawei and Russia-based Kaspersky Lab did not violate the Bill of Attainder Clause because the laws sought to protect U.S. security, not punish a private actor. Proposals that would provide for a judicial trial or agency action before imposing applicable sanctions, such as H.R. 7521, would not violate the Bill of Attainder Clause.

As established before, there is an existing national security concern, and the fact that the bill provides a window of time to offload the company before any sanctions would come into place undermines the legal notion that ByteDance is being explicitly being punished for past actions without trial.

• "It also directly infringes on the property rights of TikTok's owners without due process, which raises Fifth Amendment concerns-- read, TikTok is having its property seized even though it hasn't been found guilty of a crime."

The CRS evaluated this concern as well, noting that,

In one relevant example, a federal court of appeals held that, before the President could order a PRC-based company to divest an acquisition under the CFIUS process, the government needed to provide the affected company with the unclassified information on which it based its decision and the chance to respond.

TikTok has been presented with the American concerns over data privacy and information, and has been given a chance to respond. Furthermore, the CRS argues that Congress may have even fewer legal obligations in this case, unless the law is 'palpably arbitrary' -- a description that cannot be applied to the myriad reasons the U.S. has to be suspicious of increasing CCP power in the U.S.

Conclusion

Continued Chinese ownership of TikTok poses a serious threat to American data security, to its free and open discourse, and to its national security. As you follow the proceedings, I urge you to consider philosopher Karl Popper's famous Paradox of Tolerance, which holds that an infinitely tolerant society will inevitably be infiltrated by intolerant ideas, having no mechanism with which to stunt their growth. In history, free societies that protect human rights are the exception, not the rule, and, in a time of rising authoritarianism around the world, free societies cannot afford to become paralyzed in the phase of such a threat. For an entity whose reign has been characterized by nothing so much as the constant crushing of human freedom to demand protection under the same aegis of civil liberties the American government extends over its own citizens is like a pack of wolves trying to squeeze their way through a doggy-door designed for the owner's pet spaniel.
I was supportive of the bill before it passed, and the events since the signing of the bill have only served to further convince me of its necessity. Shou Zi Chew, the CEO of TikTok, posted a greasy statement of defiance in which he insists that he cares about 'YOUR voice' on a platform that has been accused, He talks about how the 'freedom of expression on TikTok reflects the same American values that make the United States a beacon of freedom' just weeks after the site limited researcher access to data on politically-charged hashtags like 'UyghurGenocide' and 'TiananmenSquare' in response to a Rutgers study which found that 'there was a “strong possibility” TikTok content was being amplified or underrepresented based on how it aligns with the Chinese government’s interests.' It seems that, for TikTok, patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
WS(Wayward spouse - the person leaving or cheating)
AP(Affair Partner)
Just really looking for outside perspective and trying all the relevant subs.
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish

Alright, so I just wrapped up my first year at uoft life sci and wanted to share my experiences, some resources, and study/note-taking habits; what worked and what didn't. I'll be honest, a lot of these courses felt like a fever dream and I'm sure you can find other ppl talking about the content and whatnot but here we go;
For all you high schoolers reading this I just want to point out the main reasons uni is sometimes overwhelming, and it is usually NOT because the courses are new or challenging:

1. You're most likely going to have 4-5 courses a semester, majority of them will be dense science/math ones (instead of the 3/4 courses you were used to- for Ontario students at least)
2. Lecture content is covered over 3 months (excluding reading week), following a month of exams (compared to the 5 months/semester). The content is not condensed either. I'd say there are more topics covered in much greater detail in less time.
3. The freedom you get is gonna entice you to miss classes towards the end of the semester and if you don't manage yourself well, you're gonna burn out bigtime and all the effort you put in the beginning of the semester will be for nothing when you get your age on a midterm worth 30%.
4. Commuting sucks and it's hard to be sustainably productive. I figured I'd use the 3 hours/day commute to keep up with textbook readings and whatnot, but I would end up on autopilot and not pick up what I'm reading (without taking notes at all). Also, public transport can be wild...please be aware of your surroundings you might get flashed or step in some mystery liquid on your way to class.
5. Finally: First-year courses are for foundational purposes since students are coming from different countries and curriculums. But they are also weed-out courses for people who are not serious about their degree. Take the comments about a course being 'hard' or 'easy' with a grain of salt cuz anything easy can be difficult if you slack off and vice versa. (I think more productive questions would be about what ppl liked or didn't about a course- that way if you find someone who thinks like you do, the response will be more relevant to what you're looking for)

Below is the drive with all the syllabi of the courses (excluding MAT136 but y'all can find it online I'm sure) https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1XOyBXt2L5qdVLiIeQytYTTbdLQ1OTPKi?usp=drive_link
First semester:
BIO120 Biodiversity: This course is just copy pasted lecture slides into hand-written notes. I tried making anki cards and ig that helped a little bit. This course requires a bit of memorization AND concept connection. I suggest making questions from 3-4 different slides and answer them subjectively (in a group too).
CHM135 Chem. Physical Principles: Do not take notes from lectures. I actually neglected this course because the content sounded so familiar to grade 12 and thought it'd be easy to review. The only way to succeed here is doing as much practice as possible. Make method sheets (where you have a sample problem and a sample solution) Kinda like a solutions manual that you can refer to once you're stuck on a problem
MAT135: Calculus I: This course was a little bit ridiculous. I did well in gr 12 calc (94%) and the content was generally the same (with an emphasis on practical applications of calc) BUT the way we were tested was so unhelpful. I hope they end up changing the structure of the course and the types of exam questions but otherwise, the only thing that got me through was doing enough practice problems that if I got a type of question I've never solved before, I knew enough about the relationship between concepts that I could solve it.
PSY100: Introductory Psychology: Loved this course and loved professor Danton. Such a sweetheart and excellent in teaching and engaging students. Take good notes (not just the lecture slides but what the prof actually SAYS) and memorize. There are a lot of scenario questions in this course so I suggest writing scenario questions at the end of every lecture with a secret answer key and come back to them when you study.
JAV120: Visual Concepts: Stupid elective. I took this cuz I was interested in architecture and read that it would be straighforward. There was so much reading and we had to submit study notes and write reports. Wasn't too overwhelming, like it was easy to neglect or do the bare minimum and get good grades by being philosophical and subjective in your papers.
Semester 2:
BIO135: Molecular Bio: Just memorize FREQUENTLY. I suggest when writing your notes, colour code so you have categories. When reviewing for exams, condense your notes via mindmaps. Try it, these things are so underrated and allow you to organize so much info. MC questions are also good review that you can do on on the bus or somewhere where you don't have wifi.
CHM136 Organic Chemistry: Honestly, method sheets saved me for this. I liked the nomenclature unit in orgo chem in grade 12 and spent a week before classes reviewing. It paid off cuz it became second nature but otherwise, you're going to learn a lot of organic reactions (I'm hearing A LOT more in second year) but please try out the method sheets instead of taking notes during lecture. Follow the slides as the prof is going through them (the chem department at uoft is one of the most organized I've ever seen, they leave some slides w/o info so you can annotate yourself)
MAT136 Calculus II: I loved this course over MAT135. Don't bother taking notes in class, and make method sheets DURING lecture. Make as many as you can when doing homework as well. The midterms and exams were pretty much the exact same, if not easier, than textbook review.
PSL190: Biomedical Research at the Cutting Edge Very interesting elective. Helped me a lot with BIO and PCL102. The prof brings in doctors to explain their new research. You cannot google most of this stuff, so I suggest going through the slides before lectures and writing questions before class (honestly for all lectures but especially for small-class electives with no recordings or annotated slides)
PCL102: The Art of Drug Discovery. Loved this course (I actually wanna do pharmacology). Rewriting notes helped here. At the end of every lecture, write 3-5 mc questions with ranging difficulty and make the most difficult very confusing and ridiculous cause you most likely will get a question like that on the exams. I have an example here from the last section we talked about (they change every year I heard): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v7nscp-F5v6D785pvpjO3d5I7n0LcQoRYYyUTjuJwtE/edit
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Excuse my yapping, but hope that helps, and I hope anyone reading this will do the same in the future to help as many student as possible. The first year of anything is always rough, but remember that everyone is getting humbled alongside each other. Be smart with the friends that you choose, and be smarter with the choices you make. Good luck to everyone!
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Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish

If you're looking to go on an emotional rollercoaster with me, then buckle up and read on because in order to get to my question there's going to be some twists and turns in the back story.
I 28(m) and my ex 29(f) have dated on and off for years. Our relationship actually started when we were 16, she took my virginity during a hookup and never really went any further at that time. After highschool we hung out for a few weeks as kind of a friends with benefits, once again never developing into a relationship.
Fast forward a couple years and we started hanging out again, very casually until casual turned into going to concerts and spending tons of time together. It was great, we both enjoyed our time together and we were happy but we were both young and I don't think either of us really planned on spending life together, plus our families absolutely did not get along and that was constantly driving us apart. This went on until we were both 23 and 24 and then we both decided it was time to either get serious or move on and I decided it would be best to move on. We hooked up for one last time and she got pregnant.. so we were thrust back together. And it was really hard. My family blew up on me completely, telling me my life was over and I would basically lose everything I had worked for. I tried to push through but we were fighting all the time and eventually that led to us breaking up when she was pregnant. For this, I take 100% responsibility. I should've stuck it out and had her back completely but I was young and scared so I didn't. I thought that maybe adoption would be the best because I didn't want a baby to be born in the environment that we were in. I was wrong, and as I'm watching my son play while I write this I am so thankful that she refused and we didn't do that option.
Time went on and we eventually put our differences aside and reconciled a few months later and decided we would do the best we could to co-parent. Then the next night, our son was born, very premature. Once again, we were thrust back together, working together, fighting for him. We were in the NICU for a long time and eventually came home. During this time period, we obviously grew really close, we spent every day together in a hospital during Covid. But there wasn't ever really time to work on building a relationship, we were just in survival mode and had to work together so we moved back in together.
We eventually got to come home and our baby was on a ventilator. Having a newborn is hard, having a newborn that might stop breathing multiple times a day/night is on a whole other level. But we were doing it, I worked and took over when I got home so she could go to the gym and try to have some free time. Only problem is there was constantly this unsettling feeling of this wasn't working before, how can it be working now? She's also the type to get extremely angry and threaten to leave over the most minor things, and ultimately claims that she had post partum depression/rage. We started fighting again, and basically stopped talking for months, just coexisting.
During this time, she started hanging out with her friend and her husband. I suspected something was going on but I couldn't prove it and I asked and she said there wasn't. She was done but I was trying really hard to make it work, I was working and supporting both of us, taking care of our son when I got home, and asking to start therapy so maybe we could fix things together. She started spending more time with her friend and her husband. Eventually after about a year I stopped trying because I could see that it was going nowhere, our son was doing awesome thankfully, so I started requesting that she move out so we both weren't living in this toxic environment. She agreed, just needed time to work out the details which I was more than okay with.
She moved out and then launched child support on me and was going to make me go to court to work out a schedule with her to see our son. Shortly after this, I found out that while she was hanging out with her friend and her husband, they were having threesomes and eventually that led to a divorce and she was now with her friends ex husband. I was obviously shocked, this was all going on while I was trying everything I could to make it work. We continued to battle through the court system and I got the schedule that I hoped for with my son and she got plenty of child support. After it was all over, she said she didn't want the child support, she just wanted us to get along to which I agreed. So we started getting along really well and we actually have a good friendship now.
So all of that brings us to the question in which I ask you all. She came over a few days ago and apologized, said I obviously didn't deserve that and she was suffering with severe post partum depression and would like to maybe start fresh.. I feel like I have matured a lot during all of this and the man I am now is the man I should've been in the beginning. Of course the fairy tale would be that she's also changed and we could raise our son together happily ever after, but is that even possible? Could I ever forgive/trust her again after everything she put me through? Could she actually love me after all the history we have or is it just a phase that she is going through? I'm so conflicted on this, I feel like I'd have to be insane to risk going through everything all over again. But, even before she came to me and wanted to try again, I was starting to have feelings for her, I see how good of a mom she's been despite her personal actions, and the chemistry between us feels stronger than ever, like we are both finally in the right headspace to make it work, before there was always one or the other who wasn't as interested. I don't know what to do so if you've read this far into my novel, please leave suggestions because any and all of them will be appreciated.