Fake divorce papers template
And people wonder how some sellers charge such low prices (shipping). Did you see this article? $150M?
2024.04.29 06:15 1rightwinger And people wonder how some sellers charge such low prices (shipping). Did you see this article? $150M?
A California woman pleaded guilty on Friday to defrauding the US Postal Service of $150 million by allegedly using fake postage to ship tens of millions of parcels to customers that came to the US from China-based logistics businesses. That's bound to make sellers fume given the high cost of postage for domestic shippers. Sellers who have access to below-market shipping costs can lower their prices, giving them an advantage over other sellers (whether or not they're aware of any fraudulent activity on the part of their vendors).The US Department of Justice said the defendant, who has been in federal custody since her arrest in May 2023, pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to defraud the United States and one count of use of counterfeit postage. Citing the defendant's plea agreement, the DOJ alleged that she and her co-defendant provided shipping services, including the shipping of packages via U.S. Mail, for China-based logistics businesses from at least November 2019 to May 2023 and further alleged that the defendants printed duplicate and counterfeit Netstamps - "stamps that may be purchased online from third-party vendors and printed onto adhesive paper."The office of US Attorney Martin Estrada in the Central District of California issued an announcement that explained how the scheme allegedly worked:"Starting in 2020, Chen and Hu began affixing counterfeit postage to mail they presented to USPS for delivery. Chen and Hu received parcels from the China-based vendors and others, applied shipping labels showing postage purportedly paid and then arranged for the parcels to be transferred to USPS facilities to be shipped across the nation. The shipping labels were fraudulent and frequently included, among other red flags, "intelligent barcode data" recycled from previously mailed packages, according to court documents. Intelligent barcode data is used in some postage shipping labels to evidence the payment of required postage for the shipped item."Doing the math for one 5-month period, the defendants allegedly sent an average of 6.8 million packages/month bearing counterfeit postage: "From January 2020 to May 2023, Chen and Hu knowingly mailed and caused to be mailed more than 34 million parcels containing counterfeit postage shipping labels, which caused more than $150 million in losses to USPS."
2024.04.29 06:02 Direct-Caterpillar77 My "friend" (36F) manipulated me (28F) into believing my boyfriend (27M) was having an affair
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/fuckeduplife2014
My "friend" (36F) manipulated me (28F) into believing my boyfriend (27M) was having an affair
TRIGGER WARNING: accusations of infidelity, manipulation
Original Post Aug 27, 2014
This is a complicated story so I’ll use fake names for everyone.
Boyfriend: Tom
My Friend: Jess
Boyfriend’s friend: Kim
My tech savvy friend: Rich
Tom and I have been together for 3 years and he’s been a very affectionate and loving boyfriend during that time. I would have said yes if he proposed to me. Kim is a friend that he knows from work. I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with their relationship but I never had a reason to believe that Tom and Kim were doing anything behind my back until Jess told me that she saw them at dinner together on a Friday night where Tom told me he was working late.
Obviously, I was devastated. Tom is the most stand-up and honest man I know so I never expected in a million years that he would even lie to me, let alone have an affair. I didn’t believe Jess at first but then she showed me a (blurry) picture of the two together. I couldn’t see either of their faces but I was body figures that greatly resembled both of them. I also saw the man wearing a watch (Tom always wears a watch) and Tom’s favorite Vineyard Vines tie thrown over his shoulder. I was convinced.
Jess told me that if I could get my boyfriend’s phone, she’d be able to bypass the password and get all the messages that were on it, even the deleted ones. She gave me a stack of papers that she claimed was correspondence between Tom and Kim which clearly indicated an affair between the two. Again, I was devastated. The papers showed that he called her the same nickname he called me. That cut really deep.
I tried to approach Tom with this information in mind casually. “Do you have anything to tell me?” I tried to be extra affectionate and loving with him throughout this and he always reciprocated the love, which disgusted me but gave me hope that he’d end his alleged affair with Kim. Every time I jumped through Jess’s hoops to check, Jess would tell me that the affair was still ongoing. After 2 weeks (yesterday), I confronted Tom with everything and unsurprisingly, he denied it. I told him that I was willing to fight for our relationship if was willing to meet me halfway. Tom continued to deny everything and he told me that if I didn’t believe him, then we had no relationship. I didn’t believe him. He slept on the couch and promised me he’d be out of the house by the end of the week. I was so upset last night I could not sleep. I cried for a really long time and Tom heard me crying. He even tried to come in and comfort me but I cussed him out and told him to leave.
This morning, Jess was busy with work so I went to a tech savvy friend, Rich, for help with what Jess had done traditionally. I gave Rich the phone and he told me that my demands were impossible. He said you cannot bypass the password on my boyfriend’s phone (it’s a work phone) without deleting the text messages. I teased him about not being as familiar with this stuff as he thought but he adamantly stuck with his claim. When I showed him the papers that Jess gave me, he told me they were fake and he proved to me they were fake by making his own.
Fuck my life.
I have absolutely no idea what to do and no one to talk to about this. Rich told me he’s looking into everything but I don’t know if he’ll come up with much. When I came home, Tom was already gone with his stuff and I have no way of reaching him directly because I’m the one with his phone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what’s really going on in my life anymore.
Edit: Lots of questions about this so I'll try to clarify.
tldr Friend told me that BF was cheating on me. I think friend was lying and conjured up evidence but I may have already done irreparable damage to my relationship with bf. What do reddit?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
acranym
I returned Tom’s phone to him and we talked about the situation. I tried to explain everything but he told that the trust in our relationship was irreparable and that I need to learn how to effectively communicate my concerns. He’s a firm believer that “without trust, there is no relationship” so we’ve officially split up. He initiated NC and I have not spoken with him since.
I finally got ahold of Jess through the phone and she admitted she lied but she won’t tell me why. I’m sure she has not slept with Tom but I can’t be sure she isn’t trying.
I’m unbelievably mad right now, mostly at myself.
— tl;dr: Broke up. Why did I do this to myself?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
Mindtaker
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
My "friend" (36F) manipulated me (28F) into believing my boyfriend (27M) was having an affair
TRIGGER WARNING: accusations of infidelity, manipulation
Original Post Aug 27, 2014
This is a complicated story so I’ll use fake names for everyone.
Boyfriend: Tom
My Friend: Jess
Boyfriend’s friend: Kim
My tech savvy friend: Rich
Tom and I have been together for 3 years and he’s been a very affectionate and loving boyfriend during that time. I would have said yes if he proposed to me. Kim is a friend that he knows from work. I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with their relationship but I never had a reason to believe that Tom and Kim were doing anything behind my back until Jess told me that she saw them at dinner together on a Friday night where Tom told me he was working late.
Obviously, I was devastated. Tom is the most stand-up and honest man I know so I never expected in a million years that he would even lie to me, let alone have an affair. I didn’t believe Jess at first but then she showed me a (blurry) picture of the two together. I couldn’t see either of their faces but I was body figures that greatly resembled both of them. I also saw the man wearing a watch (Tom always wears a watch) and Tom’s favorite Vineyard Vines tie thrown over his shoulder. I was convinced.
Jess told me that if I could get my boyfriend’s phone, she’d be able to bypass the password and get all the messages that were on it, even the deleted ones. She gave me a stack of papers that she claimed was correspondence between Tom and Kim which clearly indicated an affair between the two. Again, I was devastated. The papers showed that he called her the same nickname he called me. That cut really deep.
I tried to approach Tom with this information in mind casually. “Do you have anything to tell me?” I tried to be extra affectionate and loving with him throughout this and he always reciprocated the love, which disgusted me but gave me hope that he’d end his alleged affair with Kim. Every time I jumped through Jess’s hoops to check, Jess would tell me that the affair was still ongoing. After 2 weeks (yesterday), I confronted Tom with everything and unsurprisingly, he denied it. I told him that I was willing to fight for our relationship if was willing to meet me halfway. Tom continued to deny everything and he told me that if I didn’t believe him, then we had no relationship. I didn’t believe him. He slept on the couch and promised me he’d be out of the house by the end of the week. I was so upset last night I could not sleep. I cried for a really long time and Tom heard me crying. He even tried to come in and comfort me but I cussed him out and told him to leave.
This morning, Jess was busy with work so I went to a tech savvy friend, Rich, for help with what Jess had done traditionally. I gave Rich the phone and he told me that my demands were impossible. He said you cannot bypass the password on my boyfriend’s phone (it’s a work phone) without deleting the text messages. I teased him about not being as familiar with this stuff as he thought but he adamantly stuck with his claim. When I showed him the papers that Jess gave me, he told me they were fake and he proved to me they were fake by making his own.
Fuck my life.
I have absolutely no idea what to do and no one to talk to about this. Rich told me he’s looking into everything but I don’t know if he’ll come up with much. When I came home, Tom was already gone with his stuff and I have no way of reaching him directly because I’m the one with his phone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what’s really going on in my life anymore.
Edit: Lots of questions about this so I'll try to clarify.
- I took my boyfriend's phone when he went out for his run since he doesn't listen to music when he's jogging. The runs sort of contributed to my suspicious but he's been doing this since I've met him.
- When I confronted my boyfriend, I didn't show him the proof but I told him I had conclusive evidence and he said that that was impossible. At the time, I thought he was lying.
- Jess has not replied to any of my voicemails or messages.
tldr Friend told me that BF was cheating on me. I think friend was lying and conjured up evidence but I may have already done irreparable damage to my relationship with bf. What do reddit?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
acranym
Did it not ring any alarms when she showed you those messages between them? Didn't you ever wonder how she even got them in the first place?OOP
&I gave her the phone. I thought there was software or whatever that lets you do that.
OOP on why she believed her friend over her BFiPhone
It wasn't her word over his. It was his word against her "evidence".Update Aug 31, 2014
I returned Tom’s phone to him and we talked about the situation. I tried to explain everything but he told that the trust in our relationship was irreparable and that I need to learn how to effectively communicate my concerns. He’s a firm believer that “without trust, there is no relationship” so we’ve officially split up. He initiated NC and I have not spoken with him since.
I finally got ahold of Jess through the phone and she admitted she lied but she won’t tell me why. I’m sure she has not slept with Tom but I can’t be sure she isn’t trying.
I’m unbelievably mad right now, mostly at myself.
— tl;dr: Broke up. Why did I do this to myself?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
But just to clarify, you are also never talking to this psycho Jess chick again, I hope.OOP
The_Humble_BraggartI want to know why she did this to me!
~Would you honestly believe her when she explained why? ...because I sure as hell wouldn't. Let the crazy go.
Mindtaker
Why didn't you dump jess as a friend?OOP
Do you think a liar will magically stay telling the truth?
If you don't get rid of this "friend " your going to have more problems.
Go ahead and pretend hearing her side will give you "closure " or that seeing how she hurt you will somehow enlighten her.
But in realityso far , you pushed away your trustworthy B.F. For your liar friend, and are keeping the liar.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOPI did dump Jess as a friend. NC for both of them.
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.04.29 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Efficient_Proof4738
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?
Trigger Warnings: manipulation, infidelity
Original Post: April 18, 2024
I've been involved in an affair. Actually, my girlfriend/partner has been having an affair with me for the last 4 months. I won't go into detail, but I feel horrible and disgusted. I've always hated cheating, and I never want anything good to come to cheaters. But now, I've gotten mixed up in it, and it's eating me alive.
So, 4 months ago, I met this woman (she is 29) at my gym, and we pretty much connected instantly. Over the course of 4 months, we became a couple, went on many dates, and had sex plenty of times. I was a virgin before I met her. I never had a girlfriend or sex, and I really felt that life finally kicked in for me, and that things would get better. I'm 24, and before I met her, I always felt like a reject and a weirdo because of my lack of success in dating and relationships.
The other day, by chance, I found out she has a husband, and I wanted to bury myself on the spot. I felt so bad, I can't put it into words. She wanted to have sex after we had a date, but I lied and told her that I couldn't do it that day because I had something planned. I came home, and I was ashamed of myself. I managed to find her husband on social media, and I've been going back and forth on wanting and how to reveal everything. I saved all our chats, pictures, and I even have some receipts from our dinners.
I talked to my mom about it, and she told me that since I managed to find him and since I have evidence, I should inform him. My mom told me that he deserves to know, and if it were up to her, she would've revealed everything, but she told me that it's my decision to make.
I feel like this woman played both me and her husband, and now I hate myself.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
ArsenalSeven: Get tested for STDs you have no idea how many partners she’s had. If it were me, I would tell him.
Update: April 22, 2024
First post: AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?
Short and straight to the point. I used a fake and anonymous account to send him details and some pictures. I also told him that I have more evidence that I would like to share. He didn't respond until yesterday, where he said that he wants to know more. Today, I sent him everything and explained everything in detail.
Turns out, he already suspected her of cheating, he just didn't have any proof. He wasn't angry or sad. He was just disappointed, a lot. He also thought I would be older. He said that he doesn't blame me, it wasn't my fault. He told me that he owes me big time because he wanted to hire somebody to find out if she was actually cheating, so I actually saved him both time and money. After I explained everything, he was mostly relieved and thanked me for helping him and asked if there is something he could do to repay me. I said that he should help somebody else, and that will make us even. He thanked me, told me that I'm a good guy, and that was mostly it. He will file for divorce, in case anybody is wondering.
I haven't heard from my AP for a few days now, and I'm pretty sure he didn't tell her where he got all the proof from because she didn't call and yell at me. I blocked her on everything anyway after my talk with her husband, and it's time to move forward. Shitty experience from a first relationship but what can you do.
Darth_Venath: Bro, I am so proud of you. You did good. And I'm glad he took it well.
Couldn't be happier for this update.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?
Trigger Warnings: manipulation, infidelity
I've been involved in an affair. Actually, my girlfriend/partner has been having an affair with me for the last 4 months. I won't go into detail, but I feel horrible and disgusted. I've always hated cheating, and I never want anything good to come to cheaters. But now, I've gotten mixed up in it, and it's eating me alive.
So, 4 months ago, I met this woman (she is 29) at my gym, and we pretty much connected instantly. Over the course of 4 months, we became a couple, went on many dates, and had sex plenty of times. I was a virgin before I met her. I never had a girlfriend or sex, and I really felt that life finally kicked in for me, and that things would get better. I'm 24, and before I met her, I always felt like a reject and a weirdo because of my lack of success in dating and relationships.
The other day, by chance, I found out she has a husband, and I wanted to bury myself on the spot. I felt so bad, I can't put it into words. She wanted to have sex after we had a date, but I lied and told her that I couldn't do it that day because I had something planned. I came home, and I was ashamed of myself. I managed to find her husband on social media, and I've been going back and forth on wanting and how to reveal everything. I saved all our chats, pictures, and I even have some receipts from our dinners.
I talked to my mom about it, and she told me that since I managed to find him and since I have evidence, I should inform him. My mom told me that he deserves to know, and if it were up to her, she would've revealed everything, but she told me that it's my decision to make.
I feel like this woman played both me and her husband, and now I hate myself.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
ArsenalSeven: Get tested for STDs you have no idea how many partners she’s had. If it were me, I would tell him.
OOP: Thank you for the advice. I'm going to do that. As for telling, I've already made the decision to inform her husband about her cheating. Hopefully, I won't be collateral damage in all of this.MartinisnMurder: I would message him with correspondence between you too but nothing overly graphic. Make sure he knows you had no idea and block her everywhere. I am curious you said you accidentally found out but how did you find out? You said that you found out by chance and she wanted to have sex after you date… did she just drop it on you on your date?
OOP: No, she got a call, and it said 'Hubby' with a heart emoji. Two of them were in the picture.OOP on who initiated the relationship and if he knew she was married
OOP: I didn't initiate sex, she did, and she was going too fast for me. I have no relationship or sexual experience. She never said anything about being married or having a boyfriend or husband.
Update: April 22, 2024
First post: AITAH for wanting to reveal my affair partner's cheating to her husband?
Short and straight to the point. I used a fake and anonymous account to send him details and some pictures. I also told him that I have more evidence that I would like to share. He didn't respond until yesterday, where he said that he wants to know more. Today, I sent him everything and explained everything in detail.
Turns out, he already suspected her of cheating, he just didn't have any proof. He wasn't angry or sad. He was just disappointed, a lot. He also thought I would be older. He said that he doesn't blame me, it wasn't my fault. He told me that he owes me big time because he wanted to hire somebody to find out if she was actually cheating, so I actually saved him both time and money. After I explained everything, he was mostly relieved and thanked me for helping him and asked if there is something he could do to repay me. I said that he should help somebody else, and that will make us even. He thanked me, told me that I'm a good guy, and that was mostly it. He will file for divorce, in case anybody is wondering.
I haven't heard from my AP for a few days now, and I'm pretty sure he didn't tell her where he got all the proof from because she didn't call and yell at me. I blocked her on everything anyway after my talk with her husband, and it's time to move forward. Shitty experience from a first relationship but what can you do.
Darth_Venath: Bro, I am so proud of you. You did good. And I'm glad he took it well.
Couldn't be happier for this update.
OOP: He was so kind and nice, I felt so bad. I kept apologizing, but he kept saying he didn't blame me and that it wasn't my fault.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.04.29 06:00 Adorable_Bug_1752 Psych EMR
There's a lot of discussion about EMRs, I know. As a solo provider, I've got charm but lack customer service. I requested to buy a practice management and billing system months ago, but haven't received a response, so I'm moving on.
There are so many options to review. I like Athena, which demands a minimum of $1300/month or 10.1%, but for a solo psych practice using just a few CPT codes and ICD10s, all outpatient with no procedures, this feels exorbitant.
AMD is cheaper, but a colleague mentioned having to develop all their psych templates from scratch, which was expensive. The interface requires frequent saving, which is cumbersome. The software and add-ons cost about $450, but billing will add another $500+, and their pricing is not very transparent.
Optimantra is another option that seems appealing. Its e-prescribing is quirky, redirecting to a third-party website for handling prescriptions, which seems like a makeshift solution. The cost is around the mid $300s, which might seem basic and inexpensive, but I'm open to it.
Valant looks promising on paper. It offers built-in measures, which is great since I currently pay for Outcomemd for access to similar features. The price is about $400, but some reviews mention frustrations and hidden costs.
I was initially enthusiastic about Kareo, but they failed to meet a critical requirement—I had two non-negotiables—and were dishonest, leading to them billing me for services they couldn't deliver. Additionally, their billing practices are problematic, and Tebra, their parent company, has proven to be quite unethical.
Icaanotes create great notes but it a very data interface. Aesthetics matter as I am looking at this 10 to 12 hours a day.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestion? My first choice is Athena but I absolutely cannot justify paying $1300 to bill 99214 for depression and anxiety - not doing complex coding or procedures.
Always all input is appreciated it is made more meaningful to explain, justify or otherwise qualify a simply negative or positive review/comment.
TIA
submitted by Adorable_Bug_1752 to PMHNP [link] [comments]
There are so many options to review. I like Athena, which demands a minimum of $1300/month or 10.1%, but for a solo psych practice using just a few CPT codes and ICD10s, all outpatient with no procedures, this feels exorbitant.
AMD is cheaper, but a colleague mentioned having to develop all their psych templates from scratch, which was expensive. The interface requires frequent saving, which is cumbersome. The software and add-ons cost about $450, but billing will add another $500+, and their pricing is not very transparent.
Optimantra is another option that seems appealing. Its e-prescribing is quirky, redirecting to a third-party website for handling prescriptions, which seems like a makeshift solution. The cost is around the mid $300s, which might seem basic and inexpensive, but I'm open to it.
Valant looks promising on paper. It offers built-in measures, which is great since I currently pay for Outcomemd for access to similar features. The price is about $400, but some reviews mention frustrations and hidden costs.
I was initially enthusiastic about Kareo, but they failed to meet a critical requirement—I had two non-negotiables—and were dishonest, leading to them billing me for services they couldn't deliver. Additionally, their billing practices are problematic, and Tebra, their parent company, has proven to be quite unethical.
Icaanotes create great notes but it a very data interface. Aesthetics matter as I am looking at this 10 to 12 hours a day.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestion? My first choice is Athena but I absolutely cannot justify paying $1300 to bill 99214 for depression and anxiety - not doing complex coding or procedures.
Always all input is appreciated it is made more meaningful to explain, justify or otherwise qualify a simply negative or positive review/comment.
TIA
2024.04.29 05:30 AdGrand5783 Sad musing/ramblings (almost 2 months post-termination)
Hello lovely people, I hope you're all alright. 💖
I feel I should get this out...even on a throwaway, as I have had absolutely no one else to truly let it all out. Please be warned this is gonna likely be super lengthy so you have NO obligation to read it...maybe it's just cathartic enough in of itself to just ramble openly into the void, as an otherwise deeply private person💖
Ive always known I cant/don't want children. I adore them but I have been psychologically too negatively affected by the horrific fallout of my parents' tempestuous, painful divorce that has since wrecked myself and my 8 other wonderful siblings.
All that's to say, I'm absolutely fucking terrified of ever going through another termination. PLEASE do not be put off by my words. I had a surgical termination, and the nursed and doctors were absolute literal angles. My bf of 10 years was with me. Other than when the dilation rods were inserted (I must warn anyone who needs this - brace yourselves for about 20 seconds of heavy pain), the anesthetic worked wonders.
Whether or not this has anything to do with it...the termination happened 2 days after my 30th birthday, and just four days after officially being made unemployed from a very well paid and enjoyable job, due to the contract ending. I was (and since then, still am) at a very low place, and haven't told a soul.
For me personally, knowing I was still right in my decisions, knowing I was not and will never be ready to be the best mam a child of mine deserves....I am so sad. More sad than I ever anticipated, if I'm honest. I am very introverted and through my 20s i whittled my social circle down smaller and smaller I think bc childhood trauma was becoming more brutal and significant surprisingly. And despite how close I am to my siblings, I opted to keep the pregnancy and termination private to just me and my partner. I knew my decision for years beforehand, and also it still made me feel so sad and distressed to be in this position to have to have a termination despite being so cautious with contraceptive all these years. I was just so distraught at it all I wanted to just get through it.
I also held back from my partner too. I'm a dreadful people pleaser. I cared more about his emotions than my own and so I held back and still do now.
I never told him that I obtained an ultrasound of my little baby that was once unexpectedly in my belly for a little short moment, nor the precious inked footprints the clinic gave me when it was all over. I felt, and still feel, the strangest and saddest pull. Its not regret in its usual form: I still KNOW I did the right thing. I simply feel too lost and emotionally deconstructed at 30 to ever do justice to a precious child. In another life, I know I'd have wanted motherhood. But my life path and its resounding quiet traumas that linger on me stated otherwise.
I don't expect anyone to have gotten this far, it was just so lovely to just finally write about it all here. Thank you for this safe space. I know I made the right decision, and not so much for myself: I'd have loved that baby with all my heart. But for the baby's sake: I fear I'd never be able to have given him the life he deserved.
The moment we both realised I was pregnant I felt so utterly shocked, disturbed, immediately guilty at knowing what my decision would be, and guilty on my secrecy. As mentioned, I couldn't bare discussing this with anyone else other than my partner who needed to know and ofc we are on the same wavelength. I KNOW now that I needed my mam maybe, or my sister..but I've gone my whole life hiding or minimising any of my own struggles at all I'm chronically private due to extreme people pleasing amongst some other deeper heavier stuff etc. So to this day I mentioned nothing. The worst thing was seeing my dad, who I love so much. Seeing him the day before my birthday (at that point I'd known for about 2 weeks I was pregnant and was waiting for the termination). Keeping this heavy heartbreaking secret, and hugging him in birthday celebrations and feeling so awful for being untruthful Also perhaps maybe I just wanted to cry and have comfort from my daddy in this scary life moment. I feel in total I've been a fake. The weeks that have followed, the rare times I've ventured outdoors also wallowing in unemployment too, I've been lactating. The cruel salt on the wounds. Lactating for the baby that now isn't here. I'm just so sad. And I never prepared myself for how sad I'd be left feeling over a decision I also know was 100% right. I haven't brought it up to my bf at all since. He hasn't asked me how I am at all since, I think the last time he asked me was probably about 3 or 4 days after the termination.
What's compelled me to word vomit perhaps is how last night feeling quite dire and desperately low (still no job, bf isn't my biggest fan, fighting off depression, months of not talking to anyone properlyor leaving the house, feeling so ugly too) i finally felt randomly pulled to revisit my precious, secret pictures. Ultrasound and baby feet. I finally allowed myself to start really crying about it all, and so last night I just cried and cried, and fell asleep hugging the little trinket I keep these pictures in. I also happen to keep a small cutting of a jacket of my grandpa that passed years ago, so now I feel both baby and my grampa are together in this trinket and last night I let myself feel comforted by the idea of their company stored inside there.
I wish my boyfriend would let me cry to him. I wish he didn't get over it all so quickly. I wish I had someone's chest to lean into and sob about it all.
The two weeks of waiting for the procedure, my mind was made up solidly. And still, I found myself stealing tiny moments of maternal holding at night in bed. I couldn't help it. I'd lie on my side trying to pretend life was normal...and I'd feel my baby in my belly. And I'd quietly cry and feel so disgustingly selfish and warped for having the audacity to hold and rub my belly gently, knowing the decision I had made. I stole these little late night moments to just cradle this little obscure, surreal, tiny bundle in my hands because I could not ignore - for two tortuous weeks - the sensations of movement and tightness. It was torture. And every single night leading to the appointment, making sure my bf was already sound asleep, I would quietly cry whilst holding my belly and whisper just how sorry I was for all of this. I felt so much love and guilt for this tiny mass in my belly.
I never found out his gender. The second I woke up from the surgery, I asked the nurse if they'd known the gender and she said no. She then asked me, "What do you think the gender was?"
I immediately replied, "a boy", despite having not thought hard about it until then. She said, "If this is your gut instinct then by all accounts, you're more than likely right."
I would've named him James.
submitted by AdGrand5783 to abortion [link] [comments]
I feel I should get this out...even on a throwaway, as I have had absolutely no one else to truly let it all out. Please be warned this is gonna likely be super lengthy so you have NO obligation to read it...maybe it's just cathartic enough in of itself to just ramble openly into the void, as an otherwise deeply private person💖
Ive always known I cant/don't want children. I adore them but I have been psychologically too negatively affected by the horrific fallout of my parents' tempestuous, painful divorce that has since wrecked myself and my 8 other wonderful siblings.
All that's to say, I'm absolutely fucking terrified of ever going through another termination. PLEASE do not be put off by my words. I had a surgical termination, and the nursed and doctors were absolute literal angles. My bf of 10 years was with me. Other than when the dilation rods were inserted (I must warn anyone who needs this - brace yourselves for about 20 seconds of heavy pain), the anesthetic worked wonders.
Whether or not this has anything to do with it...the termination happened 2 days after my 30th birthday, and just four days after officially being made unemployed from a very well paid and enjoyable job, due to the contract ending. I was (and since then, still am) at a very low place, and haven't told a soul.
For me personally, knowing I was still right in my decisions, knowing I was not and will never be ready to be the best mam a child of mine deserves....I am so sad. More sad than I ever anticipated, if I'm honest. I am very introverted and through my 20s i whittled my social circle down smaller and smaller I think bc childhood trauma was becoming more brutal and significant surprisingly. And despite how close I am to my siblings, I opted to keep the pregnancy and termination private to just me and my partner. I knew my decision for years beforehand, and also it still made me feel so sad and distressed to be in this position to have to have a termination despite being so cautious with contraceptive all these years. I was just so distraught at it all I wanted to just get through it.
I also held back from my partner too. I'm a dreadful people pleaser. I cared more about his emotions than my own and so I held back and still do now.
I never told him that I obtained an ultrasound of my little baby that was once unexpectedly in my belly for a little short moment, nor the precious inked footprints the clinic gave me when it was all over. I felt, and still feel, the strangest and saddest pull. Its not regret in its usual form: I still KNOW I did the right thing. I simply feel too lost and emotionally deconstructed at 30 to ever do justice to a precious child. In another life, I know I'd have wanted motherhood. But my life path and its resounding quiet traumas that linger on me stated otherwise.
I don't expect anyone to have gotten this far, it was just so lovely to just finally write about it all here. Thank you for this safe space. I know I made the right decision, and not so much for myself: I'd have loved that baby with all my heart. But for the baby's sake: I fear I'd never be able to have given him the life he deserved.
The moment we both realised I was pregnant I felt so utterly shocked, disturbed, immediately guilty at knowing what my decision would be, and guilty on my secrecy. As mentioned, I couldn't bare discussing this with anyone else other than my partner who needed to know and ofc we are on the same wavelength. I KNOW now that I needed my mam maybe, or my sister..but I've gone my whole life hiding or minimising any of my own struggles at all I'm chronically private due to extreme people pleasing amongst some other deeper heavier stuff etc. So to this day I mentioned nothing. The worst thing was seeing my dad, who I love so much. Seeing him the day before my birthday (at that point I'd known for about 2 weeks I was pregnant and was waiting for the termination). Keeping this heavy heartbreaking secret, and hugging him in birthday celebrations and feeling so awful for being untruthful Also perhaps maybe I just wanted to cry and have comfort from my daddy in this scary life moment. I feel in total I've been a fake. The weeks that have followed, the rare times I've ventured outdoors also wallowing in unemployment too, I've been lactating. The cruel salt on the wounds. Lactating for the baby that now isn't here. I'm just so sad. And I never prepared myself for how sad I'd be left feeling over a decision I also know was 100% right. I haven't brought it up to my bf at all since. He hasn't asked me how I am at all since, I think the last time he asked me was probably about 3 or 4 days after the termination.
What's compelled me to word vomit perhaps is how last night feeling quite dire and desperately low (still no job, bf isn't my biggest fan, fighting off depression, months of not talking to anyone properlyor leaving the house, feeling so ugly too) i finally felt randomly pulled to revisit my precious, secret pictures. Ultrasound and baby feet. I finally allowed myself to start really crying about it all, and so last night I just cried and cried, and fell asleep hugging the little trinket I keep these pictures in. I also happen to keep a small cutting of a jacket of my grandpa that passed years ago, so now I feel both baby and my grampa are together in this trinket and last night I let myself feel comforted by the idea of their company stored inside there.
I wish my boyfriend would let me cry to him. I wish he didn't get over it all so quickly. I wish I had someone's chest to lean into and sob about it all.
The two weeks of waiting for the procedure, my mind was made up solidly. And still, I found myself stealing tiny moments of maternal holding at night in bed. I couldn't help it. I'd lie on my side trying to pretend life was normal...and I'd feel my baby in my belly. And I'd quietly cry and feel so disgustingly selfish and warped for having the audacity to hold and rub my belly gently, knowing the decision I had made. I stole these little late night moments to just cradle this little obscure, surreal, tiny bundle in my hands because I could not ignore - for two tortuous weeks - the sensations of movement and tightness. It was torture. And every single night leading to the appointment, making sure my bf was already sound asleep, I would quietly cry whilst holding my belly and whisper just how sorry I was for all of this. I felt so much love and guilt for this tiny mass in my belly.
I never found out his gender. The second I woke up from the surgery, I asked the nurse if they'd known the gender and she said no. She then asked me, "What do you think the gender was?"
I immediately replied, "a boy", despite having not thought hard about it until then. She said, "If this is your gut instinct then by all accounts, you're more than likely right."
I would've named him James.
2024.04.29 05:26 Gold_Astronaut_4207 I 25M lost myself trying to save my girlfriend 29F. How do I forgive myself?
Throwaway,
Apologies for the long read, TLDR is at the bottom.
I 25M broke up with my ex 29F in January. We met in October 2022, when she was in the process of a divorce (she "had sent papers to him several times" throughout 2022 that allegedly never made it). Admittedly, I shouldn't have started this relationship, but I did. Labels were messy for the first months as she navigated the family situation (traditional Asian family) which was frustrating, but I was willing to go through it, as we clicked perfectly.
For most of her twenties (until meeting her ex-husband) she had been a self-professed alcoholic, partied heavily, and casually dated plenty of men. A handful of hookups somewhere in there too. She racked up tens of thousands in debt, and essentially just lived for the now. I never dug too far into the details, as when I met her, she had decided that all of that was behind her, and she had had enough. With the excitement of a new relationship, I mistakenly took this at face value and she told me that she was going to walk the "straight and narrow, and become a great woman/partnemother in the future."
On my end, I have had two serious relationships before her and had never been into the partying scene. My mind was generally focused on getting my life together, so I joined the military, have been working towards a STEM degree while on active duty, and learned a lot about finances/investing. Zero debt, own my car, no hook-ups/partying/drinking in my past. I've got issues sure, but those tend to be about my self-worth/confidence and things like that.
When our relationship began, she assured me she was going through therapy for her alcoholism, and to sort out the trauma from a divorce. At this point, our careers were both moving us to the same state, but about five hours apart. We decided to try it. It worked for five or six months, but then the cracks started showing. She bought a brand new 45,000 car with zero down, saying it was a "reward for making better life choices," and I later found out she stopped pursuing therapy because the next steps could require medication, and that would affect her career eligibility.
Thing after thing happened. Sending her a selfie without my full face would trigger a multiple-day-long argument because "her ex would do that when he was hiding things" If it wasn't the ex, it was things like her going to a nude beach alone (we are in the US, where this isn't commonly accepted) and when I would tell her I wasn't comfortable with it, it became a bodily autonomy argument where I didn't have an opinion. In addition to this, she had multiple exes on social media, lots of male friends from her party-stage that she insisted on remaining friends with/would hang out with one-on-one. She had hooked up with one at a party once. My hesitation was met with "they've been here for far longer than you, so don't make me choose." When she would drink, she would take any comment in its worst possible interpretation. When she met my parents for the first time, she was drinking/driving on the way to meet them, and said it was because she was so stressed and needed to take the edge off.
The breaking point was after telling my family we were considering getting engaged, they encouraged me to fly her home (Midwest) for the holidays. I did this, and she was a nightmare. Talking badly to me about female family friends, isolated herself in the guest room and made me come talk her down, telling me she didn't fit in with "these blonde girls that all look the same," and just generally took up all the time I was trying to split between introducing her to my home/world, and relaxing with my family. I pulled three all-nighters trying to help her through this. Throughout the entire relationship, she would tell me she's trying so hard to change, that her intentions are good, and acknowledge that she wasn't perfect. I ended it after my family all separately asked me what in the world I was thinking by being with her.
If you've made it this far, the fact I put up with this for over a year is pitiful. I fully admit I became a nice guy and didn't walk away when I should have. When it was good, it was incredible and when it was bad, it was awful. This is why I'm angry. If you had asked me a few years ago if I'd put up with this situation, I'd have laughed at you. But I let myself get beat up for this entire time, and I can't even tell you why. I thought I respected myself, but it was incredibly embarrassing. All my friends told me I was different throughout the relationship, laughing and saying "it's a canon event for a guy to go through this." I've been numb since January and completely lost who I am by trying to save her. I'm not perfect, I made mistakes too, but I feel so battered and confused on how I let this happen. I'm so unbelievably angry at myself and at her for all she put me through. I bragged about her to my family, my friends, everyone. I told my mom this was the one. And now what?
I looked up her social media a few days ago (the first time since the breakup), and it's covered in suggestive bikini pics, fancy restaurants and bars with her friends, and her just generally living an incredible life. I know her well enough to know she's coping, but I'm so fucking lost and angry. It's affecting every area of my life, and I'm about to lose it. How do I navigate this anger and accept that I'm not all of those things I'm left feeling?
TLDR: Accidentally tried to rescue a former party girl going through a divorce, lost myself, and I'm so angry with myself that I can't function.
submitted by Gold_Astronaut_4207 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Apologies for the long read, TLDR is at the bottom.
I 25M broke up with my ex 29F in January. We met in October 2022, when she was in the process of a divorce (she "had sent papers to him several times" throughout 2022 that allegedly never made it). Admittedly, I shouldn't have started this relationship, but I did. Labels were messy for the first months as she navigated the family situation (traditional Asian family) which was frustrating, but I was willing to go through it, as we clicked perfectly.
For most of her twenties (until meeting her ex-husband) she had been a self-professed alcoholic, partied heavily, and casually dated plenty of men. A handful of hookups somewhere in there too. She racked up tens of thousands in debt, and essentially just lived for the now. I never dug too far into the details, as when I met her, she had decided that all of that was behind her, and she had had enough. With the excitement of a new relationship, I mistakenly took this at face value and she told me that she was going to walk the "straight and narrow, and become a great woman/partnemother in the future."
On my end, I have had two serious relationships before her and had never been into the partying scene. My mind was generally focused on getting my life together, so I joined the military, have been working towards a STEM degree while on active duty, and learned a lot about finances/investing. Zero debt, own my car, no hook-ups/partying/drinking in my past. I've got issues sure, but those tend to be about my self-worth/confidence and things like that.
When our relationship began, she assured me she was going through therapy for her alcoholism, and to sort out the trauma from a divorce. At this point, our careers were both moving us to the same state, but about five hours apart. We decided to try it. It worked for five or six months, but then the cracks started showing. She bought a brand new 45,000 car with zero down, saying it was a "reward for making better life choices," and I later found out she stopped pursuing therapy because the next steps could require medication, and that would affect her career eligibility.
Thing after thing happened. Sending her a selfie without my full face would trigger a multiple-day-long argument because "her ex would do that when he was hiding things" If it wasn't the ex, it was things like her going to a nude beach alone (we are in the US, where this isn't commonly accepted) and when I would tell her I wasn't comfortable with it, it became a bodily autonomy argument where I didn't have an opinion. In addition to this, she had multiple exes on social media, lots of male friends from her party-stage that she insisted on remaining friends with/would hang out with one-on-one. She had hooked up with one at a party once. My hesitation was met with "they've been here for far longer than you, so don't make me choose." When she would drink, she would take any comment in its worst possible interpretation. When she met my parents for the first time, she was drinking/driving on the way to meet them, and said it was because she was so stressed and needed to take the edge off.
The breaking point was after telling my family we were considering getting engaged, they encouraged me to fly her home (Midwest) for the holidays. I did this, and she was a nightmare. Talking badly to me about female family friends, isolated herself in the guest room and made me come talk her down, telling me she didn't fit in with "these blonde girls that all look the same," and just generally took up all the time I was trying to split between introducing her to my home/world, and relaxing with my family. I pulled three all-nighters trying to help her through this. Throughout the entire relationship, she would tell me she's trying so hard to change, that her intentions are good, and acknowledge that she wasn't perfect. I ended it after my family all separately asked me what in the world I was thinking by being with her.
If you've made it this far, the fact I put up with this for over a year is pitiful. I fully admit I became a nice guy and didn't walk away when I should have. When it was good, it was incredible and when it was bad, it was awful. This is why I'm angry. If you had asked me a few years ago if I'd put up with this situation, I'd have laughed at you. But I let myself get beat up for this entire time, and I can't even tell you why. I thought I respected myself, but it was incredibly embarrassing. All my friends told me I was different throughout the relationship, laughing and saying "it's a canon event for a guy to go through this." I've been numb since January and completely lost who I am by trying to save her. I'm not perfect, I made mistakes too, but I feel so battered and confused on how I let this happen. I'm so unbelievably angry at myself and at her for all she put me through. I bragged about her to my family, my friends, everyone. I told my mom this was the one. And now what?
I looked up her social media a few days ago (the first time since the breakup), and it's covered in suggestive bikini pics, fancy restaurants and bars with her friends, and her just generally living an incredible life. I know her well enough to know she's coping, but I'm so fucking lost and angry. It's affecting every area of my life, and I'm about to lose it. How do I navigate this anger and accept that I'm not all of those things I'm left feeling?
TLDR: Accidentally tried to rescue a former party girl going through a divorce, lost myself, and I'm so angry with myself that I can't function.
2024.04.29 05:11 IshMorningstar Is this worth it? Am I being used? TW: Drug Abuse/Addiction
Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
WS(Wayward spouse - the person leaving or cheating)
AP(Affair Partner)
Just really looking for outside perspective and trying all the relevant subs.
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
submitted by IshMorningstar to Marriage [link] [comments]
WS(Wayward spouse - the person leaving or cheating)
AP(Affair Partner)
Just really looking for outside perspective and trying all the relevant subs.
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
2024.04.29 05:09 Ok_Pianist3969 UK Coding Skills Bootcamp Scam
Big rant time.
I've done a coding bootcamp in london, they're pretty awful, all resources they used in my bootcamp was all copied from freecodecamps youtube videos, the tutors were hardly qualified, what they taught was the absolute basics, nothing intermediate AT ALL, highest it got to was js loops, functions and little dom manipulation but was pathetic and tell you you'll be job ready after it LOL and to top it all off, the supposed "Level 3" qualification from it is a fake, no awarding body, no UCAS points and is just a useless certificate they made that says achievement, should've just wrote it on a piece of toilet paper so i could wipe my ass with it. the reason they got no awarding body is cause if someone from the awarding body came to inspect and look at their teaching material they would get denied in an instant lol. they also don't state on their website there's no awarding body and its a sham. they don't care about the students, only care about passing people by getting them in and out the bootcamp as soon as possible so they can pocket the governments money (most students are all gov funded). many of us fell behind and didn't submit the module assessments at the end of the course which should be a automatic fail but they still passed everyone LOL Bootcamp I unfortunately went with was JustIT, stay far away.
Just pls pls use udemy as courses are like £11.99 to keep or use youtube for free content, EVERYTHING is online for free, i've learnt from cheap CHEAP courses from udemy and free youtube material and got a job. Also NETWORK! the best thing you can do is reach out to other devs on linkedin etc and devs locally, meet up, code, discuss and have a coffee. me and my friends all got dev jobs in the NHS and other big named companies with no degree and completely self taught just from networking, making friends and someone slipping a word about you to their boss for the position they're hiring for. ;)
Goodluck and don't fall victim to "most" bootcamp scams, if you wanna go to one, research them and see if they have an awarding body, will most likely be gateway qualifications (16 ucas points).
If you've been to a bootcamp in London, the UK or somewhere even in the states perhaps, please let me know about your experience and to those who may say i just had a bad experience, that's incorrect lol, I've been connecting with many people from numerous bootcamps in London and they've all had the same or similar experience. Personally it should be investigated by the government and cancel their contracts but that's the end of my rant.
Goodluck future devs.
submitted by Ok_Pianist3969 to codingbootcamp [link] [comments]
I've done a coding bootcamp in london, they're pretty awful, all resources they used in my bootcamp was all copied from freecodecamps youtube videos, the tutors were hardly qualified, what they taught was the absolute basics, nothing intermediate AT ALL, highest it got to was js loops, functions and little dom manipulation but was pathetic and tell you you'll be job ready after it LOL and to top it all off, the supposed "Level 3" qualification from it is a fake, no awarding body, no UCAS points and is just a useless certificate they made that says achievement, should've just wrote it on a piece of toilet paper so i could wipe my ass with it. the reason they got no awarding body is cause if someone from the awarding body came to inspect and look at their teaching material they would get denied in an instant lol. they also don't state on their website there's no awarding body and its a sham. they don't care about the students, only care about passing people by getting them in and out the bootcamp as soon as possible so they can pocket the governments money (most students are all gov funded). many of us fell behind and didn't submit the module assessments at the end of the course which should be a automatic fail but they still passed everyone LOL Bootcamp I unfortunately went with was JustIT, stay far away.
Just pls pls use udemy as courses are like £11.99 to keep or use youtube for free content, EVERYTHING is online for free, i've learnt from cheap CHEAP courses from udemy and free youtube material and got a job. Also NETWORK! the best thing you can do is reach out to other devs on linkedin etc and devs locally, meet up, code, discuss and have a coffee. me and my friends all got dev jobs in the NHS and other big named companies with no degree and completely self taught just from networking, making friends and someone slipping a word about you to their boss for the position they're hiring for. ;)
Goodluck and don't fall victim to "most" bootcamp scams, if you wanna go to one, research them and see if they have an awarding body, will most likely be gateway qualifications (16 ucas points).
If you've been to a bootcamp in London, the UK or somewhere even in the states perhaps, please let me know about your experience and to those who may say i just had a bad experience, that's incorrect lol, I've been connecting with many people from numerous bootcamps in London and they've all had the same or similar experience. Personally it should be investigated by the government and cancel their contracts but that's the end of my rant.
Goodluck future devs.
2024.04.29 05:09 GwahGwahGibbon Looking for advice on how to up my frog owner game
Looking for advice on 2 things in particular,
submitted by GwahGwahGibbon to frog [link] [comments]
- How can I get my frog to loose some weight? Im good about not over feeding with him getting fed 2-3 times a week with a decent sized meal of superworms. I would feed him crickets but since he's larger he is kind of slow and would struggle with catching crickets. On top of that does he seem to have any other apparent health issues? He's usually a pretty solid dark green with some blueish colors. He's pretty shy too, is there anyway to make him more "outgoing"? Would he benefit from having tank mates? He was housed with multiple dumpies prior but they ended up passing away over a year ago now.
- How can I make his setup better? One thing I already have in my shopping cart is a heat emitter for the night so I dont bother him as much with colored night bulbs. Even the ones that are deep purples that are meant to not emit much color still worry me. He has 2 live plants (pothos) as well as some fake ones and a good amount of hardscape thats hidden by the plants. My main concern is that I have him on paper towels as a substrate currently since I was having issues when I did a coco coir bottom, with him getting covered in the substrate and then eating it during feedings- on top of a fear of the coir harbouring a bunch of bacteria.
2024.04.29 05:08 IshMorningstar Is this worth it? Am I being used? TW: Drug Abuse/Addiction
Reddit (repost with additional details in spots, trying this sub too)
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
submitted by IshMorningstar to Infidelity [link] [comments]
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
2024.04.29 05:06 Throwra12312345678 Thoughts on AP behavior?
I’m ruminating again unfortunately and feeling rather lonely. Not sure if this is even healthy for me to be doing but I really just wanted to rant to get it off my chest and see what opinions others have and maybe validate my annoyances.
So, 2 weeks ago was dday2. This day was different, I found recent nudes on WH phone of AP when we were supposed to be in R and doing rather well I thought. What was different this dday was how he acted about it, the first dday he didn’t even stop talking to her for at least a week after and was hesitant and in limbo for about 2 months. This time the first thing he did was beg me not to leave, told me right away he would cut her off and with proof this time and tell me he would do anything to fix this. Which he did.
The next day I reached out to AP, to try to get more truth. I had done this before with no response and while I did get the truth her response of trying to act innocent and naive bothers the fuck out of me.
One of things she said to me was “I am really sorry about all of this too. I honestly didn’t know you were working things out”. …okay. So here’s a timeline.
In May 2023 is the first time her number shows up on our phone bill. I watched it ramp up mid June. By July they talk on the phone every single day before and after work. My husband and i are still definitely together and we spend every single weekend together. We went out of town at one point there was nothing that indicated an affair, so for months they were communicating in at least and EA level while he was absolutely knowingly married still.
They hid their closeness from other co workers. His friends at work all know and like me so they had to hide their relationship.
In Oct. he asked for a separation. But backed down on that the next day saying he didn’t want to break up our family and we can try to work on things. He told me there was not someone else during this, but regardless he still remained with me. She knew this.
DDAY was Dec. they talked for a week after but then but by Dec 16 he cut contact to some degree as her number stoped showing up on the phone bill. He likely talked to her in person but not on the phone for a couple weeks until we had a fight and decided not to R. He talked to her for a couple days and then stopped again after that because he was back to not sure.
Didn’t talk to her in the phone again until feb. when I signed a lease on an apartment to move and separate since he still wouldn’t cut her off with proof and give me R conditions. Then 3 days offer that cut her off again. In person, which she admitted he did.
Here’s where it gets fucking hilarious at how rediculous she sounds when she’s says she didn’t know..
A month after cutting her off in feb, she made a fake instagram under the name of Frank to message him. That was their only means of communication and he still never saw her outside of on his way home to stop and sleep with her at her apartment. They never hung out or went on dates or anything. And you’re going to tell me you don’t know??
I called her out a little I said i don’t understand how you didn’t know if you had to make a fake instagram account just to talk to him.. she said “he said he didn’t want to make you mad as you guys go through the divorce and divide the assets.” Then “hindsight is 20/20 I guess”
It’s just crazy. Even if he did say that, which probably did, there’s no way she’s that dumb and she knows what she’s been doing all along… don’t try to play innocent when you’ve been knowingly contributing to destroying someone’s life for months…
That is my rant. I have no sympathy for APs that know what they are doing..
submitted by Throwra12312345678 to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]
So, 2 weeks ago was dday2. This day was different, I found recent nudes on WH phone of AP when we were supposed to be in R and doing rather well I thought. What was different this dday was how he acted about it, the first dday he didn’t even stop talking to her for at least a week after and was hesitant and in limbo for about 2 months. This time the first thing he did was beg me not to leave, told me right away he would cut her off and with proof this time and tell me he would do anything to fix this. Which he did.
The next day I reached out to AP, to try to get more truth. I had done this before with no response and while I did get the truth her response of trying to act innocent and naive bothers the fuck out of me.
One of things she said to me was “I am really sorry about all of this too. I honestly didn’t know you were working things out”. …okay. So here’s a timeline.
In May 2023 is the first time her number shows up on our phone bill. I watched it ramp up mid June. By July they talk on the phone every single day before and after work. My husband and i are still definitely together and we spend every single weekend together. We went out of town at one point there was nothing that indicated an affair, so for months they were communicating in at least and EA level while he was absolutely knowingly married still.
They hid their closeness from other co workers. His friends at work all know and like me so they had to hide their relationship.
In Oct. he asked for a separation. But backed down on that the next day saying he didn’t want to break up our family and we can try to work on things. He told me there was not someone else during this, but regardless he still remained with me. She knew this.
DDAY was Dec. they talked for a week after but then but by Dec 16 he cut contact to some degree as her number stoped showing up on the phone bill. He likely talked to her in person but not on the phone for a couple weeks until we had a fight and decided not to R. He talked to her for a couple days and then stopped again after that because he was back to not sure.
Didn’t talk to her in the phone again until feb. when I signed a lease on an apartment to move and separate since he still wouldn’t cut her off with proof and give me R conditions. Then 3 days offer that cut her off again. In person, which she admitted he did.
Here’s where it gets fucking hilarious at how rediculous she sounds when she’s says she didn’t know..
A month after cutting her off in feb, she made a fake instagram under the name of Frank to message him. That was their only means of communication and he still never saw her outside of on his way home to stop and sleep with her at her apartment. They never hung out or went on dates or anything. And you’re going to tell me you don’t know??
I called her out a little I said i don’t understand how you didn’t know if you had to make a fake instagram account just to talk to him.. she said “he said he didn’t want to make you mad as you guys go through the divorce and divide the assets.” Then “hindsight is 20/20 I guess”
It’s just crazy. Even if he did say that, which probably did, there’s no way she’s that dumb and she knows what she’s been doing all along… don’t try to play innocent when you’ve been knowingly contributing to destroying someone’s life for months…
That is my rant. I have no sympathy for APs that know what they are doing..
2024.04.29 04:48 Affectionate_You_480 My ex husband married me when he already had a wife and another child I didn't know about. Sorry it's a bit long but you'll understand why.
Ok, here it is. Everyone keeps telling me to spill it. Alright when I was 20 I got diagnosed with a couple of very bad autoimmune issues and each year after that something new would be wrong to add to the list basically It had caused my life to be in pain all the time and hard to go out or even go outside. I hadn't dated since I had my daughter(she's 7 now). Even being sick, she was always my everything. Her dad decided that after we had her, he wasn't ready to be a dad. i wanted at least to see if i could make a male friend to do things with since my life is always unknown. the internet was still really new. This was just when my space had just started. I was on a dating site and one night I noticed I got a message from a new guy so I opened it and saw his profile it was really good he was handsome, he had a daughter my daughter's age never married I thought cool. So when we were chatting on the phone, we decided to meet, and yes, I informed him of all my medical issues. I was very upfront about being disabled. So a couple days later, he comes over for a movie together, and by the next month, we had moved in together. He proposed and got married. I know that's nuts. After about a week, I thought about what I had done, and my mom was my nurse, and he knew nothing about seizures. I freaked out, and I told him I couldn't stay. we ran into this too fast, and he didn't know my medicine and what to do for me in certain situations. He begged and didn't want me to leave, but my mind was made. The next morning, my mom came, and I packed my daughter and I up and left. I was hounded by calls texts my family he called begging them to help him change my mind and take him back, so after a week I agreed to talk with him, so I let him move in with us. Ok, here's where shit gets crazy. After about 8 months, I found out I was pregnant, and I knew it was going to be high risk due to my illnesses. So he was happy anyway we knew it would be hard and my daughter was so excited she wanted a sibling so bad. When she found out I was dating, that's the first thing she asked. Anyway my doctors were not they warned me this is very risky for both me and the baby and said I was acting selfish having this baby in my condition, ok jump to when I was 8 months pregnant a sheriff comes to my door and asks for my husband and I ask why and he can't tell me so I get him they go outside and he comes back and says he has to run down to the offices with him I ask why he said it's something stupid I'll be right back now as he's walking out the door I'm saying for what to the point where the sheriff has to say calm me down says he'll explain when he gets back he says that was a lie and he knew it. Well 9pm turns to 1am and I'm upset so I call the sheriff's office and ask him why my husband is still there, they tell me he's being held on a $10,000 cash bond for a DNA test for a woman's baby. At that moment i dropped to my knees and cried, im 8 months pregnant with a guy i spent nights up talking about ourselves what life was like growing up and everything up till the point we met, he met my family, I met his daughter and all of a sudden my stomach started cramping my mom got scared and took me to the hospital cause it's very dangerous cause I might not make it thru labor. Each day, I have to be thankful i made it another day even before i was pregnant. they said it's ok it was just stress. So ok, it's summer. I'm allergic to the sun, and I have to take a taxi. Use my back pay from what social security owed me when i got it. to bail his ass out to know what is going on, and if they just needed him to go to court, why didn't he just go? Did he know about a DNA test. To me I'm thinking it would have just been a court date and done. Why not tell me so I'm guessing he didn't want anyone to know and skipped it. So I get him out, and im so upset we get home, and I ask what's up, and I don't want to hear anymore lies. So he tells me he moved here with his babies mama's "best friend" and they ended up together for about 2 years and she says he's the dad of her "3 year old son" I was like she never said anything why didn't you tell me when you got court papers he said he hadn't seen her since he moved out but if you do the math she would have been at least 3 months when he moved out but anyway. I said, "Go sleep on the couch. I need time to think, and don't think about missing that court date, I want my 10k back." So I know you're wondering why I didn't file for divorce here. Well, it's depressing, and im not proud of the decision, even the one i made to marry him. At this point in my health, it was really rocky, and I was in and out of the hospital this whole time, even before being pregnant. So when he asked me to marry him I said yes after just a month cause he was good with my daughter and a good dad to his daughter and I knew I'd never get another chance for someone to except me with my all my medical issues unfortunately. So I did it, and all my daughter wanted was a father figure in her life. Ok moving on he goes it's his and she wants nothing to do with him or us her son already has a figure around and to my surprise he said fine he didn't want to see his son he didn't know about. This is where I started to see the real him start to emerge. I started to notice that even though he was working, I never knew what happened to that money. I paid for everything from my social security money each month and when it was time for our daughter I bought a new car even though they took my license away for having a seizure on the highway luckily no one was hurt. Then it just started with little things he decided to go to fire fighting school, so I said whatever to get the career you want. One week, I left to go to a specialist and get surgery done. When I came back, I was getting in the car and found a Walmart receipt for condoms from the night after I left. He said him and his buddies were out drinking, and his buddy picked up a girl, and on the way to drop them back home, they stopped for him to get condoms. Then I looked closely at the receipt he used my bank card to by them. I kicked him out that day. But of course, he was let back in after begging on his knees. Of course, it wasn't him. After that I noticed he was always bringing the IPad in the bathroom with him and hiding it and his phone under his pillow with a finger lock, one day after a seizure i came out of it and he was on a vourism site, i freaked and asked how long was he doing this and he admitted our whole relationship and would do it even during me sleeping or when I had a seizure or in the hospital with me even when he had the kids but would shield it so they didn't see like that makes me feel better i noticed him not wanting intimacy it started just every once in a while then never. But he said he was having issues. I said go to a doctor, but he refused.ok, the phone thing, now I wouldn't have wanted to look at anything if all these things weren't pilling up. So one day my daughter grabbed one of are old phones we didn't use out of the trunk and he flipped out, he was trying so hard to get it he pushed her down and knocked our baby over. That was it. My mom was there, and she could tell I was starting to go into a seizure and caught me before I hit the floor. When it was over, she told him to leave and never come back, and he did. After i fully came to, i called the bank, removed his name from everything, cause it was all mine, so he couldn't rely on me anymore. But I still had the car and his stuff to get rid of. After he left, my neighbor friend said when she was walking one day, he asked her if she wanted to you know, and she didn't tell me cause she knew we had a new baby. Back to the end, somehow he paid the remaining balance of the loan, and we transferred the title to him he called sometimes, I kept asking for him to come get his stuff, and he said, "Keep it." So, I had a yard sale. One day, I got a call from his daughters mother, and she informed me that she wanted to tell me to tell him to call her she's been looking for him, and she still wants a divorce. I said, "But we're married he never married you she said yes, we did in 2000. It was 2019 now, i hadn't seen him in 8 years, i told her." She said we'll we've been married for 19 years, and she's been searching for him for a divorce, I was floored. I said, "What about your friend? Do you know her son is his?" She said they were just friends and stayed together till they both were stable. I said no, I have the paper here. So I called the court house to see if our marriage was even legal or null and void but they said I would still need to file for divorce even though he lied cause our marriage certificate is still a legal document.but she got to him first and he agreed to file and pay so he doesn't get charged. So after she copied her paperwork and sent it to me. I talked to him and waited for mine. It never came, and I found out the woman he WAS cheating with he moved in with and was engaged and planning their wedding. So I waited, and I called and said if I have to file, there's a chance I can file charges, and I will. Well, low and behold, I found why he didn't respond. His girlfriend found my number on his phone and put it in hers cause of the kids. She calls me and tells me they're house is being raided and he was caught getting sex from a 13 year old girl through another man and was found that he had married a 16 year old when he was 20 and got her pregnant and when she lost the baby the parents paid for a divorce and took her back to Dominican republic. They took all electronics, and he had files upon files of teens 12-16. I don't know why she called me but I said sorry it's your problem now and filed for a bigamy divorce. I ran so fast and found both my girls and unfortunately had to ask, but thankfully, he didn't. He had the nerve to call me and ask if he could use my kids for taxes to pay for a lawyer. I said Nope. I should have known. are whole wedding reception and pictures he made himself the center of attention and whenever we went to anyones house all he did was talk about himself and i look back and can remember each time he wanted his way or wanted something he would manipulate anyone need to get what he wanted. Sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes 😅.
submitted by Affectionate_You_480 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
2024.04.29 04:46 Playful_Gur_1068 Need Help with Rock Paper Scissors Project
21.5 LAB*: Program: Rock paper scissors
Program Specifications Write a program to play an automated game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Two players make one of three hand signals at the same time. Hand signals represent a rock, a piece of paper, or a pair of scissors. Each combination results in a win for one of the players. Rock crushes scissors, paper covers rock, and scissors cut paper. A tie occurs if both players make the same signal. Use a random number generator of 0, 1, or 2 to represent the three signals.Note: this program is designed for incremental development. Complete each step and submit for grading before starting the next step. Only a portion of tests pass after each step but confirm progress.
Step 0. Read starter template and do not change the provided code. Variables are defined for ROCK, PAPER, and SCISSORS. A seed is read from input to initialize the random number generator. This supports automated testing and creates predictable results that would otherwise be random.
Step 1 (2 pts). Read two player names from input (str). Read number of rounds from input. Continue reading number of rounds if value is below one and provide an error message. Output player names and number of rounds. Submit for grading to confirm 2 tests pass. Ex: If input is:
3 Anna Bert -3 -4 4Sample output is:
Rounds must be > 0 Rounds must be > 0 Anna vs Bert for 4 roundsStep 2 (2 pts). Use random.randint(0, 2) to generate random values (0 - 2) for player 1 followed by player 2. Continue to generate random values for both players until both values do not match. Output "Tie" when the values match. Submit for grading to confirm 3 tests pass. Ex: If input is:
12 Anna Bert 1Sample output is:
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie TieStep 3 (3 pts). Identify winner for this round and output a message. Rock crushes scissors, scissors cut paper, and paper covers rock. Submit for grading to confirm 6 tests pass. Ex: If input is:
55 Anna Bert 1Sample output is:
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie Bert wins with rockStep 4 (3 pts). Add a loop to repeat steps 2 and 3 for the number of rounds. Output total wins for each player after all rounds are complete. Submit for grading to confirm all tests pass. Ex: If input is:
82 Anna Bert 3Sample output is:
Anna vs Bert for 3 rounds Bert wins with paper Anna wins with scissors Tie Anna wins with scissors Anna wins 2 and Bert wins 1This is the current code I have:
import random
ROCK = 0
PAPER = 1
SCISSORS = 2
Read random seed to support testing (do not alter) and starting credits
seed = int(input())Set the seed for random
random.seed(int(seed))player1_name = input()
player2_name = input()
while True:
num_rounds = int(input())
if num_rounds < 1:
print("Rounds must be > 0")
else:
break
print(f"{player1_name} vs {player2_name} for {num_rounds} rounds")
player1_wins = 0
player2_wins = 0
ties = 0
for _ in range(num_rounds):
player1_choice = random.randint(0, 2)
player2_choice = random.randint(0, 2)
if player1_choice == player2_choice:
ties += 1
print("Tie")
elif (player1_choice == ROCK and player2_choice == SCISSORS) or \
(player1_choice == SCISSORS and player2_choice == PAPER) or \
(player1_choice == PAPER and player2_choice == ROCK):
player1_wins += 1
print(f"{player1_name} wins with {['rock', 'paper', 'scissors'][player1_choice]}")
else:
player2_wins += 1
print(f"{player2_name} wins with {['rock', 'paper', 'scissors'][player2_choice]}")
Adjust the reporting of ties
if ties > 0:print("Tie")
Adjust the reporting of total wins
if player1_wins > 0 or player2_wins > 0:if ties > 0:
print(" and ", end='') # Add 'and' before the total wins
else:
print("", end='') # Print a newline if no ties were recorded
if player1_wins > 0:
print(f"{player1_name} wins {player1_wins}", end='')
if player2_wins > 0:
print(" and ", end='') # Add 'and' between player 1 and player 2 wins
if player2_wins > 0:
print(f"{player2_name} wins {player2_wins}")
I'm getting the following errors:
4:Compare outputkeyboard_arrow_up0 / 1Output differs. See highlights below. Special character legendInput
55 Anna Bert 1Your output starts with
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie TieExpected output starts with
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie Anna wins with rock5:Compare outputkeyboard_arrow_up0 / 1Output differs. See highlights below. Special character legendInput
15 Anna Bert 1Your output starts with
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie TieExpected output starts with
Anna vs Bert for 1 rounds Tie Tie Tie Tie Anna wins with rock7:Compare outputkeyboard_arrow_up0 / 1Output differs. See highlights below. Special character legendInput
82 Anna Bert 3Your output
Anna vs Bert for 3 rounds Bert wins with paper Anna wins with scissors Tie Tie and Anna wins 1 and Bert wins 1Expected output
Anna vs Bert for 3 rounds Bert wins with paper Anna wins with scissors Tie Anna wins with scissors Anna wins 2 and Bert wins 18:Compare outputkeyboard_arrow_up0 / 1Output differs. See highlights below. Special character legendInput
17 Randy Jenny 15Your output ends with
Jenny for 15 rounds Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Jenny wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with scissors Randy wins with rock Tie Tie Tie and Randy wins 6 and Jenny wins 1Expected output ends with
Tie Tie Jenny wins with paper Jenny wins with rock Tie Jenny wins with paper Randy wins with paper Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with rock Jenny wins with scissors Randy wins with paper Randy wins 10 and Jenny wins 59:Compare outputkeyboard_arrow_up0 / 1Output differs. See highlights below. Special character legendInput
17 Randy Kristen -2 -3 8Your output
Rounds must be > 0 Rounds must be > 0 Randy vs Kristen for 8 rounds Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Kristen wins with scissors Tie and Randy wins 3 and Kristen wins 1Expected output
Rounds must be > 0 Rounds must be > 0 Randy vs Kristen for 8 rounds Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Tie Randy wins with paper Tie Kristen wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with scissors Tie Randy wins with scissors Randy wins with rock Tie Tie Tie Tie Kristen wins with paper Randy wins 6 and Kristen wins 2
2024.04.29 04:42 myfavoritemerger Pheobe Halliwell
 | When she signs the divorce papers toward the end of S5e1 submitted by myfavoritemerger to charmed [link] [comments] |
2024.04.29 04:25 IshMorningstar Repost: Opening for advice/support. Is this worth it? Am I being used? TW: Drug Abuse/Addiction
Reddit (repost with additional details in spots)
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
submitted by IshMorningstar to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]
I’m really unsure how to move forward.
My WS, B(f41) and I(m36) are currently taking it day by day. Know each other for 14 years, together and dating for 9, 8 years married. 12 years since we had our first kid.
Some back story, obviously there were issues in the marriage. Some I thought I was working on or making progress on. Others I was stagnant on.
We had 1 separation prior to this. It was the culmination of trying to have an open marriage and B falling for her partner, and me being me.
We got back together about a year and a half later, and have been together since(2021).
I thought we were moving forward until an ex gf of hers came back into her life. The ex turns into the AP.
So now I’m 2024 I think we’re doing okay. Rocky in some areas but okay. I was wrong. AP texted B in early Feb saying AP’s sister had died, someone who B had once been close too. AP and B would go out and I would be irritated or annoyed because AP also has a partner. I didn’t understand why APs partner couldn’t support her, why it needed to be my wife, when she’s(AP) an ex. It just made me uncomfortable and I let that boil over and accused her of stuff. She says nothing happened before 3/24 but I’ve found things that contradict that. That she may have actually cheated before they slept together after she asked to leave.
Long story short, APs sister had died but they were also talking about getting back together and how horrible and controlling I am etc. while also being physical. Kissing. Staying out late. Sexting. With AP and trying to tell me nothing was going on.
Now I won’t deny and say I haven’t been a shitty husband. I have been. Even currently up to Feb, I was slacking. I was okay pretending I was making an effort. Doing 1 small step to her 10.
Likewise I was dismissive over the years and never really “heard her” until this whole situation happened.
So they start hanging out more and more and suddenly she wants a divorce and wants to go out with AP every other day. Planning a life. Looking at apartments. Etc.
There’s a few things wrong with this: AP has openly stated she doesn’t like kids. We have 3. AP has openly stated she doesn’t like most pets. We have several. AP is a drug addict. Her drug of choice are narcotics, Vicodin and Oxy. She says it’s for her chronic pain on which, her prescription of Tramadol does nothing. So she “supplements” by buying illegally (supposedly only from family friend).
Anyways, 3/29 I found a photo of the drug use(a text from AP to B that was a tin of pills. There were 8/9 Vicodin and 3 Oxycodone), sent to B, saying she has one to give her too. B is a recovering addict. 13 years clean. Almost accepted. Said “You’re so good to me.”
B and AP try to play off the drug use as pain and pain management clinics not being helpful. Which I can’t speak to. I don’t have chronic pain. So I spoke with Law Enforcement, showed them what I was worried about and asked about an Order for Protection/Investigation. I did this before confronting her or before asking her about it. I wanted to be sure that if things went sideways I had a plan in place to protect myself. So I couldn’t be blamed for the drug use. Etc.
Confront her. Ask her. She flies off the handle and turns it around on me. Saying that it’s my fault and that I went through her iPad. (She changed her passcode well before this so I don’t have it. She left it unlocked and it was one of the first messages I saw that evening.) and that I should’ve come to her first.
Fast forward and we’re planning the divorce (income split, kind of an idea what we need to do moving forward, etc) and I’m saying that because of what I found, I’m not willing to let AP be around the kids until she can pass a UA and is sober for at least a year. I’d like that in the divorce decree. At this point we had been working together and I hadn’t moved on the OFP. I had been transparent.
Which leads us to the issue. She wasn’t. She was telling AP basically that we’d be divorced and she’d be good. Once I told B, that this was going to happen, either through the courts or through us agreeing on something, but it wasn’t something I was going to move on.
She said I was threatening her and forcing her to do what I say. I said only in this regard. Move. Leave. Here’s a list of items you’ll have to pay for, Etc. but I’m trying to keep my kids safe, and that means not being around someone currently abusing narcotics.
Then she says I shouldn’t worry about the kids because she’s their mom and she’ll take care of them. And that I’m an asshole for even suggesting she would jeopardize them.
She called the cops. Told them I was controlling and threatening and intimidating. They came. I showed them everything I had, told them my concerns, expressed what I said to her. They said it seemed like I was doing everything right. Tho they advised I file the OFP and turn over names and dates etc.
They told B, at the end, that because of her job and the kids that she “needed to stop fucking around with this shit.”
Well I guess that may have struck something in her because she said she’s done with AP. Tho she has still been talking to AP, AP found out what happened and has been going pretty low contact. Often leaving B on read. I know this because B has shown me their messages because she wants me to know I can trust her. Including through today.
She admitted the night the cops came that she had actively been lying to me. That she had orchestrated a text message convo to look like I was going to be getting what I wanted (something previously both she and AP had been against, a drug test).
So she admitted to lying about that. To deleting shit. To gas lighting me. This isn’t something she’s ever done before. Admitted to lying to me. Even when she’s been caught mid-lie. It’s always been dismissed or played off. This is the first time she’s actually been honest with me. And since then she and AP have had low contact.
She’s told me she doesn’t know now if we’re separated or going to divorce. That she wants to take it day by day. She says that if in the coming months, the changes I’m making to myself stick, and things get better, that she may stay. I’m unsure how to feel about this. We have 3 kids. I love her more than anything. But? I don’t think she would be so cold that she’d use me until she and her AP could be together.
On that note. She and AP are talking still, but everything has been platonic. She’s shown me her messages and I know she hasn’t deleted anything. We even spoke today and she admitted that sometimes she slips up and says “I love you” or whatever. But that’s because of how quickly she let her walls down. Let AP back into her life. That hurts. You know. Because I feel even now taking it day by day, I’m not being chosen. I’m an option. Yet the fact she’s still here, being engaged, etc. It can’t be an act right? I mean it could but I don’t imagine she would with how serious I am about the kids and having things documented.
I’m in therapy now. I’m on new meds for my anxiety. I’m seeing another Dr. to hopefully get a diagnosis of ASD or something so I can learn to interact more appropriately with her and my peers. I’m listening to her. Actively. Keeping in mind that words are not always words and I should look at the context and possible emotional context in the words. That’s been difficult but I’m learning that sometimes when she says that she’s broken, it’s because she wants a hug or physical comfort. I shouldn’t need to ask if she wants one or what I can do to comfort her. I am trying to listen more and act versus asking questions and then acting on the answers.
She felt she was always needing to tell me what to do or say. it’s been a sticking point in our marriage at times. Even though I am truly unsure at times what the appropriate course of action is. Hence being in therapy now.
We’ve slept together 3 times this month. Which is crazy because before it was once every few months. If at all. I think that’s a good sign?
I’m trying to help more around the house. Did a deep clean and threw a bunch of shit away. I’m committed to this change. To being better for her but also for me.
But I also don’t know if she’s doing this just to appease me. She’s said thank you. She’s slept with me. She’s more talkative and engaged with me. More fun like we used to have. But on the flip side she had no where else to go. No backup plan. She just started working FT but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to afford anything on her own.
I’m not sure where I stand. Or if I should take it day by day. I know I say I want to be with her and I think, I know that’s true. Even if I don’t want to admit I may lose her, act like I’m okay taking it day by day, the thought of her not being in my life as my partner, is terrifying and sad. So I know, if she asks to reconcile, I will. Because I love her. Because I know that while I’m not responsible for her cheating or lying etc, I’m responsible for the way I behaved and acted.
Idk if we can’t survive this. I love her more than anything. Even now I love her. I don’t want to lose her. Still I don’t think I should have to be a choice. I understand how it came about, and I understand she was or maybe is even now, ready to walk, and I’m just being delusional.
Yet she’s trying. Or appears to be. (This is what’s so hard for me).
I guess on paper it looks like we should divorce. My mother says so. My therapist says I should consider it.
Yet it seems like there may be something here worth trying for. The things I’m doing around the home and for the kids seem to make her happier. To see I’m trying to be consistent. She says it’s helped taken the pressure off her. That in our talks she’s happy I finally acknowledged things. Apologized for things. Actually listened and agreed with her. She’s appreciated that.
My therapist says whatever I do I should do for me. My counter was a lot of the stuff we’re doing now (splitting income by % earned, me actively cleaning every night with her, laundry, etc) is not something I’ve done or we’ve done before. Nor have I made any moves on therapy until recently, or to control my MH more.
So if I/we try this and still fail? Sure. It’s doomed, but at least I can say I took all the steps I, me, the Betrayed, to fix myself for myself but also for my marriage and my family. But this seems like it’ll have a shot. Like it could work. If you’ve made it this far thank you. ANY advice would be welcome.
It’s a fluffin’ mess. I know that. But any advice. Thanks.
~Ish
2024.04.29 03:51 NitroFish44 [WTS] [US] Modern and Vintage, both Fountain and Machined pens! Q3D, Wahl-Eversharp, Leonardo, Taccia, GVFC, Ensso, Sheaffer, Levenger, Franklin-Christoph, Selmy
Hello everybody! This is a continuation of last week’s sale with a few new pens added in, including a couple stubs/italics! As always, these pens write fantastically but simply aren’t used enough. As I continue to curate my collection, I’m doing my best to make sure I sell pens that don’t get enough use. It’s hard to let them go but they’ll make somebody excellent writers!
Verification and photos: https://imgur.com/a/7brUUlZ Please note: there may be ink on the nibs in the photos as a result of my testing them. Rest assured, all nibs are in great shape Edit: issue fixed!Also, unfortunately Imgur is acting screwy tonight. It wouldn’t let me label my posts with pen identification as I normally do. I will update this as soon as it will allow me to do so.
-All sub rules in effect. PayPal G&S is the only acceptable form of payment! -Please post on this listing first, then PM with your PayPal email and I’ll get an invoice sent out ASAP. Users that indicate firm intention through messaging to purchase a pen will get priority for a given pen, irrespective of “pm” order in the thread.
-The cost of shipping is higher than ever. All packages ship with full value insurance-absolutely no exceptions. Shipping will be a flat rate of $10. I’m happy to combine shipping if you purchase multiple items.
MODERN MACHINED PENS
[A1] Q3D Twis-ti $145+shipping
This solid Titanium pen is built like a tank! Intricate machining is done expertly throughout! Theres no question that Q3D is destined to gain market share and continue expanding! A great pen! This pen is being sold for 1 reason….I’ve become an Autmog fanboy essentially, so I have no need for multiple all titanium pens! Currently sold out on the website but available here :-)
Vintage Pens below
[Parts] Wahl-Eversharp ringtop in Lazulitic celluloid w/14k Fine Signature, flexible nib $115+shipping
I’ve labeled this gorgeous pen as [parts], but it is a fully functional pen. There is a crack in the barrel at the threads(pictured in the gallery) that has been stable during my ownership over the course of several years. The cap threads with no issue whatsoever. What’s special about this pen, aside from the beautiful Lazulitic celluloid, is its nib. The pen truly is a wonderful writer! I purchased the pen with an eye to harvest its nib once the crack became unmanageable, however that never came to pass as the crack today looks just as it did the day I received the pen. It would be a shame to simply yank the nib and lose another precious artifact of a bygone era. This pen is sure to please, both the eye and the hand!
[A2] Sheaffer Balance II in Cobalt Glow w/Broad 18k semi-flex Factory Italic nib $335+shipping
I guess technically this isn’t a vintage pen, but it is an homage to the legendary Sheaffer Balance’ of yore so its inclusion in the vintage section just seems right lol ;-) This is an incredibly beautiful, like new pen in the wondrously chatoyant Cobalt Glow acrylic! The pen is essentially brand new having only been inked a time or 2. What makes this pen really special however, is its nib. The 18k factory Italic is a veritable cornucopia of line variation and is wet, and delicious! If that wasn’t enough, the nib also has a bit of softness to it which adds even more character to your writing! Line variation abound with laser side strokes and broad down strokes. I’ve seen a couple(and actually sold 1) stub nibs available on these pens, but it seems Italic variants such as this one are rather uncommon. I’ve held onto this pen for a long time and need to let it go where it’ll be loved and appreciated on a regular basis. If you like line variation, this one’s for you!!
MODERN FOUNTAIN PENS/NIBS BELOW
[B] Selmy Maki-e pen. Cartridge converter w/Fine SS Schmidt nib $125+shipping
This pen was my first foray into Maki-e. Let me tell you, this pen impressed me! So much so that it was a tough decision to let it go. It’s unbelievable to me that you can get a pen of this quality for this comparative low price! It’s beautiful, in great condition, and has a wonderful nib! What’s not to like? The gold and silver powder used in the design of the pen really pops. Take a look at the video in the gallery. A gorgeous pen that’s sure to please when put to paper!
[B++] Gravitas Ultemate Vac w/SS Fine nib $185+shipping
Ben @Gravitas perfected the vac filler when he designed this pen. I have 2 of them and the other won’t be going anywhere. Made out of Ultem, this is an awesome pen! I’ve really come to love Ultem and have several other pens made from this material. IMO, Ben solved some of the issues that made Vacs not user friendly and no fun to use. Not the least of which is making the pen easy to disassemble…this makes cleaning a breeze. Simply remove the section and use a blunt syringe to clean the barrel, then use a bulb syringe for the section and nib and boom, the pen is spotless! No more operating the vac plunger 5274826384 times! Grab this pen, which is in great condition, for a discount and avoid Gravitas long shipping times to boot!
[parts with NO NIB or B++ with 14k F SIG nib listed below] Franklin Christoph 46 in Antique Glass w/ or w/out 14k Fine SIG nib $110+shipping(body only, no nib),or$240+shipping(w/14k F SIG nib)
Franklin-Christoph is one of my favorite modern pen makers. I especially love their transparent, demonstrator type materials! This 46 in Antique Glass is no exception. The 46 is one of my favorite models in their lineup as it is very ergonomic . This pen is available nibless, or, with the excellent 14k Fine SIG nib listed below. The 46 will accommodate any #6 Jowo screw-in nib unit you’d like to install if you’re interested in the body only.
[A2] Leonardo Officina Italiana Furore in Galaxy Blue acrylic(Silver trim)cartridge converter pen w/14k Fine nib $280+shipping
This is a gorgeous Furore in the now discontinued and hard to find Galaxy Blue acrylic, which is breathtakingly beautiful(video in the gallery). This acrylic is a sight to behold….deep and chatoyant, very reminiscent of its “Galaxy” namesake! The pen has rhodium plated silver trim and is in excellent, like new condition with not a single mark/micro-scratch to be found! The 14k Fine nib is smooth and consistent, beautifully wet, and writes very well! It was a tough decision to include this pen in the sale because I really like this model as a whole, however I ultimately decided to keep my Furore Grande.
[A2] Graf von Faber Castell Guilloche in Burned Orange w/18k Fine nib $260+shipping
I absolutely adore GVFC/FC nibs. They are seriously awesome writers! If you’ve never tried a gold nib from GVFC, man are you missing out! They’re perfectly wet, quite soft, and have a great feel against the paper. If you like FC’s stainless nibs found on Looms and HEXO’s, you’ll fall in love with their gold nib variants! I love this pen, but I’ve only inked it up once as I slowly move more and more toward hardcore vintage pen usage. It needs to go to a home where it’ll be used consistently because it really is that good. A great, great everyday writer….
[B] Levenger Aero D w/Med. SS nib $50+shipping
This was a Levenger pen made with real lacquer coated Carbon Fiber! It’s very high quality and doesn’t look obviously fake like a lot of the other “Carbon Fiber” pens that simply have stickers affixed to look like CF. Its shiny carbon fiber is quite beautiful, but I think I’ve inked it only a handful of times during my ownership. The medium nib is fantastic! Quite honestly, I was surprised at how nicely it writes. Nice and wet and very smooth….writes under its own weight, etc. The only “issue” with this pen is a few chips to the nib coating from capping/uncapping, which seems to happen with these dark nib coatings. Aside from that however, this pen is in excellent condition and ready to write! This is the type pen that you write with and think, “wow, how is this possible?!”. I can’t say enough about this pens nib….
[B+] Ensso Piuma Full Titanium cartridge converter pen w/Titanium nib(EF or F, buyers choice)$145+shipping
Ensso makes beautiful, extremely high quality pens. I love these Piuma models for daily writing, but especially for daily carry! I have 4 Titanium models of this pen and decided to sell a couple of them. It has a couple minor micro scratches but aside from that, it’s in great condition. It’s full Titanium so you could throw it off a cliff and it would survive! It’ll accept any #6 Bock nib unit you’d like to use via screw in nib units. Ti Piumas are the perfect weight, have great ergo’s, and are supremely comfortable to write with! I don’t normally prefer metal sections, however the section on this pen is extremely comfortable and isn’t slippery in the slightest. Their indestructible nature make them perfect for daily carry. If you like metal pens but don’t like for them to weigh a lot, this is the pen for you!
SOLD SOLD SOLD[A2] Taccia Spectrum in Forest Eye acrylic w/SS Music nib $115+shipping
Next is a great pen if you like line variation. I’m primarily a Stub/Italic/Music nib user. The SS Sailor Music nib on this pen is fantastic! It has a great feel when put to paper and is wet and smooth! The pen is in great condition and has no scratches cracks or wear visible. I love Sailor Music nibs and am only selling this pen because I have the same model with a gold nib. If you’re looking to expand your nib offerings and jazz up your handwriting, this is a great pen to do it with! Edit: It was kinda difficult to find one of these at retailer sites. Wondering if maybe this pen has been discontinued..? I certainly hope not as they’re great pens….
SOLD SOLD SOLD[A2] Franklin Christoph(Jowo) Rhodium plated 14k Fine SIG nib $135+shipping
SIG nibs are among my favorite modern stub nibs to use. They write fantastically and are the perfect blend of line variation and smoothness! The variability in downstroke width, dependent on angle to the page ala’ Naginata-Togi type nibs, is a really cool plus. This particular nib is a true gem, wet and smooth with great line variation and is sure to become a favorite for your daily use! A great match for the pen above, but will go in any pen that accepts screw-in #6 Jowo nibs.
submitted by NitroFish44 to Pen_Swap [link] [comments]
Verification and photos: https://imgur.com/a/7brUUlZ Please note: there may be ink on the nibs in the photos as a result of my testing them. Rest assured, all nibs are in great shape Edit: issue fixed!
-All sub rules in effect. PayPal G&S is the only acceptable form of payment! -Please post on this listing first, then PM with your PayPal email and I’ll get an invoice sent out ASAP. Users that indicate firm intention through messaging to purchase a pen will get priority for a given pen, irrespective of “pm” order in the thread.
-The cost of shipping is higher than ever. All packages ship with full value insurance-absolutely no exceptions. Shipping will be a flat rate of $10. I’m happy to combine shipping if you purchase multiple items.
MODERN MACHINED PENS
[A1] Q3D Twis-ti $145+shipping
This solid Titanium pen is built like a tank! Intricate machining is done expertly throughout! Theres no question that Q3D is destined to gain market share and continue expanding! A great pen! This pen is being sold for 1 reason….I’ve become an Autmog fanboy essentially, so I have no need for multiple all titanium pens! Currently sold out on the website but available here :-)
Vintage Pens below
[Parts] Wahl-Eversharp ringtop in Lazulitic celluloid w/14k Fine Signature, flexible nib $115+shipping
I’ve labeled this gorgeous pen as [parts], but it is a fully functional pen. There is a crack in the barrel at the threads(pictured in the gallery) that has been stable during my ownership over the course of several years. The cap threads with no issue whatsoever. What’s special about this pen, aside from the beautiful Lazulitic celluloid, is its nib. The pen truly is a wonderful writer! I purchased the pen with an eye to harvest its nib once the crack became unmanageable, however that never came to pass as the crack today looks just as it did the day I received the pen. It would be a shame to simply yank the nib and lose another precious artifact of a bygone era. This pen is sure to please, both the eye and the hand!
[A2] Sheaffer Balance II in Cobalt Glow w/Broad 18k semi-flex Factory Italic nib $335+shipping
I guess technically this isn’t a vintage pen, but it is an homage to the legendary Sheaffer Balance’ of yore so its inclusion in the vintage section just seems right lol ;-) This is an incredibly beautiful, like new pen in the wondrously chatoyant Cobalt Glow acrylic! The pen is essentially brand new having only been inked a time or 2. What makes this pen really special however, is its nib. The 18k factory Italic is a veritable cornucopia of line variation and is wet, and delicious! If that wasn’t enough, the nib also has a bit of softness to it which adds even more character to your writing! Line variation abound with laser side strokes and broad down strokes. I’ve seen a couple(and actually sold 1) stub nibs available on these pens, but it seems Italic variants such as this one are rather uncommon. I’ve held onto this pen for a long time and need to let it go where it’ll be loved and appreciated on a regular basis. If you like line variation, this one’s for you!!
MODERN FOUNTAIN PENS/NIBS BELOW
[B] Selmy Maki-e pen. Cartridge converter w/Fine SS Schmidt nib $125+shipping
This pen was my first foray into Maki-e. Let me tell you, this pen impressed me! So much so that it was a tough decision to let it go. It’s unbelievable to me that you can get a pen of this quality for this comparative low price! It’s beautiful, in great condition, and has a wonderful nib! What’s not to like? The gold and silver powder used in the design of the pen really pops. Take a look at the video in the gallery. A gorgeous pen that’s sure to please when put to paper!
[B++] Gravitas Ultemate Vac w/SS Fine nib $185+shipping
Ben @Gravitas perfected the vac filler when he designed this pen. I have 2 of them and the other won’t be going anywhere. Made out of Ultem, this is an awesome pen! I’ve really come to love Ultem and have several other pens made from this material. IMO, Ben solved some of the issues that made Vacs not user friendly and no fun to use. Not the least of which is making the pen easy to disassemble…this makes cleaning a breeze. Simply remove the section and use a blunt syringe to clean the barrel, then use a bulb syringe for the section and nib and boom, the pen is spotless! No more operating the vac plunger 5274826384 times! Grab this pen, which is in great condition, for a discount and avoid Gravitas long shipping times to boot!
[parts with NO NIB or B++ with 14k F SIG nib listed below] Franklin Christoph 46 in Antique Glass w/ or w/out 14k Fine SIG nib $110+shipping(body only, no nib),or
Franklin-Christoph is one of my favorite modern pen makers. I especially love their transparent, demonstrator type materials! This 46 in Antique Glass is no exception. The 46 is one of my favorite models in their lineup as it is very ergonomic . This pen is available nibless, or, with the excellent 14k Fine SIG nib listed below. The 46 will accommodate any #6 Jowo screw-in nib unit you’d like to install if you’re interested in the body only.
[A2] Leonardo Officina Italiana Furore in Galaxy Blue acrylic(Silver trim)cartridge converter pen w/14k Fine nib $280+shipping
This is a gorgeous Furore in the now discontinued and hard to find Galaxy Blue acrylic, which is breathtakingly beautiful(video in the gallery). This acrylic is a sight to behold….deep and chatoyant, very reminiscent of its “Galaxy” namesake! The pen has rhodium plated silver trim and is in excellent, like new condition with not a single mark/micro-scratch to be found! The 14k Fine nib is smooth and consistent, beautifully wet, and writes very well! It was a tough decision to include this pen in the sale because I really like this model as a whole, however I ultimately decided to keep my Furore Grande.
[A2] Graf von Faber Castell Guilloche in Burned Orange w/18k Fine nib $260+shipping
I absolutely adore GVFC/FC nibs. They are seriously awesome writers! If you’ve never tried a gold nib from GVFC, man are you missing out! They’re perfectly wet, quite soft, and have a great feel against the paper. If you like FC’s stainless nibs found on Looms and HEXO’s, you’ll fall in love with their gold nib variants! I love this pen, but I’ve only inked it up once as I slowly move more and more toward hardcore vintage pen usage. It needs to go to a home where it’ll be used consistently because it really is that good. A great, great everyday writer….
[B] Levenger Aero D w/Med. SS nib $50+shipping
This was a Levenger pen made with real lacquer coated Carbon Fiber! It’s very high quality and doesn’t look obviously fake like a lot of the other “Carbon Fiber” pens that simply have stickers affixed to look like CF. Its shiny carbon fiber is quite beautiful, but I think I’ve inked it only a handful of times during my ownership. The medium nib is fantastic! Quite honestly, I was surprised at how nicely it writes. Nice and wet and very smooth….writes under its own weight, etc. The only “issue” with this pen is a few chips to the nib coating from capping/uncapping, which seems to happen with these dark nib coatings. Aside from that however, this pen is in excellent condition and ready to write! This is the type pen that you write with and think, “wow, how is this possible?!”. I can’t say enough about this pens nib….
[B+] Ensso Piuma Full Titanium cartridge converter pen w/Titanium nib(EF or F, buyers choice)$145+shipping
Ensso makes beautiful, extremely high quality pens. I love these Piuma models for daily writing, but especially for daily carry! I have 4 Titanium models of this pen and decided to sell a couple of them. It has a couple minor micro scratches but aside from that, it’s in great condition. It’s full Titanium so you could throw it off a cliff and it would survive! It’ll accept any #6 Bock nib unit you’d like to use via screw in nib units. Ti Piumas are the perfect weight, have great ergo’s, and are supremely comfortable to write with! I don’t normally prefer metal sections, however the section on this pen is extremely comfortable and isn’t slippery in the slightest. Their indestructible nature make them perfect for daily carry. If you like metal pens but don’t like for them to weigh a lot, this is the pen for you!
2024.04.29 03:48 Abstract_Only Two papers that faked room-temperature superconductivity were recently retracted from Nature. Should raw-data sharing become mandatory?
 | submitted by Abstract_Only to EverythingScience [link] [comments] |
2024.04.29 03:29 Party-Equipment3178 Narcissistic In-laws
I need advice on how to deal with my situation appropriately and it’s been going on for awhile now. It seems to be getting worse each time.
I’m almost 22 and have been married since 2021. My Husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old Daughter. Back when I first met my husband I was 18 and had gotten kicked out of my house (my mom and I had a bad relationship at the time) Having nowhere to go my now husband asked his parents if I could stay with them. He was 19 at the time and had just came back from Army Basic Training. His Dad didn’t have a problem with it but his Mom didn’t want me there and I didn’t know it at that time but I never resented her for that especially now as a Mom myself. I wasn’t talking to my Mom or any of my family at the time. I really appreciated them taking me in. I was very shy and didn’t talk much. It was a new environment for me. He told his parents everything. They seemed to have a really close bond. We sat at the dinner table every night with them. It was all new for me and naturally I felt like a burden.
My Mom called out of the blue and my Husband convinced me to answer and talk things out. My mom apologized for everything and she seen that I went to the doctor from an email she had gotten and she knew I was pregnant. When my Husband and I found out we decided we wanted to move to Florida so he could start a career and become a cop eventually so he applied for correctional officer jobs in Fl. My mom knew and she had to take me to my appointments while we still lived in Nc because my husband worked and I didn’t have a car. My husband’s sister knew because he couldn’t keep it from her. His sister told their Grandpa and even told their Mom “I won’t say yes, but I won’t say no” when asked if I was pregnant. We didn’t tell his parents because almost everyday was a lecture about how we better not get pregnant and she would constantly ask if I was taking birth control. She said a few times that she’d “kick our ass” if she found out we were. I didn’t know them well enough to feel comfortable telling them and my Husband just didn’t want a lecture about something we wanted. We were 18 and 19. Yes, that’s super young but we talked about starting a family and moving away and starting a life together. He wanted to be a cop and I wanted to Stay home and raise babies.
So my family got together to throw us a going away party/gender reveal party and also that’s the day my husband proposed to me. His parents knew about the engagement (which btw I later found out his mom didn’t approve when he first told them he wanted to marry me) but they still didn’t know we were pregnant. At this point I felt like his parents liked me and I really liked them. We moved to Fl and his parents even volunteered to put a down payment on a house if we pay the mortgage and eventually buy it from them. We were incredibly grateful. I was actually shocked they offered. I wasn’t there when they talked it over but my Husband and I were planning to rent somewhere before they came up with this idea. His Mom did make comments to people that it was going to be their vacation home and also telling us that the spare room in the house would be their room when they come down Meanwhile, we knew the spare room would be our future child’s room and It did make me a little uncomfortable about it all but I was still trying to show respect and gratitude.
We were staying in an airbnb until the house closed and we got married at a courthouse shortly after and that’s when he called his parents and told them we were pregnant. Naturally they were upset and felt left out and I felt bad but they put some much pressure on us. After that we made the announcement publicly to all friends and family that we were expecting a baby and everything seemed fine. His Mom and Dad were happy, My parents were happy. My mom did later on. tell me that my Husband’s Mom called her telling her that she was going to be in charge of the baby shower since we left her out and that she was owed the right to be there for the first ultrasound for the next baby and she was making my mom feel like she couldn’t be involved in the baby shower, but it didn’t work out the way she wanted because I was the one that planned my own baby shower and my Mom stayed there all night making desserts and that I am sure made her mad when she could’ve went there and helped my mom that night and since then it felt like my Husband’s Mom didn’t like mine.
Slowly I started to realize that they didn’t respect us. For a few examples, lecturing us over and over about something, calling telling us to do things that didn’t concern them something as simple as sending an important paper in the mail, or fixing our car. if we didn’t agree with them, we just said OK to them we never talked back or argued. I told them that I didn’t want anyone at the house when we had our daughter and they came down to stay for a week and she was trying so hard to stay for me to go into labor when my own mom couldn’t make it down to be there. I just wanted it to be me and my Husband because by that point we found out that he was going to deploy two months after we were going to have our baby for a whole year and I wanted that time with just him. luckily, I went into labor the day after they got back home.
He deployed when our daughter was only a month and a half old and I went to live with his parents for a year because I couldn’t be by myself. I didn’t know anyone I had no family or friends down in Florida, so I just wanted some emotional support during that time two months postpartum with a newborn, and I had a fear of driving. sorry, I started regretting that decision because I felt judged and uncomfortable and unwelcome. They would say little out-of-the-way things to me and make me feel like what I was going through, wasn’t a reason to feel the way I did. I had no motivation I was depressed and I was homesick but I still got up every day and took care of my baby. I never needed their help taking care of her. I just wanted people to talk to when I was having anxiety or when my husband and I were going through problems. she never wanted to be comforting during our fights. She would always tell me or my husband that we weren’t gonna make it and we were gonna end up getting a divorce and she even told me one time that she would not let our daughter grow up around that meaning us arguing when we were going through a long-distance relationship and having a hard time. while living with her, she told me that I needed to get off my phone and pay more attention to our daughter even though it wasn’t like I was neglecting her, I would just do things to keep my mind busy when my daughter was content and didn’t need me. my husband was overseas so we had different time zone so I had to adjust to that while taking care of a baby. I constantly felt judged by them. I didn’t like driving so I would always DoorDash things I needed. I bought everything that my daughter needed. I bought breakfast and lunch for us. The only thing that they provided was dinner.
my mother-in-law’s aunt lived right next-door and she would asked me to go out and run errands with her all the time and it helped me get out of the house. We would go grocery shopping together and she took me anywhere i needed to go. we had good conversations and it was a way to bring us closer. she was really there for me when no one else was emotionally . multiple times while living with them. They would ignore me when I would ask for my daughter back tell me “no it’s okay” they got her or when she was screaming they thought that they could comfort her more than I could and they would not hand her back to me.
I’m sorry this is super freaking long but fast forward to May of last year.
my sister-in-law, and I have the same birthday and she lives in North Carolina and at this time his parents live in Tennessee they took off work to go down to North Carolina to spend time with their daughter on her birthday but she decided to go to the beach so they took the opportunity to come down to Florida for my birthday and I was already upset that my family couldn’t be there but I decided to try and enjoy it. we had been arguing with his parents a week before, and I didn’t want them to come down and continue to argue with us and ruin my birthday and that’s exactly what happened the day after my birthday they were outside washing our house because they said it was really dirty and we went next-door to swim for 20 minutes.
We came back and they were so mad and said that we needed to get rid of our dog, because it chewed the table they gave us, and before we had time to even react, she told us the table was destroyed, and we need to figure something out about the dog so we went in and saw that the leg of the table was chewed, and our dog was in a cage shaking with P all over the house. We were upset because they were demanding that we get rid of our dog before even trying to talk it out like adults and for us to actually feel sorry about what had happened we let it go for a little bit and I was in my room on the phone with my mom and that’s when I heard my husband and his dad getting into an argument. His dad was cussing him and my husband walked through our room to go outside because we were grilling out and his dad followed so I told my mom that I would have to call her back at that same moment my husbands mom open the door and demanded that I get outside and listen to what they had to say. I didn’t say anything I just walked outside and they bashed for everything, our financial struggles, the fact that I didn’t take Mother’s Day to go get cookies to my husband’s grandma in a nursing home
I was shaking so bad I was so upset that they were just yelling and screaming and bashing us, and I was just sitting there quiet not saying anything back. I finally had enough and I started standing up for myself, saying that I didn’t appreciate how they didn’t care about my feelings so they asked me to give them examples. I told them whenever I had my wedding, I also had a miscarriage and I didn’t feel comfortable with one of my sister-in-law‘s friends coming, and I was made out to be the bad guy, and they only thought about her and how I ended up giving in and letting her come because I didn’t want her sitting at a hotel by herself so I was still thinking about someone else’s feelings, but no one was thinking about mine and how I was going through a hard time and they of course shut that down and gave excuses.
I gave them another example about how Christmas of 2022 was going to be mine and my husband and daughter‘s first Christmas ever together because he was deployed for our daughter’s first Christmas my dad had also died December 5 of 2022 and I was also supposed to be pregnant by that time but I lost the baby. I didn’t even get to get anything out and explain my side. The only thing I could get out was “like Christmas-“ and she started waving her hands and screaming and sayin “my son was deployed for a year and I lost my dad”(he died in 2019) I was taken back, but I calmly said” my dad died too” and she fires back and yells. “Yeah, but mine was my life “ I shut down after that how dare she say that and try to one up me ? because my dad had just died a few weeks before that Christmas that we were talking about but she made it about her, which honestly proves my point when I told him they didn’t care about my feelings. She turns around and attacks me and makes it about her but I didn’t even have time to explain that I just wanted Christmas morning to be a tradition with my family. My daughter and my husband and I was going through a hard time anyways, so I was trying to say that it upset me that they made it out to people like we didn’t even want them there when they spent a week with us before Christmas. They live 7 hours away so we can’t have the normal grandparents come over Christmas afternoon like everyone else in my family can’t come over for Christmas morning so they shouldn’t be able to either and the point at the end of the day is that we were that’s what we wanted as a family of three to have Christmas mornings with our daughter.
she didn’t talk to me for the rest of that day and the next day they had left early to go see my husband’s grandma at the nursing home that they moved her to and my mother-in-law texted my husband and asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch so we did I said right across from her in a booth and she didn’t even look at me once or speak to me at all when my daughter‘s food came out it was hot so I put it closer to me to try to break up her food and let it cool down each time she would pull it away from me because my daughter was sitting next to her. I would pull it back and take out the bag of chips and then she would pull it back I would pull it back and dump out her green beans and she would take it back. She did it 3 times all while not looking at me and I still was the bigger person and didn’t say anything and continue to act like nothing happened
when we got back to our house, I went to my screen porch for the rest of the time that they were there. My husband and his parents were in our kitchen and when they were ready to leave my husband came and got me and told me that I should come say goodbye, so I stood in the driveway while my husband, my daughter and his parents all laughed, hugged and kissed and said goodbyes, and then she walks up to me and speaks like a robot in a way of not even wanting to come up to me, like it was bothering her that she even had to speak to me and she just said “bye. Love you” in a really rude way over something that she said to me and it’s funny too because in her hand was a homemade Mother’s Day gift that I made her but she’s going to talk to me like that, and ignore me and treat me like that over her yelling at me and putting me down about my pain with my dad. After they pulled out of the driveway , I went back to the screen porch and cried because that’s the first time I fully felt like I wasn’t part of their family and she showed her true colors once I tried to stand up for myself about her being disrespectful to me when for the three years that I’ve been with my husband at this point, I’ve never spoken back to her or disrespected her
for days they ignored us, and I just cried over my dad because he’s gone and it was like throwing my grief in my face and my husband finally told his mom that she needed to apologize to me. She called him and asked to speak to him alone, and I later found out that she was saying that I took everything the wrong way and she didn’t mean it like that. Finally she text me and basically tells me the same thing that she wasn’t saying anything about my relationship with my dad. She was simply saying why she needed Christmas morning with her family. I didn’t accept her apology because it was basically making excuses, but I decided not to hold her accountable and I just simply explain to her that Christmas has never been the same for me since my grandparents died and then I just wanted that special moment with my daughter especially now that my dad it was gone and I moved on from it I for gave her a few months after this happened she came down for my daughters birthday, and it was still awkward and I was still a little hurt by the way she treated me, but I was trying to MoveOn for it for my husband and daughter sake, and even my own.
After May 2023 it seemed like things were going good they would call and the conversations were nice they weren’t lecturing. We finally thought they learned their lesson after the big blowup in May but then fast forward to April 2024.
they came down suddenly in April after coming down a few weeks before just to visit because my husband’s grandma wasn’t doing too good she was in the hospital and they were preparing for her to pass away. I was taking ovulation medication because we were trying to have another baby. I felt very hung over sound out am I anxiety was the worst it has ever been I would cry almost every night because I would almost go into panic attacks so while they were here, I stopped taking the medicine and was still suffering side effects so I try to stay out of the way because I know they were grieving and everything was happening so suddenly for them and I wanted to be there to support my husband, his work schedule was so messed up that he only had a few hours after waking up to be able to go to the hospital before having to leave for work until 1 AM in the morning so I was never able to go with him to see his grandma, but he asked me if he thought she was about to die if I would go with her and I said of course. Well she passed away before we can make it to the hospital and I know everyone was devastated. This was a day after Easter. My husband had to work on Easter so before we even knew the condition of his grandma’s health, we plan to have our own Easter and egg hunt the day after Easter because my husband would be off work, and that is the day that she passed away so I told my husband that we could cancel our egg hunt and he said no because he wanted to be there with our daughter and enjoy that time. I also invited his parents because I thought it would be good for them to get their mind off of things, and I made a bunch of desserts, including homemade cookies that his mother had asked me to make weeks before this for the next time they came down we grilled out and there was gonna be plenty of food for them and I wanted that time with them as well, but I respected that they needed time to themselves after his dad had just lost his mother.
they had been staying in a hotel, the whole time they were here but the day after she passed away, they came over that morning, and our house was a mess because we had a cookout the night before, and my husband was grieving and upset and we were just too tired to clean and we were planning to get it the next morning They wanted to take our daughter to the park and Dairy Queen and we were going to stay back because we both weren’t feeling too well and we were going to clean the house but before they left my husband’s Dad told us “I wish I would come with us.” so my husband told him that we would get ready and meet him there and that’s exactly what we did. We had lunch with them and the little things like forcing her to eat a hamburger when I told him that she like chicken nuggets or taking her drink away and telling her she’s not feeling up on a drink that she’s going to eat always bothered me and there’s always done it but I knew that at this time it wasn’t my opportunity to stand up because he just lost his mom and I didn’t want to start anything not that I would’ve been rude about it but they never take it for what it is. It’s disrespect if we stand up or tell them we don’t like what they’re doing but I told my husband that what happened in May would never happen again.
we were driving my mom’s truck because my husband‘s truck was in the shop and we went to a thrift store while his parents took our daughter to the park at the thrift store. I found an angel that I wanted to gift his dad to show sympathy. I got a few little toys for my daughter to so when we left we were on our way to meet them at the park and that’s when the mechanic called my husband and said his truck was ready. He called his mom to ask if his dad would follow him and get the truck and if his mom will drive my mom’s truck back home because I was under the influence with the side effects of the medication. She then asked if I couldn’t just make it to the park and the mechanics is right behind the park so of course I could have, but I didn’t see the difference of them going to getting it when we were ready to leave the park together or us going and getting it so we went to the park instead so I could give my daughter her toys.
while I was in the truck getting the gifts out for my husband’s dad, my husband went over to explain that I would just feel more comfortable if they went and got the truck because I was under the influence and later on I found out that his mom said “no she’s not, and saying that I was lying” but when I got out of the truck, she was talking all nice to me and explaining that my husband and my father-in-law we’re going to go get his truck and she even told me to watch my daughter for a second while she went and grabbed her drink out of the car and hit my head. I thought that was crazy that she told me to watch my own daughter, but she those are the little things that I let go and let her say because there’s no point of talking back. It always will start something.
if you’re with me so far, this is the end in our current situation. We all got back home and they walked in and saw that our puppy Peed on the floor and they got mad. We tried to let it go because my father-in-law‘s mom just died and there’s no sense of getting into an argument. We went to our neighbors to give them desserts that I had made for a cookout because I didn’t want them to go to waste while we were there. His mom texted him asking if our daughter could spend the night with them in a hotel when we thought they were staying with us first I didn’t say no I just said where is she going to sleep and they said in the bed with us I didn’t like that. I wanted her to be in a crib so we said no but we even called the hotel to ask if they had cribs to rent because somebody in the hotel said no so we were trying to compromise. We got back to our house and they were so mad. They were ready to leave without saying bye his dad was already in the car and his mom was walking out the door and didn’t really wanna speak to us. We asked her what the issue was and they went off. He went to the car to talk to his dad. his dad screamed at him and drove off. I was so upset because there was no reason to treat us like that when we have boundaries with our daughter and they were supposed to stay with us, but they decided that they were too upset about the dog peeing, and that our house was a little messy from the night before that they wanted to stay in a hotel, and they wanted to take our daughter too.
The next day I had an eye doctors appointment that I scheduled months in advance, and my husband had a job interview and they did not communicate when they were coming over so my husband was already gone and I was about to walk out the door. My husband’s grandpa lives right next-door because we moved him down here a few months ago and they were out there talking to him so I let my daughter go say bye to them and they didn’t speak to me at all. again the same treatment like back in May how she didn’t even want to look in my direction or speak to me so I left and they then texted my husband how I just took off with my own daughter, so there was no reason to stick around blaming me, of course.
I understand that his dad was going through a hard time but my husband also just lost his grandma and that just so happen to be my dad‘s birthday. I wasn’t going to make it about me of course not but I still didn’t wanna get yelled at on my dad‘s birthday I wanted to remember him and have a good day. I texted his mom three days after the incident. Nothing about the text was rude. I just told her that I was blown way by the disrespect and I didn’t like how they treated us. I brought back up me and how it was unfair that she thinks she can continue to yell and scream at us and ignore us. she read it and instantly called my husband and tried to bash me and I tried to speak up and she shut me up telling me that she was talking to her son not me my husband told her not to speak to his wife that way and she tries to bash me and say that I didn’t even want to say sorry to my father-in-law for his loss when I tried to do little things like buy him that angel and make cookies for them and I made a grocery order the night they came down and I clean the house and I was expecting to cook dinner for them and host them but they stayed in a hotel the whole time
she bashed us saying that we didn’t even offer them a shower, or anything to drink or anything to eat when they came home but right when we walked in the door is when they started yelling and lecturing us about dog pee, and it went downhill from there so we didn’t even have time to offer anything that they wanted or needed but every time they come over they make themselves at home because their name is on the deed even though we pay for the home, they act like it’s their home and they do whatever they please, so there was no reason we felt like we needed to assist them to the shower or ask if they needed anything even though that morning they got there She asked if I had any Dr Pepper and I said no that I had Sprite and she didn’t want that so at this point she’s just trying to make us look bad like it was our fault and they didn’t feel welcome here so that’s why they went to a hotel that night.
she was so rude and making excuses and disrespecting me not wanting me to talk to her. She kept saying she wanted to talk to her son and not me and she even called me a little girl at that point I had enough I was finally standing up for myself after four years of my mother-in-law saying out-of-the-way things to me and putting me down and lecturing me, I finally had enough I never cussed once at her I never cussed on her because I respect her enough, but I finally had enough of shutting my mouth and letting her talk to me anyway she want it. I told her she was not gonna call me a little girl and that she was going to hear from me because she’s bashing me to my husband, I tried to explain my side, but she kept on and on accusing us and saying that we were the reason for all of this and that they did nothing wrong and keep in mind, we have never raised our voice to them. We have never cussed at them we have never told them. Hey you’re wrong we don’t agree we just let them have their way and we were done May 2023 was our breaking point even though then we still were respectful, this time we weren’t gonna let them have their way and feel like they were right
The next week my husband went to go pick up his grandma’s ashes because before the fight that was the arrangements because they had to go back home to Tennessee he called the funeral home and they said that the day before his mom called and told them that they were coming down for the weekend to get them but they said nothing about that to us and at this point he hasn’t spoken to his dad in a week. he told his mom that he didn’t even feel welcome at the funeral, and that it really upset him. His mom told him that I had nothing to do with the fight, and that his dad simply just wanted his mothers ashes and she made excuses of course later that day she calls and I heard everything she said even though she thought I wasn’t around and she continue to bash me over and over about how everything was my fault, and I never wanted them around our daughter or to have a relationship with her.
it was extremely hard for me to keep my mouth shut for an entire hour when someone’s making things up and bashing you she think those want to say that she’s sick and tired of me calling her a liar, which I’m never said hey you’re a liar I just said that her apology wasn’t sincere and she continued to say that I took it the wrong way when she was bashing me about my dad and tell her that’s calling her a liar because she continues to say she didn’t mean it like that but the reason I brought back up made her was to say she thinks she can continue to talk to me that way and get away with it and that I was tired of it. my husband try to stand up for me and tell her how it made me feel like she was comparing my pain to hers about my dad and then she makes the snarky remark” I actually had a relationship with Mine”. she was talking about her relationship with her dad and comparing it to mine so again she’s throwing up my pain and trying to one up me and again argue on why she should’ve been there Christmas morning and she even said” I was explaining what I needed Christmas morning with my son and his daughter” His daughter???!
after that phone call, everything seem to be fine with his parents and my husband but she was still ignoring me. She wouldn’t call or message me and apologize or even explain herself. She just wanted to bash me to my husband and now everything was cool with them and they came down for a weekend to get my husband’s grandma‘s ashes and they went to the park with my husband and daughter and I decided to stay home because I didn’t want anything to go down and I be blamed for ruining that hard time for his family. My husband said they didn’t even ask about me and I know that they were happy that I wasn’t around because she made a post about how she just needed that time with her son and granddaughter, and everything was worded perfectly but I know that that was a dig at me and every time I would post something about the way I was feeling just little quotes that I see she would always post something as if she was speaking to me. it didn’t matter if it was something to do with disrespect or my daughter, or supporting my husband she would always find a post to relate it about what I’m posting. stuff like “no one could love her children the way she does” when I would post about how I love my husband and that I am there to support him
ever since then she has been calling my husband to bash me and come up with a new reasons on why I am the bad guy and I’m sick of it so if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my story because I don’t even know what to do at this point my husband wants to cut her off maybe not forever but he wants her to understand that she can’t keep treating me like this and even treating him like this because the last phone call was two days ago when we thought everything was at least cool with my husband and his parents even though I knew she still had a problem with me over things she said to me she calls him and bashes me and tells my husband that he’s not standing up for his parents and that that’s wrong and that that is his blood family and that he should be the hero and fix everything or she’s not gonna want to be around me
i’ve read a bunch of other stories about toxic in-laws, and there’s a lot that are way worse than my situation but I’ve had enough of her talking to me anyway she wants, putting me down, lecturing me, throwing my dad’s death in my face as if her relationship was greater and her pain is worse and I’m just sick of it because I can’t even look at pictures of my dad without crying and regretting and it’s really hard to stand up for myself when someone bashes me and makes themself the victim when I know for a fact, the last four years I’ve been nothing but kind to her. Yes, she has done things for me, but when she treats me bad, she uses that as a way to say “look at everything I’ve done for her and she wants to treat me like this?” just because I stand up for myself when she yells at me and I don’t know what to do so if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I need help
submitted by Party-Equipment3178 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I’m almost 22 and have been married since 2021. My Husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old Daughter. Back when I first met my husband I was 18 and had gotten kicked out of my house (my mom and I had a bad relationship at the time) Having nowhere to go my now husband asked his parents if I could stay with them. He was 19 at the time and had just came back from Army Basic Training. His Dad didn’t have a problem with it but his Mom didn’t want me there and I didn’t know it at that time but I never resented her for that especially now as a Mom myself. I wasn’t talking to my Mom or any of my family at the time. I really appreciated them taking me in. I was very shy and didn’t talk much. It was a new environment for me. He told his parents everything. They seemed to have a really close bond. We sat at the dinner table every night with them. It was all new for me and naturally I felt like a burden.
My Mom called out of the blue and my Husband convinced me to answer and talk things out. My mom apologized for everything and she seen that I went to the doctor from an email she had gotten and she knew I was pregnant. When my Husband and I found out we decided we wanted to move to Florida so he could start a career and become a cop eventually so he applied for correctional officer jobs in Fl. My mom knew and she had to take me to my appointments while we still lived in Nc because my husband worked and I didn’t have a car. My husband’s sister knew because he couldn’t keep it from her. His sister told their Grandpa and even told their Mom “I won’t say yes, but I won’t say no” when asked if I was pregnant. We didn’t tell his parents because almost everyday was a lecture about how we better not get pregnant and she would constantly ask if I was taking birth control. She said a few times that she’d “kick our ass” if she found out we were. I didn’t know them well enough to feel comfortable telling them and my Husband just didn’t want a lecture about something we wanted. We were 18 and 19. Yes, that’s super young but we talked about starting a family and moving away and starting a life together. He wanted to be a cop and I wanted to Stay home and raise babies.
So my family got together to throw us a going away party/gender reveal party and also that’s the day my husband proposed to me. His parents knew about the engagement (which btw I later found out his mom didn’t approve when he first told them he wanted to marry me) but they still didn’t know we were pregnant. At this point I felt like his parents liked me and I really liked them. We moved to Fl and his parents even volunteered to put a down payment on a house if we pay the mortgage and eventually buy it from them. We were incredibly grateful. I was actually shocked they offered. I wasn’t there when they talked it over but my Husband and I were planning to rent somewhere before they came up with this idea. His Mom did make comments to people that it was going to be their vacation home and also telling us that the spare room in the house would be their room when they come down Meanwhile, we knew the spare room would be our future child’s room and It did make me a little uncomfortable about it all but I was still trying to show respect and gratitude.
We were staying in an airbnb until the house closed and we got married at a courthouse shortly after and that’s when he called his parents and told them we were pregnant. Naturally they were upset and felt left out and I felt bad but they put some much pressure on us. After that we made the announcement publicly to all friends and family that we were expecting a baby and everything seemed fine. His Mom and Dad were happy, My parents were happy. My mom did later on. tell me that my Husband’s Mom called her telling her that she was going to be in charge of the baby shower since we left her out and that she was owed the right to be there for the first ultrasound for the next baby and she was making my mom feel like she couldn’t be involved in the baby shower, but it didn’t work out the way she wanted because I was the one that planned my own baby shower and my Mom stayed there all night making desserts and that I am sure made her mad when she could’ve went there and helped my mom that night and since then it felt like my Husband’s Mom didn’t like mine.
Slowly I started to realize that they didn’t respect us. For a few examples, lecturing us over and over about something, calling telling us to do things that didn’t concern them something as simple as sending an important paper in the mail, or fixing our car. if we didn’t agree with them, we just said OK to them we never talked back or argued. I told them that I didn’t want anyone at the house when we had our daughter and they came down to stay for a week and she was trying so hard to stay for me to go into labor when my own mom couldn’t make it down to be there. I just wanted it to be me and my Husband because by that point we found out that he was going to deploy two months after we were going to have our baby for a whole year and I wanted that time with just him. luckily, I went into labor the day after they got back home.
He deployed when our daughter was only a month and a half old and I went to live with his parents for a year because I couldn’t be by myself. I didn’t know anyone I had no family or friends down in Florida, so I just wanted some emotional support during that time two months postpartum with a newborn, and I had a fear of driving. sorry, I started regretting that decision because I felt judged and uncomfortable and unwelcome. They would say little out-of-the-way things to me and make me feel like what I was going through, wasn’t a reason to feel the way I did. I had no motivation I was depressed and I was homesick but I still got up every day and took care of my baby. I never needed their help taking care of her. I just wanted people to talk to when I was having anxiety or when my husband and I were going through problems. she never wanted to be comforting during our fights. She would always tell me or my husband that we weren’t gonna make it and we were gonna end up getting a divorce and she even told me one time that she would not let our daughter grow up around that meaning us arguing when we were going through a long-distance relationship and having a hard time. while living with her, she told me that I needed to get off my phone and pay more attention to our daughter even though it wasn’t like I was neglecting her, I would just do things to keep my mind busy when my daughter was content and didn’t need me. my husband was overseas so we had different time zone so I had to adjust to that while taking care of a baby. I constantly felt judged by them. I didn’t like driving so I would always DoorDash things I needed. I bought everything that my daughter needed. I bought breakfast and lunch for us. The only thing that they provided was dinner.
my mother-in-law’s aunt lived right next-door and she would asked me to go out and run errands with her all the time and it helped me get out of the house. We would go grocery shopping together and she took me anywhere i needed to go. we had good conversations and it was a way to bring us closer. she was really there for me when no one else was emotionally . multiple times while living with them. They would ignore me when I would ask for my daughter back tell me “no it’s okay” they got her or when she was screaming they thought that they could comfort her more than I could and they would not hand her back to me.
I’m sorry this is super freaking long but fast forward to May of last year.
my sister-in-law, and I have the same birthday and she lives in North Carolina and at this time his parents live in Tennessee they took off work to go down to North Carolina to spend time with their daughter on her birthday but she decided to go to the beach so they took the opportunity to come down to Florida for my birthday and I was already upset that my family couldn’t be there but I decided to try and enjoy it. we had been arguing with his parents a week before, and I didn’t want them to come down and continue to argue with us and ruin my birthday and that’s exactly what happened the day after my birthday they were outside washing our house because they said it was really dirty and we went next-door to swim for 20 minutes.
We came back and they were so mad and said that we needed to get rid of our dog, because it chewed the table they gave us, and before we had time to even react, she told us the table was destroyed, and we need to figure something out about the dog so we went in and saw that the leg of the table was chewed, and our dog was in a cage shaking with P all over the house. We were upset because they were demanding that we get rid of our dog before even trying to talk it out like adults and for us to actually feel sorry about what had happened we let it go for a little bit and I was in my room on the phone with my mom and that’s when I heard my husband and his dad getting into an argument. His dad was cussing him and my husband walked through our room to go outside because we were grilling out and his dad followed so I told my mom that I would have to call her back at that same moment my husbands mom open the door and demanded that I get outside and listen to what they had to say. I didn’t say anything I just walked outside and they bashed for everything, our financial struggles, the fact that I didn’t take Mother’s Day to go get cookies to my husband’s grandma in a nursing home
I was shaking so bad I was so upset that they were just yelling and screaming and bashing us, and I was just sitting there quiet not saying anything back. I finally had enough and I started standing up for myself, saying that I didn’t appreciate how they didn’t care about my feelings so they asked me to give them examples. I told them whenever I had my wedding, I also had a miscarriage and I didn’t feel comfortable with one of my sister-in-law‘s friends coming, and I was made out to be the bad guy, and they only thought about her and how I ended up giving in and letting her come because I didn’t want her sitting at a hotel by herself so I was still thinking about someone else’s feelings, but no one was thinking about mine and how I was going through a hard time and they of course shut that down and gave excuses.
I gave them another example about how Christmas of 2022 was going to be mine and my husband and daughter‘s first Christmas ever together because he was deployed for our daughter’s first Christmas my dad had also died December 5 of 2022 and I was also supposed to be pregnant by that time but I lost the baby. I didn’t even get to get anything out and explain my side. The only thing I could get out was “like Christmas-“ and she started waving her hands and screaming and sayin “my son was deployed for a year and I lost my dad”(he died in 2019) I was taken back, but I calmly said” my dad died too” and she fires back and yells. “Yeah, but mine was my life “ I shut down after that how dare she say that and try to one up me ? because my dad had just died a few weeks before that Christmas that we were talking about but she made it about her, which honestly proves my point when I told him they didn’t care about my feelings. She turns around and attacks me and makes it about her but I didn’t even have time to explain that I just wanted Christmas morning to be a tradition with my family. My daughter and my husband and I was going through a hard time anyways, so I was trying to say that it upset me that they made it out to people like we didn’t even want them there when they spent a week with us before Christmas. They live 7 hours away so we can’t have the normal grandparents come over Christmas afternoon like everyone else in my family can’t come over for Christmas morning so they shouldn’t be able to either and the point at the end of the day is that we were that’s what we wanted as a family of three to have Christmas mornings with our daughter.
she didn’t talk to me for the rest of that day and the next day they had left early to go see my husband’s grandma at the nursing home that they moved her to and my mother-in-law texted my husband and asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch so we did I said right across from her in a booth and she didn’t even look at me once or speak to me at all when my daughter‘s food came out it was hot so I put it closer to me to try to break up her food and let it cool down each time she would pull it away from me because my daughter was sitting next to her. I would pull it back and take out the bag of chips and then she would pull it back I would pull it back and dump out her green beans and she would take it back. She did it 3 times all while not looking at me and I still was the bigger person and didn’t say anything and continue to act like nothing happened
when we got back to our house, I went to my screen porch for the rest of the time that they were there. My husband and his parents were in our kitchen and when they were ready to leave my husband came and got me and told me that I should come say goodbye, so I stood in the driveway while my husband, my daughter and his parents all laughed, hugged and kissed and said goodbyes, and then she walks up to me and speaks like a robot in a way of not even wanting to come up to me, like it was bothering her that she even had to speak to me and she just said “bye. Love you” in a really rude way over something that she said to me and it’s funny too because in her hand was a homemade Mother’s Day gift that I made her but she’s going to talk to me like that, and ignore me and treat me like that over her yelling at me and putting me down about my pain with my dad. After they pulled out of the driveway , I went back to the screen porch and cried because that’s the first time I fully felt like I wasn’t part of their family and she showed her true colors once I tried to stand up for myself about her being disrespectful to me when for the three years that I’ve been with my husband at this point, I’ve never spoken back to her or disrespected her
for days they ignored us, and I just cried over my dad because he’s gone and it was like throwing my grief in my face and my husband finally told his mom that she needed to apologize to me. She called him and asked to speak to him alone, and I later found out that she was saying that I took everything the wrong way and she didn’t mean it like that. Finally she text me and basically tells me the same thing that she wasn’t saying anything about my relationship with my dad. She was simply saying why she needed Christmas morning with her family. I didn’t accept her apology because it was basically making excuses, but I decided not to hold her accountable and I just simply explain to her that Christmas has never been the same for me since my grandparents died and then I just wanted that special moment with my daughter especially now that my dad it was gone and I moved on from it I for gave her a few months after this happened she came down for my daughters birthday, and it was still awkward and I was still a little hurt by the way she treated me, but I was trying to MoveOn for it for my husband and daughter sake, and even my own.
After May 2023 it seemed like things were going good they would call and the conversations were nice they weren’t lecturing. We finally thought they learned their lesson after the big blowup in May but then fast forward to April 2024.
they came down suddenly in April after coming down a few weeks before just to visit because my husband’s grandma wasn’t doing too good she was in the hospital and they were preparing for her to pass away. I was taking ovulation medication because we were trying to have another baby. I felt very hung over sound out am I anxiety was the worst it has ever been I would cry almost every night because I would almost go into panic attacks so while they were here, I stopped taking the medicine and was still suffering side effects so I try to stay out of the way because I know they were grieving and everything was happening so suddenly for them and I wanted to be there to support my husband, his work schedule was so messed up that he only had a few hours after waking up to be able to go to the hospital before having to leave for work until 1 AM in the morning so I was never able to go with him to see his grandma, but he asked me if he thought she was about to die if I would go with her and I said of course. Well she passed away before we can make it to the hospital and I know everyone was devastated. This was a day after Easter. My husband had to work on Easter so before we even knew the condition of his grandma’s health, we plan to have our own Easter and egg hunt the day after Easter because my husband would be off work, and that is the day that she passed away so I told my husband that we could cancel our egg hunt and he said no because he wanted to be there with our daughter and enjoy that time. I also invited his parents because I thought it would be good for them to get their mind off of things, and I made a bunch of desserts, including homemade cookies that his mother had asked me to make weeks before this for the next time they came down we grilled out and there was gonna be plenty of food for them and I wanted that time with them as well, but I respected that they needed time to themselves after his dad had just lost his mother.
they had been staying in a hotel, the whole time they were here but the day after she passed away, they came over that morning, and our house was a mess because we had a cookout the night before, and my husband was grieving and upset and we were just too tired to clean and we were planning to get it the next morning They wanted to take our daughter to the park and Dairy Queen and we were going to stay back because we both weren’t feeling too well and we were going to clean the house but before they left my husband’s Dad told us “I wish I would come with us.” so my husband told him that we would get ready and meet him there and that’s exactly what we did. We had lunch with them and the little things like forcing her to eat a hamburger when I told him that she like chicken nuggets or taking her drink away and telling her she’s not feeling up on a drink that she’s going to eat always bothered me and there’s always done it but I knew that at this time it wasn’t my opportunity to stand up because he just lost his mom and I didn’t want to start anything not that I would’ve been rude about it but they never take it for what it is. It’s disrespect if we stand up or tell them we don’t like what they’re doing but I told my husband that what happened in May would never happen again.
we were driving my mom’s truck because my husband‘s truck was in the shop and we went to a thrift store while his parents took our daughter to the park at the thrift store. I found an angel that I wanted to gift his dad to show sympathy. I got a few little toys for my daughter to so when we left we were on our way to meet them at the park and that’s when the mechanic called my husband and said his truck was ready. He called his mom to ask if his dad would follow him and get the truck and if his mom will drive my mom’s truck back home because I was under the influence with the side effects of the medication. She then asked if I couldn’t just make it to the park and the mechanics is right behind the park so of course I could have, but I didn’t see the difference of them going to getting it when we were ready to leave the park together or us going and getting it so we went to the park instead so I could give my daughter her toys.
while I was in the truck getting the gifts out for my husband’s dad, my husband went over to explain that I would just feel more comfortable if they went and got the truck because I was under the influence and later on I found out that his mom said “no she’s not, and saying that I was lying” but when I got out of the truck, she was talking all nice to me and explaining that my husband and my father-in-law we’re going to go get his truck and she even told me to watch my daughter for a second while she went and grabbed her drink out of the car and hit my head. I thought that was crazy that she told me to watch my own daughter, but she those are the little things that I let go and let her say because there’s no point of talking back. It always will start something.
if you’re with me so far, this is the end in our current situation. We all got back home and they walked in and saw that our puppy Peed on the floor and they got mad. We tried to let it go because my father-in-law‘s mom just died and there’s no sense of getting into an argument. We went to our neighbors to give them desserts that I had made for a cookout because I didn’t want them to go to waste while we were there. His mom texted him asking if our daughter could spend the night with them in a hotel when we thought they were staying with us first I didn’t say no I just said where is she going to sleep and they said in the bed with us I didn’t like that. I wanted her to be in a crib so we said no but we even called the hotel to ask if they had cribs to rent because somebody in the hotel said no so we were trying to compromise. We got back to our house and they were so mad. They were ready to leave without saying bye his dad was already in the car and his mom was walking out the door and didn’t really wanna speak to us. We asked her what the issue was and they went off. He went to the car to talk to his dad. his dad screamed at him and drove off. I was so upset because there was no reason to treat us like that when we have boundaries with our daughter and they were supposed to stay with us, but they decided that they were too upset about the dog peeing, and that our house was a little messy from the night before that they wanted to stay in a hotel, and they wanted to take our daughter too.
The next day I had an eye doctors appointment that I scheduled months in advance, and my husband had a job interview and they did not communicate when they were coming over so my husband was already gone and I was about to walk out the door. My husband’s grandpa lives right next-door because we moved him down here a few months ago and they were out there talking to him so I let my daughter go say bye to them and they didn’t speak to me at all. again the same treatment like back in May how she didn’t even want to look in my direction or speak to me so I left and they then texted my husband how I just took off with my own daughter, so there was no reason to stick around blaming me, of course.
I understand that his dad was going through a hard time but my husband also just lost his grandma and that just so happen to be my dad‘s birthday. I wasn’t going to make it about me of course not but I still didn’t wanna get yelled at on my dad‘s birthday I wanted to remember him and have a good day. I texted his mom three days after the incident. Nothing about the text was rude. I just told her that I was blown way by the disrespect and I didn’t like how they treated us. I brought back up me and how it was unfair that she thinks she can continue to yell and scream at us and ignore us. she read it and instantly called my husband and tried to bash me and I tried to speak up and she shut me up telling me that she was talking to her son not me my husband told her not to speak to his wife that way and she tries to bash me and say that I didn’t even want to say sorry to my father-in-law for his loss when I tried to do little things like buy him that angel and make cookies for them and I made a grocery order the night they came down and I clean the house and I was expecting to cook dinner for them and host them but they stayed in a hotel the whole time
she bashed us saying that we didn’t even offer them a shower, or anything to drink or anything to eat when they came home but right when we walked in the door is when they started yelling and lecturing us about dog pee, and it went downhill from there so we didn’t even have time to offer anything that they wanted or needed but every time they come over they make themselves at home because their name is on the deed even though we pay for the home, they act like it’s their home and they do whatever they please, so there was no reason we felt like we needed to assist them to the shower or ask if they needed anything even though that morning they got there She asked if I had any Dr Pepper and I said no that I had Sprite and she didn’t want that so at this point she’s just trying to make us look bad like it was our fault and they didn’t feel welcome here so that’s why they went to a hotel that night.
she was so rude and making excuses and disrespecting me not wanting me to talk to her. She kept saying she wanted to talk to her son and not me and she even called me a little girl at that point I had enough I was finally standing up for myself after four years of my mother-in-law saying out-of-the-way things to me and putting me down and lecturing me, I finally had enough I never cussed once at her I never cussed on her because I respect her enough, but I finally had enough of shutting my mouth and letting her talk to me anyway she want it. I told her she was not gonna call me a little girl and that she was going to hear from me because she’s bashing me to my husband, I tried to explain my side, but she kept on and on accusing us and saying that we were the reason for all of this and that they did nothing wrong and keep in mind, we have never raised our voice to them. We have never cussed at them we have never told them. Hey you’re wrong we don’t agree we just let them have their way and we were done May 2023 was our breaking point even though then we still were respectful, this time we weren’t gonna let them have their way and feel like they were right
The next week my husband went to go pick up his grandma’s ashes because before the fight that was the arrangements because they had to go back home to Tennessee he called the funeral home and they said that the day before his mom called and told them that they were coming down for the weekend to get them but they said nothing about that to us and at this point he hasn’t spoken to his dad in a week. he told his mom that he didn’t even feel welcome at the funeral, and that it really upset him. His mom told him that I had nothing to do with the fight, and that his dad simply just wanted his mothers ashes and she made excuses of course later that day she calls and I heard everything she said even though she thought I wasn’t around and she continue to bash me over and over about how everything was my fault, and I never wanted them around our daughter or to have a relationship with her.
it was extremely hard for me to keep my mouth shut for an entire hour when someone’s making things up and bashing you she think those want to say that she’s sick and tired of me calling her a liar, which I’m never said hey you’re a liar I just said that her apology wasn’t sincere and she continued to say that I took it the wrong way when she was bashing me about my dad and tell her that’s calling her a liar because she continues to say she didn’t mean it like that but the reason I brought back up made her was to say she thinks she can continue to talk to me that way and get away with it and that I was tired of it. my husband try to stand up for me and tell her how it made me feel like she was comparing my pain to hers about my dad and then she makes the snarky remark” I actually had a relationship with Mine”. she was talking about her relationship with her dad and comparing it to mine so again she’s throwing up my pain and trying to one up me and again argue on why she should’ve been there Christmas morning and she even said” I was explaining what I needed Christmas morning with my son and his daughter” His daughter???!
after that phone call, everything seem to be fine with his parents and my husband but she was still ignoring me. She wouldn’t call or message me and apologize or even explain herself. She just wanted to bash me to my husband and now everything was cool with them and they came down for a weekend to get my husband’s grandma‘s ashes and they went to the park with my husband and daughter and I decided to stay home because I didn’t want anything to go down and I be blamed for ruining that hard time for his family. My husband said they didn’t even ask about me and I know that they were happy that I wasn’t around because she made a post about how she just needed that time with her son and granddaughter, and everything was worded perfectly but I know that that was a dig at me and every time I would post something about the way I was feeling just little quotes that I see she would always post something as if she was speaking to me. it didn’t matter if it was something to do with disrespect or my daughter, or supporting my husband she would always find a post to relate it about what I’m posting. stuff like “no one could love her children the way she does” when I would post about how I love my husband and that I am there to support him
ever since then she has been calling my husband to bash me and come up with a new reasons on why I am the bad guy and I’m sick of it so if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my story because I don’t even know what to do at this point my husband wants to cut her off maybe not forever but he wants her to understand that she can’t keep treating me like this and even treating him like this because the last phone call was two days ago when we thought everything was at least cool with my husband and his parents even though I knew she still had a problem with me over things she said to me she calls him and bashes me and tells my husband that he’s not standing up for his parents and that that’s wrong and that that is his blood family and that he should be the hero and fix everything or she’s not gonna want to be around me
i’ve read a bunch of other stories about toxic in-laws, and there’s a lot that are way worse than my situation but I’ve had enough of her talking to me anyway she wants, putting me down, lecturing me, throwing my dad’s death in my face as if her relationship was greater and her pain is worse and I’m just sick of it because I can’t even look at pictures of my dad without crying and regretting and it’s really hard to stand up for myself when someone bashes me and makes themself the victim when I know for a fact, the last four years I’ve been nothing but kind to her. Yes, she has done things for me, but when she treats me bad, she uses that as a way to say “look at everything I’ve done for her and she wants to treat me like this?” just because I stand up for myself when she yells at me and I don’t know what to do so if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I need help
2024.04.29 03:18 Fabulous_State9921 Pepperidge Farm remembers: When AngieHo started the current battle in her pissing contest versus that old rentboy & Harvey Weinstein-fluffer Brad Pitt. (Keep lying about how "she just wants to move on," sadsack Angieloons & I'll keep posting receipts, cheers!)
 | The Company Angelina Jolie Founded To Deal With Her Winery Shares Is Suing Brad Pitt For $250 MillionSeptember 7, 2022 / Posted by: Miekahttps://preview.redd.it/t8gybdtjkbxc1.jpg?width=730&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d554ec698fb4caa8f7480b5e54661ca7e37ceae9 The gloves are off! But that happened back in 2016. At this point in their legal brinkmanship, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are just slapping at each other with the skeletal remains of their flayed hands. Just a bunch of raggedy ass bones clacka-lackin’ in each other’s faces, phalanges flying all willy-nilly and shit. It’s gotten so bad now that Angelia is using a surrogate hand to slap Brad in his face.TLDR: Neither of these two old whores with money to burn on their butthurt egoes would spit on any of their slobbering fans if they were on fire. And may only their children's trust funds be left intact after this ridiculous waste of taxpayer-funded court resources. |
2024.04.29 03:09 garretvess Rock paper scissors
My wife thinks rock paper scissors is a luck based contest, not a skill based contest. How soon should I file for divorce?
submitted by garretvess to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.04.29 03:08 PlentyDirector2489 I'm think I'm getting hit on and I'm scared
Hey, I'm new here and I really need to get this off my chest. So I have I think severe social anxiety of some kind. I've kept it from my parents for years and haven't brought it up with a doctor or anyone really. At school, I don't talk at all unless absolutely necessary, or if I get a sudden burst of confidence to compliment someone and scurry away. Even with my friend of nearly two years, I only speak to them through pencil and paper while they speak vocally, and we're still not even that close.
Anyways to get to the point, there is a guy that I've interacted with a few times in the past. They know I don't talk much and speak through written form, and have said some comments every now and then that I thought was just to be friendly, but I felt maybe maybe he had a crush on me, but I didn't think much of it since we didn't talk much. We wave occasionally while passing by each other and he was just a nice person I saw every now and then. But then in geometry class on a Thursday, he sat at an empty seat next to me and started talking to me directly. I thought it was just to like, wave hi and continue working on our things separately, but he pulled out a paper and began writing to me, I think as a gesture to speak "in my language" maybe. I started writing on the paper too and we kept going back and forth, but I was so awkward and nervous the whole time because I can't carry conversations. But he was nice, so we kept going through the class. I was feeling kind of comfortable until he started making comments like, "you look really pretty today," "are you blushing?," and asking if anyone's caught my eye.
I started to understand where he was going with it, and just kinda answered vaguely to questions like that and saying thank you to compliments. And I cant help but feel like I was leading him on by smiling too much during our conversation when I was really just nervous and thinking way too hard about my responses the whole time. But by the end of the class, we agreed to talk again the next day, and I agreed because it felt too rude not to. After class, I was out of it for the rest of the day thinking about how I was going to go through another anxiety filled conversation with him the next day, and what we would even talk about.
It was stressing me out so much I ended up faking sick to skip school the next day so I wouldn't have to confront him again, which was a Friday so I could also have the weekend to breathe. But now tomorrow is Monday and I don't know what to do. This has never happened to me, and I do not like him or anyone like that. I'm just very stressed and ended up ranting really long about this, but thank you if you ended up reading all of this.
TL;DR: Someone flirted with me and I was the awkward mess I always am. And now I'm scared to face them tomorrow.
submitted by PlentyDirector2489 to socialanxiety [link] [comments]
Anyways to get to the point, there is a guy that I've interacted with a few times in the past. They know I don't talk much and speak through written form, and have said some comments every now and then that I thought was just to be friendly, but I felt maybe maybe he had a crush on me, but I didn't think much of it since we didn't talk much. We wave occasionally while passing by each other and he was just a nice person I saw every now and then. But then in geometry class on a Thursday, he sat at an empty seat next to me and started talking to me directly. I thought it was just to like, wave hi and continue working on our things separately, but he pulled out a paper and began writing to me, I think as a gesture to speak "in my language" maybe. I started writing on the paper too and we kept going back and forth, but I was so awkward and nervous the whole time because I can't carry conversations. But he was nice, so we kept going through the class. I was feeling kind of comfortable until he started making comments like, "you look really pretty today," "are you blushing?," and asking if anyone's caught my eye.
I started to understand where he was going with it, and just kinda answered vaguely to questions like that and saying thank you to compliments. And I cant help but feel like I was leading him on by smiling too much during our conversation when I was really just nervous and thinking way too hard about my responses the whole time. But by the end of the class, we agreed to talk again the next day, and I agreed because it felt too rude not to. After class, I was out of it for the rest of the day thinking about how I was going to go through another anxiety filled conversation with him the next day, and what we would even talk about.
It was stressing me out so much I ended up faking sick to skip school the next day so I wouldn't have to confront him again, which was a Friday so I could also have the weekend to breathe. But now tomorrow is Monday and I don't know what to do. This has never happened to me, and I do not like him or anyone like that. I'm just very stressed and ended up ranting really long about this, but thank you if you ended up reading all of this.
TL;DR: Someone flirted with me and I was the awkward mess I always am. And now I'm scared to face them tomorrow.
2024.04.29 03:04 catluver9614 My mother is lying to submit VAWA case against me. What can I do?
I apologize for the rant but for a little background, so my mother and I don't get along as I've never liked her boyfriend and neither does the family. He's an alcoholic who drinks every weekend and never helped during her third pregnancy. On the contrary I'm the one who sacrificed my time and education to constantly help during her pregnancy and after such as babysitting my sibling while I worked from home and had class at home during COVID. Continued to bottle feed them and eventually take and pickup from the daycare, bath her, feed them, getting them ready etc. and he never but of course she forgave him and continues to let him drink. He's a man who will leave feces stain on the toilet, liquor spilled all over there room, will cry and scream though out the night keeping everyone up. He does the bare minimum and she will glorify his action.
Back to present, she always taken control of my life since I was younger. Never letting me go out with friends and always demanding where and what I'm doing, its only excusable if Im doing something related to school and have proof. So as you can imagine to this day I've never drank or done drugs, if anything I've been a good student in school obtaining honors etc. Not doing this for praise but because as the first generation student I want to now show my siblings that education matters and be the good role model I never had in my life.
So when my mother demanded my tax forms of course I gave it to her, who am I to withhold it from her she already has my passport and ssn which I can't keep because she's never let me keep them. But then when she told me she was submitting her paper to submit to obtain a green card and work permit of course I helped her, I'm the only one who can drive in this family and of course I was her translator. But during a phone call with her lawyer she switched up so fast and was telling lies and manipulating certain scenarios to her benefit such as:
My "daughter" never helps around the house to clean I will admit I don't clean anymore because I've stopped cleaning the house after she would make me clean up after her boyfriends disgusting habits. Feces off the floor was my limit, thats a grown 43 year old man and I am not a housewife.
My "daughter" never cooks I'm not allowed to cook, last time I bought five ingredients to try a dish for me and my siblings she went hysteric. Rambling that who do I think I am to make food for myself, do I not like the food she makes. Then to start making my own meals from now on and never eat her food.
My "daughter" doesn't go out I was never allowed out as a teen, I always had to be home before 5pm. So I'm not an extrovert Im an introvert now and at 21 years old I'm never out later than 10, and my close friends and I have difficulty scheduling time to hangout so Im not out every week. Honestly how my friends and I can manage to be friends I don't know but I'm thankful they are understanding and supportive towards me.
My "daughter" is mentally insane she's had therapy When I was younger she and my old man always had very verbal and physical fights in front of me and their divorce did traumatize me at 6 years old. She threw me in therapy soon after actually only due to believing I had Anorexia nervosa. The reason I was underweight was actually due to having a fast metabolism which my doctor always repeated to her during every visit.
My "daughter" never approved of my relationship with my husband I have my many reasons.
You get the gist of my relationship with her, and as the call ended she just turned to be as I just stared at her and just kept telling me that of course it's all true. As I did my research towards the documents she told me not to read with the firm she worked with called Meneses Law, I realized it was a VAWA application and my only concern after reading is that if she gets her green card and work permit then there's a chance that it could end up on my permanent record on my end and it could affect my chances in the future when I apply for work. I care about my future and I don't want her lies to affect my life. If anyone can help me with what I can do I would appreciate it and if you've reached this far once again thank you for listening.
submitted by catluver9614 to USCIS [link] [comments]
Back to present, she always taken control of my life since I was younger. Never letting me go out with friends and always demanding where and what I'm doing, its only excusable if Im doing something related to school and have proof. So as you can imagine to this day I've never drank or done drugs, if anything I've been a good student in school obtaining honors etc. Not doing this for praise but because as the first generation student I want to now show my siblings that education matters and be the good role model I never had in my life.
So when my mother demanded my tax forms of course I gave it to her, who am I to withhold it from her she already has my passport and ssn which I can't keep because she's never let me keep them. But then when she told me she was submitting her paper to submit to obtain a green card and work permit of course I helped her, I'm the only one who can drive in this family and of course I was her translator. But during a phone call with her lawyer she switched up so fast and was telling lies and manipulating certain scenarios to her benefit such as:
My "daughter" never helps around the house to clean I will admit I don't clean anymore because I've stopped cleaning the house after she would make me clean up after her boyfriends disgusting habits. Feces off the floor was my limit, thats a grown 43 year old man and I am not a housewife.
My "daughter" never cooks I'm not allowed to cook, last time I bought five ingredients to try a dish for me and my siblings she went hysteric. Rambling that who do I think I am to make food for myself, do I not like the food she makes. Then to start making my own meals from now on and never eat her food.
My "daughter" doesn't go out I was never allowed out as a teen, I always had to be home before 5pm. So I'm not an extrovert Im an introvert now and at 21 years old I'm never out later than 10, and my close friends and I have difficulty scheduling time to hangout so Im not out every week. Honestly how my friends and I can manage to be friends I don't know but I'm thankful they are understanding and supportive towards me.
My "daughter" is mentally insane she's had therapy When I was younger she and my old man always had very verbal and physical fights in front of me and their divorce did traumatize me at 6 years old. She threw me in therapy soon after actually only due to believing I had Anorexia nervosa. The reason I was underweight was actually due to having a fast metabolism which my doctor always repeated to her during every visit.
My "daughter" never approved of my relationship with my husband I have my many reasons.
You get the gist of my relationship with her, and as the call ended she just turned to be as I just stared at her and just kept telling me that of course it's all true. As I did my research towards the documents she told me not to read with the firm she worked with called Meneses Law, I realized it was a VAWA application and my only concern after reading is that if she gets her green card and work permit then there's a chance that it could end up on my permanent record on my end and it could affect my chances in the future when I apply for work. I care about my future and I don't want her lies to affect my life. If anyone can help me with what I can do I would appreciate it and if you've reached this far once again thank you for listening.